"What's your resolution, Erin?" her counselor asked as in the background a clock ticked down to midnight.

"To never have to come back here again," she muttered, unwilling to give the woman her real answer. She wanted to tell someone, anyone, her secret, the reason for her problem. But not here, not in this situation. Not when she was being condescended to.

"A real resolution, Erin," the woman gently pried and Erin fought not to roll her eyes in exasperation.

"Fine, I resolve to be nicer to those around me." She nodded to the counselor and stood, suddenly not wanting to see the New Year come. It would only bring heartache, anyway.

~Two week later~

Erin stepped into the elevator and smoothed her skirt. She was nervous about returning to her job, to her life, without the familiar fallback of alcohol. She was going to make sobriety work this time. She didn't need to drink to get through her day. She didn't need alcohol to cover the pain of her secret.

"Hold the elevator!" A shiver passed through Erin's body as she recognized Agent Prentiss's voice. She pressed the open button against her better judgment and waited for the woman to get on. An awkward silence fell over the car and she looked at the floor, hoping someone else would get on before they reached the sixth floor. "So, did you have a good vacation?"

That must have been the cover story Aaron had used and she shook her head slightly. "I've had better, Agent Prentiss. And you, did you have a good holiday season?"

"I did, thank you." Erin thought the fledgling conversation finished and she relaxed a little. "Where were you, really? Hotch isn't as good a liar as he thinks he is."

Erin glanced at the other woman out of the corner of her eye. "I had to be away. There was something I had to do."

"I see." They fell silent once more and finally, the door opened up on their floor. "Have a good day, Ma'am."

"You as well, Agent Prentiss." She drifted to her office, unsure of the looks she received from her colleagues, certain that they had been able to divine the truth just as Agent Prentiss had. Her assistant was sitting behind her desk, typing away. "Good morning, Amy."

"Good morning, Chief Strauss. It's good to see you back. Agent Hotchner's been keeping up on your paperwork during your vacation, so there's nothing pressing for your attention. I looked after your bonsai tree, and it seems to be thriving, thank God. You have about forty emails to read through. I took care of all the mundane ones, sending the most urgent on to Agent Hotchner as instructed. Oh, I am so glad you're back. Agent Hotchner just makes me feel like I can't do anything right."

Erin nodded absently and stepped into her office, taking a seat behind her desk. Looking around, she saw a small bouquet of flowers on the desk and pulled out the card Welcome back, Erin was all it said, and she wondered who had sent it to her. Pulling the vase closer to her with a small smile on her face, she breathed in the strong scent of lilies.

The day marched on and she tried to keep her focus as she read and responded to emails, compiled reports, and did other busy work tasks. Her heart just wasn't in it this day, and it should have been. This was her return to normality.

At five, she sighed and pulled her reading glasses off, setting them on top of the current file she was going over. It was time to head home to the empty apartment, to the memories, to the bitter knowledge that neither Colin nor her children wanted to be around the failure she had become. "I'll see you tomorrow, Amy," she said softly as she turned off the lights in her office.

"Have a good evening, Ma'am." She smiled up at her warmly before returning to her work.

Erin briskly walked over to the elevator bank and waited for the next car down. She heard a faint tapping next to her and looked to her left, only to see Agent Prentiss there. She suppressed a groan and took a deep breath. "We meet again, Agent Prentiss."

"So we do. Did your first day back go well?"

The question surprised her. "It went smoothly. I take it there's no case to go to today." The other woman shook her head. "It's nice to be home."

"For you, maybe. You have someone to interact with. It will be just me and Sergio tonight, and a cat is not the greatest conversationalist." Erin wondered why the woman was telling her this, they'd never gotten along, even if she did have her grudging respect.

"A cat, huh? I haven't had a pet in years." Agent Prentiss smiled gently and Erin found herself smiling back. "Karl was allergic to dander, so that meant Snowball had to go to a new home." She hadn't thought about her beloved Persian cat in years, and it brought a strange lump to her throat.

The doors opened and they stepped inside, joining a few other people already there. "Do you want to grab a drink before heading home?"

Erin stiffened, picking up on the subtle undercurrent of probing in the woman's words. "Let's quit playing games then, Agent Prentiss." Her voice was sharp, brittle, and she saw the other woman flinch at the tone. "So, Agent Hotchner told everyone. I should have expected that. After all, why should I be deserving of privacy."

