A/n:This is a fic like 5+ years in the making and that is not an exaggeration. Because of that, I've re-written a lot of parts as I got a better feel for my writing but sometimes it still feels a little weird when I read through it. In any case, this was originally written for Durarara! Kink Meme but I never finished it there and it's changed some since then. In the end part of the reason I ended up taking so long was I had a difficult time fulfilling the request with out feeling like I was stretching the believability. So in the end I actually didn't finish in a way that would have fulfilled it :C I'm more or less happy with this, as it is by far the longest work I have written, even if it is not the best. Thank you for reading!

"… Kida-kun, where are you going?"

Mikado feels his chopsticks creak slightly at his tightened grip. He stares worriedly at his friend's retreating back.

Kida pauses before turning slightly to look at Mikado and Anri, who both remained on the bench, lunches on their laps.

"Ehh, I was thinking I would go ahead back to class…" Kida glances away from the friends, but stays half turned towards them.

Mikado frowns further, and feels the worry knotting up in his stomach.

"B-but lunch period just started! And…," Mikado looks down at Kida's nearly untouched lunch beside him, "… you barely ate any of your food…"

Only two bites, in fact.

Kida continues to look anywhere but the two of them, before answering airily.

"I had a big breakfast, so I'm not that hungry,"

Liar.

"But you can have the rest Mikado! You need to put some meat on those bones of yours anyway," He says cheekily, and turns away again and to head towards the door of the exit.

"W-Wait!" Mikado hurriedly sets his own lunch aside, rising from his seat, "Even if you don't want any lunch, you can still sit with us!"

He rushes over to the other boy, who has stopped again. Mikado slows until he is only a few feet from Kida.

"We can still talk and stuff," Mikado nervously begins to tug at one of his sleeves, "… and recently… I feel like you –"

He quiets for a moment, trying to form a better sentence.

"… I feel like we… haven't been talking as much lately…"

A month. For the last month Mikado watched as his friend slowly drift away. Admittedly at first, he didn't notice when Kida declined to hang out after school with increasing frequency. It wasn't until Anri wondered aloud if there was something bothering Kida that Mikado finally noticed. And with each passing day the guilt pressed harder on his chest like a lead weight. When dark shadows had begun to form under Kida's eyes and he started eating less, Mikado felt panic slowly ebb its way into his mind.

Something had happened— changed. And whatever it was, it was clearly having some sort of terrible effect on Kida. And Mikado had completely missed it. He should know what's wrong. He should know, why don't I know?

Kida shifts his weight from one foot to the other, but remains facing away from his friend.

"Ah… Mi-ka-do, can't you see I'm giving you the perfect opportunity to have some alone time with the sexy Anri-chan?"

"But Kida-kun I –"

"Besides I've got some homework I need to do anyway." Kida makes a move to start towards the door again. Mikado fumbles over his thoughts, he's leaving again, please don't leave.

"H-homework? Uh, well, I'm not very hungry either, maybe I could come help you –"

Mikado pauses as Kida lets out a frustrated sigh.

"I don't need any help Mikado, just stay here and keep Anri-chan company alright?" His hand is on the door knob now, and Mikado scurries forward to come closer.

"Well, if two people work on it should go faster ri—"

"I don't need any help!"

Mikado flinches at the irritated tone. He can see the tension in Kida's shoulders, which spreads throughout the boy's posture. Occupied with his thoughts, Mikado almost jumps at the sudden quiet voice beside him.

"Kida-kun…" Sometime during the exchange, Anri had left the bench to stand next Mikado. She also stares grimly at their friend's back, chewing her lip.

"I changed mind alright? I'm going to take a nap instead," Kida's head turns slightly, enough to barely see his mouth moving, "I don't need any help to do that."

The pain in Mikado's chest is burning as Kida swings the door open and angrily stomps down the stairs. The boy has already made it to the first landing before Mikado finally rushes forward and halfway down the stairs. He stumbles slightly and clutches at the railing to hold himself up.

"Masaomi —!"

The blonde boy stiffens and stops at the call. Mikado continues speaking franticly.

"Wait, um, listen—" He inhales shortly, "Masaomi, you know you're…. my best friend in world! And you … I mean, I-I'm still yours right?"

Kida finally looks up at him, surprise etched on his face.

