One of their number was missing.

Draco Malfoy had taken to solitude after Slytherin's crushing defeat at the hands of Gryffindor and their tag-team pair of Seekers, which ended Slytherin's stranglehold on the Quidditch Cup. Without their leader, Crabbe and Goyle, masterminds of the failed Sleeping Beauty plot, were left to their own devices. Not having Malfoy to guide them, Crabbe and Goyle were forced to mature and think for themselves, and although the pride of Slytherin House had been wounded, Crabbe and Goyle were determined to restore the honour of their fellow snakes.

Quite appropriately, it was food that inspired them. Goyle found an article in the daily prophet and brought it to the attention of Crabbe, who agreed that Goyle's plan deserved implementation. However, to gain a complete understanding of the complex task they were about to undertake, they needed the expert advice of others. So it was that Crabbe and Goyle set off on a brave mission, crossing the great hall to the table of their Red and Gold enemy.

They went right for the heart of the Gryffindors, the Weasley family with its extended entourage. They regarded the Slytherins with contempt, wondering why they had come, and where their bleach-headed commander was.

"Scuse us." Crabbe said with unusual politeness. The Weasleys were taken aback. "We were just wondering if we could take a moment of your time?"

Ginny caught Harry's eye. Maybe Malfoy's absence has improved their personality.

Hermione Granger was the one who first departed from the stupor that had fallen over the Weasleys, and she invited the two visitors to sit down.

Crabbe and Goyle engaged Percy Weasley in a conversation. They were wondering how their food simply appeared on their plates - and Percy explained, over Hermione's recitation of Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration, that the food was prepared in kitchens.

The next moment, everything changed. Hermione learned that House Elves performed all the duties of kitchen staff, and she left the table in disgust. This was an unexpected boon for the Slytherins, as their secret and brilliant plan was now in better shape without Granger danger hanging over it.

"Huh." Goyle remarked after Granger's outburst. "What's up with her?"

Ron Weasley shrugged. "Why are you so interested in where the food came from?"

Privately, Ron was miffed that Crabbe and Goyle had stirred up the pot and distressed Hermione. He was sure that he would feel her zealous wrath soon enough.

"As gourmets, we were interested in the making of our food."

"Fair enough." Ron replied, and the Slytherin's departed, leaving the bemused Gryffindors to their own devices.


Everything had gone perfectly, and Crabbe and Goyle had been hard at work, displaying Slytherin cunning that would make Merlin himself shed a tear of pride.

Crabbe and Goyle knew that Slytherin needed better broomsticks to compete with the Gryffindors. They doubted that Lucius Malfoy would foot the bill for another set of brooms so soon after a state of the art set was purchased, but Crabbe and Goyle want to be at the forefront of technological advances, and the Firebolt Broomstick was certainly that. But even together, Crabbe and Goyle's pocket change wasn't nearly enough, and even if all of Slytherin House chipped in, they wouldn't have enough money.

Crabbe and Goyle needed to apply their own genius. They were going to do a bake sale.


Welcum to Crab and Goiels Bake sail.

All proseeds go to the sosiete for the promoshun of lvish welfair


The hand-made sign greeted the arrivals. Draco Malfoy was taken aback, and he could see the brilliance of the plan, so they had to explain.

"What are you doing supporting that Mudblood's crusade!" Malfoy demanded, wondering why on earth he left the two simpletons to their own devices

"Please sir, refrain from outbursts against our noble cause." Goyle asked of Malfoy, who stopped yelling because he took a really good look at Crabbe and Goyle, who were decked out in matching suits and ties. Malfoy started to laugh extremely hard at them.

"Please move along sir, you're blocking the line."

Malfoy turned around to see a massive congregation had gathered and were perusing Crabbe and Goyle's wares, which were neatly packaged in little boxes. Malfoy was taken aback, his eyebrows raised as students from all four houses searched for delicacies.

"Why on earth are you doing this?" Malfoy whispered with gritted teeth, standing next to Crabbe and Goyle behind the counter.

"It's a front." Goyle replied quietly. Malfoy was taken aback. "But Granger will notice when the money doesn't turn up."

"Oh, we're going to give the money to her."

"WHAT!"

"And she'll pass it onto the elves."

"They'll never take it."

"They will if they're ordered to."

"And the elves will give it all to us." Crabbe finished. Draco was stunned at their ingenuity. This was actually going to work.


It was extremely unusual to see members of all four Hogwarts Houses together in solidarity.

"I'm hungry."

It was not unusual to hear that statement from Ronald Weasley.


Ron unwrapped his pecan pie, salivating from anticipation. Before he could reach for the pie, Ginny Weasley warned him to use a knife and fork, for even if their hearts might have been in the right place, she was of the opinion that trusting the baking talents of Crabbe and Goyle was foolhardy in the extreme.

Ron's knife bounced and scraped off of something as he plunged it into the heart of the pie. Pulling the pastry away, Ron realised the horrible truth, and all the Gryffindors around him howled with laughter.


Crabbe and Goyle's plan to equip the team failed miserably. Even if their food had been exemplary, their mathematical skills had not been, and Crabbe and Goyle wouldn't have had enough money for a single Comet 260, let alone a whole fleet of Firebolts. As it was, it wouldn't have matter. Placing a can of peas in a pastry and calling it Pecan Pie might have been linguistically plausible, but culinarily speaking, it fell well short.