Originally posted to my sneezehq tumblr. Spoilers for the new season of AoT. The prompt left it up to me to choose, so I went with Armin from AoT. I thought it fit well with what's currently going on. Some disregarding of canon timelines but oh well. Content warning for vomit and panic attacks. Enjoy!
Armin can't think.
It's incredibly unusual for him-normally his mind is constantly analyzing and planning, even when he's not doing anything worth paying attention to. He can't help it.
But now, with the Colossal Titan towering over them, raining debris everywhere, the city on fire, and Hanji and the rest of their squad missing or most likely dead, his brain is moving in slow motion, unable to process the situation or even try to come up with a way to fix it. After how badly he misjudged the situation with Bertholdt-and sure, Mikasa had said that Bertholdt had been acting like a different person, but still, Armin is better at reading people than that. Commander Erwin put him in charge for a reason, and he's failing miserably.
He feels the other members of his squad looking to him for guidance, but he doesn't have anything. Mercifully, Jean takes over directing them. Jean is good at reading the situation, and for a moment, his brain seems to kick back into gear. He can do this. It'll be fine; he'll just observe the others' attacks on the Colossal Titan and come up with a plan. Bertholdt (and Armin flinches just thinking about his name) must have some weaknesses, right? Even if they don't manage to incapacitate him on the first try, they should be able to do some damage.
It all goes to shit as soon as he thinks that.
Eren gets flung on top of the wall like he weighs nothing, stranded in a very vulnerable position and completely out of their reach. His friends take steam and shrapnel damage, and they lose the last of the thunder spears. Oh, and Reiner is back in the fight. Because everything else that was happening wasn't enough.
His hands are trembling; they haven't stopped since he confronted Bertholdt on that rooftop. The tremors spread up the rest of his arms until his shoulders are quaking. The air is suddenly thick and too heavy to breathe. Maybe from the smoke coming off the ever growing fires?
Huddled together next to him, the others are discussing something. Armin knows he should be listening, trying to give whatever input he can when they're in such dire straits, but he can't hear anything that they say over the ringing in his ears.
Between one blink and the next, they seem to leap into action. Sasha, Connie, and Jean spring off over the rooftops, each heading in a different direction. Armin frowns, trying to force his viscous train of thought into motion-and then nearly falls off the roof when Mikasa suddenly appears in front of him.
She steadies him effortlessly with one hand, frowning slightly. "Jean and the others went to scout out the situation. We're guessing that the Armored and Colossal titans are just stalling for time. The Colossal especially seems more interested in the wall than in us. We need to come up with a plan to take them down." When Armin doesn't respond, her frown deepens. "Armin?"
He knows that he should say something in return to at least reassure her, not to mention help plan out their strategy, but the ringing in his ears hasn't abated; he can't even make out half of what she's saying. His head feels light and dizzy, making it difficult to concentrate, and it hurts to breathe in the smoky air, let alone try to speak.
"Armin?" she asks again, gently turning him to face her and brushing his bangs out of his eyes.
He tries to speak, but only a strangled, garbled noise comes out. Mikasa looks alarmed, so he tries to clear his throat and try again. "Can't-" he tries to explain the problem but his lungs won't cooperate long enough for him to say more than one word. Panicking, he starts breathing faster, trying to get more air. One hand comes up to grab feebly at his sternum. Each breath in feels like knives in his chest.
In his panic he doesn't even notice Mikasa maneuvering him around so that he's resting against her chest. She grasps the hand that isn't clawing at his chest and squeezes it, hard enough to leave bruises.
The fog in his mind lifts slightly at the sudden, sharp pain and he manages to tilt his head up enough to look at her in confusion. Why is she … ?
"I need you to stop panicking, Armin," she explains, voice gentle but firm. "Slow your breathing down and match it to mine." Mikasa takes a deep, deliberately slow breath in. He feels her chest rise and fall against his back. "Just like that."
Slowing down his breathing seems like an impossible task, but he tries to copy her as much as he can. It's a slow and frustrating process, but slowly he feels his chest relaxing ever so slightly, and he's able to take in more than a few shallow gasps. Mikasa's voice is calm and encouraging in his ear the whole time.
His abused throat stings at even the shallowest breath in, and it doesn't help when he chokes on his first deep breath, resulting in him gagging over the side of the roof and emptying his meager stomach contents onto the ground below. Mikasa rubs his back until he stops dry heaving and his breathing steadies.
Finally, after what seems like hours, but is probably only a few minutes, Armin is able to sit up again. His eyes are burning, and he scrubs the tear tracks from his face. "Sorry," he manages to croak out, face burning. His stomach twists with shame and guilt, but he swallows hard against the rising emotions.
"We have a few more minutes before the others should be back," she says, not acknowledging his apology. It's a habit of hers when she believes that he's being unnecessarily apologetic. "I know that the situation is pretty bad, but we've got to come up with something." She turns to face him, squeezing his unbruised hand. "I know that it's a lot of pressure, but we need you. You're the only one who can do this." She takes a deep breath, and looks him squarely in the eyes. Determined gray meets terrified blue. "We need you to save us, Armin."
He takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly, and nods. "Okay," he mumbles, trying to sound braver than he feels. He wonders if this is how Eren feels when people call him Humanity's Hope. He looks over to where Eren is still stranded, up on the wall, and over at the burning city and the two titans. The situation is as dire as he's ever been in, but there must be some way out.
By the time the others return, the gears of his mind have kicked into high gear. If Eren is on top of the wall, and the Colossal titan is heading that way, then maybe, just maybe they could …
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