Author's note: For my friend Kelsey. What a hoe.

Chapter 1

You know how there are people in the world that are better off dead? I'm pretty certain you know a few. Have you ever wanted to kill one or a few of them? I pretty sure you have. Are any of them related to you? No? I think that's a lie. Don't be a good child and lie. Everyone has moments where you wish, say, your father would die. What if he died? Not right on the spot, but say right after he treated like dirt and scarred you deeply. What if he had died by being tortured to death? How would you react to that? If you saw his body, would you cry? If news came, would you immediatly forget all the bad things he had ever done and think of only the good things? Would you say he didn't deserve to die? What if you saw him die? How would you react? What if you saw him being abducted, beaten, and tortured? What if you saw his blood spraying from his body and saw him being skinned and burnt? How would you react?

I certainly would be thrilled.


My job is always so slow. I never liked office work. I don't even remember why I wanted to work here. I guess, if I thought back, it was to support my parasite ex-girlfriend. In the end she dumped me for some pimp with a few cars. Now, I'm stuck here and don't have to guts to go to my boss, spit in his face, and say I quit. It was so pathetic.

"Ichigo!!!" Keigo slid into my cubicle with cupcake in hand. I groaned.

"Oh great... now what?"

"Wha! Did you forget your own birthday!" He grinned. Keigo was such an idiot. But he did always somehow keep me from going insane at this place. The one source of fun was always Keigo. He set the cupcake on my desk, took out a candle and lite it.

"Happy Birthday, Ichigo Kurosaki!!" He yelled as loud as he could. I sighed and put a hand for my face.

"Keigo, will you shut up? You could have at least done this without making a fool of yourself."

"Hey! Don't look so blue! How old are you now??? Eh??" He grinned his cat-like grin and lightly elbowed my side. I let out another sigh.

"22."

"Whoa!! Already a year after you're legally aloud to drink! Woo-whoo! I bet there are some ladies just dying to get your number!" He laughed. I growled and gave him a good smack across the head.

"Ouch!! What was that for!"

"Would you shut up already?!" A head popped over the side of my cubicle.

"Don't feel so upset, Ichigo. Just because you're getting old doesn't mean you have to treat Keigo like crap," Rukia said. I smirked.

"Oh, so you want me to go over there and criticize your crappy artwork?" She flung a pencil holder at me effortlessly.

"Shut up, old man!" She snapped.

"Who are you calling old, anyway? You're three years older than me!" She shrugged.

"Yes, but I still look like a high schooler." I groaned.

"Of course you do..." She grinned, then held out a package. There was blue ribbon wrapped around it.

"Happy birthday!" She said. Rukia tossed it onto my lap. I had a few friends here at the office, all of them kept me calm. They knew I was more of an energetic, fighting type. I opened the package and stared at what was inside.

"A... stress ball?"

"Shaped cake!" She exclaimed. The words 'Stress Ball Birthday' were on the curved top in pink icing. I chuckled.

"How funny," I muttered. Two shadows loomed over me. Keigo flinched and hid behind me.

"Holy crap it's the ghosts of death!!" He shrieked. Chad and Renji covered the entrance of my cubicle. Chad looked really threatening, but he was, what you would call, a gentle beast. He had a thin package in his hand. A small smile on his face. Renji, or pineapple head, had a simple box in his hand along with a giant grin.

"Hey, Ichigo!" He yelled.

"Oh god! Not you!" I groaned. He laughed and slapped my shoulder.

"Cheer up! Here, happy birthday!" He threw the box at my chest. Chad handed me his.

"Happy Birthday," He said.

"Yeah, hurry up and open 'em before the boss comes out!" Renji said. Keigo peered over my shoulder.

"What did you get?"

"I don't know!!" I yelled, tossing out from behind me. I opened Renji's first. I felt blush run across my cheeks. Rukia let out a sigh.

"Renji, what the hell!?" I yelled, throwing the box at him. He caught it and laughed.

"What?! Who knows! You may need it!"

"Viagra?! Are you fucking crazy!!" I yelled. He laughed again and threw the box back at me. I glanced up at Rukia, who was shaking her head.

"God... men and their idiotic gifts..." I opened Chad's gift, hoping for something practical.

"Oh! Thanks Chad! Cooking book!" I flipped through the pages.

"You keep ordering out every night. Urahara told me that."

"Oh my god! Why does he spy on me!? Freakin perv!" I muttered.

"Oh! There's the boss! Happy Birthday Ichigo!" Renji said, walking away. Keigo and Chad left as well. Rukia disappeared back to her cubicle. I quickly hid the gifts and went back to paperwork.


I carefully slipped through the window and flipped on the lights. I let out a hiss of glee. This guy was obviously a loner. Takeout cartons in the trash, barely kept room, and shitty lighting. I never would have thought he was a slob from just watching him at work. It was a pretty funny surprise. I flopped down on the couch and turned on the tv. I unzipped my backpack and dumped everything out on the floor. A bundle of ropes, handcuffs, and a few extra special items. I grinned. Ichigo was going to have the rush of his life tonight. He never would suspect me. He didn't even know me!

