Christmas was quickly turning out to be my most dreaded time of year. For the past three years Christmas had meant one tragedy or turmoil in my life after another. So why would this year be any different?
Worlds Turned Upside Down
It was late night December 21st and I sat up in bed listening to the house around me. Edward was on his side next to me. The sounds of his even breathing filling the room. We never slept, we never needed it. But to present a routine, a sense of normalcy on Masen's part we always stayed in our room at night while he slept. The thought of my baby's small body sleeping peacefully in the next room filled me with the happiest feelings, I could feel it from the very roots of my hair to the tips of my toes. This Christmas HAD to be better than the last four. It made me sigh a sad sigh as I remembered them. The first Christmas, my first Christmas here in Forks with my dad and Edward, I spent most of it in a cast of some sort, from one accident after another. The attack that year from James left a lot of lasting effects that my frail human body had to endure. I sat rubbing my leg, almost feeling the phantom pains from where he had snapped my leg only to make me scream louder for Edward to see on the video. I shuddered to think of what would have been the outcome of that night if my beautiful husband had not of made it on time to save me.
Trying with some effort to push that thought from my mind I thought about the second Christmas in Forks. Ok so that one wasn't much better either. That was the year that I had to spend most of it without Edward. He thought with some misplaced sense of nobility that I would have been better off, safer, without him in my life. I doubt to this day he realizes how he really is the very next breath I take. Without him curling up into a ball and dying sounded really good. Which that was basically exactly what I did. But I tried hard not to think about that year, I spent most of it with Jacob Black. He had been my friend for so many years, the memories of him now would have brought tears to my eyes if I could have shed them. Jacob was distant now, never quiet sure what to say whenever we were around one another. He REALLY didn't like Edward and thought I had ruined my life by choosing him over staying human and later I would realize not having chosen him. I shook my head trying to clear my memories of that Christmas.
The third Christmas really should have been my best Christmas. But unfortunately most of it was just as dim and dreary with memories. Last Christmas I was VERY pregnant and VERY it was looking as though I was going to be VERY past my due date too. I was supposed to have my baby Christmas eve night. But Masen Edward Anthony Cullen had different plans in mind. He came a week later on December 31st at exactly 11:55PM, 7 lbs 9 ounces 22 inches long. A light dusting of soft brown hair with just a hint of bronze like his fathers graced his tiny head. He looked so much like the pictures Esme had shown me of Edward as a child. I looked down to realize that I was turning around and around the small cuff bracelet that Esme had given to me on my wedding day. It was a lot like the one that I had worn when I originally came to Forks from Phoenix, small silver band but the dark blue circular stone it held carried the crest of the Cullen family. Everyone of our family had one. It was sort of an official "Welcome to the Family" gift she made sure we all had. I had loved it because not only was it my something blue but my something new too. I cherished it like my wedding band that now sparkled on my left hand, it rarely ever left my wrist. Tonight for some reason it seemed almost heavy on me. I couldn't quite place the feeling I was having, I felt…off somehow.
I ran my hand through my long brown hair and gently laid back down in bed next to my husband. I looked into his eyes, knowing he wouldn't be feigning sleep but instead saw hurt and sadness there. It caught me off guard and my hand quickly flashed up to his cheek, gently caressing it. I pressed myself against him hoping somehow that I could physically erase this look on his perfectly chiseled face. Edward was always so warm to me now since I had changed. He was no were near as cold as before, we were so much alike now it always felt wonderful to be close to him. His brow was furrowed and he looked down hiding his eyes from me. As I lightly placed small kisses on his face, cheeks, chin leading me to his perfectly smooth lips I let out a small gasp as I kissed him. Realizing my mistake I closed my eyes in disgust at myself, and opened my mouth to apologize. Before I could Edwards smooth gentle fingers were at my lips shushing me before I could unleash a tirade of exactly how sorry that I was to him. "My love, those Christmas' are all past this year we will start new traditions, ones that will bring a smile to your face." He kissed me deeply then trying to erase the despair I now held in my eyes at having hurt my one and only true love.
