Preface
Everyone has to deal with this horrifying epidemic once in a while. It can't be prevented. You can't run away from it. It's inescapable darkness that has no end. And that is considering the one experiencing it. But what about the ones outside the blackness, the ones who see that loved-one writher away right before your eyes? Has anyone ever thought about how it feels, how much pain is inflicted? Many don't. They don't see the other person's agony, how at night you curl up into a ball and let the pain have you. How every little thing that reminds you of that person cuts you deeper every time? Yes, many don't think about that. But it is a very essential thing to take into consideration.
I have never experienced this anguish till now. My life was at its highest peak. School was going outstanding. Acing all my classes and then some; Edward and I were at our best. Our relationship was going smoothly. If once there was a doubt that he was the one before, it's all but vanished now. Work wasn't the best, but I was quickly rising in that direction also. In conclusion, I was very happy. Ecstatic is a much better word to describe the emotion. But all this happiness has disappeared and misery and loneliness has crept in. Crippling me for hours at times; closely reaching days.
(Months Earlier)
The day started out normal. I woke up at 7, got ready, had breakfast and out the door by 8. Edward was there, waiting for me in his all so extravagant car, a Silver Nissan 370Z. Door open, ready for me take my rightful spot next to him.
"Good Morning Sweetheart. How did you sleep?" He asked, like he always did and kissed my forehead.
"Good Morning. And very good thank you." I said my voice cheerful, as I always was while close to him.
I couldn't keep my eyes off of him through the whole ride, as I usually did every morning. Trying to engrave his beautiful features in my head, so they that I would not be able to forget him, ever. Sometimes he would ask why I would stare at him or if he had something wrong with him that day. My answer would always be:
"Don't be ridiculous, your perfect," as always. "I just like looking at you", followed by one of my killer smiles.
He parked in his usual space, and walked around to open the door for me, always a gentleman.
He walked me to my homeroom giving me his customary goodbye accompanied by a very tender kiss. The day sped by then. At lunch we sat with our friends, chatting and being teenagers. In Chemistry, they (referring to the brain draining idiots who don't let us think on our own. Making us do everything their way or the highway) made me dissect a frog. I almost fainted but was able to keep it together.
On our way home after school, I noticed that he was weird. He just wasn't himself. He was looking a little pale, sweat matting his whole face, considering that we were in dead winter in Washington.
"Are you okay Sweetie?"
"Huh?" he said, like if had pulled him out of his own personal thoughts.
"Are you okay? I pressed.
"I really not sure. I'm feeling kind of weird."
It all happened in a blur then. He was suddenly unconscious, head on the wheel making his horn beep like crazy. The car swerved but I was able to get hold of the wheel before we crashed into the nearby electrical poll. Once I was able to pull over, I dialed 911. Edward was still unconscious. Short pants escaped his lips. I didn't notice when the tears came pouring down until I pulled my face away from his shirt and saw the huge stain, and then something changed. Edward woke up, if that's how you would say it, but things got worse. His nose was bleeding, at an alarming rate. He seemed to be unconscious of me there. Finally the ambulance arrived. Worried about Edward I left his car there and never parted myself from him. Once in the hospital, he went under immediate test, while a nurse tried to get me to calm down so that I could answer her questions. I managed to answer most of them between my sobs.
After an hour he was back. I thought it couldn't be possible but he looked worse than before. Eventually his mother arrived alongside mine. My mother tried to comfort me, but all she could really do was hold me close while I cried hysterically. The only thing in my head at the time was: Not Him, Not Edward. Oh Lord Don't Do This To Me. I'm Too Young for You to Take My Little Piece of Happiness.
And as I thought that things couldn't get any worse. I heard the only thing that could pierce through right at this moment. A continuous beep, the sight of a straight line and Esme draped over her son has he took his last breath. My scream shocked me as much as anyone else. I fell to the ground like if someone had shocked and slowly fell into unconsciousness. When I woke, I was in an unfamiliar room. The bed was extremely uncomfortable and lumpy. My mom was next to me, but was fast asleep. I had no clue what time it was and wasn't interested in knowing either. But slowly has the memory of earlier on found its way into my head, I couldn't prevent the searing pain that took over me. I tried to be quiet; my mother didn't need to suffer along with me. But soon I couldn't keep the sobs as quiet as before and eventually she woke. Again all she could do was hug as my pain soon became hers. I was finally able to find the control I so desperately needed. In a very short time, they let me leave this haunting place that now held only unpleasant memories. I tried to keep my eyes unfocused. Making sure that I didn't even get a glimpse of anything that would remind me of what had just happened. Once home, I ran straight to my room, locked the door, disconnected the phone and let the pain have me again. Maybe if I let it feed on the little hope I had in me it would leave me alone for good. But that wasn't the case and I knew that. For days I stayed locked up in my room, not eating, not talking, and certainly not thinking. I tried to direct my thoughts to everything but memories with him. The way he kissed me; the way he would stroke my cheek; the way he would smile at me when I did something absurd; the way he would try so hard so that it would be impossible for us to fight. All those wonderful things about him, that I would never be able to experience again. More days passed and I decided to listen to that little voice inside my head that told me that I should go on with my life. That I should try to be normal for my family and friends and let the misery and desolation take me away when I was safe in my the sanctuary that had become my room.
