Chapter One:

(Raindropz)Ahem.

Tohru Honda was walking down a street, busy minding her own business. Her thoughts were occupied with rice balls, umeboshis (the small plums on an onigiri) and strawberries.

Her bliss at being alive was too much for her to notice that she was being followed…

As Akito Sohma also walked down a street, he watched as a girl he was watching suddenly stopped from her walk.

"Oh shit." Thought Akito. "She's seen me." He searched around frantically until he spotted a large dustbin nearby. He quickly stuffed himself inside it, leaving a gap and balancing the lid on his head. Tohru Honda made a sudden exclamation and turned around, now walking towards the bin. "Shit. Shit shit shit…" thought Akito. "Bloody hell, why couldn't I have really been a woman?"

Tohru walked back the way she came, half panicking. She had left the kettle on at the Sohma household. She was known for her ditsy nature, but this was a record. Reaching into her pocket, she found a sweet. Unwrapping the sweet, she put it in her mouth and opened the lid of the dustbin and put the wrapper inside.

Akito swore yet again in his head as the dustbin lid was opened. A hand hovered over his black hair and a sweet-wrapper was dropped on his head. He caught a glimpse of the hand before it moved away, but that was enough . He had studied this hand for hours of his day, gazing at it and the rest of the hand's owner. Tohru. Akito grabbed the sweet-wrapper and gazed at it. Finally, he had a token of Tohru's love. For sweets. He would treasure this for ever, and frame it, storing it in his secret shrine for her. Now Akito was happy.

(TheColourOfMagic) He sat there for a while in the bin, happily gazing at the wrapper and daydreaming about its previous owner. Then he realised that he was in fact sitting in a bin filled with something that smelled a bit like Haru when he came back from his week-long "Trips-to-the-shops". Sighing and still not focusing completely on anything other than his new-found "treasure", Akito pulled himself up and attempted to get out of the bin. And tried again. And again. Eventually, he gave up, realising that he was in fact too short to get out of the bin.

"DAMNIT!" he yelled, very annoyed. "SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Unfortunately for Akito, no-one was around. Other than a tramp who ran at the sight a talking bin.

(kikijio) However, a second later the tramp backtracked and returned to the bin. "Hmm.. that sounded a bit like Akito." It was Hatsuharu; Just on the way to pick up some milk when he found he was on a road he did not recognise.. and before he knew it.. a week had passed.

So, relieved to hear a voice he knew, Haru walked towards the bin and opened the lid to find Akito, crouched in foetal position and chewing what looked like a sweet-wrapper. (Raindropz) Their eyes met, and there was a moment of silence as they stared at each other.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" laughed Haru (really loudly). Akito didn't know whether to scowl or whimper. So he did both.

(TheColourOfMagic) "Shut up and help me out of the bin," Akito snapped.

Haru carried on laughing.

"Help me now… or I'll tell everyone what you did to your dog!" Akito yelled.

Haru shut up. "I don't have a dog!" he said.

"Not after what you did to it," Akito said.

(kikijio) He knows…thought Haru, and he turned and ran down the street, leaving Akito behind in the bin.

"Aww crap…" Akito was starting to feel hungry… "I knew I should've eaten breakfast.." he mumbled to himself. But, luckily he just so happened to be sitting on a waffle. Yum! He thought. Lunchtime…

(Raindropz) Akito remained in the bin for… he didn't know how long. Nobody walked past. Ever. Until…

The local bin man was hired. He was sick of bins. As he walked towards his next bin, he thought of his troubles. His wife was ill, and his 21 kids were hungry. As he began to pick up the bin, he grunted. It was heavier than usual. Or maybe he was getting weaker. Maybe he should just die.

Akito squeaked as he was suddenly lifted up. It was God! It was a miracle! But Akito had been so mean, what if he was being taken to hell? Better make up for it…

"I'm sorry!" He shouted. "Spare me! Forgive me!"

The bin man stopped as he was holding a talking bin. He was going mad. The bin was continuing to squeak. It was the demons… they were after him. Throwing his hands in the air (therefore the bin went up too), he ran away, down the street (which happened to be a hill).

Akito rolled down the hill, in a bin.

