This story was created based on a dream that I had. I have the majority of the story already handwritten- I just have to type it up and upload it. I am always looking for recommendations and advice regarding my writing and the storyline and will greatly appreciate comments and ideas. I hope you enjoy the story.

I do not own Call the Midwife or the characters.

Shelagh POV

The snug clothes felt unfamiliar, she thought as she stood in front of the mirror. She had stared into the mirror countless times over the last several months. During this time, her mind was flustered with opposing thoughts. Previously, her habit had consistently reminded her of her simple life that was filled with compline, psalms, prayer, familiarity, and safety. Her mind was now filled with a certain Doctor who seldom left her thoughts or dreams.

Her discharge from the sanatorium today would bring her closer to expressing the same feelings that Doctor Turner had expressed in his many letters to her. She had been wanting to talk to him, to hear his voice which she had missed while away. She was to go to Chichester to recover today. It had been planned by Sister Julienne who had wanted to ensure Sister Bernadette's full recovery. However, when Sister Bernadette had woken this morning, she decided that she could not wait any longer for the past few days felt like they lasted forever. With no tasks to distract her she felt as if her mind was constantly thinking about the future and all it's uncertainties. She couldn't wait any longer to find out what the future held. She had changed her mind. She wouldn't recover in Chichester. She'd recover in Poplar, her home. She'd woken early this morning and checked the bus schedule. She checked that she had packed her few belongings into her suitcases and made her way to check-out.

After signing the necessary documents, Sister Bernadette was officially discharged, officially ready to being a different life. She felt different now… hopeful and excited about the changes that awaited her.

She made her way through the old building that had been her home for months and followed the path to the one phone available to patients. She was hoping to phone Doctor Turner and inform him of her return and to express t him her shared affection. Sadly, her hopes were dashed when she saw a large queue of other patients waiting for the phone. She would just have to wait to see Doctor Turner in person to tell him how she felt. The thought of looking into his kind eyes and telling him momentarily distracted her and she quickly found herself at the front entrance where she would wait for her bus.

The bus was due in about ten minutes but wanted to wait at the front to ensure she didn't miss it. She set down her suitcases as the weight of it tugged on her arms. The muscles that had been toned from years of nursing had gotten soft with lack of activity. A bus soon appeared and she greeted the driver with a smile as she boarded. The bus was mostly empty, with only three others seeking travel on this particular route. She found a seat and placed her suitcases on the seat beside her. The day was misty, with the sun hiding behind thick clouds that sprinkled a small amount of rain. Her eyes were turned towards the window, hoping to see outside life that she missed during her time inside a building. Her eyes saw only fog and she ultimately opened up her suitcase and grabbed her Bible to occupy her during the ride.

After some time had passed, she looked up assuming familiar sights would be seen from beyond the windows. What greeted her caused her confusion and concern. Large expanses of wet, grassy fields could be seen. She stood and made her way towards the front of the bus,

"Excuse me Sire, how long till we arrive in Poplar?" she asked. The man huffed and furrowed his brows.

"Missy, we're headed in the opposite direction. Poplar's miles away." Sister Bernadette's stomach dropped and her heart began to beat frantically.

"I'm on the wrong bus. I need to get to Poplar."

"I can't help you with that Ma'am, their ain't another bus that travels down this way."

"How far is this bus going?"

"About 80 miles. We've got a few hours till we'll arrive."

"Please stop the bus," she pleaded. "I need to get off."

"There isn't another bus around…" The driver said cautiously.

"I'll walk," she said as she grabbed her suitcases.

"If you're sure…" he said slowing down and opening the door for her.

"Thank you," she said as she took the few steps down to get off the bus.

Sister Bernadette took a deep breath as the bus slowly picked up speed behind her. Her mind was frantic. Calm down and thing, she told herself. You'll fix nothing by getting worked up. How far had she traveled in the wrong direction? She knew that Poplar was about thirty miles from the sanatorium. She had sat on the bus for about forty minutes noticing they were nowhere near her home.

She had to be at least 60 miles from Poplar. I have to find a way to get home, she thought. The cold air had not been too concerning when she stepped off the bus but a mile down the road her adrenaline from the surprise had warn off and her teeth chattered as she walked.

How could I have been so careless, she thought to herself. She had checked the bus schedules thoroughly with the directory that the nurse had given her. Thinking back Sister Bernadette hadn't even checked the bus number before making her way onto it. She had been too distracted with her thoughts. She stifled a curse that threated to come out and continued to make her way down the seemingly endless road.

