Journals for Days~ A Monster Crack Fic
Hello, book that cannot respond and yet I am talking to anyway. Today I am defending this kid who has a stupid name that regretfully I cannot recall. As such, I will provide you with a description of him. He's a short, sixteen-year-old with a stupid haircut and no self-respect what so ever. Whatever, I'm still gonna represent him in court because that's just what I do. I represent. People. I represent people. But anyways, court is a drag. Dang that Petrocelli for always having the upperhand! Sometimes I just to want to slap her into next week! But what else is new, with my Mountain Dew(?) Okay, maybe I need to drink less coffee and take a nap before my ginger freckles explode right off my face with all the caffeine I'm consuming these days. There's only so much monster in the brewing pot your heart can take before it gives up on you, afterall. And I did go through three years of law school for my heart to explode from caffeine overdose, that's for sure.
Man, the people who work here sure make me want to cry sometimes, I mean, who doesn't know what a termite looks like? They are the most beautiful creatures in existence! The way they chew through wood, their sleek, shiny carapaces, and even their organized hive structures- what's not to love? Someone needs to rethink their life choices you uneducated swine. Your very being makes my soul want to vomit, don't disgrace me with your presence! Man, the stuff I put up with doing this job, you don't even understand, inanimate object. It's so hard being a ginger person, do you have any idea how many soulless jokes I put up with a day?! At least two and a half, TWO And A HALF! That is two and a half too many, good sir. Jeez, ginger jokes are so 1800's, I mean who cares what color my hair is! I should have just dyed it black or something like my brother Abe did. I wonder what Abe's getting up to now, probably playing baseball for some team in Japan. That's a shame, Abe always had a knack for overanalyzing and overthinking a situation. He probably would have made a great lawyer if he could only interact with people properly instead of violently noogieing them into submission. But, alas, I am left to carry on the family tradition of being a lawyer. I guess it's not that bad, seeing someone's innocence refurbished is a nice feeling- it makes me all fuzzy inside- and not in the moldy way. Yeah, I think I'll do this for a while longer, journal, before chasing my dreams of becoming an entomologist for the Discovery Channel. See you soon, Journal Friend! And don't tell anyone any incriminating information I may or may not have recorded in these pages Or I'll burn you to ashes.
-Kathy O'Brien