She turned away to stare at the wall, furiously blinking her eyes in an attempt to hold back the tears. She wouldn't let them see her cry. The warm hand on her upper arm caused her to flinch in return, but still, she touched her, letting the hand linger. "It wasn't Hotch who told me. And I shouldn't have taunted you. I'm sorry."

Erin could only nod, knowing if she tried to speak, it would only end with her crying. Mercifully, the elevator doors opened and she followed the others out into the parking garage. Unlocking her car, she slipped inside and buried her face in her hands, letting the tears come. One thing she'd never expected was to hurt so much.

Someone knocked on her window and she looked over to see Agent Prentiss standing there, concern on her face. Turning the key in the ignition to accessory, she rolled the window down. "What?"

"Did they teach you a way to quiet the demons in your head?"

The question was honest and she sighed deeply. "They tried." Her voice trembled and she bit her lip, looking away from Agent Prentiss. "The things I've seen, the things I've done, they don't lend themselves well to therapy."

"Who'd have thought we'd be two peas in a pod." She dared to look up at the other woman once more and noticed the tired, haunted, look the other woman wore. "Look, I just need someone to talk to, someone who knows me, but not well enough to judge me, like they would. If your family doesn't need you at home right away, would you mind listening?"

Erin wanted to say no, but something about the younger woman called to her. "That would be fine. Where did you want to go?"

"My apartment?" In the question, Erin could hear her need for a comfort zone. She nodded reluctantly, and a ghost of a smile flickered across Emily's face. "I guess, just follow me, then." Erin nodded once more and started up her car. Emily jogged across the parking garage to her car and pulled out, waiting for her.

On the drive to her apartment, Erin became more and more nervous. She really had no idea why she was doing this. It was rash, foolish, and had the potential to blow up in her face. As she parked next to Agent Prentiss, she took a deep breath and then got out. "You have a lovely view here."

"Sometimes it pays to have connections. Mother couldn't bear to give up the apartment during my time away, thank God." They made their way inside and got on a smaller elevator. In the silence, she could hear their breaths, in sync, harsh.

The elevator opened on the eighth floor and she stepped out, feeling a whisper of fingers on her back, guiding her to the left. Erin wrapped her arms around her waist as she watched Emily unlock her door and then punch in the security code. She made a beeline for the sofa, setting her coat next to her on the seat to keep Emily at arm's length.

"Would you like anything to drink? Tea, coffee?"

She looked over her shoulder at the other woman and nodded. "Tea would be nice, Lady Grey if you have it."

"I think I just have oolong or rosehip. Is there one of those you'd prefer?"

"Rosehip, then." Behind her, she heard Emily fill a kettle and root around in her cupboards. A few minutes later, the kettle shrilly whistled and she listened to the water pouring into mugs. Emily brought in a small tray with their mugs, a bowl of sugar, two spoons, and a small plate, setting it on the coffee table.

"Do you take cream? I forgot to ask earlier." She shook her head. "Any sugar?"

"No, I prefer my tea black." She took the mug from Emily's hands and sipped at the hot beverage. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Did the alcohol ever drown out the voices? Did it ever fully chase them away?"

Erin raised an eyebrow. "You don't hold back. No, it didn't. For a time, it seemed as if they were held at bay. And then, once the effect had worn off, they came back." She took another sip. "For a time, it made me a fun mother. Then it just made me a bitch." She fell silent, looking into her mug as she swirled the liquid around.

"Sometimes, I think I see Doyle on the street, watching me. I know he's dead, but his spirit still haunts me. I thought alcohol would take that away, and it never has. If anything, it makes the visions worse. My therapist says that's normal for some people."

"Quit then, while you can. Before everyone you love and care for is driven away by your weakness." The words slipped out before she could stop them, and she bowed her head, willing the tears to go away.

"They left you?" Erin heard the rustle of her coat being moved and then Emily's hand was on her shoulder, rubbing gently. She bobbed her head slightly, feeling as if a weight was being lifted off her shoulders. The first tear slipped down her cheek and she flicked it away with her thumb. "Where are they?"

"At home."

"Oh." The statement was low and full of understanding, and it broke Erin's heart. An unwanted sob tore itself loose from her chest and she set the mug on the table so she could curl up in a ball in her corner of the sofa. "Ma'am…Erin, where do you go?"

