Phil Coulson's first kiss was a distasteful, rushed and wet ordeal. He was seventeen years old, she was petite, vaguely cute and very desperate. He'd been courting a girl from his English Literature class for months when the week before, in the very same bar where he now stands, the whole attempt led nowhere but drunk pecks on his cheek and declarations of 'love'. Here he now stands again, talking to this nice girl whose flirting is obvious and his resolve is beaten up enough, from the previous week and his friends own ventures in dark corners and darker rooms at that very moment, to allow her to press close and talk even closer. Even now, twenty odd years later, he can still feel the overly probing tongue almost choking him, the overwhelming taste of smoke and alcohol that he hadn't smelt from her before, and the crushing regret making his stomach churn with shame. Phil Coulson was a young man who valued his principles and morals above almost anything, he didn't drink until he was twenty one, he never smoked and never took drugs. To this day, he still hasn't been so drunk he was sick the next day. Hence the waiting and, to say romantic would be an understatement, naïve notions about first kisses and loves. He soon realised that love didn't matter to him as in who it was with or what body they took but that they loved him as much as he did them, pansexual was the term he'd become familiar with. The only thing that kept Phil from fully devolving into the introvert he was at heart was the thought that even though his first kiss with a girl was essentially pitiful, his first kiss with a guy could be better, something worth fighting for?
Bruce Banner was a teenager of few words and a man of fewer. He had a beer once, decided he enjoyed full control of his facilities more, and moved on. Bruce had two notable girlfriends and neither had much time for romance or sex, which he supposed were good things because, now with the other guy calling at least half the shots, he's definitely not comfortable with either notion. Bruce appreciated the simple things in life and one's first kiss was not simple; he realised, ten years later, that it was something that didn't change you or your life forever but shaped what your relationships and views on romance might be in the future. Appreciating the small things in life wasn't something a lot of teenage boys did but back in the eighties when the time of peace and love came to his high school, some girls found it admiring if not attractive. So there he was in a broom closet at a keg party with his lips closed and pressed tightly against some blonde as she moved or grunted, and he didn't, and someone banged on the door and nothing ever seemed so small anymore. More recently, Bruce discovered that it's not necessarily the small things that have to matter but the things he himself finds important have to matter to that significant other too. Hence why he landed on the word demi-sexual not too long ago but 'sexual' may have to be ruled out all together at this point. He's never had a boyfriend as such but a few dates which he enjoyed, and had to leave in favour of not being experimented on by less than savoury people. Maybe romantic relationships weren't on the cards for him but he had many close and abnormal friends, so there's that?
Phil Coulson had been branded a "gentleman" too many times to count. He'd soon realised that this meant, in twenty first century terms, that he was sweet and vaguely handsome, their mother would enjoy him more than they would and 'see you later, friend!'. Bruce Banner on the other hand, he hadn't been on enough, if any, dates to be branded anything. It's not like he didn't want to because, dear lord, he did, but he'd become comfortable with the close friendships he never had before and ruining them would be bad enough, never mind dragging romance into the equation.
Phil Coulson met Bruce Banner on SHIELD's Helicarrier, well he saw him and admired him; not for just his looks or his alter ego but his ability to handle Tony and his pure intelligence to rival Stark's without his arrogance. Bruce, although he hates to admit it, never really saw Phil on the Helicarrier with the rush of bodies and stress off the scales, he was just managing to stay low level angry and thankful for his own lab space; even if it did come with a free Tony Stark. They both never said a word to each other until after Phil's near death, Bruce's near leaving and Tony's forceful micromanaging making the entire Avengers team and their handler living under Tony's roof.
Phil couldn't sleep, lingering effects of hospital treatments mixed with recurring nightmares made for a difficult night whereas Bruce's late night affair with new lab space plus general sleep avoidance made for an early morning trip to the kitchen. This is truly where Phil Coulson met Bruce Banner…
"Hi,"
"Uh, hi," Bruce's shock unconcealed, his curls perfectly framing his face, the five o'clock shadow did nothing to hide his well-defined jaw and the first thought Phil had was 'so very handsome'.
