FULL SUMMARY: Katniss Everdeen's life wasn't perfect, but at least she was happy. Now, she has nothing. In the wake of a devastating tragedy that rocks the nation and forever changes Katniss' life, she tries to find meaning in a world without those she loves most. Enter Peeta Mellark, a charming, yet secretive boy who's circumstances have forced him into a man. They meet by chance one afternoon, tied together by similar tragedies and a goal to leave their past far behind.

Notes: A million thank you's to my beta, Briony! She's amazing, go check out her work on Ao3! Please don't read if violence and terrorists are triggers for you. I hope you enjoy.

I do not own The Hunger Games. All credit where credit is due.

It's a good day for seventeen-year-old Katniss Everdeen. She's ninety-eight percent sure she's landed a job at old Haymitch's sandwich shop, there's no school due to summer vacation, and her mother hasn't had an episode in weeks. Katniss and her little sister Prim always know to make the best out of her mother's good moods. They both know it will be a long day when their father walks down the stairs, looking ten years older than usual, and says, "Your mother's sick today. Let's all be quiet, okay girls?" Her father is harder to read. He's almost always smiling, always joking around with Katniss and her sister, always acting happy for the two of them.

Katniss is pretty sure he pretends.

They're at a train station in New York City called Grand Central Terminal. Katniss supposes it's all-famous, considering the amount of people and important-looking plaques, but who knows. Katniss is history-stupid that way. Or just doesn't do her homework.

Visiting train stations is one of the best things of traveling. Katniss loves the oldness of train stations, she loves imagining people from years ago traveling to faraway places, taking adventures she will never have.

On this day, just like many others before, Katniss's family does not have anywhere particular to go. But she thinks, standing there watching Prim dance and her parents smile gently at each other, hand in hand… Katniss thinks, this is happiness. This is what happiness feels like.

Because even though her mother is not always there, even though her father works everyday, underpaid, day and night, even though her parents probably don't have enough money to send her to college, Katniss knows that she would never change her family for anything in the world.

She laughs at Prim, who had grabbed their parents' hands and started to dance around with them, her white blouse untucked, much like a duck's tail. "Katniss! Come dance with us!" Prim calls in her innocent voice, giggling as her father picks her up and spins her through the air.

"Coming!" Katniss obliges, rolling her eyes. No matter how sweet Prim acts, she's twelve-years-old, not an infant. In her opinion, twelve is a little too old for dancing in public. Nevertheless, Katniss still does as Prim asks. She loves her little sister too much to deny her anything.

As she ambles over to her family, grumbling under her breath, Katniss notices how beautiful the sunlight looks, reflecting through the blue-tinted windows, causing light ripples of color to dance on the ground. She also notices a boy about her age with golden-blonde curls and bright blue eyes, standing a few steps away from her. His mouth is twisted in a frown; the motion looking foreign and awkward on him. Katniss gets the sense he smiles a lot. He seems to be arguing with a woman who has the same blue eyes. The women's eyes, though, are cold and mean. A light-haired man with deep creases in his face and two more handsome blonde-haired teenagers stand not far off.

"Kat-niss!" Prim's demanding voice interrupts her thoughts. "Are you coming or not?"

Tearing her eyes away from the blonde-headed family, Katniss nods. "Yeah, Prim. Com-"

And that was when three bombs hidden in three separate trash cans exploded. The time set on each bomb was 10:45 AM. The time they exploded was 10:45 AM. Only one bomb did not go off. It was hidden in the trash can three feet away from Katniss Everdeen.

Pain. That was all that she felt. Just pain. She isn't sure of anything but the intense pain throbbing all throughout her body. Katniss doesn't know how long she feels the pain before it sort of… disappears. It's just as intense, if not worse, than before, but it just blends in. Becomes the white-washed background, the monotone voices of people talking on the phone that she had effectively learned to block out. She's not unconscious; Katniss is hyper-aware she's awake, but her senses aren't working and all she can do is lie there.

She must've passed out, because the next thing she's aware of is much worse than the pain.

Buzzing. There was a buzzing sound in Katniss Everdeen's head. No, not head, her brain. The sound was much deeper than that. Deep, like the ocean. Did she even have a head?

Where the hell is the ocean? Aren't they in New York? There's supposed to be an ocean here. Wait… that's not right. They must be in Florida, for there to be an ocean.

She tastes blood in her mouth. How can there be blood if she doesn't have a fucking head? Or a brain. She's dead she's gone she's a million purple cells tossed over the ground and she knew a kid… Where is she? Think! Where are you where are you where are you WHERE ARE YOU!

Not New York not Florida not anymore not anywhere! Remember you're a million purple cells. There's blood everywhere! She's bleeding backwards into her nose…. and he's choking her and choking her. Why is there no sound? OPEN YOUR EYES. OPEN YOUR EARS. You need sound. Or do you? You're just a million purple cells, after all.

BEWARE THE COW. Where did she see that sign before? Wait, she can't see… how can she see the sign? What sign? She used to have eyes right? But she can't because she's bleeding backwards and she's choking, choking, on her own blood… or is it him? STOP STOP STOP IT. What is she thinking what is happening where did she see that sign before...

