Dear Diary,
I couldn't have been more wrong. I thought that I could smile and nod my way through it, pretend like it would all be okay. It's not that easy. The bad things stay with you. All you can do is be ready for the good, so when it comes, you invite it in, because you need it. I need it.
Bonnie predicted that this year would be different for me, that all of the bad times had passed. Yesterday I would have said no, it's not possible...but now I feel different.
Stefan Salvatore. Every time I open a door or turn around a corner, he's there. There's something about him, something secret, and different, and deep. I want to know him, and that scares me. Everything within me is screaming to stay away, to remember what true loss feels like, how it can break you to a point where you're not sure you'll ever be okay again.
What scares me even more it that I don't want to stay away from him. We have this connection, and it makes me feel...safe, something I thought I'd never feel again.
I don't know what to do, and for the first time in a while, I don't know what to expect. I'm not dwelling on the past. Instead, I'm looking towards the future.
Jeremy and I found Vicki in the forest today. The doctors say that she was attacked by an animal, and that she'll make a full recovery. Jeremy's face when he found her... My heart stopped for a moment. He needs some good, too.
Tomorrow I will go to school and act as though nothing has happened even though it has. I will say and do the same things I have been for months, when the truth is that I am changed. I don't know if it's good or bad, or where it will take me, but it's irreversible.
I have a hope that someday everything will be okay, for all of us. But I know it won't. As much as I might want to, there is nothing I can do to change that. I just have to do the best I can.
- Elena
