I do not own Doctor Who or Versailles. The Master was not harmed in the making of this fic.


For the thousandth time, Rose checked the clock. It had now been over five hours since the Doctor rode a horse through a mirror into 18th century France.

Mickey was knocking around somewhere, bored and sulking. Suddenly he screamed, "Rose, Rose, come here!"

Rose ran to find him. He was standing by a door that the Doctor had always claimed was a broom cupboard. Naturally, she had never opened it, but now Mickey had. Inside was an old man wearing all gray clothing, with long grey hair and beard. His skin had that powdery look that she associated with very old people, but he was sleeping standing up.

"Here, who are you? This is the Doctor's TARDIS, you know."

Rheumy eyes cracked open. The man made a whuffing sound and shook. Cascades of dust slid off him. "Oh, is it time yet? How long was I gone?"

Mickey brushed off the man's suit jacket and revealed brown pinstripes. "It's the Doctor!"

"What?" said Rose.

"Didn't think I'd leave you stranded in the 51st century, did you?" He coughed. Dust came out of his mouth.

"What?" said Rose.

Mickey fanned the dust away from his face. "How long have you been in here?"

"I slipped into my first incarnation's TARDIS during the French Revolution. Thought I'd have a nap while I waited around." He staggered out into the hallway. Mickey and Rose leapt aside to make room for him as he trailed a cloud of dust.

Mickey glanced at Rose, and asked cautiously, "Did you save Reinette all right, then?"

"Who?" said the Doctor.

"What?" said Rose.

"Madame de Pompadour? The hot F—" Mickey saw Rose's mouth opening and switched gears, "The nice French lady?"

"Oh, her? She lost her head. Very sad," said the Doctor.

"What?" said Rose.

"No, maybe that was Marie-Antoinette." The Doctor tottered into the console room and checked the clock. "Five and a half hours? Good, you should always wait five and a half hours. Oh, Rose, I've got something for you."

"What?" said Rose, and this time Mickey saw fear in her eyes.

The Doctor fumbled around in his beard. "Letter to you from Reinette. Wrote it on her death bed. Died young, can't think why."

Rose sighed and took the letter. She could almost hear Reinette's voice in her mind as she read the words:

'Dear Rose,

The Doctor has promised me that he will not leave you stranded on that dreadful ship. It may take him centuries, but the slow path will lead him eventually back to your side. These years he has spent with me have been filled with adventure. Alien invasions happened every week and we have had to rebuild Versailles six times, bankrupting France. It has not been all tears. Once a charming gentleman, dressed all in black, came to visit and made me the most delightful doll collection. The dolls, dressed as the courtiers of a dozen nations, are a charming sight on my bedroom shelf, but they do collect dust.'

"I know," Rose murmured.

"What?" said Mickey.

"I'm still reading. Wait."

The Doctor pulled a jar of honey out of his pocket, opened it, dipped his dusty fingers in and started slurping. Honey and dust ran down his beard.

Reinette's letter continued. 'You are a lovely young woman, Rose, and I know you care deeply for the Doctor, but trust me, he's not worth it. Live your life to the fullest. Run off with that handsome Moorish boy.' It was signed, 'Your companion at a distance, Reinette.'

Rose sniffled. The Doctor quickly pulled out a handkerchief, but with it came a pound of dust.

Rose sneezed. "I don't think so, but thanks, Doctor. Tell me, if you hadn't come back, how would Mickey and I ever have got home?"

"Oh, easy," said the Doctor, grinning madly through his bushy mustache. "Just push the Fast Return Switch."

"What?" said Mickey.

"You couldn't have mentioned that before?" Rose asked indignantly.

"Yeah!" said Mickey.

"Before what?" asked the Doctor. He pushed the Fast Return Switch.

The TARDIS materialized outside the Powell Estates. "Never mind," said Rose. "C'mon, Mickey, I need a bath and you need to do my back."

"What?" said Mickey. "Oh. Yeah!" They hurried out of the TARDIS. The Doctor tried to wipe honey off the Fast Return Switch with his tie.

"Honey is the perfect food, old girl," he said to the TARDIS. "Too bad you don't have a tongue. We could lick things together, wouldn't that be fun? Licking our way across time and space?"

The Doctor cackled.

"I wonder what Captain Jack is doing? Find him for me, would you?" He stuck his fingers in the jar of honey again.

The TARDIS dematerialized. Its rotor groaned with a distinct note of resignation.

The End