Even from this distance Mikado can see the shadows under his eyes. His heart clenches again as Kida stares at him for a few seconds, before lowering his eyes guiltily.

"… Of course you're my best friend."

Mikado feels just a little tension seep out of him, but his stomach remains painfully knotted.

"Is there something wrong, Masaomi? Did… something happen?"

The blonde slowly smiles and Mikado might have felt relieved if the smile didn't look so tired. If he didn't look so completely exhausted.

"I'm fine, Mikado! Really. I was up late last night so I'm a little cranky is all," He laughs quietly and the sound rings uncomfortably in Mikado's ears, "I didn't mean to snap… I'm just going to take a small nap, okay?"

He's lying again.

"O-oh. Okay," Mikado tries to not sound too disappointed, "… but we can walk home after school right? We haven't done that in a while…" He trails off into a laugh, trying to make it seem like he isn't as desperate as he is.

The small smile on Kida's face slowly drops, and for a moment Kida seems like he might decline. But then a guilty look crosses his features again and he sighs. He looks away as he answers and Mikado can no longer see his face.

"Ah hmmm… sorry about that, I've been a little busy lately, but yeah," He shrugs, "I'll see you after school."

Mikado stays put, watching as Kida walks down the next set of stairs and further, until he can no longer see the boy. Only then does he let his hand drop from the railing and fall limply to his side. His stomach uncurls slightly.

T-this is good right? Even if he still doesn't know what's going on, Masaomi agreed to walk home with them after school. Something he hasn't done in a while.

It's only a small relief, but one none-the-less.

"… he isn't taking this very well…"

Again Anri has snuck up on the Mikado, causing the boy to jolt at the unexpected noise. The girl isn't looking at him but down the stairwell, where Kida has left.

As his brain catches up with her statement, Mikado feels his small bubble of relief deflate.

"You know what's wrong?"

Masaomi told Sonohara-san but not him?

Anri frowns as she turns to Mikado, the worried look still covering over her face.

"I think I have an idea, Kida-kun hasn't told me but…" She lets the rest of her sentence die out, as though she's unsure of how to continue.

Mikado shoves some unpleasant thoughts to the back of his head (I shouldn't be so happy he hasn't told her) and instead tries to focus on what Anri is saying.

"I see," He waits to see if she will elaborate before continuing, "Well, what do you think it is?"

"It's … not really my place to tell, Ryuugamine-kun."

Mikado slumps slightly at this, "But something is seriously wrong right? Has he run into some trouble or something? Is someone…," a fleeting image of a thin man with red eyes and a cat-like smirk crosses his mind, "… hurting him?"

She chews on her lip again, and he can see she is debating on whether or not to tell him.

"I don't think it's something like that, exactly. I'm worried about him but," She sighs, "I think… he just needs some space."

Frustration swirls into the mix of Mikado's thoughts, along with the already heavy weight of guilt and worry. Mikado feels fear pulsing through his veins. Kida's going to simply fall apart right in front of them, and they're just letting it happen.

Anri makes her way back up the stairs to the roof as Mikado takes another look back down the stairwell.

This can't possibly be all that they can do.

He quickly dashes up the stairs to catch up with Anri, who's already halfway to the bench they occupied before.

"Sonohara-san!"

The girl's pace slows slightly but she continues to walk, Mikado falling into place behind her.

"Please, tell me what's wrong! If it's something I can— we can fix, we need to help Masaomi," They make it back to the bench and the girl takes a seat, "Something has been wrong for while now!"

Anri pulls her lunch into her lap and stares resolutely at it. There are a few moments of silence as Mikado waits in front of her, hoping that she'll change her mind.

"… if you want to know, try talking to Kida-kun after school again," She looks up sadly at Mikado, "We should finish our lunch…"

Defeated, Mikado wordlessly sits next her and pulls his own lunch into his lap. The idea of eating is incredibly unappealing right now, but he shoves the now tasteless food into his mouth anyway. Chew and swallow. His stomach churns uncomfortably, but he finishes his meal despite it.

He doesn't want to be a hypocrite.

The rest of the school day passes agonizingly slow for Mikado, whose thoughts surround his troubled friend. When the final bell rings, he speeds though his duties and quickly dashes to the front gate. As he nears it, Mikado can see Kida leaning against the gate staring out at the street, patiently waiting.