"I found an apartment close to the office. Nothing so luxurious as this, of course. But it serves my needs. I can pretend that the noise of the people above me is my children." The tears wouldn't stop falling and then she felt Emily's long, elegant, fingers wipe her cheeks free of them.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to open a can of worms. I didn't know." Erin shrugged. "Oh god, I wish Morgan hadn't said a word to us about your situation. I didn't mean to hurt you." Her hand was soft against her cheek and Erin found herself turning her face into the touch. It had been so long since she'd felt a sympathetic touch.

"Did Morgan say why he told you about my problem?"

"He was blowing off steam. He and Hotch have been having problems in regard to my resurrection. Why didn't you fight back?"

Erin smiled a little at the defensive tone the younger woman took and sighed. "I needed help, Agent Prentiss. Aaron's intervention was a blessing in disguise."

"I see, I guess. And please, call me Emily." Their eyes met and Erin saw something akin to understanding there. "So, I was planning on having supper alone once you left. Would you like to join me, instead?"

"I'd like that, Emily." Having told the woman her secret, she felt a sort of bond with her, strange though that seemed.

"Wonderful. You can help me cook, too, then." Shaking her head slightly she stood and joined Emily as she went into the kitchen. Erin went to open the fridge when Emily touched her shoulder. "I can get anything we need from there."

"Why, afraid I'll see the beer there and not be able to control myself?" she asked wryly, seeing the other woman blush a little. "Don't worry. I can control myself around others. And if you want to have one with the meal, it won't bother me."

Emily nodded and removed her hand, looking sheepishly at her. "Sorry. I guess I just want you to feel comfortable. Do you see anything that looks good to you?"

Erin scanned the shelves and shook her head, finding herself without much of an appetite. "I'm not really all that hungry. Do you have any fruit?"

"When was the last time you had a good meal, Erin? You look like you're wasting away."

She sighed as she shut the door, not looking at Emily. One thing she never got used to was how well profilers could see others. "Alcohol makes you gain weight. Once you stop drinking, the weight just goes away." It was at best a half truth, something she told herself to keep focus off the fact that she'd lost the sensation of hunger when she lost her family.

"They should never have sent you to rehab." Her head snapped up at Emily's terse statement, her eyes widening in shock. "It broke you. Seriously? You're just going to give up on life?"

"No," she whispered, breaking eye contact as she shook her head.

"Then wake up!" A spark of anger flared up in her breast at the tone Emily was taking with her. "I may have wanted you to be nicer to us, to be honest, but I don't want to see you broken like this." Emily touched her shoulder once more and the anger faded away. "I want you to be you."

"Why do you even care?" She tried to ask it as neutrally as possible, but could still hear the bitterness in her voice.

"I don't know." The answer was quick and direct and Erin sighed as she nodded. "And now, you get two choices – ice cream or soup." Emily's eyes pierced her and she bit her lip.

"Do you have chicken noodle?"

Emily's face relaxed into a smile. "Yeah, I do. We'll split a can and then have the ice cream for dessert."

"I thought it was either or?"

"Only if you chose the ice cream. Or did I forget to mention that?"

Erin found it very easy to smile at the mischievous glint in Emily's eyes. "You might have. Where do you keep the soup?"

"Bottom shelf of the cupboard right next to the fridge." She opened it and pulled out the top can, handing it to Emily. "If you want to get out bowls and spoons, go for it." Erin began to look through the other cupboards until she found the bowls and took four out, knowing they'd need the others later. Pulling out the drawers, she finally found the spoons and also took out four, along with the ice cream scoop.

"I'm going to grab my mug. Do you want yours?" Emily nodded. "And would you boil some more water? I'd like some more tea, please." Not stopping to see her response, Erin walked over to the coffee table and picked up both mugs, setting them on the table.

They were quiet during the meal, Erin not finding any words to say. When they'd finished, she stood and put their bowls in the sink and turned the water on to rinse them out. "Hey, I can do that later."

"Might as well get them in the dishwasher now," she replied as she swiped them with a dishcloth before opening the appliance and sticking them inside. With that task finished, she turned to face Emily, who handed her the now dirty ice cream scoop. "Thanks."

