Alex was musing over a written exercise suggested by his psychologist, Karin von der Schrieff. He liked his shrink, she was smart and funny. She was straight talking and had a hard edge. She was also an ex-field CIA agent, so she got him in ways normal people didn't. Normal people like Liz, Edward and Sabina. Even Tom thought Alex should have bounced back, be his usual self. Its not like Ian's death had affected him. Alex now realised he had suppressed a mountain of hurt for the last fifteen months. He was 15 and he should be worried about spots, getting past kissing on a date, asking girls on dates. God, he was dreading next week, high school. He would give it two weeks. He frankly thought all Sabina's friends here in San Franscico were completely vacuous.

Likes and dislikes. Then and Now. Thoughts on each. What had changed from his time as an operative.

Alex crossed operative out and scrawled 'MI6's bitch'.

Holidays

No thanks. Prefer sitting in my room reading a book.

He was into Dickens at the moment. Lots of his heroes had shit childhoods as well.

TV

Whats the point? its all shit.

Luckily Edward and Liz thought this as well. The two restricted viewing to News and Arts. Sport here was an overproduced joke.

Soccer

Its not soccer its football. When I was 14, I wanted to play for Chelsea FC when I grew up? Never gonna happen. I bust my ankle badly in January, I have plates in it now. It aches when I run. Now, after I finish school I fancy going on the social, living in a bedsit and doing nothing at all ever again.

Karate

I hate it. Reminds me of Ian, his plans for me, his lies. The fact all that shit happened was his fault. Wish I'd done dance class instead.

Skiing

Ditto. That and snowboarding. I think if I see a resort I'll have flash backs to Point Blanc. Maybe I should take up knitting.

Diving

Look no extreme sports ever again. Especially potholing.

School

Sucks and blows. Fuck... at least another 3 years of it... Kill me now.

Friends
My BFF, Tom - well Tom has new friends now. He's stopped talking to me. Thinks I'm strange when I consider it to be a truly excellent day because I haven't left my room. Thats the good thing here, all the bedrooms have en-suites. Yes I know I'm meant to eat, but most days no one notices I stay upstairs.

Computer games

Shit you are trying to give me nightmares... Fucking Damian fucking Cray!

Family

I have no illusions over this. Ian was a bastard 100%. Jack was family. She's dead. The Pleasures. By Christmas I'll be handed back to family services or be sent to a military academy/boarding school. Sabina thinks I'm weird, nutcase weird, OK. Considering that it might be a loony bin.

The future

Discussed that above. Would prefer not going to school, but that's mandatory, can't get out of it.

Alex arrived at the nice wooden building in Pacific Heights for his usual weekly session. He was dressed in dark clothes, all bought at Wallmart - baseball cap, jeans, hoodie with the usual cheap sunglasses. He had dyed his blond hair brown. It was getting long and scruffy. He had planned his route, cycling a wide circuit. Changed his session time and day every week. Different routes, always checking for tails.

Alex knew the layout of the building, windows, doors, viewpoints. The place had good security. Video surveillance on the door and waiting room. The receptionist looked like Rosa Klebb.

Karin read the brief answers. Alex had been truthful, one thing that was positive. His answers were troubling on several levels.

"So Alex, how has your week been?". She noted the dark rings under his eyes. His pale skin. He was looking distinctly gaunt.

"Good, good, excellent. Really. Liz and Ed worked long hours. Saw Liz this morning. So I actually had breakfast this morning."

"Can I see your journal entries?"

"Sure thing Karin." Alex had no problems with Karin knowing about the fact he'd done nothing all week. It had been blissfully boring. He had not even seen nor talked to either Sabina or Edward.

The journal detailed his sleeping patterns, his dreams and nightmares, what he ate. What he did. This was his first excursion out of the house all week.

"Have you lost weight?"

"Yeah, a bit." Alex shrugged at this. "I honestly have no appetite. Liz fusses when she's home. She's working long hours and positively loves her job at The Columbia Theatre. Offered me a job as a stage hand. I turned her down. I can't.. too many people."

Karin made note of the the nice use of diversion tactics, but ploughed on going over Alex's bad habits "Still not sleeping well?"

"No.. I.. I still wake up screaming. Stopped the puking though. I've got a bit better. Slept most nights. Not straight through but I got back to sleep four times."

"Are you taking your meds?"

Alex winced at this. The one thing he had purposefully not noted in his journal. "No sleeping tablets. I flushed them down the toilet in July. I'm too tempted to take them all. I wanted to sleep and not wake up."

"And your anti-depressants?"

Alex fixed Karin with a hard stare "I don't need happy pills."

Karin knew Alex's control issues and supposed apathy were all part of his shield to protect himself. "Have you heard the term failing to thrive?"

"Yeah.. babies suffer from it, don't they?"

"No, anyone can suffer from it. You are suffering from it. I would guess you have been displaying symptoms since last March."

"I'm not insane."

"You have backed yourself into a corner, Your foster parents are worried. They may not be the ideal parental figures for someone with your problems."

"My problems are unique, Karin. Oh. no not quite. I hear the shrink at Gibraltar did a bang up job with Julius."

"Alex. We have a good relationship. I think you can take a bit of constructive criticism. I plan on calling a full meeting with family services. You need supervision... not in a secure unit but you need a positive and constructive atmosphere to regain some sense of perspective. You are not a normal teenager, but neither are you a hopeless case. I know an ex-marine sergeant, ex-black ops, now he runs a placement scheme in northern California. You will have to work for privileges, your food intake and sleep patterns will be closely monitored, daily sessions, private tutoring. It is a six month programme for traumatised teens, I want you to read this brochure, but being here, sitting in your bedroom 24/7 is not healthy."

"Intervention time." Alex almost sneered.

"Yes Alex. I want you to get well, thrive, enjoy life, Get some goals. But first you need to eat, sleep, exercise and communicate. You are in no way suitable for High School. You are too controlling. Don't break Alex. Give yourself a chance."

"Nice try, Karin but MI6 are my official guardians."

"If you say yes, by this evening you will be a ward of the State of California and the US Government. I can promise you. No one, not the CIA or your British friends can get anything past the judicial system. Any intervention by them would have to be approved by the family court and me. I will fight tooth and nail for you, Alex. I want you to finish school and then who knows, go to college, race cars, become a minister or a salesman. Just give yourself a chance and live."