…
Esme stopped by today. She looked like in similar features; her eyes were the same crimson shade as mine and the dark purple bags under her eyes from many sleepless nights had become as permanent as mine. She had some bad and good news. I was terrified of the bad, like the ones that were shattering my heart weren't enough. The bad were that they had no idea what had happened to Edward. The good were… that he had revived. These news were so amazingly good that I staring crying harder than before. But these weren't tears of hurt, these were tears of joy. She said that she had tried to contact but that both my phones were coming up dead. She wasn't able to tell me right there in the hospital because of my hasty break away from all the gore that lies in a hospital.
This is what I needed; the little hope that might erase my endless depression for a just a moment, A place where the pain and despair won't be able to reach me. Once the hugs and tears had almost dried from our faces, I exiled myself to the last place that I would want to enter right now, but the only place that my prince charming would be found. I found him strapped to multiple monitors and an IV. He looked weak, too weak. It shattered my heart into millions of pieces to see him this way. The person that before was my savior, the one fought my battles; was now so fragile that he couldn't even support his own head. Once inside his room, I dropped to my knees. My legs had given up on me then. I was too afraid to even touch him, but he extended his hand out to me, stroking my eyes where the red and purple blended in. His expression turned disapproving.
"You look like hell" he whispered. His face horrified.
"I could probably say the same" but I couldn't get the sarcasm to cover my words. "I've missed you" I added.
"And I too" he responded.
I gently closed the distance between us, laying my head on his shoulder, gripping his hand, placing my fingers in between the gaps in his; where they belonged. I let a few tears escape the rims of my eyes but made sure that he didn't notice. Every hour a nurse would walk in take blood. I filled with rage every time I would see him wince when the needle pinched. The way he cringed after the pain of the wince. I spent days next to him. Meeting his every need. He would get better I would tell myself. And after a few weeks that's exactly what started to occur.
"I love you, you know that right?" he asked out of the blue one day.
"Of course I do, why wouldn't I?"
"I feel like you deserve something better. Not someone that lies in a bed all day."
"Don't be absurd." I said; too shocked by the words that had come out of his mouth to come up with a better response.
"I'm not. I just don't want you to spend all day cooped up in this room with me. I want you to go out and have fun. Live your life. Be the caring, beautiful Bella you are. You only get to be this young for a short period of time. Enjoy life. Don't suffer along with me."
My mouth fell open. I couldn't believe what he was saying.
"I'll enjoy life when you are right beside me, enjoying it with me."
His mouth puckered. And I imagined what he would be thinking. 'If I get to enjoy life ever again.'
He was much better now. His color was returning and he seemed to be able to support himself now. He didn't flinch anymore when the nurse stuck those needles in him, which was a good sign. The light in his returned; they were no longer a pale green, they were the vibrant green I had come to love. He really seemed to be getting better. A week later the doctors said that he was allowed to leave. These were great news. I many things planned for our future. I had learned that I couldn't hold back anything. It was a day at a time with. And I had to take advantage of every single day I was lucky enough to get.
…
It's been a month since Edward was discharged from the hospital and he was doing amazing. It was rough the first few weeks. He was still trying to get adjusted to the change and was very stubborn. I had become pretty intense. I swear that with the way I took care of Edward, I could be named a certified nurse. He even had a nickname for me: Nurse Paranoia. I had become very protective of him. Afraid that one day it would happen all over again.
He didn't like this one bit. He was used to being the one that took care of me, but now that the roles have switched, he's become a bit more pig-headed. We had decided to move in together. A week after he left the hospital he had finally popped the question. Apparently it had to do with the fact that I was spending every hour of every day at his parent's house with him and we might as well look for a place of our own. I was ecstatic. I didn't even think about what I was going to respond. I just blurted my answer out: 'Yes!'
So here we are now. So far it hasn't been a struggle. I knew from the very beginning that we were meant for each other. Love doesn't bring pain unless the other is in pain. And other than the fact of Edward's mysterious illness, I have never been sad near him, never. It made me feel alive.
…
It's Friday. That means 'Date Night'. I had an odd feeling that today was special. Something extraordinary was going to happen to me today and I just couldn't contain the joy that I was feeling. Edward seemed suspicious, like if he was planning something. We were in our living 'watching TV'. Edward seemed lost in thought. As if he was planning something.
"Edward?" I called him. He didn't seem to hear me so I tried again.
"Edward?!" I called a little louder. He came out of his reverie with a start. He jumped off of the couch almost taking me with him. He got a chance to grab me before I fell and the expression on his face was priceless. I busted out laughing and he just glared which caused to laugh even harder.
"What's so funny?" He asked unamused.
