Drowning.
Lucy knew Susan was the beautiful one. She knew it all too well and she often felt like second fiddle when ever they were together. People always took notice of Susan but never Lucy, people often saw her as a child even now when she was already at the age of fifteen they still saw her like that. And it infuriated her to no end though she'd never show it, never let her innocent smile falter. But sometimes life can be a bit unfair and even so she just turns her gaze away and accept everything without a single complaint. There was only one time in Lucy's life did her heart cried in protest and that was the first time she saw how Caspian looked at her older sister. Back then she was indeed just a child, how can she expect caspian to see her as the queen she once was when she had the body of a ten year old. But Lucy knew she loved caspian first. Their first meeting was as vivid of a memory as if it only happened yesterday. His hair was long when they first met in the sleeping forest. His eyes a dark onyx with golden specks that reflected the sunlight. He was beautiful and Lucy's heart faltered and jumped at the sight of him. She remembered how it was to be back in her beautiful old self back in the golden age. To feel the warmth of another person close to you and to know that their heart beats just as fast as yours. She suddenly remembers it all, but then Susan came and Lucy saw the way caspian looked at her. Dazed and smitten with her radiant beauty. Blinding and dazzling like the great narnian sun. Right then and there she knew they would break her heart. And they did.
When they returned the third time with her cousin Eustace they were drowning and waddling over clear blue waters. She knew it was her eastern sea but then she lost track of everything when caspian fished her out of the water, keeping his arm around her shivering frame as they were hoisted up on board the magnificent ship. After that he didn't bother to remove himself from her, his arm still tightly wrapped around her shoulders clothed in a soaping wet sweater and a cotton towel. He was older than before and even more handsome now. His smile still as bright as the first time she met him. He was just in the middle of saying something that made her mind go all fuzzy when they were interrupted by Edmund and Eustace boarding the Dawn treader, wet puddles forming at their feet. Lucy still felt like she was drowning.
He gave her his tunic to wear and his cabin to use. Always the gentleman and it caused Lucy's feelings to grow stronger for the handsome young king. His things smelt of him, like salt sea water and strong tea. And she savoured every minute of having to stay in the presence of his personal belongings, feeling as if she fits there so perfectly. To lay on his bed and to sleep under his blankets. It felt too intimate yet so awfully right to Lucy and whenever Caspian would knock on the door asking for permission to enter his former chamber, Lucy would often greet him with a smile and he would smile back as well. There they would linger in the presence of each other. His hands often wandered over the blank sheets of paper lying on his desk, stealing glances at her at the corner of his eye. And Lucy would just sit there looking everywhere except at caspian. Sometimes she'd think about what it would be like to kiss him, to run her fingers through his soft dark hair. It made her cheeks grow hot and red.
Beneath those blank sheets of paper caspian always saw letters sprawled on crisp paper. They were songs and poems and he knew all too well whose they were. The soft strokes made it clear that it was Lucy's. He knew it was wrong but he couldn't help himself from imagining how wonderful it would be to feel her warmth against him. To look into those fiery blue eyes that shames even the beautiful eastern sea that they now sail upon. He couldn't grasp the fact that she was the young girl that helped him defeat his usurped uncle with her siblings. Now she was a woman, though her smile was still as bright only now it was more beautiful. Just like her. If only he could linger in that moment forever.
"I- i just wanted to see to it that you are comfortable, my queen." He'd utter looking at her siting on the edge of his, no, her bed. She was absolutely beautiful. Her hair turned a fiery red in the sunlight seeping through the small window above her.
"Im quite fine. Perfect actually, caspian. As long as i am home, it doesn't matter." She grinned happily. Lucy's heart skipped a thousand beats when he smiled at her. She knew what she wanted was impossible but somehow she couldn't bring herself to quit dreaming about a certain young king.
"No, i guess it doesn't." He said. Caspian wanted to come closer. To touch her. To kiss her and tell her how much he loved her. But instead he settled for, "as long as you're here nothing else matters." And Lucy had to gasp to remember how to breathe. She felt her cheeks flood with red and caspian smirked that awfully handsome smirk of his. He excused himself and left her breathless and hoping. And again Lucy felt like she was drowning.
She was beautiful, even more so than Susan, Lucy thought. The star stood before her in all her golden beauty as she greeted them, congratulating and thanking them for their bravery. The battle was over and all was well once again in Narnia but Lucy still felt the inner war raging inside her as the beautiful star flirted and smiled sweetly at caspian. Lucy sighed heavily feeling her heart tearing at the seams. She slowly lifted her eyes up at the rosette coloured sky. The sun is rising. After the dark comes the brilliant radiance of a new day, for all of Narnia. And a new love story for a certain king with almost golden hair. But Lucy knew she wasn't a part of that story and it weighted heavily on her fragile heart. The sun felt warm and heart breaking at the same time to Lucy as she closed her eyes, preventing the tears from spilling.
"Sunsets in Narnia proves to be both saddening and up lifting." A most familiarly deep voice said from behind Lucy, of course she knew who it was. Caspian. He stood beside her on the edge of the same cliff over looking what was once dark island. Their arms brushing through loose cotton tunics.
"What makes you say that?" Lucy didn't bother to open her eyes and look at her unknowing heart breaker.
"Its up lifting because it symbolises the dawn of a new day, a promise of new adventures. But then again, each sunrise brings us closer to Aslan's country and something tells me that i would have to say farewell to you one more time. And saying goodbye to you is the most saddening thing for me, Lucy." Lucy opened her eyes, a warm trail of tears making its way down her pale freckled cheek. Goodbyes didn't have to be so hurtful and saddening this Lucy knew but Caspian just had to make it all the more difficult. Saying such words not knowing what effect it has on her valiant heart.
"Goodbyes will only bring us closer to new hellos." Lucy swallowed all the pain and turned to caspian with a smile that didn't quite reach her ears. "Wouldn't you rather greet lilliandil instead Caspian?" Lucy asked, her heart screaming brokenly at her.
"Not if i have to say goodbye to my valiant queen." Caspian looked at her with an undecipherable expression. "I don't ever wish to say goodbye to you Lucy." His words made Lucy's heart beat faster and a flood of red to wash over her skin.
"Caspian.. I-i, uh.. I-" Lucy stammered for something to say. But caspian didn't let her finish and pulled her to him, his lips found her lips in an instant. The taste of sea salt and sweet tea laced together invaded her senses. Her fingers soon found the band that holds Caspian's hair in place, pulling at the rubbery material and twinning her fingers in the now free strands of soft hair. And even until when they pulled apart Lucy still felt like she was drowning.
"Stay, please... My love. Stay with me." Caspian pleaded to Lucy at the end of the world. Lucy cried, the tears blurring her vision but even so her view of caspian was as clear as the blue waters of her beloved eastern sea.
"If only i could. I would." She gasped. Sucking in much needed air to help her tight lungs breathe. She loved him so much and she always will. He then kissed her, not caring if Edmund, Eustace and the great lion himself could see them. He didn't want to let go of her. She was his queen and no one else would ever do.
"I love you, caspian." She breathed.
"And i you my dearest Lucy." He said as he kissed her closed eyes. He embraced her one last time as tightly as he could without hurting her. After they had their last goodbyes and the waves had swallowed them, taking them back to their world, Aslan came to stand beside the young king.
"You'll see her again, my child." The great lions mane shone bright gold in the glinting sunlight. "In my country where there will be no more goodbyes." And when he turned back the great lion was gone, only his paw prints on the sand remained of his presence. Caspian hoped... Until we meet again my dear heart, Lucy.
