Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki; again, they wouldn't sell those characters to me. :sob: Anyway, ignore the tears of despair. This is just something that I really wanted to do, because I was watching the series and reading the manga, and I just really wanted to write a story! Damn it, I promised myself no more yaoi stories until after my other stories were done! Well, we can all see how that worked out. xp Whatever, read on, please. This is a GokuxHakkai story, just so you know. Oh, and I'm making Homura and his little enturage still alive, because I love them, and they deserve to live. So, when they show up, please don't be surprised.

Summary: It was all going well, the journey to the west. At least, it appeared that way on the outside. But something's wrong. Something happened to Goku, something that's destroying him. What could it be? Can Hakkai help Goku, or will the youkai just fall farther into despair?

Warning: This is yaoi. If you don't know what that means, it means that it's going to be a boyxboy story. There's going to be lemons in the later chapters, probably. Maybe. Um, swearing, mentions of rape, mpreg, violence, and humor. That's it! If it bothers you, then you'd better not read this.

What Dreams May Come

Chapter 1

Hakuryu was driving slowly in the midday sun, already knowing the direction in which the group was heading. They were traveling through a large forest, off to the village on the other side of it. Everyone was sleeping; well, everyone but Cho Hakkai. He never slept when driving. Right now he was sitting there with a small smile on his face, humming softly. Next to him sat Genjo Sanzo, leaning his blond head back as he slept. Directly behind him was Sha Gojyo, leaning his head on his hand on the side of Jeep, an unlit cigarette hanging from his lips. And next to him was Son Goku, sleeping with his head in his hands, resting against Hakkai's head rest. For once, it was quiet, and Hakkai had time to think.

It had been a few months since that final fight with Homura, who'd finally given up on his new world. Apparently, he was off learning the ways of the humans, having finally been convinced that what he was doing was wrong. Hakkai was quite glad about that, for he didn't much like fighting the heretic god. It was like fighting Kougaiji; there really wasn't any point in it.

Ah, life is good. Hakkai thought, his smile widening. He patted the steering wheal, before giving a soft sigh. "I think we'll stop for lunch here, Jeep." He whispered, feeling Hakuryu roll slowly to a stop.

"What's wrong, Hakkai?"

A harsh voice asked from his left, and he turned to look at Sanzo. That short blond hair glinted in the sun, and those drooping, voilet eyes, placed at equal spaces below that crimson chakra, pierced through him. The priest had pulled off the vest and scripture while they rode, for it was extremely hot in the sun. He wore just his tight black undershirt (think wifebeater) and arm guards (whatever they're called) with the blond skirt thing over his jeans. He'd kicked off his sandals earlier. He was, as most had donned him, the "sexiest priest alive."

Hakkai shook his head, still smiling. "There's nothing wrong. I just thought it'd be a good idea to stop and rest for lunch; we don't want Hakuryu getting wore out in this heat."

Sanzo turned his head away, but Hakkai knew he agreed with the Chi user. Resuming humming his earlier song, Hakkai got out of the Jeep, giving Goku a small shake as he went.

"Huh? Is it time to eat, already?" Goku asked, yawning loudly as he rubbed his golden-brown eyes. The gold diadem on his forehead winked brightly, contrasting with his brown hair.

Hakkai smiled at the child-like youkai, nodding. "Yes, we're stopping for lunch. Would you like to help me set up the food?" He asked, pulling out a small cooler from under the back seats.

Goku nodded instantly, bounding from the Jeep in a flash of movement. The sudden motion startled Gojyo, who emitted a small cry as his hand dropped his head and he fell face first into the head rest.

"Damn it, saru! Can't you do anything quietly?!" He growled, rubbing his forehead.

"Sorry, kappa, I forgot you were sleeping. Well, it's time to get up anyway!" Goku replied laughingly, before rushing over to where Hakkai was setting up what looked like a picnic. "Oh, awsome! Did you make all this, Hakkai?!"

Hakkai looked up, sweat dropping at the estatic look on his little friend's face. He was so predictable. Give him food, and he'd be happy; well, for at least an hour.

"No, Goku, I bought some at the store. But some of this is leftovers from last night. I hope you don't mind."

"Of course not! It's food, isn't it? And what you made last night was amazing, so this'll be just as good!" Goku grinned, plopping himself down on the large blue blanket that covered the sandy area where they were eating.

