Until Then

Okay, so I've managed for no particular reason to continue the series of shots that Blossomwitch and I have been doing. So sue me, my brain demanded it. So: this pentadrabble is based on her fic 'Might Have Beens', which is based on my fic 'Worthy', which is a companion to my other fic 'What You Will Never Say', which is based on her other fic 'What I Won't Tell You'. Booyah.

This is also a Keiko-perspective, and I don't do those much. Here's hoping it goes well enough.


I'm not stupid.

Yuusuke always forgets how much I notice, and part of that is because I don't tell him. He wouldn't understand some of it anyway, or he'd say I was just getting girly and sentimental, and then think it was all his own idea when he saw it was true. I'd rather keep it to myself; he keeps plenty of secrets from me, and I'm allowed some, too.

But I'm not stupid.

There are ways that you look at another person, ways that are only reserved for them, and he used to look at me like that—and now he doesn't. He thinks I haven't noticed, because he still tries. He holds my hand, and looks at me and smiles, and sometimes he even tells me I'm important, but his eyes go flat, and everything he says sounds like what he tells Atsuko so she won't worry about him. He tells me a lot more than he used to, actually, but it's almost like he does it because he's not so worried about me anymore.

I've always told him I didn't want him to worry about me; but I guess I lied.

Every day my friends ask me why I hang around him and I don't answer. It used to be because I knew they couldn't understand. Now it's because I'm not sure if I understand. I remember him telling me we'd get married every time I was mad at him, when we were kids, but he never uses that excuse anymore. Now he just apologizes, and lets me yell at him, and tries to make it up to me by taking me to a movie or to the park. Come to think of it, he doesn't really skip our dates these days like he used to; I feel like that should make me happy.

But then I see that look, the one that used to be for me - and he thinks I'm stupid.

He's closer to them than he is to me. It's been that way ever since he died the first time, and he started fighting demons and saving people—I stopped being the most important thing in his world when he found a place where he could be himself and not worry about teachers or street toughs or anything else besides fighting evil. But I wanted him to worry about me, too. I always thought that if he just remembered me, if he just kept looking at me once in a while like I was the only thing he cared about, I could still be happy.

The funny thing is, he's still the most important thing in my world. I still need him around like I always have. It's just different, now, and I don't think it'll last; it'll be over the moment he turns to look at Kurama with that special expression, and Kurama finally looks back. I don't want that—but I can't change it.

And, at least, I'll have him until then.