After a somewhat expected failure, a disheartened Hisana is left behind. Her admirable artistic skills bring her a job at the Kuchiki Estate, where a chance meeting with the young lord leads to something much more. "Love was what I felt when I loved you, but Life was what I experienced when you loved me too."

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or anything related to it. But this story, its plot and any original characters/locations created here belong to me.


Chapter 1: Flower of Regret

"Hisana-kun, I am regretful to inform you of the matter regarding your Zanpakuto spirit."

Hisana looked up from the small, pale hands she had folded in her lap. Her eyes travelled up, slowly, to look at the face of her calligraphy instructor behind his desk. "Lieutenant Aizen, I know that I haven't met the spirit yet, but if I could have just a bit more time…"

"Hisana-kun, I need you to listen."

Hisana nodded. She knew just why she was biding for more time, but not even Sousuke Aizen could understand it.

"We have entered the second year of your time at the Academy. In the second year, it is important that you show signs of at least having a spirit within you. Zanpakuto spirits are, after all, born with you. If the results have proven that you don't, early graduation in the first month of the second year will be considered."

Hisana's eyebrows lifted. "Early graduation?"

Lieutenant Aizen adjusted his black-rimmed glasses. "Well, to be honest, it is more of a discharge. Since you are fairly successful in at least two areas – Kido and Hoho – we have given you more time, which was this past month."

"Why couldn't I have been told last year?" she asked, the pitch of her voice rising as she became more anxious.

"We did not wish to pressurize you. Hisana-kun, you now have ten days to find or recover your spirit. If you do, you will be allowed to continue. If you don't…" he trailed off, looking down. "I am sorry, Hisana-kun, but the reason I have told you was because you are more used to me, being your calligraphy instructor."

"Thank you, Aizen-sensei." Hisana's voice grew heavy as she tried to calm down. I know the reason why I can't meet the spirit. I'm just a human – I don't think I've even heard of it before coming to Soul Society.

"Being human-born doesn't change a thing. You had high reiryoku when you were human, right?"

"Well, I could see Hollows, but only vaguely. They appeared like blurs until I… died."

"I see. Well, there is another thing. Another way. You just need to agree, and you will become the best female Shinigami there is."

"You really think so, Aizen-sensei?"

"I know so, Hisana-kun." He closed his eyes, an almost content smile forming on his face. "I could arrange for you to have more time, and in that time, you will grow a spirit of your own."

Where is he going with this? Goosebumps rose on Hisana's arm; the atmosphere of the room felt suddenly cold. "How?"

"I cannot be specific, but it would require the use of a simple training object that is in my possession. With it, you could be guaranteed great power – that is, if you agree." He adjusted his glasses.

"Aizen-sensei, please, don't risk anything for me. I… I will try," she stammered when a wave of reiatsu nearly overwhelmed her. "I w-wi-will think of something."

"Very well. Then I will disclose the rest." His polite tone was touched with something of monotony, but only for a single moment. "If you fail, you will be given the choice to remain in Seireitei or go back to Rukongai. Like I said before, your results show that you have succeeded in two areas. If you choose to stay in Seireitei, you must take up a form of service to make your permit valid – nothing involving being a Shinigami, unfortunately."

"Oh."

"Are you absolutely sure you don't need my help?" he asked, as though graciously urging her to reconsider.

"Yes, Aizen-sensei, I'm sure."

"All right, then may I at least recommend a suitable job for you in Seireitei?" His warm, welcoming smile returned.

Hisana tried to think of a polite way to decline. "But sensei, I-"

"Hisana-kun, don't worry. I am happy with your choice as long as you are. But I'm suggesting something else about another subject, something that I've helped you with from the start of your time here."

Hisana looked at him questioningly. The atmosphere had returned to normal again, but the mention of something like this was making her feel even more anxious than before.

Aizen chuckled. "I was referring to your calligraphy, dear girl. It's superb, and a career in art would be ideal for you. A student in the fourth year has handed me a print of yours, and it was spectacular." He paused and began stacking a heap of paper on the desk. "Of course, it is only a suggestion."

Hisana smiled weakly. "Thank you, Aizen-sensei." She got up from her kneeling position and bowed her head in respect before leaving the room.

Outside, she bit her lip hard. A hot tear trickled down her cheek followed by another and another; her cheek was cold in contrast when she brushed the tears away with the back of her hand. She let out a small gasp as she cradled her head, leaning against the wall with her free arm. It would be best to just go back to her little room. It was the last lesson of the day, and she had been called out of it to go to her appointment with Aizen. Glancing at the clock on the wall above Aizen's office, there was only a few minutes left for the bell to sound; she broke into a run, occasionally using hasty and broken Shunpo, to get to the dormitories so that no one would see her crying face.

