Disclaimer: If Hunter X Hunter were mine, the Dark Continent arc would be focused much more on the Troupe. Togashi is the man.


"Would you do anything for me?" Hisoka asked one evening, out of the blue.

"No," was Illumi's automatic response.

"How mean." Hisoka pouted. "Would you kill me if i asked you to?"

"If you went through the proper channels," Illumi replied. Was that what he was after? "And set up payment in advance."

"What if i asked you to marry me?"

That got Illumi's attention. "What, in a church? With the whole family there?" He felt a slight dread. "Would my mother plan it?"

Hisoka laughed at him. "Maybe not. You never wanted to just duck into a Gas Land chapel?"

"One shaped like a giant robot?" Illumi asked. He'd done jobs in the vicinity of such chapels before, and once inside one, and he'd be lying if he said the thought hadn't crossed his mind, but it never stayed for even a full second.

"If you like." Hisoka snaked an arm around Illumi's waist, and Illumi let the other man whisper in his ear. "All i'm talking about is a binding contract between two consenting adults." His lips brushed Illumi's ear. "'Til death. Do. Us. Part."

Illumi turned his head and met Hisoka's mouth. "What exactly do you have in mind?" he asked, when he got the chance.

"You should join the Phantom Troupe," Hisoka told him.

That was disconnected enough from what he had been saying that Illumi needed to take a moment for his brain to readjust. It didn't work. "What?"

"They probably still have space for you," Hisoka said. "Li'l Kurapika did a number on them."

Illumi repeated, "Join the Phantom Troupe?" He pushed back from Hisoka, as if more space would let him understand the connection.

"Not for real," said Hisoka. "I can give you some Texture Surprise so you can fake the tattoo. You just need to get inside, like i did."

"Why?" Illumi pressed.

"So you can kill me. They're probably not gonna be happy after i get my fight with Chrollo, and i'd rather you do it. If you can, that is. So let's get married."

"One of us was probably always going to kill the other anyway," Illumi pointed out.

"Exactly!" Hisoka beamed. "We've been dancing around it so long, we might as well tie the knot. I don't have an engagement ring, but how about this? As a prenup, i'll make sure you get paid no matter who kills me."

"You really think i'm going to let someone else kill you?" Putting all else aside, his professional pride was offended. A Zoldyck never let anyone steal their prey. And Hisoka wasn't just any target.

Hisoka smiled at him. "I'm flattered." He leaned forward, coming back into Illumi's space. "So what do you say?"

Illumi didn't draw back again. "You want me to kill you," he said. "As a member of the Phantom Troupe. And that's your engagement contract."

"Did i leave anything out?" Hisoka asked.

"No." It was a good arrangement Hisoka had come up with. Illumi still didn't see the need to join the Phantom Troupe, but he would be better positioned to kill Hisoka if he did. Even if he didn't need the advantage. And he'd be paid no matter what happened, and it was Hisoka . . .

Illumi felt himself teetering. His family wouldn't approve of the step, he was sure. So many of the brothers had left the family business to do their own thing. Illumi was about the only one still working. And everything would change.

He could balance family and the Troupe, couldn't he . . . ? And it was Hisoka.

He took the plunge. "I accept."

"Oh, Illumi!" Hisoka wrapped his arms around him in one of his more romantic gestures. "You don't know how happy you've made me."

Illumi hugged him back. Marriage, he thought, and allowed himself a rare smile, hidden in Hisoka's shoulder.

He felt Hisoka shift, and knew the man had some mischief in mind. "Now," Hisoka said, "your room or mine?"


The first thing Illumi did the next morning was to try the number he'd been hired with in Yorknew. With the message that the number had been disconnected, he next called his little brother. "Do you know where i can find Chrollo Lucilfer?"

Kalluto hesitated. "I don't know where he is right now." It was probably true enough.

"That's not what i asked," Illumi pointed out.

"Is this for work?"

He was getting paid. "Yes."

"I'm not going to help you kill my boss." Illumi had to appreciate his brother's loyalty, although it really should be to the Zoldycks instead.

"That's not the kind of business i have with him."

There was silence as Kalluto thought. "Is this to do with your weird friend?"

"Yes," Illumi admitted. The part of his mind that wasn't on the phone wondered if it would be worth it to get hotel coffee, or whether he should hold out for something better.

"They're going to fight soon, you know," Kalluto told him.

"I know. That's not what i'm calling about."

"Then what are you calling about? The fight's already pretty much set up, and if he's not your job, then what business do you have with him? Are you trying to get him to connect you to someone else?"