(TheColourOfMagic)Unfortunately for Akito, the bin was not made to withstand this type of pain. It cracked down the middle and fell into two bits- leaving Akito rolling down the hill covered in rubbish.

The Mabudachi Trio had just been walking along peacefully, arguing about whether Kureno was gay or not, when their walk was interrupted by a person rolling down the hill, leaving a trail of rubbish behind him.

"I think that was…" Ayame said.

"No… it couldn't be…" Shigure said.

"Akito!" they chorused.

Hatori looked up from the book he was reading.

"Shut up." he said.

(kikijio)"You shut up!" said Shigure, as Ayame followed Hatori lovingly; and he danced along the pavement to where Akito was lying, spread-eagled in the middle of the road.

"AKITOOOO!" Shigure screamed, when a gust of wind blew across them, ruffling Shigure's yakata.. revealing something.. wonderful, but more importantly, sending Akito's sweet-wrapper flying.

(PlasticBagFreak) "SHIGURE!! How could you?! I thought we had something!" sobbed Ayame. Akito (who appeared to be having some... "problems" of his own) quickly climbed up a tree in hopes of escape.

Meanwhile, Hatori had gone somewhere..

"No one must ever know... No one must ever know of my love for Pot Noodle!!! Not Ramen! Pot Noodle! Bwahahahaha!!!"

(Editor: I apologise to any Hatori fans who are upset by this.. I'm not the one who wrote it... I actually edited part of it so it seemed like it was more part of the story but.. I.. just.. don't know what else to do..)

Back to Akito. He clutched the branched tightly. "Hah! My plan is ingenious! They'll never find me here!"

Akito then realised something very important.. I'm afraid of heights. (TheColourOfMagic)He let go of the branch. Then he realised that this was probably not a very good idea and attempted to hold it again. Which, as he was now mid-air, didn't work.

"OOOWWWWWW..." Akito yelled. Looking around from his current position- which was once again spread-eagled on the ground. Apparently Hatori had once again vanished for some weird reason and Shigure and Ayame had also disappeared, forgetting completely about the fact that their evil family leader was covered in rubbish and stuck up a tree.

Akito sighed, "At least I have my sweet-wrapper," he said to himself. And then he saw it. The sweet-wrapper. Lying on the other side of the road. "NOOOOOOOOOOO..." Akito yelled, doing a very Bay Watch- like run. Without the lifeguards. He landed pretty painfully on the pavement after hurtling himself at the wrapper.

(Raindropz)Still lying on the ground, Akito looked up as a figure walked up to him. It was Kyo. Spotting the sweet-wrapper, and Akito, he picked it up (the wrapper, not Akito).

"You shouldn't litter, you know." He took the wrapper and put it in the bin.

"Noooooooooo..."

(kikijio)This was the moment Akito turned violent,

"You fool! Stupid cat!! I'll kill you!" Akito screamed.

"Just 'cause you're a virgin..." Kyo muttered, he turned away and walked down the street. Now Akito was alone he collapsed and started crying; until a small hand offered him a handkerchief- it was Momiji.

(TheColourOfMagic) "Don't worry Akito," he said. "Everything's alright..."

Akito was about to hit him when he saw the now-pretty-far-away figure of Kyo stop, and worked out exactly what Kyo had just said...

Momiji found himself flying through the air as he was suddenly knocked over by super-speed Akito.

"I'M NOT A VIRGIN DAMN YOU!!" he yelled just as he skidded to a halt in front of Kyo... And saw Tohru, standing just behind him.

"Interesting revelation," Kyo said, "thanks for that. Although, you know, messing around with Kureno doesn't really count..."

Tohru's face went completely red. Akito made a weird spluttering sound, decided that any hope of a decent conversation with Tohru was gone now Kyo was around and made a run for it.

(Raindropz)Akito trudged home, extremely downhearted. He smelled. He had lost his wrapper. He was a virgin.. kind of anyway. But most of all, he had managed to look a complete twit in front of his one true love. At least Kureno would be at home waiting for him...

(kikijio)"Kureno..? KURENO?! What are you doing with that Yankee?!"

Kureno was wearing an apron, and seemed to be cooking a meal with Arisa Uotani.

"How could you Kureno? After I let you wash my socks?"

And as Kureno stood there, horrified, Akito tore off the socks he was wearing and fainted.