"Masaomi!" He quickly dodges some ambling students, before stopping in front of the blonde boy gasping for air. Wheezing loudly, Mikado leans over slightly, hands resting on his knees.

"Sorry…. for… the wait!"

Kida blinks owlishly at him, before chuckling slightly. The sound makes his heart swell.

"I haven't been here for longer than a minute, Mikado~! You didn't need to rush over here like that!"

Mikado smiles a little and breathes a little more evenly now. He straightens up and adjusts the strap of his bag.

"Ah, well I was worried you might leave without… me," As soon as he begins speaking, he wishes he could take it back. Kida looks away.

"B-but Masaomi wouldn't do that," He laughs nervously before continuing, "A-anyway, let's go then!"

Kida looks back at the school yard, scanning the students, before turning to look back at Mikado. He quirks an eyebrow questioningly.

"What about Anri-chan, Mikado?"

… Sonohara-san! In his rush he had completely forgotten about the third person to their trio.

Embarrassed, he stutters out an explanation.

"U-Uh, she's still in the classroom… I think…," Kida is already sighing loudly shaking his head, even as Mikado continues, "I-I guess I got ahead of her…"

"Mikado, Mikado~," Kida waves his hand dramatically through the air, "You're never going to win Anri-chan's heart like this!"

Kida is softly smiling again, and it's almost enough to make everything seem alright. But Mikado can still see those dark circles under his eyes and hear the slight strain in his voice. Despite that, it's a small comfort seeing his friend acting like his usual self.

"Ryuugamine-kun! Kida-kun!"

They both turn to see Anri making her way towards them, bag clutched in her arms. She stops in front them, speaking quietly.

"I'm sorry but I have some things I need to do," Her eyes slide over to stare at Mikado, "I won't be able to walk home with you guys today." She bows politely.

"Oh, well. That's too bad," Mikado frowns slightly, "Well, we'll see you later then."

She nods and they both wave as she heads down the street in the opposite direction of the boy's destination. Kida sighs next to him and Mikado gives him a questioning stare.

"Ah yet another opportunity lost! Have you learned nothing Mikado?" Kida places his hands on his hips pouting slightly.

"E-eh? What do you mean?" They begin walking down the street, still chatting.

"You should have offered to accompany Anri-chan! I can't keep doing all the work here, Mikado!"

Mikado frowns again.

"But I wanted to walk home with you, Masaomi."

At this Kida goes surprisingly quiet, and suddenly mood shifts into a tension filled atmosphere.

"… I see."

Mikado panics and tries to save the conversation.

"So, um, how was class today, Masaomi?"

Kida stares ahead, face blank, as they continue down the street.

"Mmm… fine."

They stop at a crosswalk, waiting for the light to change, and Mikado fiddles with the strap of his bag. He waits to see if Kida will continue, he doesn't, before filling in the awkward silence.

"Ah, that's good…" Mikado continues on to talk about his own classes, occasionally asking Kida questions. His answers are short and sometimes vague. The switch from what had been an almost normal atmosphere to a tense one is startling, but Mikado as persists. Before, Kida was always the one talking. His stomach continues to churn.

It isn't long before Mikado runs out of things to say, and they spend the last five minutes of their journey in silence. When they arrive at Mikado's apartment, he fumbles for something to prolong their time.

"Did you want to, um, come inside maybe?" He looks hopefully at Kida, who turns away from him.

"I can't. I've got some stuff to do actually…"

Mikado's shoulders drop, not bothering to hide his disappointment.

"Oh...," Kida begins to walk away and Mikado scrambles for an idea, "Uh- Well w-what about later? Do you think maybe we could hang out later today?"

Kida huffs, stopping.

"I don't think so. I'm going to be pretty busy."

He's beginning to sound annoyed but Mikado presses on.

"Are you sure? I mean, we could do whatever you know?" He tries to smile lightly even though Kida isn't looking at him, "We could even go to the park and, er, hit on girls… If you want."

Kida's shoulders tense once again, irritation flowing into his stance.

"Sorry, but I'm busy."

Mikado's heart falls at the tone. His hands clench around the strap of his bag.

"…. Why won't you tell me what's wrong Masaomi?"

The blonde suddenly whirls around to face Mikado, glaring.

"I told you there's nothing wrong, alright?!"

