"Logdate; September 1st, 2017," Peridot mumbled as she spoke into her Sony recorder, her voice low as she sat at her table in the lunchroom so that only the Sony device could hear her giving her digital journal entry. "You know? I've always thought myself as a good person, sure, I've made mistakes, but who hasn't? I like to think that everyone's good on the inside. But, here we are. First day of senior year. I look around at all these people who I've known for years, and I wonder; What happened?"
She let her eyes roam the spacious room and glanced at the students that sat and moved. She could think of all the names in her head that she'd seen them get called or that they'd called others through the many years of school. Freak. Slut. Four-Eyes. Lard-Ass. These students would be called that, and then they'd turn around and lash at someone else with the same names. A vicious, hateful cycle.
Peridot sighed as she tugged at one of the drawstrings of her green hoodie as she put her recorder back in her bag. Her hoodie was several sizes too big for her, but it was comfortable, and in the end, that was all she really cared about. Comfort over style. Despite it being the first day of school, Peridot was stuck sitting alone today. Her usual tablemate of her entire life at school and her best friend, Amethyst Gartner, was sick today and couldn't make it to the first day of school, leaving Peridot on her own in this jungle.
She almost expected the students to actually be nice, but that proved wrong. The seniors instantly began picking on the freshmen and other seniors. Despite the summer break and being a bit older, they were still behaving as they did the previous four years. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched some football players shove a student over and knocked their tray to the ground, watched as another table watched and laughed at the display.
This was her high school, but it was less a school and more of a Thunderdome.
What happened to the good old days of grade school? She could remember with clarity back when they were little kids, taking naps together, playing and laughing together. They always stood up for one another, were always so happy to play, never judging, never hurting. She remembered playing tag with these people, playing hide and seek, sharing cookies and crayons. Always so happy, always so kind. But, then they got bigger, they got bigger and meaner. Formed their cliques, declared war, turned school life and childhoods into a war zone.
It took all Peridot had for self-control to remember to just breathe, take deep breaths and relax so as to not let the Hell around her brought upon by her classmates to get to her. Nothing would be achieved if she got angry at everyone. In middle school and freshman year, she'd lashed out at the entire world in her frustration at those around her and she barely made a dent. All it did was waste energy and time. Just, hold her breath, count to ten.
All she had to do was survive for nine more months. Nine months, thirty-six weeks, two hundred and fifty-two more days. Just count them down one day at a time and before she knew it she'd be graduating.
College was going to be a paradise in comparison if she wasn't dead by June.
Peridot took another deep breath to calm down when she felt a student shoulder check her and trip, yelling out that she needed to watch it despite her being seated and not at fault. Just another day of the same things. Despite how self-centered and conceited these people were, they were still people. They could be good people again like when they were all little. If they changed into such jerks, who was to say they couldn't change to be good and kind again once they were older?
Maybe she was just a hopeless optimist.
She wanted desperately to believe that everyone could be good despite how horrible they were. But, high school really made it hard to believe that. No matter where you were on the totem pole, you harassed and abused someone else. The ones at the top were the ones that made her have the hardest time trusting that there were good in these people.
The blonde glanced over at the table at the center of the lunchroom where the group resided. The Queens of the high school and two of the most infamous football players on the team.
She glanced at the first, a behemoth of a woman with a long mane of bleached white hair. Her skin was dark, but it had lighter patches which gave her an almost tiger-like appearance. Jasper Gartner. One of the two females on the football team and one of the biggest students in the entire school. Third year as a linebacker for the Beach City football team and fifth year of smacking lunch trays and being a huge clod. She was one of the worst bullies in the entire school, terrorized anyone and everyone just for the joy of it.
Honestly? Jasper hadn't always been so bad. She was just another example of how drastic people changed. The woman had been for the longest time a grade ahead of Peridot. But, she'd been held back a year in the seventh grade after failing, and the two had been in the same grade ever since. They'd known each other for even longer before that. Back in elementary school, the two had been friends, she'd looked up to Jasper as a big sister. While Jasper had always been the biggest of her class, Peridot had always been the smallest. As a little kid, she'd been rather weak, she got sick pretty easily and was a bit on the frail side. Jasper had taken to looking after her in school, acted as a bodyguard.
