Thirteen Reason Why: Hannaha Mom's

Water was running all over the place, standing outside of the bathroom, I knew something was wrong but I had no idea that at this moment my life would change for ever. I started to bang on the door yelling her name. "Hannah! Hannah, why is their water everywhere?!" How could my daughter be so careless, this could leave water damage on the floor? I didn't hear a response, suddenly I realized that something was wrong, once more I yelled her name, "HANNAH!" That was it I opened the door.

What I saw broke me.

Hannah was in the tub, water surrounding her, preparing to overtake her face. She laid unconscious in the tub. I scram. I ran to the tubbed and pulled her out of the water, soaking myself in the process. I had to get to my daughter, I didn't want her to fall in the water and drowned.

That was when I realized that this was not an accident. There was cut marks all over Hannah's arms. It finally dawned on me that she was gone, she was not sleeping and she was not unconscious, she was dead. I yelled "ANDY!" my voice was broken; it wasn't so much as screaming but more as pleasing.

A few minutes later

This was my daughter, the paramedics wanted to take her away, but she is my daughter. I didn't want her to leave me. "Shh Hannah it is okay; mommy is here" I kept reassuring her that everything would be alright. "Hannah it is time to wake up" "I am so sorry Hannah, I am so sorry" In my mind I knew that nothing I said would make my daughter wake up, but at the same time, I could not let her go.

My clothes were soaked, from holding my daughter against my body. I would rock back and forwards stroking her hair.

A days Weeks Later.

Emptiness is consuming me; it is hard to breath. Each breath I took, took work, it required effort. Standing up was once an easy task, but now it required all of my thought process. I had to tell my legs to move, to hold the weight of my body. I job that once was voluntary. I walk through the emotions of a daily life. My stomach doesn't growl; I don't get hungry. But yet at lunch time I make a sandwich. I ate, feeling nothing but bread and meat. The food is bland. It does not bring me satisfaction, but if I don't eat I know I will grow weak. So every day, I go through the emotions. I eat three meals a day like away. I shower and wash my hair. I never feel dirty. I never want to shower. The idea of showering only makes me more tired. The water warms my skins, but it doesn't warm my heart.

I fail, I had one job in life and I failed. Above everything else I was a mom. My job was to raise my daughter and teacher her how to become a productive member of society. This was taken from me. But by who? Whose fault is it that Hannah did this? Was it mine? She told me she was not happy, but I thought that she was being a dramatic teenager. I was popular in school, everyone loved me. I can still remember seeing people standing in the hallway at school. They were beside the ugly green lockers, but then I walked down the hallway, everyone stopped. I literally turned heads. People would stare at me, and talk about how beautiful I was. My daughter did not experience this.

I do not understand what brought my daughter to this breaking point? What in her life is so bad that she thought this was her only option? I did not have any of these answers but I was determined to find out.