"Hahaa!! C'mon home, Ichigo... Daddy is waiting patiently to give you your birthday present!" I hissed.


Scratching the back of my neck, I fumbled around in my pockets for my wallet. Rukia and Renji were chatting just behind me. I handed the clerk a few bills and picked up my cup of coffee.

"God... coffee is so expensive... but tastes so good!" I said, gulping it down.

"You know, coffee is really bad. Tea is healthier!" Rukia lectured. I groaned.

"Not this again..." Renji laughed.

"Hey, lay off of 'em today! It's his birthday!"

"I just hope my ex doesn't decide to give me a visit today..."

"Oh god! That slut? Ichigo, get over her!"

"Yeah! I mean, Orihime literally has no brains!" Rukia said. I laughed, taking a sip of my coffee.

"Can't argue with that." A hand grabbed the back of my neck. I spat out the coffee and nearly dropped my cup.

"The fuck!?" Uryu hopped in front of me.

"Hello Ichigo!"

"Uryu! What the hell is your problem!?" I coughed. He smirked and pushed up his glasses.

"Happy birthday." He held out a neat package that was decorated professionally. I took it and examined it.

"Did you have a woman decorate this for you- oh wait, you did it. Never mind." He gave me a swift kick in the stomach.

"I'm not a woman!!" I coughed and dropped my coffee, holding my stomach.

"Then why do you own a clothing store?! For women!?!" I yelled. Renji held Uryu back, trying to hold back his hysteric laughter.

"Calm down! Tch! It's Ichigo's birthday! Just let it go!" Rukia chuckled.

"Tempermental idiots. I swear, I should start bringing a camera with me to record everything you idiots do." I ripped open the wrapping, throwing it on the sidewalk.

"Hey! Save the paper!" Uryu said. I stopped and stared at him.

"What?!" I shook my head and opened it, taking out what was inside.

"Uh... what is this?"

"Renji said you wanted a bodysuit like it." My hands shook with rage.

"AN ASSLESS AND CROUCHLESS SUIT!?" Renji fell over laughing. Rukia shook her head, concealing her laughter. I looked it over.

"What the fuck!? Nipples?!" I yelled. Renji laughed harder, kicking his feet out.

"Oh my god! This is great!"

"What? I made it myself. Honestly, Ichigo, I don't want you to return it. I don't know what you would use it for." I crumpled it in my hands and tackled Renji.

"You bastard!!"

"Oi!! Not my fault!!" He yelled, defending himself.

"Hey! Stop fighting!!" Rukia yelled, trying to pull us apart. Uryu picked up something from teh ground.

"You forgot this other part of the gift." I stared at what was in his hand.

"A FUCKING GAG?!!" Renji let out another burst of laughter. I punched him square in the jaw.

"You sick bastard! I'm gonna kill you!!" Rukia gave up and sighed.

"God! You're all idiots! If this keeps up, I'm going to interfere!" She snapped. We kept fighting each other, aiming for each others crouch to make him weak. She let out a growl.

"That's it!!" She grabbed Renji's hair and threw him into a wall. I froze.

"Oh crap! Rukia wait! It's my birthday-!" She grabbed my neck and kicked me in the balls.

"Men!! All alike!" She snapped. I fell to my knees.

"Damn!" Renji let out a weeze.

"Truce!" I crawled to my feet and supported myself on Uryu's shoulder.

"Oh god... I think she turned my balls into a vagina..." He pushed his glasses.

"Impossible, you already have a vagina." I growled and glared at him.

"Remind me to pound you for that tomorrow..." I muttered.

"Ok, get your asses home! It's getting really late. I don't want to be raped on the way home. Remember, Ichigo! Early start tomorrow!" Rukia walked off, Renji following her. I regained my balance and sighed.

"God I hate my job..."

"Why don't you quit?" Uryu said. We started walking. I rubbed my stomach.

"Well, I don't know. I mean, I just always imagine just going up to the boss and saying 'I quit', but I just can't do it!"

"Are you afraid of being jobless?"

"No! I know plenty of places that are eager to hire me, I just can't say that I quit! I guess my character keeps me from saying it." Uryu shrugged.

"I could be a child and say it's because you're a woman-" I growled.

"But I'll be mature and say that maybe you've raised yourself to be commited to something no matter what. Even if you know it'll just be bad news for you down the road." I grunted.

"That's reasonable..."

"Of course it is. You're just to dumb to realize it."

"Well, I'll see ya." I waved. Uryu waved back and headed across the street. I walked up the stairs of my flat and fumbled in my pocket for my keys. My eyes were starting to get heavy. Man, I was eager to just flop down on the couch and sleep. I slid the key into the socket and opened the door. I froze. Who the hell was watching the tv? I slowly closed the door, being extra quiet. I sat my things down and crept against the wall. I peeked into the living room. I gasped. He was from work! What was his name? Damn! Everyone said he looked exactly like me. It started with an H, I knew that.