Since my change my abilities had grown by leaps and bounds. I had since learned to open my mind up to Edward to allow him to see into my thoughts. I had control over it most of the time though so that I could have my moments of privacy whenever I wanted it. But sometimes when I got lost in the memories my mind just fell open to him like a very vivid recording of everything I was feeling and thinking. I had been so lost in my memories of my past Christmas' I didn't realize that it allowed Edward privy to those same feelings. I would have guarded them from him. I never wanted Edward to feel bad at my expense because of our past.
I kissed Edward back fully, pulling him too me deepening the kiss. Being still such a new vampire I relished the fact that I was so strong now. I rolled him over onto his back swiftly pinning his hands above his head before he could say anything. My hair cascaded down one shoulder the tips lightly feathering against Edward's bare chest. Sitting like this on Edwards lap gave me all the advantages and I was determined to take away those frown lines that appeared on Edwards face because of my memories. I leaned down tenderly kissing him, opening my mind to him so he could feel all of the love and desire I had for him. I sat back now having released his hands and bringing my hands to rest lovingly on his angelic face. "I love you more than the very next breath I take Edward never forget that". His hand lightly caressed my cheek and neck and he tried to tuck my hair back over my shoulder. It was so unusual for Edward to be so quiet. "I wouldn't change one thing that has happened so far in my life, I could never come to regret those decisions…they led me to you, to right now." I could feel Edward sigh beneath me, "I know you love me and I love you too, more than I think an eternity will ever allow me time to show you. How do you properly show someone that they literally saved their soul from being lost in the deepest darkest place that ever existed?" "You gave me everything Bella, everything I have ever wanted. I have a completely gorgeous wife", he said has his hand traveled up and down my arms, before continuing "a son that I swear becomes more and more like his strong-willed mother every day, and finally the opportunity to hear your thoughts. You truly don't know how maddening it was those first years not to be able to hear you. Now even though you do edit them a bit from time to time I feel connected to you a bit more, if that is possible."
Edward pulled me down against him so that I was resting easily on his chest, his breath gently blowing my hair. This moment should have put me at ease, resting my mind but I still couldn't shake that feeling that something, somewhere was very wrong, very off. It was like having something you needed to remember but your mind just couldn't recall it. Edwards arms tightened around me, in a flash though I finally knew exactly what it was that shook me down to the core.
Edward and I both dashed for the door too terrified to imagine what we already knew we'd find. I raced slightly ahead of him to the little bedroom just next door. Masen's room. As I raced in side there was pounding at the door, Edward nearly ripped the door off of it's hinges opening it growling in a low stance ready for whatever was there. But it was my family, my brothers and sisters, mother and father. All had raced to our aid even when we didn't realize we needed it. Edward eased his stance as Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, Rosalie and Esme flooded his mind with questions, concerns, about what had happened? It was only Alice that brought them all back to reality as she let out a small squeak of a moan as though she would burst into tears right that moment. She was standing just outside of Masen's door. Edward crossed the small distance in a flash our family close behind him. That is where they all found me. I had sunk to the floor, rocking back and forth clutching a pale blue blanket with silk edges. The same one Esme had so carefully constructed earlier that year when she found out she was to be a grandmother. I looked up then realizing my family was watching, in what would have been uncontrollable sobs I barely could speak, "he's gone, someone too him, Edward our baby is gone".
Edward and Esme were both at my side clutching me afraid I would shatter into a million pieces if they didn't hold me together. Emmett and Jasper flew to the still open window. Masen being a human baby we never left the window open always afraid he would get sick. So to see this it was immediately known by my family that it was out of place. They both took a deep breath checking for the scent of who could do this, Emmett almost spat the words out in disgust "Volturi". It was then that I did the most humanly thing I didn't think was even possible anymore for me to do…..I fainted.
