Disclaimer: I do not own 'Jar of Hearts' or Twilight.
Jar of Hearts
I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most
He was supposed to be The One.
We were supposed to get married and spend the rest of our lives together. We could adopt children. We could have a happy life together, spending time together whenever we could. We were supposed to love each other.
I was so sure he loved me.
Look at yourself now, I thought sadly. I am a smart and classy young woman in my own way, but he still had a hold on me.
Now I work in a bookstore, paranoid that every time the bell to the door alerted me that it was being opened by a customer - it would be him walking in; that he had found me.
I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
I walked into the store, for my nine o' clock shift, and spotted Alice. She sat behind the desk, with a highlighter and a very determined expression. When she heard the insipid bell, she looked up, and when I saw the look in her eyes, I knew.
And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are
I stared down at my feet as I walked around the counter so I wouldn't have to see the sympathy in her eyes. My heart ached; He was back.
My head told me that staying away from him was for the best, that I would make it through this, and that one day, I would find The One. But, what if that was just me, trying to reassure myself that we weren't meant to be? It felt so…right, being with him.
I wanted to be with him, so badly; apparently, though, he didn't want to be with me badly enough.
I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms
I knew what she was going to say before she said it, "He called again. He asked, begged, me to tell him where you are."
Closing my eyes, I swallowed thickly. This isn't happening. This isn't happening.
My mind screamed for me to run.
I learned to live half alive,
and now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?
I'll never forget our first kiss; it was magical. He stole my heart in that first kiss. His arms around me, and soft lips on mine was the most miraculous thing I had felt in my short life. I was just out of high school, sleeping over at his house with his kid sister, when he first mesmerized me; when he consumed my life.
He was sweet, and funny, kind and agonizingly beautiful. He seemed like the perfect package. He was my first boyfriend, my first 'love'. I cared so much about what I did around him, the words I said, and the way I acted. I analyzed every step, every syllable, and every action.
I wanted to be his perfect girl.
And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back
During my first year of college, we did everything we could together, and saw each other as much as possible. He was busy, working for a degree in pre-med so he could get into a good medical school.
I revolved around him; called him every night so we could tell each other about our day.
One day, I got out of class early, and hurried over to his dorm. And there he was; with her.
I had asked him about her before. She's just an acquaintance, he had promised.
However, his promises meant nothing, although, to me, they were everything. His actions portrayed complete faithfulness, lovingness. I never thought that he would leave me feeling so weak and vulnerable.
I felt so ashamed that I had not seen it; seen what he was doing. I needed to be strong, I need to think rationally - but his very presence clouded my emotions and thoughts. He always brought me back to feeling empty. Empty, and emotionless; yet whenever I was around him my emotions were striped from me and I felt raw.
He ran after me as I walked out of his dorm room, and got in my car. It was freezing outside, the first snow of the year fluttering around me as I hurried to my car.
He knocked on the window and begged me to hold on, roll the window down, let him explain. I remember he struggled with the sheet that was tied around his waist and that's what gave me the ability to leave; that sheet that he had protecting his modesty from the people around, when he had just shown what was supposed to be mine to her.
So, I drove away.
We met at a coffee shop, nearly a week later. He seemed so upset. I told him it was over. I didn't want him in my life anymore; I couldn't live with someone who had cheated on me.
I walked calmly out of the coffee shop, although my head was screaming for me to go back to him. My head turned, though, to take one last look at him, and I saw him with his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking.
I didn't know what to do, so I went to Alice.
She taught me how to be better. How to manage.
And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
And now, he was here again. He was looking for me again. I collapsed onto my stool and bent over, resting my head on my knees, my hands holding the back of my neck. The awkward position was somehow comforting.
Alice patted my back softly, and that was the last straw. Sobs broke free.
I had finally done it. I had finally been okay. Of course, the day that I actually felt good, happy, was the day that he would come back again.
It took me so long to pull myself away from his memory. I was stuck, all alone; lying in my bed at night, imagining what would've happened if he had never cheated, if I had never found out.
I fantasized his arm around me, him whispering softly in my ear; and then in the morning, after dreaming a fantasy of him all night, I cried in the shower, trying to get myself strong enough to go to work, see my old friends; function, if that's what you would call what I did.
He was a black hole. He sucked you in, and it was over; you were never getting out again. You were his forever, consumed in his darkness.
I would forever be in his shadow, a fragment of what I once was.
He had drawn me in, made me believe, and made me love him. He took that away when he cheated on me. He took away so much and left me always trying to move on, to forget him, to forget what he had promised. However, the memories were always in my head, the pain always in my chest.
He had broken me.
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
A/n: Review and tell me if you want it to be a story.