It was unknown to the rest of the group, but Goku might have been a little biased on his opinion of Hakkai's food. After all, ever since he'd met Hakkai all those years ago, he'd developed strong feelings for the human turned youkai. Sure, he cared about his "sun," Sanzo, but those were more childlike feelings, the ones you'd have for your hero, your parent. What he felt for Hakkai was deeper than that, more primal. But, of course, he never did anything about those feelings. He didn't want to lose Hakkai. That was why, he always acted like the child he was expected to act like around his secret love, craving those smiles and soft touches he was rewarded with. They were his life.

"Thank you, Goku. That was a very nice thing for you to say." Hakkai smiled for real this time, not his usual I'm-there-but-I'm-not-really-paying-attention-because-I'm-thinking-other-things smile.

Goku laughed self-consciously, rubbing his nose at the praise. He felt warm inside, fuzzy. He almost blushed, too, but stopped himself in time. Instead, he said, "No problem! I can be nice when I want to! Unlike some people...Gojyo!"

Gojyo looked up from rummaging through the cooler for a beer, flicking open his lighter. "What was that, saru? Something you don't understand?"

Goku growled. "Don't call me a 'saru,' you stupid hentai kappa!"

"Yeah, well I'd rather be a kappa than a saru!" Gojyo replied, lighting his cigarette.

They would have continued arguing had the click of a gun not stopped them. Instantly cowed, they turned to look at Sanzo, who had the classic twitch above his eye and stood with his eyes closed, gun cocked next to his head.

"The next one to say one word gets pumped full of lead."

The cold words spoken were just what was needed. Gojyo and Goku instantly sat down, innocent looks on their faces. Hakkai just laughed as he placed all the food on the blanket, and handed everyone a plate. They all eagerly dove into their food, not even waiting to see if the others were eating yet. Hakkai sighed, but he was used to it.

What he wasn't used to was Goku not stealing Gojyo's food. Just a little something to be concerned about, but since Goku wasn't paying attention to him and practically wolfing down his food, he simply decided to ignore the feeling and, after handing Sanzo his plate, began his own lunch.

Goku was, surprisingly, the first one finished; he laid his plate down and jumped up. "I'm going to go wash off at that stream just a few meters that way! I'll be back soon, so don't leave without me!" He cried, already rushing off.

"Goku! Keep your guard up!" Hakkai called.

A second later, Sanzo added, "You've got ten minutes! If you're not back by then, we're leaving!"

Sighing, yet laughing, Goku waved at them, before disappearing into the thick trees around them. He could smell the water from the stream, and found it instantly. He sighed again, but this time in pleasure, as he began to vigorously wash his face.

Little water droplets slipped down his round face as he paused, staring at his reflection in the water. Unlike others, though, the sight didn't make him happy; instead, he felt almost dejected. His thoughts were pessimistic, at best.

Look at that. A heretic, a creature that everyone hates. I can't belong to anyone, and yet I persist in trying to make the others around me accept me. Why do I do that? What good is it? Is it all...for him?

Goku stopped those thoughts by slapping both his cheeks, shaking his head furiously. "Bad thoughts! I can't think those things! They'll only mess with my head!" After that extremely tiny pep talk, Goku jumped up, realizing his time limit was almost up.

He let out what soundly suspiciously like a shriek when he was roughly pushed back down on the ground. A shadowed face was above him, and cold hands were holding him down. Something gagged him, and he couldn't call for Nyoi-bo.

"Oh, lookie here. Looks like I've found a new pet! Hehe."

Goku's eyes widened at the voice, and the insinuation. Oh shit! What's happening?! He thought, before his thoughts suddenly began to grow hazy.

His eyes closed, and he drifted, unsure of anything that was happening. But then, he felt a great pain, a ripping sensation that forced his eyes open, but he couldn't see anything. He only heard an insane laughing, and felt only the pain.

It was too much. He passed out, escaping that pain that consumed his very body. And he drifted once more in that darkness.

And there I'm stopping, cause it's getting a bit long. Okay, you know what? I'm sick of this shit happening; just even insinuating writing this makes me gag! Sorry, anger problems. Um, so yeah, probably not a good start, huh? Sorry about that; it'll get better. Sure. Um, please review for me? Review and flames, if you must. I accept both, because flames are really just constructive critism. Ja!

Ayame