"Tea?" Bruce was surprised even further at that, although Coulson was a spy, he probably knew Bruce couldn't handle the extra caffeine and tea was more enjoyable really. Looking closer, his pale skin and shortened hair certainly didn't crush Bruce's appeal to the seemingly gentle man. The muscles he had, just about hidden by the white V-neck and checked pyjama bottoms.
"Yes,"
"Earl Grey?"
"Lady,"
"Perfect. Mind if I join you?"
"Not at all,"
"You usually drink English tea at four am?" Phil gave a little half smirk as he sat opposite Bruce on the island, pouring himself a cup.
"Depends on the morning. You?"
"Depends on the night," The little half smirk made an appearance again and Bruce wondered whether it was aimed at him or it was just self-deprecating. Bruce allowed himself a small smile.
"May I ask what you're working on?"
And that was what started their friendship. They drank multitudes of tea at all hours of the morning, at least three times a week for two months. That then spread to an invite to Bruce's lab, to an invite to SHIELD for afternoon tea, or coffee because Phil really couldn't survive the day without it even if tea tasted better, this then led to lunches and sitting together at dinner and Phil realised he never kissed a guy…
Deep breaths. You can do this. Bruce is your friend, if he says no, he'll still be your friend. This was the mantra repeating itself through Phil's mind as he stood in the elevator as it made its way to Bruce's floor. He'd decided on a simple dark blue button up with a leather jacket and some jeans; a bouquet of oriental and Peruvian lilies, signifying friendship, devotion, beauty and class. At least he hadn't gone for the carnations just yet, 'new love' seemed just a touch too far.
Finally reaching the door he's walked through many times in the last three months, Phil takes one last deep breath before knocking.
"Hey, Phil. You don't have to knock you're welcome to just come right in," Bruce smiles gently, realising he's never really said that to anyone before. Bruce had always been a fan of privacy and personal space even before the accident but with Phil it was easy and casual, so why not?
"Right, yes, of course. I just felt that I needed to knock this time as I had a question to ask you. These are for you," Phil smiles with as much charm as he can manage through his nerves, pushing the flowers towards Bruce.
"Uh, thank you, these are… beautiful." Bruce tries to hide his blush, smelling the lilies, knowing what they stand for because he's that kind of guy.
"You're welcome. Um, Bruce I was wondering if you would give me the honour of escorting you to dinner this evening?" Phil tries his very best to act as though his whole heart isn't about to leap out of his chest whether the answer is a yes or no.
"Uh, um, as- like a date?" Bruce stutters, not hiding his blush at all.
"That was what I had in mind but if you prefer I would still like to take you out as a very dear friend?" And Phil was being completely honest, he hadn't dated anyone in more than a year and had a few dates with average men that never went anywhere put a peck on the cheek. If he could have Bruce has a confidante, a loyal friend then it wouldn't matter to him either way.
"I-I," Bruce stuttered once more, battling with himself and with the Other Guy, Phil was someone he trusted and would hate to lose but if he could have more, if they could be more then why try to stop what could be an amazing thing, "I would love to go out on a date with you."
"Thank you, I'll drop by to get you at six?" At Bruce's nod, Phil grinned and extended his hand to clasp at Bruce's and squeeze his fingers softly before heading back to his own floor to quietly rejoice and freak out.
Phil once more made his way to Bruce's floor, another encouraging mantra making its way through his head. 'Keep calm and act cool'. He's a forty-odd year old man, 'act cool' is all he could really come up with in the face of a man such as Bruce Banner.
"Is this too casual?" Bruce asked in the vague direction of the door which he'd left open, encouraging Phil to enter at his own will. Unlike any other date he'd had, Bruce was actually worried how he looked; standing in the mirror and fixing his blazer and shuffling his own hair, he barely gave Phil a glance which was very un-Bruce of him.
"Wow," Phil jerked to a stop, mouth dry, just inside the door as he caught the view of Bruce by the mirror in the hall.
"Uh, too little?" Bruce blushed as he finally met Phil's eyes as he spun around.