Back then, Jasper was always watching out for Peridot and Amethyst, who was Jaspers younger sister. Despite being a year ahead of her, she always played with the two on the playground. Made sure no one harassed or picked on the two. Sometimes she'd carry Peridot around on the playground if she was too tired, and during the winter she'd join them for snowball fights and snowmen construction. But, somewhere around the fourth or fifth grade, she had started putting distance between them. By middle school, Jasper became a bit of a bully and cut all ties with Peridot, and apparently, she started picking on Amethyst back home too. Once she hit high school, she'd become an active jerk; harassing and beating students, threatening them and instilling fear into them.
It was hard to imagine that she was the same girl Peridot used to share her cookies with.
Beside her was her best friend, Bismuth Julian. One of the receivers on the football team and just as big and strong as Jasper. Her most noticeable trait being her rainbow dreads and God awful 'Bismuth' jokes. She and Jasper became friends during freshmen year and had become inseparable ever since. While she wasn't necessarily as hostile or aggressive as Jasper, let alone malicious, Bismuth could be just as terrible a person as the other.
She'd beaten people up, had a pair of brass knuckles she'd called the Breaking Point that she'd use if someone got on her bad side. She could be nicer and friendlier than Jasper, but she wasn't much better. Even more, she was the smartest person on the football team and considering Peridot had seen her test scores, it was kind of a sad. The only classes Bismuth excelled were ones where she built things in, everything else she barely passed.
Those two were a team made in Hell. Always seen by one another, no one could control what they did. None, except for maybe the queens of the school, that is.
At the table also were three tall, thin women who turned heads wherever they went. Looking perfect, acting perfect, acting as if they were the center of the universe, and as far as they were concerned they might as well be that. The Pearls. No matter what kind of Hell the school was, no matter what kind of problems or chaos was happening, the three would float above it all.
Her eyes fell on them each one at a time.
Pearl Crystals. Part of a ballet group and during the winter she was part of a local, yearly figure skating tournament. Had plenty of awards for the both of them and was pretty good at both. She was skinny as a stick and weighed as much as one. Her peach hair had gotten cut into a pixie cut sometime during the summer, complained endlessly last year about how it being so long would get in the way during her dance routines.
Pearl Bleu. No real known personality and nobody outside her circle of friends had ever heard her say anything more than a few words at a time. Her hair was dyed a light blue and always covered her eyes, honestly, Peridot couldn't remember a day she'd ever seen those hidden eyes. Her hair was in some relatively cute shy girl style and she had the same shy girl air about her. Always wearing blue and acting like a timid puppy. All Peridot knew for sure was that she ran the school yearbook and newspaper.
Then there was Pearl Goldsberg, the fearsome leader of the group. The Almighty. The smug leader with yellow-as-can-be blonde hair in an updo and an attitude of absolute authority. She was a mythic bitch.
Those three, they're as high as can be on the social food chain. Student or teacher; no one bothers them, no one harasses them, not even Jasper dared get on their bad side. They're untouchable, unstoppable. Peridot would give virtually anything to be like that just for one day. To go a day where people left her alone, where no one picked on her because of her size or that her interests or appearance.
It would never happen, but hey, a girl can dream.
Shaking her head, Peridot got up from her seat at the table and grabbed her backpack, making her way out of the lunch room to find somewhere more private and peaceful to spend her remaining time for lunch before continuing with classes. Somewhere far away from the other students of the school where she couldn't be bothered by them.
A new school
How many schools does this one make it? Ten? Twelve?
She honestly wasn't sure; she'd stopped keeping count after the fourth. What's the point of keeping track of how many schools you go to anyways, when you're only there for six months at most before you're off on the road again to a new town and new school? There wasn't a point to keeping track of schools, of names or faces. They were gone in a flash anyways.
Lapis Lazuli sighed as she sat in the bathroom stall, backpack on the ground as she buried her face in her hands. Her head throbbed.
Just seven more months. Seven months and she'd be eighteen. She could cut herself off from her mother, stay in this town if she felt like it or move to someplace she actually enjoyed living at. Seven months and she could be done with all of this.
Her birthday couldn't come sooner.
It was the first day of school and already Lapis was suffering. She didn't like these students; they were no better than the countless other schools she'd been to. Everyone in this school, student or teacher, were awful. Awful, disgusting little monsters that she couldn't wait to be done with. Students were wild demons and the teachers, they didn't, couldn't do anything to help anyone even if they tried. All anyone here cared about was themselves, it was painfully clear to see. It made her sick to her stomach.