"You were the one who wanted to put everything in its place. How very typical of you." Emily tempered her words with a smile that Erin couldn't help but return. She followed the other woman back over to the sofa and then took the bowl from her hands. "I don't know how much longer I can keep up with the therapist. It's not making any difference. I'm too haunted."

"You've seen a lot in your life, Emily. But don't give up on the therapy. It might help in time, you just have to wait. And that can be the hardest thing to do." She took a bite of the sweet confection, mulling over her next words. "Have you read anything by C. S. Lewis?"

"Just the Narnia books when I was I young. But then, just about everyone read them. Why?"

"He has a wonderful book on suffering called The Problem of Pain. David sent me a copy while I was still in the center, and I found it helped me more than the counselor I was assigned there. I haven't taken it all to heart yet, obviously." She continued to eat the ice cream, focusing on the sweetness of it. For some reason, tears pricked at her eyes once more and she blinked rapidly, trying to get rid of them.

"Crying sucks, doesn't it?"

"Yeah." This time, she welcomed Emily's hand, cold though it was, on her forearm. Their conversation flowed naturally from that point on until Erin found herself yawning tiredly. Looking at her watch, she saw it was after one in the morning. "I hadn't realized how late it's gotten." Another yawn spilled from her lips and Emily nodded, yawning herself.

"You look exhausted. Why don't you stay the night? I don't want you driving home and then falling asleep behind the wheel." Erin nodded, knowing the other woman was right. "There's a second bedroom upstairs. Follow me." The stood and Erin trailed behind her as they climbed the stairs. "My room is right across the hall. I usually leave about eight, but if you need to leave earlier, go ahead. You won't wake me."

Erin found herself nodding once again and she slipped behind the door, taking her shoes off and stripping down to her bra and panties. She went to the bed and crawled in, her body sinking into the soft mattress. As her head hit the pillow, her eyes fluttered closed and she fell asleep quickly.

Her sleep was shattered a few hours later by a short, sharp, scream. Sitting up, she acclimated herself to the strange room and then stumbled out of bed, wrapping a blanket around her body as she rushed out the door and across the hall. Emily was thrashing around in the bed, obviously trapped in a nightmare. "Emily, wake up," she whispered as she touched the other woman's shoulder.

"Ian, stop!" she screamed, lashing out and catching Erin's shoulder, knocking her back a little. Gasping in shock and pain, Erin tried once more to wake the other woman, letting her hand close around Emily's shoulder, shaking gently. Emily's eyes flew open and she burst into tears, wrapping her arms around Erin's waist as she sat up.

"Shh, Emily, you're okay. He's dead and can't hurt you any longer." Emily nodded against her chest, and Erin rubbed her back softly, trying to calm her down. Emily nestled closer to her, almost seeming to try and disappear into Erin, or so it seemed. As her restless movements ceased, Erin pulled back a little to look into Emily's eyes.

"Erin…" Her name sounded so strangely beautiful coming from the other woman, and then Emily's lips were covering hers softly. She didn't fight the kiss, but she didn't encourage it, either. Emily deepened the kiss a little and then broke off, breathing heavily. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I just needed to anchor myself to the present."

"I understand. It's okay. Are you feeling better now?" Emily nodded slightly and Erin tried to stand, only to feel the arms still around her waist tighten. "Emily?" she asked when it was clear the other woman would not let go.

"Stay?" Erin felt her brow furrow, not sure of what Emily wanted. "I haven't felt another body next to mine in months. I just need to feel your warmth bleeding into me. Stay, please."

Erin watched the play of emotions cross Emily's face and finally nodded. "I have so much to lose," she said softly.

"And we have so much to gain." Emily scooted over in the bed and Erin slipped beneath the covers she held up, only to feel Emily's arm come to rest around her waist. "Solace can be found in the most unlikely of places." Her breath fanned out against Erin's neck and she shivered slightly, covering Emily's hand with her own.

"Solace can be most welcome, Emily." They fell silent once more and Erin turned to face Emily, needing to look at her as she fell back asleep. Throughout her life, she'd been unable to fall asleep without watching the other person in bed with her. Emily's hand cupped her face and their eyes fluttered closed in tandem. Erin felt strangely at peace being in Emily's embrace as she drifted back to sleep, and a smiled tugged at her lips as she let the darkness claim her.