Disclaimer : Grey's Anatomy do not belong to me. Neither are storylines that are already used. Although I wish I own Addison and Mark..and Maybe Derek and Izzie... you get the idea.
Author's Note : This is a sequel from "When Trouble Comes" (2nd chapter). First chapter to this "trilogy", or so I like to call it, is titled "When Do You Realise?"
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Previously on "When Trouble Comes"...
"What are you doing here, Mark?" Derek asked, keeping his voice as calm as he can. Mark faced Derek squarely, folding his arms in front of his chest. "She doesn't love you, Derek." Mark said. "She loves me!" he insisted, pointing a finger to his chest as he spoke. Derek shook his head with a laugh. "You're in denial, Mark." he said, starting to lead Addison and himself back into the trailer.
"No, I'm not." Mark said. "She stayed with me after you left."
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No! Addison thought desperately as the words blurted out of Mark's mouth. Too late. And that caught Derek in his tracks. He stopped, his arm slowly sliding off Addison's back as he turned to Mark. He shouldn't believe what the man said, he really shouldn't. Besides, Mark's main motive here is to win Addison back, so why should Derek listen to him? But he did. He looked to his ex-bestfriend, then his gaze shifted back to his wife.
"Is it true?" he asked, his eyes flaring with controlled anger, his words tight and his face revealing no expression. Addison pulled the coat closer to her body, suddenly feeling cold without Derek's touch, and under his cold glare. She bit the bottom of her lip and looked away. Then he knew--it is true. Without another word, Derek stomped back into his trailer and slammed the door behind him.
He threw his bags onto a chair, it landed with a bang on the floor. But he didn't care. Angrily, he pounded his fist against the sides of the trailer several times, then delivered a kick to it. "Why, Addison? Why!" he yelled through clenched teeth. Derek shove a hand through his hair, his eyes flickering around his trailer. Maybe he should pack and go--again. Back to New York. Now Now that Addison and Mark are here in Seattle, he's going back to New York, back to his life before he came to Seattle. That's it. he thought. I'm going back. I'm signing the papers and I'm going back. Outside, he could hear his wife's and his ex-bestfriend's voice, but he blocked them out, heading straight to the bathroom. Turning on the tap, he gathered a pool of water in his cupped hands and tossed it straight to his face. The coolness of the water spread down to his neck, as though cooling off the heat he had within himself from the anger. The anger, the disappointment, the hurt. They are all coming back to him, like how he felt the very day he walked in on his wife cheating on him with his best friend. Derek washed his face again, breathing heavily. But he had calmed down at least by abit. The water continued to run into the sink, the sound creating a peaceful harmony with Derek's breathing. Then he heard it again, their voices outside the trailer. For one moment, he wished he had made the trailer sound proof, but he decided to listen anyway. Derek had wanted to know--what made Addison cheat on him, with Mark? Why did she stay on with Mark after he left? Why? There are so many questions he could ask, but he was afraid of the answer that he might receive. Turning off the tap, there was silence again. Derek leaned against the wall of his bathroom and slowly, he slided down to the floor. He ran his hands through his now drenched hair. And he's listening.
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When Derek just walked away from her, back into the trailer and slammed the door behind him, Addison jumped. The day she dreaded had happened, and what Derek just did was all too familiar. He's walking away--again. She wrap her arms around herself and lowered down to the steps of the trailer. She didn't want to look at Mark, she didn't want to believe that all of these are happening. Several loud bangs could be heard from outside the trailer, Addison shut her eyes, trying not to cry out in pain. Because she knows, she's hurting Derek again. Then finally, the pounding and screaming stopped. She let out a breathe and opened her eyes, still refusing to face Mark. From the corner of her eye, she saw him shove a hand through his spiked hair, then making his way to her and sat down beside her. He looked at her, waiting for her to turn around, but Addison refused to. She drew in another deep breathe.
"Go home, Mark." she said flatly. "I'm not going home without you, Addison. You don't belong here, and you know it." he said softly, leaning towards her. She felt his breathe on her neck and shruddered, shrugging him away. Mark sighed. "Mark..." she started, turning around. Mark was about to open his mouth to interupt when Addison held a hand up. "Just..just go home. Please. It's over between us." she declared. Mark only looked deeply into her eyes, then grabbed her roughly by her shoulders and plunged down for a deep kiss. But Addison's lips never parted, they were sealed tight. And the next second, she was shoving Mark off her body.