As she continued to walk, her feet aching in the unfamiliar utility shoes, she kept thinking about how careless she had been. She had always been so meticulous with everything before her heard started to override her brain. Now her silly thoughts about an unknown future could lead to her downfall. It'd been about an hour now and the cold weather began to cause her lungs to ache. She could no longer feel her fingers although her hands were frozen in a grip around the handles of her suitcases. Her toes were also frozen and she was pretty sure they were bleeding with the amount of pain coming from them.

Her anger at herself for her careless mistake grew with each step. Accompanying her anger was doubt. Doubt about her future, doubt about her decisions, and doubt about the past months grew strong leaving her confused.

The small amount of sunlight began to quickly disappear during hour two of walking. She had not seen a house or oncoming car and her hope of finding help was diminishing. Her walk had slowed and it felt that like cement blocks had been tied to her small feet. The muddy road looked oddly comfortable, she thought as she slowed to a stop for the first time since beginning her trek. She had been afraid to take a rest for if she stopped she was afraid she wouldn't be able to continue. As she finally stopped, she knew that she was not longer able to continue. She sunk to her knees, her legs giving out and her suitcases falling from her cold hands. It was seconds later, that she felt herself falling towards the mud, not feeling the landing as she sunk into an exhausted unconsciousness.

Sister Julienne POV

"When is Sister Bernadette due to arrive in Chichester?" asked Sister Evangelina as she helped Sister Julienne with the day's lunch.

"I think the bus is due to arrive in about 30 minutes," Sister Julienne said looking at her watch. Sister Julienne was in a conflicting mood. She was ecstatic that Sister Bernadette had healed and was on her way to rest at the mother house, but she was torn with feelings of sadness and uncertainty with Sister Bernadette's role in the order. The last time she had spoken with the young nun, she had finally expressed her decision to leave the order. She had been relieved when Sister Bernadette had finally revealed what had been troubling her. Sister Bernadette's acting in the months prior to her admission into the sanatorium were worrying to Sister Julienne and she thought that simply admitting her troubles would free the nun from her burdens.

Unfortunately, when Sister Bernadette requested an alternate form of clothing, Sister Julienne felt a deep sense of loss grow within her. Loss of a fellow nun, loss of a colleague, and loss of a woman who she'd grown to see as a daughter. Sister Julienne was pulled out of her thoughts by the young nurses entering the hall to eat.

"This looks delicious," Nurse Franklin admitted about the sandwiches that were laid out. The other nurses expressed similar notions as they took their seats. Sister Julienne quickly said grace before everyone began to eat. Lunch discussion usually revolved around their work, and today was no exception. Sister Julienne was focused on her lunch and mildly listening to the nurses and their stories. It was when Nurse Miller mentioned Doctor Turner's name that she fully focused on the conversation.

"He seemed awfully distracted when I crossed paths with him this morning," she continued.

"It took me calling his name three times until he finally took notice," she finished, taking a sip of her tea.

"I noticed the same thing," added Nurse Lee. "It was as if he was in his own little world. I hope he's feeling alright," she added with concern.

Sister Julienne maintained her silence for the remainder of lunch; thinking about the small information she had just heard. When Sister Bernadette had made her confession that she wanted things that weren't offered in the religious life, Sister Julienne had developed suspicions of what it was that Sister Bernadette had specifically wanted. She suspected but never questioned Sister Bernadette further as she didn't want to pressure the young nun who had just bravely admitted her feelings.

Now, hearing the behavior of Doctor Turner and remembering his response after his wife had passed, she had a strong feeling that Sister Bernadette's admittance had something to do with the doctor. Her thoughts were again disturbed by the shrill ring of the phone.

"I've got it," Sister Evangelina said as she quickly made her way down the hall. Conversation continued and Sister Julienne took a sip of her now cold tea which had been left untouched.

A few minutes later the sight of a pale-looking Sister Evangelina entered the room and caused her stomach to drop.

"Sister Julienne, can I see you in the other room please?" Sister Evangelina asked with quivering voice. Sister Julienne stood on shaking legs and made her way towards the nun, hardly noticing that the room had gone quiet. As she stepped into the next room she watched as Sister Evangelina's eyes welled with tears. The show of emotion was off for her fellow nun and her concern grew.

"What's wrong Sister?" Sister Julienne asked as she placed a hand upon Sister Evangelina's shoulder in an effort to console her.

"There was… there was an accident…" Sister Evangelina began.

"A bus crash…"

Sister Julienne could feel her hear beat wildly and a growing nausea creeped up on her. Fearing the answer, Sister Julienne gathered her courage,

"Is she alright?" she asked fretfully. Sister Evanglina took the older nun's hands and shook her head.

"Apparently there were no survivors." At that, she stopped hearing anything as a piercing sound rang through her ears. She found herself being helped into a chair as her balance wavered. She didn't hear anything but her sobs as Sister Evangelina kneeled down next to her and began to pray.