People noticed right away that she was new, even if it was the first day of school for everyone, she stood out as the new kid. The one person no one recognized. They whispered not-to-subtly to one another about her, not caring if she could hear them or not. Comments, underhanded remarks, and already the rumor or two. All done as though she wouldn't notice. God, it disgusted her.
Her hands were shaking; her head was pounding. Fuck, she shouldn't have skipped her meds today.
These next several months were just another round of Hell for her. Summer had been a nice little break; she didn't have to deal with other teens. She could just go bury herself in whatever safe haven she'd found in the last town she lived in with her mom. She could hide away from the world and not have to deal with anyone.
But now that school has started up again, she would have to deal with these assholes for eight hours a day, five days a week. Freedom from this Hell, it was so close but so far away at the same time. Screw school, once she hit eighteen, she was dropping out of school along with cutting ties with her mom. She'd find a way to survive without a high school diploma somehow. Maybe she could sell her art or something, something that could allow her minimal interactions with societies filth.
God, her head felt like it was spinning.
There was a spot outside, a little corner away from the prying eyes of school cameras. There might not be anyone over there. She still had a bit of time before class. Plenty to sneak out and release.
It was a miracle her breathing was still steady as she sat up on the toilet seat, flushing it just to give the pretense that she'd been using it. Grabbing her backpack, she made her way to the sink and began to scrub at her hands with a bit more force than was necessary, leaving her skin red and raw. The sting would tide her over until she reached that spot outside of school.
Glancing up at the mirror, she took note of her appearance. Her blue hair was a bit out of place, her eyes were a bit bloodshot from insomnia, and heavy bags marred her skin. She hadn't had a good night's sleep in God only knew how long. She hadn't had a good night or day in even longer.
Taking a deep breath to steady herself, Lapis turned off the water and quickly dried her hands before hurrying to the door. She threw it open and stepped out without any hesitation, only to ram into someone as soon as she stepped out, both tripping and colliding into the floor.
While Lapis ground her teeth against the sting when her knees hit the tiles, the other girl let out an audible and pained yelp.
"Oh, sorry," Lapis muttered as she picked up a pair of glasses that had hit the ground and handed them to the other girl who was rubbing her lower back. Must have landed wrong when Lapis barreled into her. She didn't feel bad about it, too numb inside to really care about the opinions and feelings of others. But still, it was good manners to at least act like she was concerned and sorry.
The girl looked up and Lapis was greeted with bright green and tired eyes, "No, it's okay," she said in a slightly nasally voice as she reached out to take the glasses from Lapis. "I wasn't looking where I was going."
As they stood up, the bluenette took this moment to give the girl a once over. She was quite short, only coming up to Lapis' shoulders, though if she counted the height her hair added on, the blonde tufts seemingly defying gravity in their messy, untamed, almost triangular appearance, then Lapis would say she reached her chin. She was practically drowning in an oversized green hoodie with a few alien themed pins on it, and apart from that… there wasn't really much that Lapis could say stuck out to her about this girl.
She was pretty small, maybe a freshman?
"You okay? You look like you hit the ground pretty hard," Lapis said instead, moving out of the way so some other girls could come and leave the bathroom.
She shook her head, "I'm fine, thanks for asking though," she added with a smile. It was kind of cute if Lapis was being honest. In the same way a sad, soul-crushed puppy was cute.
But, if she was any judge of it, then Lapis would say she had spent enough time being nice and polite with manners and such garbage. The girl was okay, no serious injuries. Time to move on, she needed to move on. "Well if you say so, then I'm going to get moving. See you around," Lapis said, maybe a bit curtly, moving to walk around the blonde. She heard a faint 'bye,' as she moved down the halls.
There was urgency in her steps as she walked down the cold tiles, past the loud students as she made a beeline for the doors. She had maybe fifteen minutes before class started. Her hands were shaking; her head was throbbing. She needed to find a release before she got back to class or she might not survive the rest of the day.
Dealing with the student had only delayed her in her mission. She should have just gotten up and left, not stuck around to make sure that the girl was okay. Well, what's done is done.
Stepping outside of the school into the fresh air was like freedom, even if it was just brief, and she wasted no time finding that hidden corner of the school, away from the cameras and prying eyes of the students and faculty.
Fair warning; this is going to get pretty dark, with some triggering content (Eating disorders, suicide attempts, murder, self harm, bullying, to name a few) so if you're not comfortable with that, I reccomend not reading this. Either way I hope you enjoyed.
