Disclaimer: Behold my chair-spinning action! Woo! Hahahahahaha! Wha-? Disclaimer? You all really thought for a nanosecond that I own InuYasha?! Buahahahaha! Simpletons such as myself don't own stuff. Hahahahahahaha!
Author's notes: Well, welcome to yet another humor fic. I figured that since people seemed to like my other completely random and insane stories over my serious, life-altering, mystery-of-life-solving fics, I'd give the masses entertainment over the meaning of life and theories of the universe.
Funny the fics people choose to read.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy the no-holds-barred wackiness. See, children? This is what happens when you procrastinate on your history homework.
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Chapter I: The Evils of Brownies and Flatulence!
It was a bright, sunny morning in feudal Japan. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and Miroku was screaming in agony after his thirtieth attempt to convince Sango to bear him a child. This ruckus woke up poor Kagome and Shippo, who were still exhausted after being awoken at 3am, 3:05am, 3:15am, 3:30am...Okay, let's just say they didn't get much sleep because of Miroku's antics. Apparently, Miroku doesn't need sleep. InuYasha, too, seemed to be amongst the sleepless zombies for he doesn't sleep unless he's in his human form, injected with poison, mace, cyanide...Oh, sorry, I was making my grocery list. Nonetheless, they began their journey to become the greatest Pokémon masters of all time! Oh, wait, never mind. They were really on a quest to collect some jewel shards. So, while they began their daily travels (with Sango beating Miroku furiously over the head with her boomerang), trouble was brewing for InuYasha and the gang. No, Shippo didn't get into the beans again. This was trouble of a different nature.
In a distant castle fortress in some obscure village in Japan, Naraku was thinking up his insidious plot for the day. After all, he was a bad guy and must make an insidious plot every day, except for Sundays, Jewish holidays, and Easter by union rules. Today was Monday, so there were evil plots to be had. So, after thinking long and hard, Naraku conjured up his most sinister plan yet- burning ants with a magnifying glass! Ahh! The horror! His reign of terror upon the ant world was cut short, however, when Random Henchman #0375123 entered and...
Editors: Wait!
What now?
Editors: You must needlessly change Random Henchman #0375123's name!
Why?
Editors: It's a swearword in gibberish.
What?! You're kidding! Gibberish isn't a language!
Editors: It is in Joetopia.
So?
Editors: We demand that you change his name to Flatulence!
Why?! That's degrading!
Editors: Because we can sue you.
Darn you!!
Editors: And use Kilala, not Kirara.
Why?!
Editors: Because you egged our cars.
Did not
Editors: Did too.
Did not
Editors: Did too! Now, meet our demands or we shall sue you until you have no money and must become our slave!
That's mean!
Editors: How do you think we get our writers? Chop chop!
Ugh...
Anyway, Flatulence entered just as Naraku began his daily torture. Of course, like all other villains, Naraku must make a long, grandiose speech about how great it was to be victorious, how much he enjoyed his victim's screams, and how he desired to taste their blood. In short, Naraku is an overpaid psychologist's dream. Despite the fact that he was torturing ants that probably couldn't hear him, much less understand him, he had to make a long speech about the joys of cooking...and torture. And, on occasion, he must also reveal his elaborate plans so as to give the cocky hero an opportunity to find a way to stop it. I believe those are union rules as well.
Nonetheless, Naraku began his insane muttering to his dying victims.
"Ha! Foolish antenna-bespeckled mortals! I shall burn you all unnecessarily because of boredom! Do not try to flee, foolish ant, for I shall burn you nonetheless! Crap! He fled out of my range. Curse you!" cried Naraku, banishing his magnifying glass and, consequentially, burning a hole in his baboon suit.
His cursing was cut short, however, from an ominous buzz.
"My brownies are done!"
Now, maybe I'm really bad at Japanese history, but I don't think they had ovens in the feudal era. Not even hot plates...or even light bulbs...maybe brownies weren't even invented yet. Yes, dear readers, there was a dark time before brownies. Regardless, Naraku began his journey to the kitchen to get his nonexistent brownies out of his nonexistent oven to share with his nonexistent friend Mister Tibbles. His quest to the kitchen was cut short, however, when he walked into Flatulence, who, as I said before, has entered during Naraku's villainous assault upon the ant community.
"Flatulence! Why are you blocking my way to the kitchen?!" exclaimed Naraku.
"Naraku, sir," replied Flatulence, bowing, "the union is dissatisfied with your recent evil schemes. They claim that you're destroying the name of evil."
"Humph. I am just as evil now as I was fifty years ago."
"But, sir, you haven't even attempted to stop that annoying hanyou (A/N: half-demon) InuYasha in weeks! Even your most illustrious and well-known plan has failed. InuYasha is still alive and Kikyo's reincarnation is wandering around Japan, not to mention the fact that she was restored into a clay body. Sir," muttered Flatulence with great concern," they may throw you out of the union!"
"No! That means no free sake on Fridays! I shall come up with the evilest scheme known to man! Kukukukuku!" exclaimed Naraku, striking a pose of one who holds his finger in the air, hand on hip, with the ocean splashing behind him.
"But, first, I must go get my brownies."
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Well, I've decided to give Sessy his own chapter. Because he's cool like that. And because he's standing behind me with a giant sword and a disgruntled look on his face. Then, there are the fangirls. O.O I'm scared, mommy.
Erm...anyway, please review! I will loves you. Oh, and just as a warning, future author's notes will be crazier; I took my sedatives today. Itekimasu!