It's not fair that it's raining on Prim and her father's funeral day.

Katniss and her sister always used to talk about their funerals, what music would be played, the weather, etc. Prim always said that if she died first, she would want the sun to be out, symbolizing a new beginning or whatever. She used to say that there would be a rainbow, and it would be her, saying hello! and please move on, I love you! Prim said that everyone would wear light blue, her favorite color, and the music played would be anything One Direction, her favorite band.

But there is no rainbow. Everyone is wearing black. It is raining. And an old woman dressed possibly like a nun from The Sound Of Music is cackling out Amazing Grace.

Katniss runs away.

But it's not like in some popular romantic comedy where the badass girl runs away from the depressing scene/funeral and stumbles to some old sycamore tree, sobbing her eyes out until the hot guy she's been pushing away but secretly loves comes over with a black umbrella and stands there in the pouring rain, shielding her but stands in the bitter cold, just because he loves her.

No.

It doesn't end up like that, because her life is not a Hollywood movie that gets 52% on Rotten Tomatoes for being "too predictable" and "a bit cheesy".

No.

Katniss is nothing but a badly burned, half deaf girl with no father, and no sister. She's a cupcake without frosting, a peanut butter sandwich with no jelly, a bird without wings.

No. She doesn't start crying. Instead, Katniss walks home and climbs the stairs to the room she and her sister used to share and falls asleep on the bed.

It's easier this way.

"Katniss, can you drive me downtown this afternoon?" Her mother asks softly from her wheelchair. They're in the kitchen. Katniss is at the counter while her mom's wheelchair is parked by the window.

Katniss doesn't look up from the piece of toast she's slaughtering with peanut butter. "Sure. Where you going?"

She shifts uneasily in her seat and Katniss can hear the whirr as she moves the electric wheelchair forward. "Um… just this adult therapy group for people who have mental illness and have been in… traumatic experiences."

Katniss looks up and drops the knife in the sink, raising her eyebrow questionably. "And…?"

"There's also this… this adolescent group for kids ages twelve to eighteen. It's a support group, too."

"And?" Katniss demands, screwing the cap on the jar with force.

"And… I think you should go. I think it would really help."

"And why Mom, tell me, why would I need help?" Katniss asks, her voice sharper than a knife, yet soft in volume.

"Sweetheart…" Katniss flinches as her mother suddenly appears by her side and touches the small of her back. She has to stretch to do it. "Sweetheart, I-I worry about you. And I know you worry about me, that I'll get bad again, but I would never do that to you. It's been a few weeks since-since the funeral." Her voice is thick, and Katniss knows she's three words away from crying. "But-"

Before her mother can go on, Katniss sighs and says, "Okay. Okay, I'll go. I'll do it."

She looks up, surprised, eyes shining, and Katniss's heart hurts when she sees the hope welling up in them. "Really? Are you really going to try?"

"Yeah, Mom." Katniss crouches down beside her mother and lays down her head on her shoulder. "I'll try. For you."

Katniss is seriously regretting her decision as she nears the church and a sign that says JESUS LOVES YOU. Her mother is at her physical therapy session at the Memorial Hospital. Apparently, the adolescent group therapy is on complete different days than the adult one. Whatever. Katniss needs some alone time, anyways, now that the two spend almost every second together. It's one of the silver linings of it all. Losing half her family and being paralyzed from the waist down seemed to jolt Katniss's mother back to reality, which is really really really helpful, especially since Katniss is constantly in monotone after their death.

She carefully parks the car in an empty space and sighs deeply, resting her head on the steering wheel. You're ready, Katniss tells herself. This place will help you. It'll help you get over Prim and Dad, it'll help you help Mom, it'll help you forget that blonde-haired boy…

It's been a month since the bombing. Every single freaking night since then, Katniss is haunted by a boy with light blonde curls and luminescent blue eyes. Sometimes, he's the monster who planted the bombs in the first place, laughing maniacally as her family is blown to bits. Other times he's on fire, like the police say she herself was, screaming as the flames engulf and swallow him whole. He's decapitated by a falling chunk of ceiling, he's screaming screaming screaming as his legs are crushed underneath a gray column, he's sprawled on the ground, pale and covered in bright red blood, eyes wide and unseeing…

No matter what terrifying scenario happens, Katniss is there. And every single time, she is unable to do anything. All she can do is scream as her family is physically torn apart, all she can do is stare at the deformed head rolling up to her feet.

It can't happen anymore. Katniss honestly thinks she will lose her mind if the terrifying nightmares continue every time she closes her eyes.

She's done.

Katniss takes another shuddering breath, pockets her keys, and steps out of the car. She swings her backpack over her shoulder and heads towards the church. There's a sign at the entrance. It reads: GOD ALWAYS GIVES ENOUGH STRENGTH FOR THE NEXT STEP.

Katniss doesn't know if it's bad luck or payback for her sins in her past life, but she seems to be lacking in the strength department.

Or maybe God is just being an asshole and is skimping out on helping her just because he thinks Katniss isn't worth his time.

She takes the next step.