He let out a snore. He was asleep? I saw a few things by his feet. Was that a dildo? What the hell was he doing with a dildo!? Then I saw a better view of the room. It was set up like a bondage room! He had handcuffs on the table, ropes attached to the walls, loops empty and waiting for someone's ankles and wrists to be put in. A few bottles were on the table. It looked like some lotion and something else. I squinted, trying to read the label. It was a sensitivity enhancer. I saw something in his hand. A club?? Damn! This guy was going to fucking rape me!! I took a step to the phone to call the police, then stopped. A grin crept across my face. This guy wanted to fuck, right? Well, what if he became the bitch? I licked my lips. I hadn't fucked anyone since my last girlfriend. That was a few weeks ago.

I stepped into the room and walked to the couch. His set up was pretty good. The wrist ropes were made to constrict and keep someone's hands above their head. The ankle ropes were made to spread someone's out. Then I saw the rope above my head. I smirked. A waist rope. He was prepared. I took the club from his hand and picked up the handcuffs. I took his hands and placed the handcuffs on them. He groaned and opened his eyes.

"Shit!!" I let him jump to his feet, trying to pull his hands apart. His eyes were frantic. I grinned.

"Backfire!" I smacked the club across his temple. He fell heavily on the table. I chuckled.

"Now I remember your name. It's close mine too! Hichigo, right? Heh... I won't call the police... I'll just do what you were going to do to me."


~~~Reader's Point of View~~~

Ichigo had stripped his intruder naked and strapped him in tight. The ropes dug into his skin and slightly cut off circulation to his hands a feet. His ass was pointed up in the air, his hands pulled out above his head. Ichigo ran a finger up his spine, smirking evily.

"It's not in my nature to do this, but lately women have made me a bit sick. Wow... you have some pale skin..." He ran his hand lightly over his back, taking in the texture. Ichigo twirled the gag Uryu accidentally got him in his hand. The bright red balls glistened in the light. He strapped it in his mouth and buckled it extra tight.

"I think it's time he woke up." Ichigo bent down and grabbed the white dick hanging in front of him. He gave it a hard tug. Hichigo's eyes snapped open. He let out a muffled yelp. His shocked eyes wandered around the room. He glanced down at Ichigo, extreme surprise spread across his face.

"Hey there, Hichigo! It's about time you woke up!" He rubbed the tip of Hichigo's dick roughly, making him squirm and moan. Ichigo chuckled.

"Ya know, I think this was what you were going to do to me. Am I right?" He grinned, waiting for an answer. Hichigo let out muffled protests, his eyes filled with rage.

"Heh! I don't think that's the right answer..." Ichigo slid his lips over the tip of Hichigo's dick and bit down. Hichigo let out another muffled yelp and tried to kick his feet. Ichigo growled and punched him in the stomach.

"Quit moving!" Hichigo lowered his head, spit dripping from the corners of his mouth. Ichigo smirked.

"Well... you know... I kind of like this little thing here... I mean sure, I touch mine all the time, but yours! Mmmm! I wonder what it looks like when I do this..." Ichigo inserted the dick in his mouth and sucked on it fiercely. His tongue wrapped around the shaft and rubbed the tip. Hichigo closed his eyes and let out a a few moans. His breath got faster. Ichigo massaged his balls and sucked harder. Hichigo raised his head, blush on his cheeks and let out a long moan. Cum spilt into Ichigo's mouth. He took the dick out of his mouth and swallowed it.

"Huh... so that's why girls love this stuff... not bad!" Ichigo's eyes examined Hichigo's back. They wandered his white skin until they came to his as. Since his legs were wide open, he could clearly see his asshole. He lightly ran his fingers down Hichigo's back, mack him shiver. His fingers crawled down the bottom of his back and lightly brushed his ass cheeks. His forefinger poked at Hichigo's hole. He let out a muffled yell of protest. He twisted his back, trying to avoid Ichigo's finger. Ichigo smirked.

"Now, I was going to be easy, but you just made it worse!" He shoved his finger up Hichigo's ass and stirred his finger around. Hichigo shuddered, his eyes wide.

"I don't see the big deal about it! You were gonna do the same to me, weren't you?" Hichigo's dick grew stiff, pulsing with eagerness to cum. Ichigo could see it easily and smirked.

'Your'e enjoying this? You sadistic little freak... I'll fix your ejaculation problem!" Ichigo ripped his finger from his ass and found a little bit of twine under the couch. He bent down and wrapped it around the base of Hichigo's dick. He grined and tapped his dick.

"Now, you're gonna be tortured by not being able to cum! That would really suck if it were me. But it's not!" Ichigo undid his pants, letting his dick flop out. He rubbed the tip into Hichigo's back. Hichigo let out muffled screams of protest, his eyes filled with wild rage.

"Oh shut up! You were gonna do it to me! So don't fucking complain!"


Oh my god. Kelsey, you'd better suck up to me you bitch. Just because I'm not a very good ICHIGO Yaoi writer, I'm gonna post another chapter sometime later. That's right, you have to wait.