How do you solve a problem like Voldemort?
Sang to the tune of "How do you solve a problem like Maria?" from the Sound of Music. But, just for kicks, let's pretend that this is sung by Aurors (or the Weasleys) instead of nuns.
He cursed his diary again
He gave Ginny a scare
He broke into the Potter's house
He hexed James on the stair
And underneath his robes
He's got scales everywhere
I even heard he Crucio'd an old man
He's always killing Muggles
But his blood isn't quite pure
He doesn't tolerate mistakes
He thinks pain is the cure
I hate to have to say it
But I'm really very sure
Voldemort's not an asset to wizarding
I'd like to say a word on his behalf
Voldemort does kick ass
How do you solve a wizard like Voldemort?
How do you catch a wizard whose gone bad?
How do you find a word that means Voldemort?
A scaly-assed freak! A murderous jerk! A cad!
Many a thing you know you must hide from him
Many a secret he must never find
But how to hide your thoughts
So he can't see what you've got?
How do you keep the Dark Lord from your mind?
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Voldemort?
How do you kill this menace to mankind?
When you see him you'll mistake
Him for a demonic snake
The Order never knows quite where he is
Whether you're a friend or foe
You don't want his fuse to blow
He's the nastiest wizard in the biz.
He's outsmarted Minister Fudge
Now the ministry won't budge
He could throw the wizarding world out of whack!
He's sadistic! He is cruel!
He's Tom Riddle! He's a fool!
He's a bastard! He's a mudblood!
He has cracked!
How do you solve a wizard like Voldemort?
How do you catch a wizard whose gone bad?
How do you find a word that means Voldemort?
A scaly-assed freak! A murderous jerk! A cad!
Many a thing you know you must hide from him
Many a secret he must never find
But how to hide your thoughts
So he can't see what you've got?
How do you keep the Dark Lord from your mind?
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Voldemort?
How do you kill this menace to mankind?
