It may not be exactly as the film has happened; its more AU with the film thrown in if that makes sense. Also Clint may seem out of character but I'm trying to show his softer side. I own nothing although I really wish I owned Clint…I do however own Izzy and the parts of the plot you don't recognize. The ending isn't really how I wanted it however with FFN cracking down on ratings and such I don't want to take a chance with what I had in mind…However as soon as I get my AO3 account I will be posting the alternate there. This oneshot WILL be turned into a full length chapter fic so keep an eye out!. hope you like it and please don't forget to review even if its just to say that you like it ^.^
I feel like I have spent hours waiting, pacing up and down the small space I have in the quarters that I share with my boyfriend on the helicarrier operated by SHIELD. Said boyfriend is the reason why I am pacing. Well, I can't say that he is the only reason but right now he is the main reason. Earlier the helicarrier was attacked by none other than my mind controlled boyfriend, my uncle Phil was killed and now, Clint, who now has his memory back and has sworn to avenge my uncle, and the rest of the Avengers are fighting to save the world while I am stuck here having nothing to occupy my time. I had tried to be on the bridge, watching from the monitors with the crew. Director Fury squashed that plan because of the fact that I wasn't part of the crew. The only reason that I was even on the helicarrier was because of my uncle, he'd been looking after me since I was 7 years old and my dad died. So he got special permission for me to come along with me, home schooling me and making sure that I was educated. He also was the one to introduce me to Clint, who I have now been dating 3 years. Now Uncle Phil is gone and I have to worry about my Clint. While I'm upset about my uncle, I have to focus on Clint now, who knows how long it could take for him to come back to be. And that's if he comes back.
The problem is that if he never comes home I have lost it all. But I'm not going to think like that. I need to be positive. I already lost one person; I don't think I'd survive losing Clint as well. He is my rock. It has been hours since he and the others left to go after Loki and stop him from destroying Earth. Its not like I expected this to go quickly but I was hoping it would be over with a little faster. I stopped pacing and sat on our bed, trying not to chew my fingernails off, something I do when I'm stressed and Clint absolutely hates it. Its times like these that I wish either he wasn't a part of SHIELD or that we had a television in our rooms so that I could watch what was going on because I guarantee that some news channel was getting the coverage. I could watch on my laptop I suppose but when I think about it, they probably found a way to block that as well. In a way, blocking the access to the news footage was a good thing, it would not be good if I happened to be watching and see someone being killed.
Poor Clint had felt horrible when he had first woken up earlier, realizing the he had killed members of SHIELD as well as various other people, plus the numerous people he had assisted in injuring. Unfortunately I was one of those who had been injured. While the helicarrier was under attack, I had foolishly left my quarters, trying to figure out just what was going on when I had quite literally run into him. I will never forget the look in his eyes, he was void of all emotion, determined to do what his master had said, no matter who got in his way. I knew instantly that this was not my Clint. I had been stupid at this point, attempting to stop him by standing in his way. It was then that I thought my Clint had shown through. Everyone else who had gotten in his way had found themselves on the opposite end of an arrow, but for some reason, even though he was still under Loki's control he hadn't shot me. He had moved to, but stopped as if realizing that it was me. So he had grabbed me, pushing me against the wall and strangled me instead. I had pleaded with him, begging him to stop as much as I could with my air supply cut off. I believe that he was listening, that he wouldn't kill me, especially when he had let go, only to find himself knocked out by Natasha after fighting for several minutes. She believes that he heard her but I've decided just to let myself believe that I had somehow gotten through to him.
I had been there when he awoke, realizing what he had done and seen the horror and guilt on his face when asking just how many people he had killed. He hadn't even realized that I was in the room at this point. I had to touch his shoulder to get his attention and when I made my way around him to where he wouldn't have to turn to look at me, he had spotted the bruises left on my neck and his face fell even further. He didn't even have to ask if it was him who had done it, he knew and I thank God that he didn't manage to kill me because that would have destroyed him. I had done my best to comfort him then, for as long as I could, telling him that it was okay, I was fine, he was fine and that he had a job to do. And then of course it was just after that that Fury had informed us that my uncle was dead. I hadn't had time to cry for him before the Avengers were leaving the helicarrier, prepared to sacrifice their lives in order to save everyone else's. After they had left I had cried, not only for my uncle but for everyone else that had been hurt or killed just because one man, well, god, couldn't get it through his head that he was not going to rule anywhere.
