A/N: I'll admit, this is a rather peculiar idea for a fic, seeing as it's got no plot or dialogue or anything. While this is a recipe, I think it can best be described as a drabble. The reference to Michelle Sprout is really based upon the desire for revenge against a fellow classmate whose name I shall not mention (you know who you are, Michael), so please disregard the footnote where it says that I pushed him off a cliff, when of course I really didn't. I'm not THAT evil, whatever Michelle Sprout may say.

Iris's Gluten-Free, No-Sugar-Added, Vitamin-Enriched, Soy-Free, Goat-Milk-and-Seaweed-Based Cupcake Simulations

"They're all-natural!"

To all of the young demigods, Greek or Roman, who are desperately searching for healthy snack food items, fear no more! Here is the pined-for recipe1 to the rainbow goddess's legendary dessert, the number-one choice of the Twelfth Legion Fulminata in battle snacks and much appreciated by most Cyclopes!

Ingredients Needed:

2 ½ lbs. freshly diced seaweed

17 gallons unpasteurized goat milk

12 oz. carob chips

50 One-a-Day Teen Advantage for Her vitamins

¾ c. yeast

13 c. Beneful Playful Life for Senior Dogs

½ bar of your average lye soap

The (varied) innards of some guy who fell off a cliff2

To Prepare:

Active: 15 minutes

Baking: 20 minutes

1. Preheat your Medea's All-in-One Demigod Broiler/Oven™ to 5,000 degrees. Celsius or Fahrenheit, it really doesn't matter.

2. Take a extra-large mixing bowl and combine the seaweed, goat milk, multivitamins, yeast, and dog food on medium speeding counterclockwise for 5 minutes or until well blended.

3. Take a video of yourself throwing away the innards because THIS IS VEGAN.

4. Grease a large baking pan and set it aside.

5. Roll out individual cakes approx. two by four inches in size and lay them out on the baking pan with about two inches between each cake.

6. Bake for 15-20 minutes or until cakes start to rise.

7. While your cakes bake, take a microwave-safe bowl and combine the lye soap and carob chips.

8. Microwave the mixture on high power in 30-second intervals until completely melted. Try not to melt the actual bowl—remember, safety in the kitchen is key to a happy and healthy lifestyle!3

9. When the cakes are finished cooking and cooling, dip each one into the glaze so that they are fully covered; set aside for glaze to harden.

10. Enjoy! These hardy little cake simulations never expire!

Serves 6, depending on how hungry everyone is

"NOW I'll bet you wish you were an ROFL-copter!"

1This is not a recipe and the author does not recommend that you try this at home.

2The guy's name was Michelle Sprout. He fell because the narrator pushed him.

3The narrator has gone temporarily insane. Please excuse the comment.