"Not exactly," Illumi replied. Hotel coffee probably wouldn't help, he decided. "Can you put me in contact with him or not?"

There was a pause on the other end of the line. Kalluto was still trying to figure out his angle. While he waited, Illumi began to gather his things together. He needed to check out soon.

"I have a bad feeling about this," Kalluto said finally. "Sorry, brother. I don't think i can help you."

"Fine. Remember to call Mom once in a while. She misses you." Illumi hung up and sighed. They grew up so fast, and then they got ideas about independence.

He'd find Chrollo anyway. Illumi never missed his mark.


Surprisingly, Chrollo was looking for him too. Illumi didn't need to use his other contacts to track him down. Chrollo himself called the Zoldyck home within a few days and invited Illumi out to talk about a job opportunity.

They met at a small café in a town a certain distance from Illumi's home. When he arrived, Chrollo was already seated at an outdoor table. There was a black coffee in front of him, although he didn't seem to have touched it.

Illumi took the seat across from him. "You have work for me?" He had no need for the social niceties.

Chrollo wasn't bothered. "That's right." He gestured to the café building. "Do you want to order something?"

"I'm fine," Illumi said.

Chrollo shrugged. "Suit yourself." He took a drink from his own coffee, and met Illumi's eyes. "I'm here to talk about Hisoka."

Illumi blinked. "He's the target?"

"Not exactly," Chrollo replied. "I understand you and he are . . . close."

Illumi wasn't sure how much he knew. "And if we are?"

Chrollo leaned forward, lacing his fingers together on the table. "I want information on him. I'm willing to pay your normal rates for killing."

Illumi supposed he knew as much about Hisoka as anyone, and possibly more. He was a smart choice to go to for information on Hisoka. And yet, the timing seemed a little too convenient.

"And if i wanted a different sort of payment?" he asked.

Chrollo's poker face was good. His expression didn't change at all. He simply asked, "What did you have in mind?"

"I want to join the Troupe," Illumi said.

That got a reaction from Chrollo, though it was only a pair of raised eyebrows. "I hadn't thought you were interested."

"It's a favor to Hisoka," Illumi explained. This would go much easier if he didn't try to play games with Chrollo. "He thinks it'll make it easier for me to kill him later."

"Really." Chrollo rubbed his chin. "You know, i'm going to fight him soon."

"I know."

"I'll probably kill him."

"You aren't sure of that," Illumi pointed out. "If you were, you'd have fought him by now. You're avoiding him so you can build up your chances of winning. That's why you've come to me, too, right?"

"You're not wrong," Chrollo admitted. "I think my odds are good as it is, but it doesn't hurt to make sure."

"I'll provide you with whatever information you want," Illumi said. "I won't interfere in your fight with Hisoka or other Troupe business. I just want the chance to kill him afterwards."

"You're pretty confident Hisoka will win, aren't you?" Chrollo commented.

"Even if i weren't, Hisoka still wouldn't let me get involved in one of his fights," Illumi said.

"True enough." Chrollo took a drink from his coffee. A girl in the street slowed down, looking as if she were going to say something to them. Illumi stared at her until she went on her way. "This is definitely one of Hisoka's schemes," Chrollo said. "It has his smell all over it."

Illumi waited.

"You know, the members of the Troupe are fairly independent," Chrollo mused. "Most of the time, we'll split off into small groups, or go off on our own to pursue our own interests. We only all come together once in a while."

Illumi nodded. He'd heard about how the Spiders operated from Hisoka, while he was first attempting to get close to Chrollo.

"I don't really like that you're using us for your own goals, but if you're willing to work with us when we call, it could work," Chrollo went on thoughtfully. "I know you've got the skills." He looked up at Illumi. "You're really just interested in killing Hisoka?"

"That's all i want," Illumi confirmed.

"It might work." Chrollo paused. "I can't guarantee i won't kill him first, you know."

"I don't think you will," Illumi replied. "But it's fine either way. He's already set it up so i'll get paid even if he dies before i get to him."

"Really. He's that eager to have you after him?"

"Yes." It wouldn't hurt to explain a little, Illumi thought. "It's part of our engagement contract."

Chrollo held up a hand. "That's more than i wanted to know. I can believe you're serious about him. And if you'll agree to follow me on matters concerning the Spider, i think we can come to an arrangement."

"All right," Illumi said.

Chrollo mused a bit longer before making his decision. "For now, we'll just deal in information. If i kill Hisoka, then i'll pay you for your help. If he survivee, then i'll let you join the Troupe. Does that work for you?"

"What if he kills you?" Illumi asked.