"What are you doing?" she demanded, standing up and started away from Mark. "This it it? Just like that? It's over between us?" he said, standing up himself, a hand gesturing to himself and Addison.
"What happened back in New York?"
"What happened in New York should never have happened!" she yelled.
"I belong here...with Derek." she said softly, then lifted her gaze to meet Mark's. "Understand that, Mark." she said.
"He didn't know how we felt, he didn't know what it was like for us, Addison. We were in love... weren't we?" Mark pushed on, but Addison didn't answer.
"Don't tell me it wasn't real, Addison!" his voice rose. "We felt it, we, felt it!" Then there was silence again, Addison leaned against the side of the trailer, her arms folded in front of her chest defensively.
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Derek buried his face into his hands. He could hear her voice, yelling, shrieking, pleading. And his voice, demanding, pushing. It isn't happening. he thought, trying to block out their voices once again. He didn't want to cry, not for her, not for Mark, not for the three of them. For awhile, it was Addison and Mark's voice, and now, it was only Mark's. Addison was silent. What could that mean? Derek didn't want to find out. He banged the back of his head against the wall and pounded his fist. She fell for him. How could she! That was it, Derek started to push himself up, ready to pack and leave again. He loved her, he still does, and he love her so much and yet, she turned and fall for his best friend. What have he ever done to make her do that? Was he not better than Mark? Then, the voices started again.
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"Was I just a replacement?" Mark asked, this time, his voice calmer, softer.
"Yes." she choked out after a few seconds of silence. Mark kicked the foldable chair by the front of the trailer in frustration and shoved a hand through his hair again. "I'm sorry." she said, now looking up at Mark. Hurting two men at one go? It wasn't at all what Addison had planned. She just wanted to feel love, to feel wanted. "Derek was never there and you were there, Mark. You were there for me when he couldn't make time. You were there by my side when I needed someone and when he couldn't be there!" she explained, but know it wouldn't be enough to redeem her mistakes. And I needed someone, I needed Derek.
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I wasn't there. Derek thought, now exited from the bathroom and sitting by the edge of his bed. His shoulders were slumped.I was absent. I was indifferent.he thought bitterly, then looked up to the mirror in front of him. His reflection stared back at him. Why do you keep running away, Derek?
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Mark looked up this time, determination in his eyes as he made his way to Addison. "That's right! He wasn't there, but I was! I was there for you, I was there when you needed someone, I love you, Addison. And he doesn't!" he said, pointing a finger into the trailer. "I love you, Addison, I always have been. And I always will be there for you. I will never leave you, I'll be here each time you need me, Addison. I'll be there even if you don't." he said softly, looking into her eyes. But she refuse to meet his gaze. Addison's back was pressed against the side of the trailer, her body and Mark's inches away from each other. She swallowed, then slowly looked up into Mark's eyes. Those eyes, those eyes so kind, so sincere. Like how Derek's ones were before their marriage started falling apart. Like how Derek's ones were when he promised to be there for her, to stay by her side for the rest of his life. But Mark isn't Derek.
"I'm in love with my husband, Mark." she said softly but firmly, but it was loud enough for the thin sides of the trailer for Derek to hear her.
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Mark Sloan finally left, and the night came. The folded chair that had been kicked still lay on the grass in front of the trailer. Addison sat on the steps, hugging her knees to her chest as she looked up into the dark, starry skies. There weren't any sounds in the trailer, no movement. And there was a backdoor to the trailer. Could Derek have left again? Run away to another part of the country where she can never find him? Addison don't know, but she's afraid. She's afraid to open the door to the trailer and see that everything of Derek is missing again. Like how it all happened back in New York.
Derek had lay in bed in silence, his eyes wide open, but distant. His hand reached out subconsciously to the side where Addison lay each night, fingers playing around with the sheets. Mark was a substitution, and he wasn't there. She was right, they got busy with their careers that they don't even bother to fight. But why didn't she say it before? He lay there in bed, wide awake. Shifting his eyes to the window, Derek recognised the night. It would be cold, without the warmth of the sun, without the warmth in the trailer. Where is Addison?