She released a long, stuttering breath she didn't know she was holding when she slammed the door of her room shut. Exactly two seconds later, the knocking of wooden bell sounded in the corridors. Her back slid down the door, her head ducking to rest on her drawn-up knees. Her arms released their hold on her legs and removed her sandals, flinging them in the corner. She looked up at the ceiling and rubbed her eyes.

I have failed already. I have failed myself. I have failed my Zanpakuto spirit. I have failed Rukia – oh, Rukia, I should never have left you, and now it was for nothing. You could be sick, hurt, or even dead because of me. Why? How could I have been so stupid? I knew I could never be a Shinigami. It's all over now; everything. Once I am discharged, I'll try my hardest to come looking for you, even if I die trying. And if I don't find you…


Hisana let out a shriek of inner anguish as she sat up with a start. Her thoughts had built up to a nightmare – a horrible, disturbing nightmare. Her thoughts. They had always been imaginative, insightful, creative. But ever since that night, they have been infected. The only thing keeping them under control was the aspiration to become a Shinigami, and now that it was barely possible, her dreaded thoughts were coming at her with full force.

She had fallen asleep at her spot by the door, and had been sprawled out before her awakening. Her forehead was moist with small beads of sweat and her neck hurt from leaning against the hard wood of the door. She heaved herself off of the floor; she felt heavy, her vision hazy from sleep. She went to the mirror in front of her small basin and looked at the ghost in the mirror, staring back at her wearily, as though it was sick of seeing her. She splashed her face with cold water, rubbing the clear coolness into her eyes. After drying her face, she leaned on the basin rim, taking deep breaths.

"Pull it together, Hisana. Just get through the night," whispered the ghost hoarsely. Hisana turned away and went to the bed, sliding under the covers. No matter how many comforting words she told herself, it only did so much to ease the sorrow clouding her mind.

She closed her eyes, recalling the events of that night; the night she had left Ru-chan…

Inuzuri was humid, even at night, but it was still unforgiving. Just like the thing Hisana was about to do. She wasn't sure whether to trust the fickle old woman, Mrs Binbou, back in Central Inuzuri. She remembered that she had won food from Mrs Binbou, who was skilled at scams – Rukia would have a better chance if she steered clear of this deceptive witch. The weight of her young sister on her left hip was making her walk lopsided. Hisana winced, the bruise on her arm throbbing. They had had another run-in with a bunch of thugs today. The gang of scoundrels had been attracted to the little floral haori wrapped around Rukia's shoulders. The two girls had gotten away – narrowly – and Hisana was bruised from the hit intended for her sister.

Now they were near the border, at sunrise, where a trailer from the Shino Academy was picking up possible students who would be taking the nerve-wrecking entrance exam shortly after their arrival. Hisana stopped in an ally next to a wooden house with steps leading up to the porch. She fell to her knees from exhaustion, only laying her sleeping sister down as gently as she could. She tightened the tattered blankets around Rukia and hid the last food ration inside. She laid one last light kiss on Rukia's forehead and stood up, beginning the last few steps to her destination.

But the blankets stirred. "Sana-nee?"

Hisana bit her lip. "Go to sleep, Ru-chan, dawn will soon come. Do not wake so soon, love, enjoy the last of moon," she sang in a whisper. Hearing nothing for a few moments, she began to walk again.

A muffled moan from the blankets. "Cold, Sana-nee, cold…"

Hisana willed herself on, shedding a tear. "Hush, Ru-chan, sleep now."

"Cold, cold, Sana-nee!" squealed the little voice of her two-year-old sister. Childish and small it was, but it was not high-pitched.

"Quiet, quiet, I'm coming." Hisana stepped back to Rukia and wrapped her arms around the small form. Only two large, pleading eyes, the same shade of purple as Hisana's, stared up at her. She rocked the bundle gently until those eyes closed.

"I'm here, Ru-chan, I'm here." She sniffled. She was about to drift off to sleep when she heard the sound of wheels on gravel – the trailer was here, and now it was time to go.

"I'm sorry…"

She was off down the street, faster than she could manage. She flagged the trailer down, and was helped inside. She took a seat by a window, all the while fighting back the tears. All of the young souls in the trailer were asleep, but she stared out the window, the dirt-road streets illuminated with moonlight. Her weary eyes suddenly widened; there was a highly-pitched, yet faint cry – she thought it was her own name. Hisana shut her eyes tight.