"N-no! You- you look wonderful," Phil allowed himself a very appreciative smile as he took in his date for the evening. His usual attire would be a plain button up with slacks and glasses, the epitome of professional but ready to bolt at any moment. Now, Bruce wore a navy Henley under a light washed black blazer with tight black jeans to match. Phil had a similar idea, he and Bruce had been out many times before, either during work or not and even though he wore suits a lot, Bruce knew Phil's suit was the differentiation between Agent Coulson and Phil Coulson. When the suit is off for the day, that's when he can truly relax and let his guard down a little, hence the dark grey button up with his favoured leather jacket and jeans.
"Thank you, you look great too," Bruce smiled as his blush lessened ever so slightly.
"Indian's okay, right?" Phil remembered about Bruce telling him of his travels and al the amazing food he fell in love with over the decades.
"Absolutely, after you," Bruce shut the door behind them and they both stepped into the elevator, sharing glances and soft smiles. They opted out of telling the others about their date, they all knew how close Bruce and Phil had gotten over the months; Natasha even accused Phil of dating their friendly scientist but Phil was honest and denied it, until now that is. Phil cringes inwardly at the thought of Tony's reaction.
"Are we walking? It's a nice evening out?" Bruce suggested, interrupting both the silence and their nervous thoughts.
"The restaurant is a touch too far to walk, so I was going to take Lola out for a spin, if you don't mind? I'd love to take a walk with you after though," Phil not to think of his burning ears, Nick always accused him of buying Lola for the attraction it got him.
"That sounds perfect, as organised as ever, Phil,"
"Ha, thank you. I may be organised but I'm terrified," Phil chuckled nervously, hands clenching as the elevator reached the garage.
"Don't be, I'm probably more scared than you are. We all know how my last relationship ended…" Bruce cringed at himself as they stepped out into the underground garage filled with Tony's cars and the odd SUV and Lola covered conspicuously by a sheet at the very end of the walkway.
"Hey, I'm terrified because I know how much I like you and how much you've been through. I'd never want to hurt or upset you or Him. You're one of my closest friends Bruce and I don't care if this doesn't work out, I'll always be blessed to have known you. I want you to know that," Phil stopped him with his whisper soft voice and a smooth hand in his own, looking into Bruce's eyes as he spoke.
"I-Thank you. I don't think you'd ever be able to hurt… us. We like you too much to let you so don't worry about losing us. Just, promise me you won't be afraid to hold on too tight. Sometimes we need to be squeezed a little harder for it to go in," Bruce smiled to himself as Phil nodded, completely serious, and squeezed Bruce's hand, not letting go until they reached the car. Phil removed the grey sheet cover swiftly, placing it in the boot before opening Bruce's door and helping him in. "She's gorgeous."
"She's my baby. I allow myself to obsess over my cards and my car. Now that the cards are a little insignificant in the face of working with Captain America himself, I let my obsession calm a little although the collectibles will still be worth something later. I'm glad to get Lola back out in the open again," Phil caressed the steering wheel with pride and Bruce's smile grew, it was really nice to see a side to Phil that was a lot more vulnerable than he made it out to be.
"Well, I never really had an eye for cars but I can tell she's well looked after,"
"Wait 'til you hear her purr," Phil winked and Bruce tried to hold back a laugh as the engine hummed to life, purring like a content kitten, they pulled out and drove to the restaurant, holding hands every so often and exchanging little tales of New York memories they had.
Sitting opposite each other at the restaurant, after Phil held Bruce's chair out for him and ordered a non-alcoholic beverage for them both, their tales of woe and laughter continued from Phil's first Captain America card, to Bruce's mother's terrible cooking, to work shenanigans and they kept in contact the whole night. Hands brushed and held, forearms were grabbed in laughter and desserts were shared without second thought.
"Thank you for the beautiful night out. Definitely some of the best Indian food I've had this side of the equator," Bruce held his blazer over one arm in an attempt to battle the New York evening heat and Phil followed his direction holding his jacket but they seemed adamant at holding hands anyway as they walked.
"It was no problem, you can show me that nice little Thai place you keep going on about next time," Phil smiled hopefully and squeezed Bruce's fingers in his and Bruce met his gaze and squeezed back.
"I'd love to," they kept quiet as they made their way back to Lola, thinking over their night and bumping shoulders casually every so often.