No one has told me anything since the battle had begun, Fury had allowed me on the bridge until they had arrived on location and then I was ushered away. And now I have too much time to think. I can imagine everything that could and would probably go wrong. They were only six people, six people against however many showed up. The odds were against them, but they're good at what they do and so there is still hope. Getting fed up with the pacing I sat on the bottom of the bed, which was tiny compared to what we had on the SHIELD base, here we had a twin bed, although I didn't mind it so much, it basically meant that I was able to be as close as possible to Clint when we were both asleep. I laid back, resting my head on the pillow and closing my eyes. Maybe, just maybe a nap would help the time pass by quicker. Rolling onto my side I faced the door, watching for either Clint or someone else to walk through, telling me that the battle was over and everyone was okay. I found myself drifting off to sleep, fairly quickly as I had thought that it would take a while to do so, I think everything that has gone on in the last few days is finally catching up to me.
Sometime later, I'm not exactly sure how much time exactly, my eyes fluttered open, being roused by someone shaking me gently. My vision was blurred for a few moments before I was able to make out who the figure was that was sitting on the edge of the bed. Seeing who it was I practically launched myself into his lap, wrapping my arms around him and tried to get as close to him as I could. "Is it over?" It was the only thing I could get out, and even then it was a whisper. He kissed the top of my head before nodding, "Yeah, its over, we'll be sending Loki back to Asgard with Thor." I think that was the best news I've heard in awhile, well since all of this began really. "Is everyone okay? No more of our people have died?" Clint's hand came up under my chin and forced me to look up at him as he gave me a small smile. "We're fine, there were a few close calls but we're fine." Nodding a bit I allowed myself to be laid back onto the bed with him hovering above me, feeling right again for the first time since he had been compromised.
Reaching up, I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down to me so that I was free to kiss him. It was brief, far too brief for my liking but it was enough for now. "I thought I was going to lose you too," I couldn't stop myself from saying it; I truly thought I was going to lose him like I lost my uncle. "Izzy, baby, I'm fine, I promised I wasn't going anywhere and I am damn well going to keep that promise." He leaned down, bringing one hand up to brush a stray strand of hair from my face before kissing me once again, this time taking the time to pour his feelings into it, brushing his tongue against mine. He's being unusually soft, but it's needed tonight, we've been through so much in so little time that we need to slow things down a little. My eyes closed as he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close all while still kissing me deeply. My hands slid down from his neck, to his shoulders down to his chest, gripping as much as I could at the vest he still wore. Puling away from him a little I stared up at him, almost half expecting to see the electric blue that I had seen earlier while under Loki's control. "Its not that I don't believe you Clint, but both my father and Uncle Phil had promised they'd never leave me too." It was almost like a switch went off in his brain. "Baby, I promise, with all the power I have, I will not leave you, at least not without going down fighting." I nodded, sniffling a little before smiling. "I know you'll do your best, you always do."
Clint buried one hand in my hair before leaning down to kiss me once again. I was happy to return the kiss, using it to cleanse myself of all the fear and unknowing that I had gone through, all the pain and loss disappeared through that one kiss. We stayed like that for several minutes, just wrapped up in each other, letting the rest of the world disappear. Slowly Clint pulled away, moving along the line of my jaw, biting and kissing his way down to my neck where he paused, spotting the bruises left by his own hand. He took his time here, gently kissing along the full length of the bruises before pausing again and feathering his fingers across it. "I'm so sorry…I promised I'd never hurt you and yet…" Placing a finger on his lips I hushed him. "Clint, stop it. It wasn't you; you didn't do this, not really. It was Loki Clint, I don't blame you for the things he's made you do. No one does. It is not your fault." And it was the truth, not one of us blamed Clint for the things that he did while under Loki's control.
Clint stared down at me, looking for any hint that what I was saying was false. I ran one hand through his hair, once and then twice, watching as his eyes fluttered closed and he leaned into my touch. I pulled him down to me, gently kissing him once more. This time however, when I pulled away he followed, leaving a trail of kisses down my neck, this time ignoring the bruises that were there, all while he removed his vest, flinging it somewhere in the direction of the floor. Whispering his name I tugged his shirt out of the waistband of his leather pants, and up his body, waiting for him to lift his head so that I could pull it over his head, flinging it in the direction of the door, not caring where it landed. As the shirt hit the floor he leaned down to kiss me, all while crawling under the blankets and holding me close.
Any other return after a mission would have resulted in him making love to me, tonight however it was different, tonight he not only was exhausted but he also had to deal with the loss of a friend not to mention he still needed to deal with the whole being controlled by Loki thing. Right now all he wanted was to be comforted, and comfort is something that we both needed. He lay on his back, with my head resting on his shoulder. We laid there for awhile, neither of us talking, I had turned my face enough to watch him stare at the ceiling while he absently rubbed my back. It wasn't long before he began to drift off, his eyes closing as his breathing evened out. Knowing that he was back where he belonged was a relief and even though I had slept a little bit earlier, now I was able to sleep with a weight off my chest. We still had a lot to deal with, but we'd get started on that another day.
