"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, they're yours. If they don't, they never were."
The words rang in my head over and over again. I wanted to pull my hair out. Every stupid strand.
"Oh Travis," I sighed to myself. I shook my head ever so slightly and stood up from my bed. My hands were shaking and wouldn't stop, so I pressed them to my arms to stop the shaking. It didn't work. I had no more tears to shed, they had already came out.
I felt weak and very, very alone. What is wrong with me? Why must this boy make my life so much worse than it already is? I was experiencing things I never had before.
Grief. Waves and waves of grief that attacked me like a virus and threatened to take over my soul.
Anger. All I saw was red. The things that always were the best in life felt like a punishment. A reminder.
Sadness. Sadness that made me cry myself to sleep, every night. I thought I knew what it was to be sad when my father died, but this was new. It hit me like tons of bricks, and every time I stood up, they would push me back down to the ground.
I sighed again and the memories of the last week ran through my head. I only wanted to forget. To forget Travis. To forget Lilly. To forget those horrible moments. To forget this horrible life that no longer showed me mercy, or happiness for that matter.
One Week Ago:
Travis and I were walking down the rocky trail, our hands brushing against each others. He said something I couldn't catch, but I knew it was another one of his stupid jokes, so I pretended to laugh.
We were hiking a trail that we do together every Saturday morning.
Our hands brushed again, and this time he grabbed my hand and grinned at me. I blushed and he rose an eyebrow playfully. I laughed again, real laughs this time, and he started laughing too.
"Wow. I should hold your hand more often Katie. I like your reaction." He purred jokingly. I rolled my eyes and let go of his hand. I surged forward a few steps ahead of his so he couldn't see my blush turn redder than it was.
"Aw c'mon doll!" he cried. I grinned cheekily and turned around, not caring about the silly blush on my face. I pushed him backwards, and he fell back, landing on a rock. I smirked and turned back around. I heard him get up and scramble up behind me.
"Tag! Your it!" he screamed, poking my stomach.
"Seriously Travis, how old are you?" I asked rolling my eyes.
He seemed to think about it, then replied, "17" He looked at me with true curiosity written on his face. I laughed and grabbed his arm to hurry him up. He might be 17, but he acted like a 12 year old. We neared the end of the trail and realized my hand had snuck its way down his arm, into his hand. I blushed, but didn't pull away.
"Excuse me." A cherry sweet voice rang out. We both jumped and turned around.
Standing there was a girl who looked about 17, our age. She had blonde hair that was pulled into a braid. Her eyes were emerald green, and sparkled. She wore work out clothes like us, and looked amazing without trying. I looked at Travis and he stood gaping at her. Something bubbled in my chest, and I had a sudden burst of anger.
The girl eyed Travis, her eyes sparkling with curiosity, then she looked at me, and her expression did not look happy. Her smile looked forced, and the twinkle in her eyes had faded. Replaced with anger. Or maybe even disgust. She turned to Travis and her oh-so-happy look returned. "Where's the end of the trail?" she asked. Her voice felt light and made me tingle with rage. Travis smiled and pointed down the path. "So.." he cleared his throat, "My names Travis. This is Katie. What's your name missy?" He grinned his signature grin. The one he only gives me. Or his victims of his pranks. Which pretty much only consists of me. Anger boiled inside of me, and I tried to resist the urge of wrapping my hands around her neck. I realized Travis slipped his hand out of mine. When the girl saw this, she grinned and said ,"Lilly. Nice to meet you!" She stuck out her hand to Travis, and they shook hands longer than necessary. She pulled her hand back. I held out my hand to her, but she eyed it wearily then snapped her head in Travis's direction, as if she never even saw my hand. But I know she saw it. Travis did too. But they both decided to ignore it. I rolled my eyes and lowered my hand.
"Do you want to walk with us?" Travis asked her. She smiled again and nodded. Travis seemed to melt from her smile. Which I would have to admit looks a lot cuter than mine. I only scowled and cursed at her under my breath. They started walking, and I followed behind them, feeling like the third wheel.
Lilly grabbed Travis's hand, and he blushed. They continued walking. Walking. More walking. No stopping.
I scratched my neck awkwardly then said hesitantly, "Well, got to go. I'm having lunch with Annabeth. Have fun you two." I brushed past them, expecting the hug Travis always gives me on my departure. He wasn't even looking at me. Much less listening. He and Lilly were staring into each others eyes. I waved my hand in front of Travis and he broke his stare off with Lilly to look at me. An annoyed look spread across his face."Ok Katie. Go ahead to the bathroom, we won't look." he said angrily. He didn't even know what I said. I scowled and stepped forward saying," I said I was leaving. Not going to the bathroom." He just sighed and nodded. I prepared to be hugged at least now, but he just frowned and pat my arm gently. He turned back to Lilly and smiled, staring once again into her eyes.
I felt the tears run down my cheeks. Tears I thought were already shed.
When I met Travis when we were 8, I expected our lives to be like a fairy tale. He would ask me out in high school. Then we would go to Princeton together, and during our last year, he would propose. We would get married when we were 25, and I would have a baby girl named April. Then I would have two twin boys. Finn and Tyler. We would grow old, and be buried next to each other. My plan was perfect. Maybe even fool-proof. But now I'm still waiting for the first step to happen.
You can't blame a 8 year old for fantasizing. You can't keep a 17 year old from wishing. You can't stop a girl from believing.