Driving home was a similar situation but they spent ten minutes discussing the legal actions they could take in order to stop Tony from ever finding out 'Agent-Agent and his Science Bro are the new couple of the century', without ever deciding on a route other than laughing at each other's plans of threats against the billionaire.
"You know I'm not a woman, right? You don't have to open doors and hold chairs or walk me to my door?" Bruce grinned as Phil offered to follow him to his door.
"No- right, yes, of course. I-My Mom always said to treat your date like you would your Mother, well with respect and manners and she kinda knew I wasn't straight before I did so I always assumed she meant any date, male or female. Everyone should be treated with a little chivalry, even men. Although, if you don't like-" Bruce interrupted Phil's nervous spew with a chaste yet intimate kiss to his cheek.
"I love it. I was joking, it is nice to be pampered for once. Goodnight," Bruce reassured himself and Phil with his unusually confident tone, not moving from his position leaned against Phil, face warm against his cheek, mouth by his ear.
"You're welcome. Goodnight, Bruce," Phil smiled and pecked Bruce on his cheek before he stepped back and into his apartment. Phil stopped himself from doing a happy dance and collapsing on the couch until he reached his own apartment.
This type of date continued for another three weeks, they went to five different restaurants, visited the theatre, the opera and the cinema. Every night ended with a kiss to the cheek or hand and every morning they met for breakfast because they were both terrible at eating at lunch or eating at all during the day due to their crazy schedules. They decided to rip the whole relationship secret off like a Band-Aid and gathered the team for a meeting to tell them all at once after two weeks of dates; the only surprise at that meeting was that everyone already knew and the couple fully realised that they were on a team of super soldiers, assassins and spies and they weren't trying all that hard to hide it in the first place.
Now is the night Phil has been planning for, dreaming of since that shameful night when he was seventeen and that girl's saliva was everywhere but her own mouth. His first kiss with a man and it was hopefully going to be with a man that he loved…
"I love him." Phil shot up from his bed at the realisation. After six months and numerous dates he was in love with Bruce Banner and they haven't even kissed yet.
For the rest of day Phil paced and changed outfit for their date that night; he worried over telling Bruce or not and kissing Bruce goodnight or not and every little thing that popped into his head.
Phil rushed around, tidying, dusting, sweeping; anything to make his mind stop repeating 'I love him'. They had decided to have a homemade dinner at Phil's apartment, something casual yet intimate and because Phil can't cook to save his life, Bruce offered to show him a simple pasta dish that they could make together.
"Phil? I've got the strainer, the pots, the sauce and the olive oil; if you don't have pasta then, I'm gonna call your Mom and tell her that you do actually need her cooking classes and I'm not going with you," Bruce walked into the kitchen like it was his own, fully comfortable with his environment. He really was too, having someone you could joke with and talk to and vaguely cook with was something he didn't truly think he needed and he was so glad Phil proved him wrong. He'd thoroughly enjoyed the past few months in Phil's company, learning more about the kind, vulnerable and nerdy guy underneath the suit and he loved it… him. He loved him. Calm. Stay calm. He won't leave us, he can protect himself and us. He's better than the others. He promised.
"Hey," Phil breathed deeply but his nerves calmed instantaneously at the sight of Bruce setting up in his kitchen, his well-loved purple shirt untucked from a day's work and his glasses folded into his shirt pocket. This man has given him so much and he deserves nothing but the best.
"Hi. Pasta?" Was all Bruce seemed to come up with at the sight of his boyfriend in the kitchen entrance; arms crossed, leaning against the door frame with his sleeves rolled up his forearms and his glasses framing his piercing blue eyes.
"I love you…"
"No pasta?" Bruce replied, blush patterning his face as Phil looked at the ground chuckling as he made his way over to him.
"Yeah, I have pasta. But, I love you, Bruce…" Phil smiled gently as he held Bruce's hand in his and caressed his cheek with the other.
"I-I love you too," Bruce smiled in return and grabbed a hold of Phil's shirt, pulling him in as they shared their first kiss. It was smooth and chaste and slightly ruined by their smiling but filled with love and Phil thought it was the best kiss he'd ever had in his life.
