Evangelion: Purity's End

A Post End of Evangelion fan fiction

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. All rights are reserved for Hideaki Anno and Evangelion's respective creators. This is a work of fiction not canon and is in no way meant to supplement the actual film known as The End of Evangelion.

Part 1: Acceptance

Chapter 1: Losing and Purging

Loss. That was the only thing that came pulsing through my brain as I stared out into the remnants of what used to be my home, my country, my world.

The waves of the ocean came crashing onto the sand, onto me. The water was crimson…the color of her plug suit. Oddly, it smelled putrid. A smell I had come to familiarize myself with. Rotting flesh. This LCL was different; it was the soup that held billions of people together like some sick solution of the world's most fucked up chemists.

This didn't bother me very much. I still held the hope that the promise of a new genesis would eventually arrive. But who would desire to return to this reality? After I had so willingly thrown it away for my own selfish reasons? I don't know… who would? Mad men looking to take advantage of the fact that it was I who had decided to destroy the AT fields, so they could strangle me. Everybody hates me; everyone wants nothing more than to wring my neck. I'm spineless, I hate myself, and I am no better than…no… I am even worse than father.

Even after I had so willingly resolved to give life a second chance it seemed as if the human race didn't want to return. From what I could observe, they were all laughing at my loneliness, my cowardice, and my curse. I had nothing left except for the bandaged vixen lying next to me. Why did she return?

I managed to muster up the strength to lift myself up. What I saw frightened me. I could feel my bladder give out, the warmth was relieving, what would Asuka say if she had decided to wake up and see me regress? "Stupid Shinji," I imagined. "Are you a man or what? Does little baby needs his mother's breast?" I was starting to sicken myself at the thought of this. Asuka was right, even in my head.

Gazing out into the distance, I realized she was no longer Rei to me. She was the harbinger of death and destruction. A satanic monument stretching for miles. Decapitated and slightly placid, she looked out at me with a mocking smile. Mocking me for giving up the "perfect" pseudo-Shangri La. Mocking me for the losses. I wanted to hate her. She was someone I had come to familiarize myself with as "friend". Someone who somehow managed to be my mother incarnate, someone who I had impure thoughts of…

She came to me again. The same way that she had come to me when I had first come to NERV when Angel Sachiel had decided to begin the life that would soon plague the existence of every man, woman, and child inhabiting the world. Rei was synonymous with the word God. That day, she came to me in order to say, "Hello, Ikari, welcome to the beginning of the rest of your life. You will be the medium for the fate of the world. You will be the vehicle for the destruction of this world. You are my tool. You have no say my child." And now I saw her again. The same strange peaceful figure was only visible to me for a split second hovering above the LCL. A split second was all I needed to tell what she wanted to say to me. "Shinji, you have chosen the fate of destruction and now you must experience the joy of rebirth. Your journey at my side is now over; you no longer have a god to help you make your decisions. You are on your own now, I am sorry you were fated to be here with nobody except your bitter thoughts and the pilot of Unit 2 to keep you company. Good luck."

So many thoughts running through my head and I finally resolved to simply let it seep out of me in the only way I knew how. It seemed like hours, maybe even days and all I could do was weep. Weep over Misato's grave. Weep for the billions of people I killed…murderer. Weep for my best friends. Weep for the sweet bosom that Unit 1 had given me…ironically enough. Weep for…father. Of course father would never return. I was jealous, I was selfish, and I was sickening. Mother…

With nobody to talk to, it was very easy for me to lose myself within the confines of my own mind. I had forgotten about the companion whom was at my side. Talking to someone would bring me pleasure even if it was something as simple as a whisper; I longed to hear the voice of another human being. I did not deserve pleasure however. A bastard like me who would without thought selfishly defile the image of one of his closest friends by letting his inhibitions loose. "I'm so fucked up..." was the only thing I could bring myself to say.

Asuka deserved better than to have to live out eternity with a wretch like me. But how could I possibly make her happy? What was I to do? I looked to Rei for an answer.

"What do I do!?" I yelled out at the ocean, at the monument. No response came to me. It was as Rei had said; I was alone with no one except my "bitter thoughts," and Asuka to keep me company. It was nightmarish and borderline…no, it was psychotic the solution I had thought of.

I remembered back to the moment in which I was high above the clouds as mother and I became the mediums for Third Impact. I let myself go. At that moment, I hated everyone, especially myself. And to convey my resentment for the apathy the world had thrown at me, I strangled the only girl who had deep seeded feelings for me and allowed her to die at the hands of the MPEs only minutes before. "How pitiful," was how Asuka put it.