There is a shocked silence as the two friends stare at each other. Twin looks of surprise are on both their faces, both of them taken back by the outburst. Mikado drops his gaze first, staring at the stained sidewalk under his feet. There is a low burning in the back of his throat, and he takes in a deep shuddering breath.

Mikado can faintly hear footsteps approaching him, but he doesn't look up. They stop just as he can barely see Kida's shoes a few feet in front of him. There's a strained sigh and Mikado watches Kida's feet shift slightly.

"Listen, Mikado, I'm sorry for… snapping at you. But I'm fine alright? I just got… a test… coming up in class. Been up late studying for it."

It's such an obvious lie; Mikado doesn't even need to see his face to know. He raises his sight to a spot right above Kida's shoulder.

"I thought you said we were best friends, Masaomi?" Kida makes a notion like he's going to respond, but Mikado talks right over him, he can't stop now, "I know something's wrong, but maybe Masaomi… Maybe Kida-kun and I aren't as close as I thought…" He can't stop the pain from following into his voice either.

The blond boy sputters at the statement and stumbles forward.

"W-What?! No! That's not—!" He scrambles closer to Mikado and grasps the other boy's arms, "You are my best friend! The best friend in the world!"

Mikado finally looks up at Kida's face. The blond boy is wide-eyed and frantic, and from this close those damn shadows are so prominent. Mikado's heart somehow manages to sink even further.

"Then why won't you let me help you?" His voice wavers slightly.

He feels the hands on his arms squeeze lightly and then they loosen and fall away.

"It's… not something you can, I mean, I just…" Kida looks away from him again.

Mikado tries not to get too hopeful, because they've just moved one step closer, he admitted something is wrong. Mikado takes a small tentative step closer to the other boy.

"You… you can tell me Kida-kun. Is something wrong at home? Or maybe someone is hurting you, blackmailing maybe?"

Kida shakes his head and stares at the ground. His response is whispered, so quiet Mikado almost doesn't catch it.

"… Please call me Masaomi."

A smile grows on Mikado's face, despite the circumstances.

"You can tell me anything, Masaomi."

Kida twitches and raises his head a bit.

"… Anything?"

"Of course!"

Mikado answers quickly, and waits for Kida to continue. He can feel the anticipation stirring up in him as time passes. Finally, he's going to know what's wrong! And then they can start fixing it, because surely whatever it is, if they both work together it can be fixed. And then things will go back to normal, and Kida will stop looking so sick and tired, and… and… he isn't saying anything.

The minutes pile up as they continue to stand in silence, Kida's head still not quite lifted. Mikado tries to keep the building wave of impatience at bay and waits for Kida to speak. He's not going to rush him. Nope. Because he is a patient and good friend.

At last Kida lifts his head fully, but he doesn't look directly at Mikado. Instead he seems to be looking at something… just past him? Eye level, slightly to Mikado's left? Just as Mikado is about to turn his head to check out whatever caught Kida's interest, suddenly Kida raises his hand to Mikado's face, slowly. The hand hesitates near his ear, and Mikado gives his friend a confused look. Kida doesn't seem to catch it though, concentrating on the spot that Mikado has determined to be near his ear.

The hand hovers for a moment longer, before Kida's fingers lightly brush the hair right above Mikado's ear. Heat starts rushing to Mikado's face as Kida continues to play with the short hair. He wants to ask Kida why he's doing this, but his mouth stays clamped shut and the words caught in his throat.

Occasionally the hand will brush the top of Mikado's ear and the spot will burn hotly. There's a slow, weird feeling curling in Mikado's stomach because there's something… strangely intimate about the moment right now and Mikado really isn't sure about what's happening.

Kida's eyes slide down to stare somewhere near the lower half of his face, and Mikado wishes Kida would look him in the eyes already, because he's really confused right now. The hand that had previously been petting his hair now shifts down to his cheek, cupping it gently. Mikado isn't sure if it's because his face is so hot or because Kida's hand is cold, but the touch is almost like ice against his skin.

Kida is still staring and, after a moment, moves closer. A small squeak makes it past Mikado's lips.

"M-Masaomi?"

Kida's eyes finally flick up and connect with Mikado's. Suddenly it feels like the air around them stops, and there's a loud ringing in his ears. His face is burning; Mikado can feel his blood pulsating beneath his skin.