Finally, he pushed himself off the bed, making his way to the kitchen and made two cups of cappuchino. His favourite. So is Addison's. His hair was unkempt but he didn't care. Placing both cups of steaming beverages on a tray, he grabbed a blanket off the couch and looked out. He could see her, sitting there by herself, hugging her knees. Mark was no where in sight, and there's the chair, tossed out on the grass a distance away from the trailer. How it ended up there, he doesn't know. Slugging the blanket over his shoulder, he balanced the tray on a hand and pushed open the door of the trailer. He hadn't lock it, he realised.
Addison heard the sound of the trailer door opening behind her. She didn't dare to look back, instead, she focused on the trees in the distant. The cold wind blew through their leaves, the sound of them rustling together gave her a calming effect. She knew, standing behind her is her husband, possibly already ex-husband. They never got rid of the divorce papers. Why? Neither of them knew. Was Derek dressed, packed and ready to head off again? Was Derek here to say goodbye, to go back to Meredith?
"Hey." Derek started, standing behind Addison, unmoving. There was a short silence before she responded. "Hey." she said, her voice soft, almost timid. It was a voice Derek recognised. It was a voice of her when she had been crying, but trying desperately to hide that fact. She didn't look back like Derek had wanted her to. With uncertainty, he approached her from the back, placing the tray of drinks between them and sat down by the steps. He held out a cup and handed it to her.
Addison smelt coffee. Cappuchino, to be exact. Her favourite, so is Derek's. She had greeted him back without turning around. She didn't want him to see her like this. She never wanted anyone to see her like this. Then, the tray was settled down beside her, and he sat down, putting the tray now between the both of them. He held up a mug and pushed it towards her. She hesistated, then took it with her cold hands, enjoying the warmth of the drink. "Thanks." she said softly, throwing her husband a brief smile. His hair is messy, his wearing a white tshirt and a pair of blue boxers. He isn't going anywhere. she thought. But is it a good sign? Or is Derek here to end things between them once and for all, and this whole gesture is for 'Old time's sake'? Addison didn't want to think about it.
Derek picked up his own mug and took a sip of the hot cappuchino. "Beautiful night." he commented casually. "Derek..." Addison cut him off, looking down at the steam forming from the brown liquid. There was silence, again. Derek sighed, putting his mug down beside him and twirled his fingers together.
"I was absent." he said, finally. Addison nodded. Their gaze never met.
"It was no excuse, still." she admitted, and this time, Derek nodded. He looked up into the sky. It is a beautiful night, the stars in the sky was uncountable. He couldn't remember the last time he and his wife just sat out by a field, talking, cuddling and star gazing.
"But I was absent. And indifferent." Derek continued. "And I'm sorry." he said. It was difficult to get the apology out from him. All these while he was running away from the main problem, putting the fall of the marriage on the fact that Addison had slept with Mark. But that wasn't the fact, it wasn't the truth. The truth is their marriage had already started to fall apart even before he caught Addison and Mark together.
"Me too." Addison responded. Then there was silence again. Neither of them knew what to say.
"Mark was a substitution."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
The both of them said in unison. Then, they shared a short, nervous laughter. Silence, again. The only sounds now in the night were the cricking of the crickets, and the howl of the night wind blowing by.
"I did." Addison broke the silence. "I tried telling you. But you just brushed it off nonchalently." she continued. "And then we got busy, but I still tried. I don't know, maybe I should have tried harder. And in the end, I gave up, I guess."
"And I was absent." Derek said again. "And...And Mark was there--" Addison started explaining.
"I know," Derek cut her off softly. "I heard."
This time, Addison turned to him. "Do you think... we could go back to where we were before and..."
"Start over?" Derek finished it for her, his gaze turned to meet hers. Addison's gaze flickered, but there was hope in her eyes. He knew she wanted it badly, and he wanted it too. To go back in time, to the way when they were happy. Derek held on, waiting for their gaze to meet again before leaning forward for a deep kiss. They pulled away finally, foreheads touched.
"We could try." he said, receiving a giggle from his wife in response. Pushing the tray between them out of the way, Derek shifted to next to his wife and pulled the blanket over their shoulders. Relieved, at last, Addison allow herself to lean against Derek's chest, feeling the warmth in the cold night.
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Author's Note : And that's the end of it all. Please review:)
- Jessica
