Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Title: Draco Malfoy
Rating: M
Warning: Slash! (boyXboy relationship). If it isn't your thing, just go find yourself some nice het fic to read.
Summary: After the events in the last book, Draco Malfoy is not the same as he once was. This is his story.
Chapter 1
The noise of the crowd around me was suffocating, but I was prepared to remain aloof and stoic till the end. This was an important moment for Scorpius. This would be his first year at Hogwarts. There he would begin a new phase of his life, one that I hoped would be happier than mine.
Not that I had been that unhappy at school. Only in my Sixth Year had I really come to feel exactly what it was to be scared to death. Only then had I really felt what it was like to feel guilty and despair.
My last two years in Hogwarts had turned me into what I was today. A man full of insecurities and regrets. A man who fought constantly against sudden panic over nothing at all. I had long lost life's small pleasures. Nineteen years later and I remained the same frightened boy that had done so many stupid things in my adolescence.
I was on medication. I took them every freaking day. I tried rejecting professional help for a long time until there was no way around it anymore. I was in therapy for almost ten years with little progress. But at least I had managed to face London with all its polution and uproar, and those damn murderous four-wheeled machines. And all those muggles…
Don't get me wrong. I do not hate muggles as I did before. I just think they are destroying our world in that mad attempt of replacing magic for what they called technology. That same technology that was now everywhere. I could see it that very instant on Plataform Nine 3/4. Several witches and wizards with tiny mobile phones, listening to music, taking pictures of everything and everyone, filming every little bit of their lives. Most of them also had enchanted cars.
These were really different times. The wizarding world loved the muggle world. But I wasn't there to analyse life around me. I was there to give my full support to Scorpius, who was holding my hand tighly. Next to me, Astoria, my wife, looked as nervous as he was.
Her fear was justifiable. The Malfoy family did not have the same prestige as before. Quite the contrary. Ever since the war, despite our last minute desertion, we had been labeled as Death Eaters, and we would forever be Death Eaters. People stared and whispered as we walked by. Some were openly agressive. The wizarding world hated those of pureblood now, especially those who had supported the Dark Lord, and they loved those that were born of muggle parents.
Astoria and I were afraid of what could happen to Scorpius in Hogwarts. My only consolation was that my son was nothing like me. Physically he was my carbon copy; the same hair colour and eyes, the same radiant beauty. But while I had been spoiled and conceited just to hide my deep insecurities, Scorpius was the exact opposite. He was an adorable and charming kid. He knew how to be proud without being arrogant. He was a natural born aristocrat but without being irritating and haughty. He was my pride and joy and I would do anything for the one who had become my reason for living. I loved Scorpius more than anyone in the world, and I would curse whoever dared to cause him harm.
I knew Scorpius would be a brilliant student, but I was afraid of him being bullied. A bitter smile threatened to escape my lips. If that happened, it would be my fault. After all, I had been an insufferable git to many students in Hogwarts.
My main target was only a few feet away, and my heart beat faster as it felt him near me. My eyes searched for him instinctively, but it was best to hold my urges. It wasn't the time.
I looked at Scorpius and gave him a warm smile for the first time that morning. My son relaxed a little bit. I felt even guiltier for making him worry so much. What a lousy father I was.
- How do you feel? - I asked.
- I'm ok. - he answered, and he seemed to be telling the truth.
I felt less anxious. Astoria, on the other hand, remained restless. She knelt down to button Scorpius' heavy coat. I rolled my eyes, but didn't complain. Firstly, because we were in public. Secondly, because I was as protective as she was.
- Remember what I told you, - I said. Scorpius just nodded. - Do your homework, but find some time to have fun. No wandering around the castle at night, let alone the Forbidden Forest. And above all, if somebody bullies you, go straight to the Headmistress. Right?
- Right.
Scorpius stared at me with the same adoration and trust I had stared at my own father when I was a child. My heart was filled with sadness. What I really wanted was to take Scorpius back home and hide him from that wicked world. I wondered if my father had had the same thoughts about me when I first went to Hogwarts. Probably not. I knew my father loved and cared for me, but to Lucius being a man came first. Any type of weakness was not allowed. It was damn ironic, actually, since our own weaknesses had been our downfall in the past. The proud Malfoys in the end did care for one another.