After a beat Kida's face quickly drains of all color, leaving his complexion quite pale. It's only for a brief second that Mikado sees his friend's eyes widen in panic before his vision is covered up by Kida's cold hand. The metal bracelet around Kida's wrist slides across his lips, the sensation tickling.

"… I'm sorry, I've got to go…!"

And just like that the light pressure of Kida's hand is gone, leaving Mikado blinking blearily after the retreating back of his friend. Mikado continues to stay on the sidewalk long after Kida has left, hand clutching the fabric above his heart, as if that will somehow slow down its furious beating.

Just… what was that?

When Mikado finally manages to relocate himself into his apartment, he spends the next couple of hours trying to do his homework. It's a fruitless effort though; his mind is pretty much a pile of mush at this point.

Sighing, he sets down his pen and rubs his head as if that will somehow clear up his thoughts.

… That had not been the normal horsing-around behavior that Masaomi was prone too. Sure, Kida has always been a rather… touchy sort of person, but that… earlier had been different. That wasn't like a casual arm around his shoulders, or sudden, friendly tackle from behind. Kida had been about to… he had been about to… to kiss him… right?

Mikado can feel heat creeping into his face again.

Well, maybe he was jumping to conclusions. But… it seemed like it. He raises his hand to his lips and can barely remember the feel of cool metal against them. What would have happened if Mikado hadn't said anything? Would he really have kissed him? He'd never seen Masaomi's face so close before, their noses nearly brushing together. Mikado wonders if Kida would have titled his head, like he's seen in movies. How would it feel, Kida's lips against his own? Would it be as soft as it looked?

What would that feel like?

A thump reverberates throughout the room as Mikado slams his face down onto his poor open math book. He had just spent the last several minutes fantasizing about making out with his best friend this wasn't the time for a sexuality crisis.

…Clearly school work isn't going to be done anytime soon. Mikado decides to turn on his computer, hoping to find some distraction. The computer slowly begins booting up and during the time his mind wanders back to the source of all his thoughts lately, Masaomi. The … earlier incident aside, Mikado was still unsure of what exactly was wrong. It could be that Masaomi… was, um… well if Masaomi was really going to kiss him that might mean he was gay right? Bi, maybe? Was that why he had been so upset lately?

He quickly types in his password and waits for his desktop to load.

Well, even if that's what it had looked like, he shouldn't just assume things. But he couldn't just up and ask Masaomi, could he? He feels terrified at the thought of trying to ask his friend, because what if he was wrong! And what would that say about Mikado, who had interpreted it that way?

But if he didn't ask about it, then that just brought him back to square one. Ah, he was running in circles now, wasn't he?

Mikado loads up the chat. Perhaps he can get some outsider's advice?

Tanaka Tarou has entered the chat.

[Kanra]: Ah, it's Tanaka Tarou-san~!

[Kanra]: I was worried I was going to be all alone~!

[Tanaka Tarou]: Good Evening.

[Tanaka Tarou]: Are you the only one here tonight, Kanra-san?

[Kanra]: Yes~ ;A;

[Kanra]: Setton-san was on earlier, but they left! I was so lonely~ ;A;

[Kanra]: But now Tanaka Tarou-san is on to keep me company 3

[Tanaka Tarou]: Ah, I see.

[Tanaka Tarou]: That's too bad. I had been hoping to talk to Setton-san about something.

[Kanra]: Uwah, you didn't want to talk to me?! How mean! ;A;

[Tanaka Tarou]: Ah, sorry! I didn't mean it that way!

[Tanaka Tarou]: I just wanted to get some advice about something…

[Kanra]: Advice? Advice about what?

[Tanaka Tarou]: It's about a friend.

[Tanaka Tarou]: He hasn't been himself lately.

[Kanra]: Oh no, that's terrible! D:

[Tanaka Tarou]: He's hasn't been eating very well, and he's been sort of stand offish lately…

[Tanaka Tarou]: And I think he might not be sleeping very well either.

[Tanaka Tarou]: I'm really worried about him.

[Kanra]: Sounds like he might really stressed~

[Kanra]: You know that one of the best ways to relieve stress is sex~

[Kanra]: Maybe you should try seducing him, Tanaka Tarou-san 3 ~!