"Oh, Rukia…"

There was a new, sudden presence in the seat next to her.

"You monster, you left her. You monster, you left her. You monster, you left her…"

Hisana frowned in disbelief, turning. This voice… "Who are you?"

It was Rukia's own voice, though with a ghostly, disembodied tint. A silhouette of the toddler appeared before her with a warm, green glow. "You have no soul. No feelings. No love. No…"

"What are you?" demanded Hisana desperately.

"Fool, I'm the spirit of your Zanpakuto." Its voice was mocking and poisonous.

She gasped and reached out. "Please, come to me. Let me see you-"

The form vanished. "NO! You are not deserving of my powers. You shall never see my face, fowl human, whether in real life or dreams. And you will never become a Shinigami," echoed its ominous voice as it slowly faded.


Morning came sooner than expected. A knock at her door awakened her; Hisana's eyes flashed open. Her dream had taken her far. In truth, she had forced herself to sleep on the trailer. However, what happened after she got onto it seemed to change according to her state of mind whenever she had this dream.

Although guilt hung heavy over her, Hisana did not have the same dream every night. The daily happenings at the Shino Academy protected her, shielded her, from these dreaded thoughts. She sat up and stepped off of her bare bed; with the constant tossing and turning, she had spared the maid an errand.

"Morning, Hisana-chan!" called the familiar voice of Isane Kotetsu, a fourth year student who Hisana suspected of handing the print to Lieutenant Aizen. Isane was a kind person, and sometimes felt the need to watch over Hisana like her younger sister, Kiyone, who was also in Hisana's year. Hisana rarely liked to be around Isane for that reason, and avoided her carefully.

"Good morning, Isane-senpai," greeted Hisana once she opened her door.

The tall girl smiled. "I'm here to deliver a message from Aizen-sensei. He says that you have the whole week off to think of ways to find your Zanpakuto spirit."

A pair of girls was walking past just as the words left Isane's mouth. They snickered audibly as they turned the corner; Hisana looked down. So this is how humiliating it is to be the first one who can't find the spirit…

"Here's the pass you'll need to exit. Good luck, Hisana-chan," managed Isane a little too brightly as she handed her a wooden armband, presumably the pass. She gave a small wave as she followed the same path as the girls – possibly to give them a lecture on tact.

Hisana's shoulders dropped. She was still wearing the uniform from the day before and looked positively scruffy. She went back inside her room and clicked the door shut.

"Think, think, think," she commanded herself. "Aha! The library. I could go to the library – no, there'll only be History books, and what if those girls are there? Maybe only if things get really bad…" She began to pace, fingering the armband. She huffed after a few minutes of pacing, and decided to visit a dojo in Seireitei, and since this was extremely important, she reluctantly decided to go to the library later on.

After a visit to the bathroom on her floor to freshen up, Hisana clipped the armband on her shoulder and touched up her hair. She had never been all around Seireitei, but on a field trip her class had visited the Heisha Meijin Dojo a few roads down from the Academy. Hopefully someone might be able to give her a few suggestions.


"Apologies, child, but we do not hand out flyers on where Zanpakuto spirits hide," said the thin man behind the desk. His eyes had popped out from behind his small glasses once he had heard Hisana's question.

"Dojo-san, I was only asking if you knew someone I could talk to about this," said Hisana.

"Well, I most certainly do not. Oh, wait…"

"Yes?"

"You could go see a shrink. Just down the road. See him – and fast." The man nervously pushed his spectacles up his long nose before resuming the reading of the Seireitei Bulletin.

She planted her hand on his desk with a thump so that he could not see the newspaper's words. "I really need to talk to an instructor or someone experienced here. There is someone out there who needs me and if I can't get some advice or anything, I will have failed them. Do you know what it is like to fail, Dojo-san? Do you?"

The man looked taken aback by this short speech. He straightened up and cleared his throat, and got up from behind the desk. Hisana thought he was making a quick escape, but when he beckoned for her to follow, she felt herself dashing after him; this could be another window leading back to her hopeful self.


Author's Note:

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think :)
The first two chapters will be here just to set you into Byakuya and Hisana's separate situations before they meet. The name of the chapter is based off of Rukia's name and its connection to the rue flower, which is the flower of regret… which is why it's 'Ru-chan'.

Just to make sure you know: Isane was chosen to be the 'kind soul' only because she has a little sister. And just so you'll stop laughing – if you have it's fine then :) – 'Dojo-san' can be used because she doesn't know the man's name.

Hope you enjoyed the chapter! The next is featuring Byakuya-sama 3