Disclaimer : Disclaimed. I hold no ownership over Harry Potter (aw) and/or 'My Immortal' (thank god)


Alas! My poor friend, you have stumbled across a giant boil to the face of literature. After accidentally, googling the forbidden line of 'Harry Potter fanfiction,' you happened across it.

'Perhaps this so very well reviewed story, entitled "My Immortal" shall provide a degree of mediocre entertainment' you thought, ever so innocently.

Your mind craves entertainment, something other than the frightfully common 'sparkly vampires' phenomenon (Even now, a group of highly trained chimpanzees are working with a single goal of discovering the reason this hideous, "I-wrote-down-the-words-I-though-I-saw-on-a-piece-of-used-toliet-paper" thing came to such a cataclysmic popularity (1))

Once again, my sombre cry of "Alas! You poor fool" can be heard, echoing across the fields.

Perhaps, the lame puns about being 'goffik' within the authors notes were just an amusing prequel towards the great literature residing under the banner - Or maybe not.

Upon the opening, a lengthly description of a 17 year old 'vampire' whom appears to be titled after a brain disease and bears a resemblance to the singer of the Alternative Rock band, Evanescence, you wish you'd never clicked it.

However, a sick curiosity fuels you on, and you bravely continue.

Only to find that this abomination is indeed set within the exceptional world of Harry Potter. Ms Rowling would have cried. Or, perhaps she did, since she admits to reading fanfiction herself...

A lack of research arises since one whom resides in somewhere other than America may question what this shop, 'Hot Topic' is. It is certainly not in Britain, or, in fact Scotland. However, in your innocence you brush it off, even gritting your teeth at the passing reference of titling anyone who is not, 'goffik' as a prep.

Finally, a ray of - oh wait, thats not hope. It's the sunlight reflecting of the pale head of the also 'goffik' Draco Malfoy.

How very unfortunate.

You've come this far now, so your unstoppable curiosity enthrals you to continue.

Swallowing back the bile that has sluggishly arisen to your mouth, you click hesitantly on 'next'

Only to find that despite the entire 10 minutes of descriptions, the long details about what this character 'Ebony' ( or is it enoby? or perhaps eyonb? In fact, let's just keyboard mash, thats probably close to her[citation needed] name!) about what this character 'ULG∆µï4r378uaKJ' is wearing, it is apparently a new day.

With 'ULG∆µï4r378uaKJ' waking up in her 'decked out' coffin...

What do you know, it is apparently 'black ebony'

Doesn't that description sound redundant. I mean, black, ebony...don't they loosely describe the same thing?

At least her spelling isn't absolutely shocking.

Yet.

Another is introduced, Willow - or is it Raven, who apparently is also 'goffik'

But, so sad, another chapter comes to an abrupt end. Perhaps you feel a sudden splash of joy, perhaps it's finally over!

My friend, I'm sorry. There is another 42 chapters of this madness, complete with spelling errors that will end in the unavoidable gouging out of your retinas with a fork - yes, you will be driven to such lengths that you attempt to stab a muscle-bound hole with a pronged eating implement.

That is the effect it has, a fanfiction so horrible that 4chan would quiver in fear, against its evil.

And in spite of all this, you laugh hysterically. Guess it robbed you of your sanity as well.


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(1) This is unmentionable by name, since it caused spasmodic episodes within the author.