"Your…face…and…the…way…you…reacted" I couldn't get anything else than that out between my giggles. He narrowed his eyes at me but then a flash of knowledge crossed his eyes and before I could even ask, I was hanging on his shoulder and he was heading for our bedroom.
…
"Bella! Hurry Up! We're going to be late!" I heard Edward call out from the small foyer.
"Almost ready! Give me a sec." I yelled back. I was finishing getting ready for our date. A little voice in the back of my head told me that I tonight was going to be a special occasion and I wanted to look my best. Once I was positive that I perfect, I hurried down the stairs. I got the satisfaction of watching his eyes widen once he saw me and I threw him a smug smile.
"This isn't fair, you know that? How I am I supposed to want to go out when you look like that. All I want to do is stay here and kiss you and maybe then some." He wiggled his brows playfully and licked his lips. I felt the familiar blush leave my face as he did this.
Once in the car he sped off and we were at the restaurant in no time.
"Welcome. Do you have reservations?" The hostess asked in an innocent voice.
"Yes. Cullen" Once she found our reservations she led to our table. It was secluded from the rest of the restaurant and very well hidden. The table was well decorated. It was covered in roses and had a single candle in the middle. It had this romantic vibe to it.
"Edward, this is beautiful. What's the occasion? Did I forget our anniversary?" I finished off that sentence with a little bit of sarcasm. I had never forgotten our anniversary in the past three years and neither has he. Could he be any more perfect?
"No, Love. I just wanted to do something special for my outstanding girlfriend." He answered. I swear I felt like jelly after those words came of his mouth. I could feel myself melting.
He held my chair out for me and sat down without any hesitation. Though has I was getting out of my dazzled like state I noticed he seemed nervous. He was sweating ever so infinitesimally but sweating none the less.
"Edward, are you ok?" Seeing him sweat without heat or him doing anything like exercising to make him sweat made me nervous. He could see it in my voice I guess because his response was. "Couldn't be better. Why?"
"Because you're sweating; are sure you don't have a temperature?" I was reaching for his forehead when he slapped my hand away.
"I thought we already got over the whole illness episode. Bella, even the doctors told you that I'm in perfect health. Give it a rest, At least for tonight." I easily complied.
Once we ordered our dishes, we fell in out of conversation. The silence wasn't uncomfortable. Once in a while he would kiss my hand, momentarily making me lose my train of thought. And what came out of his mouth next made my jaw drop.
"Have you ever dreamed about how our kids would look like? I know I have." He looked back at me waiting for my response. Of course I've had dreams where we have kids. I usually have every night. They were my fantasies. Each night there was a different vision but every single one of them was like a dream come true.
"Actually, I dream about that every night. They are such wonderful dreams. We do good work too because these babies are painfully beautiful." I joked. I saw a sparkle in his I had never seen before. It filled me joy.
"Do you want to have kids? I mean, do you really want kids, with me?" He said it like a bad thing. It made me see red for a second.
"Why wouldn't I want to? You are my only love. Where is this coming from Edward? Do you want kids, like right now?"
"No, it's just that after what happened a month back I feel the need to give you everything I can, afraid that someday it'll happen again and I'll leave you with your dreams."
Tears sprang in my eyes. He was so considerate. He was the one with the illness and instead of worrying about himself; he worried about me and my dreams.
"Oh Edward. Dear you don't have to worry about me."
He looked at me like if I was crazy. "Bella, you are my life, my love, how am I not supposed to worry?"
"By only focusing on yourself and keeping yourself healthy." He grabbed my face with both hands and bent down. He kissed me sweetly at first but soon it was urgent and left me gasping for air.
The waitress came at the moment but instead of our food in her hands she had a delicate looking dessert. Edward thanked the waitress and took the appetizing dessert from her hands. He eagerly grabbed a fork and took a piece out of it and directed it to my mouth.
"Don't we have to wait for our food first?" I asked.
"Why wait when we have something so good right in front of our faces?" He answered rhetorically.
"You have a point there." I bashed my lashes at him and welcomed the spoonful of dessert he once again started to direct to my mouth. I started to chew and felt something hard. Very carefully I tried to take out the odd thing that shouldn't be in such a delightful and fluffy dessert as to not disgust Edward. How cute would I be if I were to have cheesecake running down my jaw? Once I finally maneuvered the object of my mouth I looked to see what it was and was left speechless. It was a beautiful ring. The detail was exquisite.
"Edward" I gasped covering my mouth and I bet I had an astonished look on my face
"What? Don't you like it?" He looked worried and I instantly wanted to alleviate his anxiety.
"No, it beautiful, but what is it or?" Though I had a vague clue of what was coming next I was still taken by surprise when I saw him get out of his chair and get on one knee in front of me. He took the ring from my ring from my hand and took it in his.
"Isabella Marie Swan, you are the love of my life, the reason my heart still beat to this day. You are my sun of day and my star at night. And I want nothing more than for you to become Isabella Marie Cullen. Will you marry me?"