Chrollo's mouth quirked. "I don't think he will. But i'll talk you my people and let them know that if i die, they're to hire you." He raised his eyebrows. "Good enough?"

"That'll be fine," Illumi said, and went inside to order. When he came back, he asked Chrollo, "What did you want to know about him?"


"Illumi, i'm dead."

It wasn't the strangest way Hisoka had ever begun a phone call, so Illumi didn't pay it much mind. He finished cleaning the blood from his pins and returned them to their storage place on his shirt. "How so?"

"I lost my fight with Chrollo. He killed me."

"Hold on." Illumi took a break from the call to send a message home and let them know he was done. "You don't sound dead," he said as he returned to Hisoka's call.

"Well, of course i came back." Hisoka sounded affronted. "I can't let anyone kill me but you, darling."

"I said no pet names." Illumi closed the office door behind him and headed down the hall to the elevator.

"You'd better hurry, though," Hisoka continued. "I just made the rest of the Phantom Troupe very angry. Any moment now they'll all be crying for my blood."

Illumi ignored the relish in his voice. He was used to it from him. "A race, then?" He watched the rising city through the glass back wall of the elevator. "I thought you'd be satisfied with just Chrollo."

"He cheated." Illumi could hear Hisoka's pout through the phone connection. "So it's totally fair to do whatever i need to to get a real fight."

The elevator dinged, and Illumi stepped out into the lobby.

"It'll be a fun game," Hisoka went on. "Can i kill all the Spiders? Will you kill me before they can? Or will they beat us?"

"You remember i'm one of them now?" Illumi was going to be annoyed if Hisoka had forgotten about making him join the Troupe after all that.

"Yes." Hisoka sounded hurt. "But it doesn't really count. You're Illumi."

"If you want to play tag, there's something you should know," Illumi said as he stepped out onto the street.

"Oh? Do tell."

"Have you heard about the expedition to the Dark Continent sailing out of Kakin?"

Hisoka hummed in assent. "I've heard of it."

"You decided to take my advice and pay attention to what's happening in the rest of the world?"

"No need to be snide, Illumi. Just tell me. Is Chrollo going to be there?"

"Yes. The Kakin royal family will be travelling on the ship. He's decided to rob them. The whole Troupe will be there."

"I see." Hisoka's delight oozed through the line. Illumi held the phone away from his ear. It would only be a moment before it was safe to listen again. "I'll see you there?"

"Oh, absolutely," Hisoka purred. "I wouldn't miss it."

"And when do we go to the robot-shaped chapel?"

"When the ship returns. If we both survive the voyage, then as soon as we land i'll whisk you away to Glam Gas Land," Hisoka promised.

"Fine. If we both survive. Don't forget." Illumi hung up.

He felt a smile crinkle the corners of his eyes. It didn't reach his mouth, but it was there.

He'd have to go to the port in Kakin next and meet up with the rest of the Spiders. And then . . . they'd depart. And he'd get his man.


Kalluto didn't like this. He didn't like it at all.

Was this what Illumi had wanted? Why? What was in it for him? He had no reason to be here.

That is, he loved his brother. He really did, but . . . the Phantom Troupe was his. It was the first thing he'd done on his own, that he'd chosen for himself. Sometimes he felt like the other Spiders understood him better than his family did.

And here was Illumi, breezing in as if he had any business here.

It was stupid. Illumi always put the family first. He'd work with anyone who hired him, but it was all for the Zoldycks. Whatever his weird friend had said to him, the Phantom Troupe wasn't there for Illumi to use. He didn't belong here. This was Kalluto's place.

Somewhere deep down, Kalluto knew it was stupid to be thinking like this. He felt a little uncomfortable with it, the same way he felt when people called him a boy or a girl. Hisoka had hired Illumi, so of course he'd do whatever it took to fulfill his contract.

But that shouldn't include joining the Troupe.

Kalluto didn't like it, but he didn't get a say. He was sure that saying anything about it would only cause more problems, so he decided to stay quiet. He just wouldn't get involved. He'd stick close to Feitan or Machi and find Hisoka first.

See how Illumi felt about Kalluto killing Hisoka before he could even get there.


A/N: So i woke up one Saturday wanting to write some HxH stuff. I'll work on some of my Chrollo ideas, i thought, that'll be fun. Then i went online, and the first thing i saw was a message from my best friend saying "You need to read the new HxH chapter right now." My friend had also written a story about it. So i go to read ch377, and HOLY FLYING SHIT HisoIllu is canon. My ship has sailed on an actual ship. Forget Chrollo, i need to write about this now. Except i also got a lot of Chrollo feels from the chapter, and i'll never pass up a chance to write Kalluto, so here we are.