Mikado chokes a bit at this, feeling a familiar flush rush over his face.

[Tanaka Tarou]: I'm being serious, Kanra-san! I'm really worried!

[Kanra]: You don't believe me? Uwahhh~ ;A; It's true!

[Kanra]: Link

He's hesitant to click the link, but he does anyway. It takes Mikado to a rather innocent looking article that kindly informs him, that actually yes, sex is in fact known to reduce stress.

[Kanra]: I can't believe you think I would lie to you Tanaka Tarou-san!

[Kanra]: Do you really think I'm that sort of person? Meanie~~ ;-;

[Kanra]: I was trying to give you heartfelt advice!

[Tanaka Tarou]: I'm sorry! I'd never heard about something like that before…

[Tanaka Tarou]: I shouldn't I have assumed. I'm very sorry.

[Kanra]: Aw, it's alright~ I forgive you 3

[Kanra]: Are you gonna try out my advice Tanaka Tarou-san?

[Tanaka Tarou]: A-ah no, I don't think so.

[Tanaka Tarou]: I mean, we're kind of young for that sort of thing.

[Tanaka Tarou]: And we're both boys o_o;;

[Kanra]: Ah, really? It isn't unusual these days for teenagers to do that sort of thing~

[Kanra]: And BL is getting a little popular these days~ 3 3

[Tanaka Tarou]: BL?

[Kanra]: Boys Love 3

… His face felt like it was on fire. Now that he thinks about it though, Kanra-san isn't exactly wrong. Mikado often hears the other boys in his class boasting about their… experiences (though he's sure many of them are probably exaggerating). A few times he had even heard some girls talking about their … err… experiences.

…What about Masaomi?

No, surely if Kida had done… a-anything like that he definitely would have told Mikado, right? That's the sort of thing best friends tell each other!

But they haven't been sharing much of anything lately, have they?

Mikado stares forlornly at his keyboard. What is he suppose to do in this situation?

He realizes rather belatedly that his computer is beeping rather insistently at him.

[Kanra]: Tanaka Tarou-sannn~

[Kanra]: Are you there?

[Kanra]: Helloooo~

[Kanra]: Are you ignoring me?!

[Kanra]: How rude!

[Kanra]: …

[Kanra]: You're not doing something *naughty* are you, Tanaka Tarou-san?

[Kanra]: Perhaps you're thinking of that friend of yours 3

[Tanaka Tarou]: Ah, sorry I was distracted.

[Kanra]: OH MY. So you WERE doing naughty things!

[Kanra]: Are you reconsidering my advice 3 ?

[Tanaka Tarou]: NO!

[Kanra]: What? WHYYY? D:

[Kanra]: OH, is it because you don't know how it works?

[Kanra]: Silly~ You just have to ask!

Mikado begins typing up a response that says NO he doesn't need to know how it works and NO he WASN'T doing naughty things but Kanra beats him as several links make their way onto the chat.

… Links that are going to be ignored. Because he has no interest in that sort of thing. Nope.

His hands hesitate over the keyboard, before he moves one over to the mouse.

Well. Maybe he would look at just one. Just out of curiosity. I mean, how does that work? Mikado can't help but wonder.

He moves the mouse to hover over the first link, but before clicking it he glances nervously around his room.

It's just out of curiosity, really.

And with that he clicks the first link.

He spends the next hour going through each link, even though Mikado had only planned on reading the first one. He doesn't even realize that it's happening, just mindlessly going through all of them and absorbing the information. Though as he gets to the last couple, they start getting increasingly more… uh well, crude. The second to last link is just… pictures. Mikado quickly closes the window, embarrassed. He almost doesn't click the last one, but well. It's the last one. He might as well finish.

So he clicks it and waits for the page to load.

"OHHHHH FUCK ME HARDER!"

Mikado jumps, banging his knees under his desk. He scrambles to turn off the graphic video that appears on his screen, clicking the close window button repeatedly, but for some reason it refuses to close.

The stars of the video continue to go at it, loudly, while Mikado slams his thumb on the force shutdown button, desperately averting his eyes from the screen. Finally, room goes silent as the computer shuts off. Mikado flops down on his back and puts a cool arm over his eyes, face burning. It's a look he's getting use to.

There's a tightness in his pants as well, which he ignores, because this is really too much for one day.