Now I stand over her lifeless husk of a body. I knew she was alive; Rei wouldn't have brought her back to just have her rot after a few days. I had that same urge I had back in the hospital, that disgusting act that Asuka probably saw when our minds were melded. But I held back, for she deserved better and I deserved worse…far worse.

It was selfish really what I was about to do. Taking another's life is something I wasn't emotionally prepared for. I was trained to take the lives of those Lovecraft like creatures who threatened the fate of the planet. Now I knew how Maya Ibuki felt when she was forced to pick up a gun by her fellow NERV bridge crew. I never had anything against Asuka; in fact, I admired the attraction she had for me. After everything my naivety put her through she still managed to never erase me from her psyche although she resented me on the surface for not reciprocating her feelings. I didn't just want to set Asuka free of the curse of having to live out the end of her days with me, I wanted to feel her skin pressed under my palms. I wanted to confirm that everything I was living right now was real. In reality, this was just a way to further ease my loneliness by having contact with another human being even if it will end that other subject's life.

I positioned myself on top of her. No sick thrill came to me this time. I closed my eyes; I have not completely lost my humanity quite yet. Instinctively, I clasped my hands around her neck. I could feel the tears begin to well up, what the fuck was I doing? As I had predicted, her skin was as smooth as I fantasized yet as cold as I had known it would be. As I began to squeeze harder, I could feel a slight twitch in her body. I tried my hardest to simply end it soon but something was keeping me from finishing my sick work. I knew Asuka's eyes were wide open at this point; I simply didn't dare open mine to meet her gaze. She must have thought the worst of me right now. My grip didn't loosen until finally, my fears were confirmed.

I felt a gentle caress to my cheek, which was all it took to push me over the edge. Half expecting a sharp slap on the face, I let go and began crying again into her chest, only this time, I wasn't just crying for myself. The tears streamed down my face and fell onto hers. How disgusted she must have been. I opened my eyes finally and met her gaze, still shedding tears like I had never done before.

Even battle damaged, Asuka was the same beautiful girl that she had played the role of in my life. Her stare was cold and emotionless and her face was indifferent. I couldn't bring myself to say anything until finally after what seemed to be an eternity; she gave me a reason to believe that everything that had happened after Kaworu's death was very much real.

"I feel sick…" was the quiet whisper that came from Asuka's mouth. I shared her sentiment. For once in my life, I could finally empathize with another human being, but she was obviously feeling sick about something else. Was it me? Most likely.

We stared into each other's eyes in that same position for what seemed to be at least an entire hour until I could sense a slight hostility emanating from her aura. This was not the time or the place to be making Asuka angry. We both needed each other now for more than several good reasons. I stood back up from my position and walked a few feet away from her presence. I simply just gave in and stared out into the horizon. There was something disturbingly picturesque about the scene.

I could hear some rustling in the sand and saw that Asuka was now in a fetal position, also looking out into the horizon. She didn't have that same hostile aura that she had while I was on top of her. She seemed defeated, which was ironic for her. Maybe she gave in and realized like I had that our reality was here and now and as far as we knew, there was nothing in our power that we could do about it.

I could feel the sudden change in my body finally hit me. Being exposed to the LCL for too long made me extremely nauseous and strangely fatigued. I don't know if Asuka felt the same as I did, but my first instinct was to sleep it off.

I started to walk along the shore of the beach until I found a suitable piece of building that I could take refuge under. I looked over at Asuka; she was still in her same position only now she was staring intently at me with a familiar lifeless doll expression.

I called over to her "You should probably come over and join me, Asuka. We can huddle together to conserve body heat." She complied, surprisingly, but failed to say a word to me. I didn't blame her.

She scooted next to me under the monolithic piece of building and stopped herself only an inch or two away from me. The warmth and vitality returned to her body after having been so rudely awakened by my selfish and sick endeavors. I put my hand down on the sand next to her and began kneading it like dough.

After a few hours of boring myself with the sand, I finally began to doze off. It seemed like Asuka was wide awake as well up until that point. I wasn't expecting a word to come out of her mouth any time soon; she was as good as catatonic. And if I was in her shoes, I wouldn't be talking to me either. I would be devising some plans to off me or thinking of places to run too. Instead, she inched her hand towards mine, until only our pinky fingers met. I listened to her breathing and could tell she had finally fallen asleep.

With her head rested on my shoulders, I too soon fell asleep. That night, I would not dream for no dream would snap me out of the reality I was facing now. For this reality in and of itself felt like the most lucid dream…no…it felt like the worst nightmare I could ever have.

Chapter 2: Coming Soon! Hope you enjoyed the previous chapter!