Although Lucius had become a little more humble, if one could call him that at all, I knew he was still disappointed in me. I had failed to become the Dark Lord's favourite minion. I had been unable to look at that creature's face without feeling extreme repulse. I had not become the best Seeker, neither the best student. I hadn't become anything at all.
Knowing my father I knew he expected Scorpius to succeed where I had failed. However, I did not expect the same of my son. All I wanted was for him to have fun and be happy. It didn't matter if he wasn't the Seeker of the year. I didn't ever care if didn't make it into the team. What I really wanted was for him not to feel the weight of being a Malfoy.
The train whistled. It was ready to leave. The gibbering around me increased. The happiness, the loud laughter and the farewells let me slightly dizzy. I hated crowds, but I would endure it all for Scorpius.
Astoria touched my arm as if to support me. I shrugged. I didn't want to look weak in any way. I was Draco Malfoy. I could be a coward on the inside, but outside I would always be a Malfoy.
I hugged Scorpius for the last time without caring about what the others would think. All I wanted was for my son to know that he could count on me no matter what.
- Behave yourself, alright? - I muttered against his ear. - But have your revenge if you must.
I winked and he laughed, as if I didn't know already that he could defend himself very well. Scorpius might look fragile but he was a smart child. Besides, I had taught him a few tricks weeks ago.
Astoria looked at me as if I was a lost cause. There was a reasonable explanation for that. My wife hated violence. She didn't want Scorpius to get in trouble. She was of the idea that Scorpius should report whatever was wrong to McGonagall instead of doing justice with his bare hands. I agreed with her, but what she couldn't understand was that sometimes a boy had to learn how to defense himself on his own.
Am I being a hypocrite? Maybe. But every father hopes that his son will fight for himself. At least in that matter I could relate to Lucius.
Astoria hugged Scorpius and I saw her eyes filled with tears. She was actually managing to hold herself together really well. I smiled as I saw Scorpius quickly escape from her arms. He was, after all, a preteen. It did not look good to have his mother hugging him like he was a little baby.
I winked at him one more time and felt something squeeze hard around my heart as I saw him disappear inside the train. I prayed for the gods to protect him. I could almost hear Astoria's heart breaking into tiny little pieces. I wanted to hold her, but I was never the type to display affection. So I gave her my arm, and she took it. We turned to leave and my eyes found a pair of emerald-green ones staring straight at me for the second time that day.
Harry Potter.
Until that moment, I had managed to ignore him successfully. I had been able to nod in his direction just to let him know I had seen him. It hadn't been that difficult. With so many fears haunting me that day, it had been easy to forget about him. I had other things to worry about.
But there he was one more time, the jet-black hair tousled by the wind, his green eyes sparkling like jewellery, his semi-open mouth an invitation to sin. He was such an attractive man. The hero of the wizarding world. His loyal wife, Ginny Weasley, stood by his side. Hermione Granger Weasley and Ronald Weasley were also there, and so were the other Weasleys, but I barely noticed them. My eyes were set on Harry as usual.
My heart, which until then had been hurting because of Scorpius' departure to Hogwarts, now seemed to be ready to come out of my mouth and bounce all around. It beat so erratically that I was afraid that Potter might hear it. Our eyes met briefly but intensely. I was so caught up in the moment I didn't hear Astoria calling me. It took me awhile to answer her in fact.
- Honey, are you alright? - she asked, alternating her stare from me to Harry.
I sighed. Astoria was one of the only people in the whole world who knew about my sordid little secret. She honestly worried about me. I wished I could love her more than anything.
- I'm fine, - I answered after some time to appease her mind. - Let's go home.
I looked at Harry and his noisy and incredibly happy family for one last time. I hated Ginny Weasley for holding him in front of everybody without no shame whatsoever. I think my waves of hatred travelled to where they were because Harry stared at me again and raised a brow in my direction. I could not tell if he meant that as a farewell greeting or something else. I just returned it with another nod.
We weren't enemies anymore. Then again, we were not friends. We were nothing but two men who had spent their whole lives hating each other. Two men who had meddled in each other's paths. And dammit. He had saved my life.
I loved him like never before… The feeling was so strong that it had made me sick.
It was pathetic. I was pathetic.
So I left the station to take refuge against the world.
tbc
Author's notes: This story is in Portuguese, but I plan to try and update them both WHILE finishing Lessons. Phew. Hope I can make it. In the meantime, please review. Comments are always welcome and make the author really, really happy.
