Skulduggery Pleasant- Eternal Rage

Disclaimer: I do not own any Characters from the Skulduggery Pleasant series except my OC's which will appear in the second chapter. For the people who think I did, I do not mean to be cruel, but I will allow myself to point and laugh silently behind your back. If you still believe, then yes, I am Derek Landy and instead of working on the 7th, 8th and 9th book, I have decided to devote my time to write fan fictions in secret while I practice Karate and get ready to take down Lord Vile. He really exists you know, and if you believe I am Derek Landy then you will believe that too. XD.

Chapter One : Extra toppings

Valkyrie Cain walked through the darkness, her necromancer ring buzzing with dark energy. She found the first body lying sprawled over the couch. His shirt was soaked in blood and he had a leg missing. The next one was lying slumped over the T.V. He had a pizza in his hand a quizzical expression on his face.

" It was probably the extra cheese", a smooth as velvet voice said from behind her and she turned to see Skulduggery, his revolver in his hand.

" It wasn't worth the extra two dollars anyway", Valkyrie joked as she paced around the room.

" Two people dead, what do you think?" Skulduggery asked her as he put his revolver away. Valkyrie just shrugged.

" I think I'm hungry"

" Two men are dead and all you can think about is food?"

" Yes, and technically three men are dead", Valkyrie replied, pointing at Skulduggery.

" Very true."

" And you haven't eaten in a long time."

"Again, true."

" So you don't know how it feels to be hungry!"

" Also true, and may I point out that your logic is being very accurate today, so why don't you guess the murderer, we take him to jail and then I buy you chips".

" I've found the murderer", Valkyrie said and Skulduggery cocked his head.

" Would you mind telling me who it is?" Valkyrie took the pizza out of the man's hand and threw it at Skulduggery. It hit his skull and a huge chunk of salami, cheese and pineapple clung on.

" It's the pizza", Valkyrie grinned as Skulduggery wiped off the toppings.

" Very lady like", Skulduggery replied gruffly as he walked out of the house and into the Bentley. Valkyrie got in the car but Skulduggery didn't start the engine.

" What's wrong?" Valkyrie asked and Skulduggery pointed to the back seat.

" You sit there".

" WHY!"

" Because I told you to"

" Skulduggery, tell the truth or I swear I will take off your arm and give it to the biggest dog I see".

" Charming, that is".

" Skulduggery, what's the real reason?"

" It's punishment".

" For what?"

" Throwing pizza at my face", Skulduggery said and Valkyrie sighed. It was going to be a long night.

Ghastly was working on a suit in his shop when the door opened and Skulduggery walked inside. Ghastly looked around him but couldn't see Valkyrie.

" Where's Valkyrie?" Ghastly asked as Skulduggery sat down.

" Sulking in the car".

" About what?"

" Me making her sit in the back-seat".

" And why would you do that?"

"I did it because she threw pizza at my face". Ghastly grinned. Valkyrie was a good influence on Skulduggery. Kept him on his toes.

" How times have changed", Ghastly said happily and Skulduggery cocked his head.

" What do you mean?"

" I mean that things have changed. Valkyrie is no longer a child. Skulduggery, she's 18 now."

" You're point is…?"

" My point is you can't baby her anymore Skul, she's grown up".

Skulduggery stayed silent for a moment before piping up.

" She acts like a 5 year old". Ghastly laughed. Skulduggery couldn't move on from the old times. He was happy, and so was Valkyrie, but Ghastly knew that it would change, sooner or later.

" So why do you bother me?"

" Well, Valkyrie is hungry and I don't know anywhere to take her".

" You mean dinner?", Ghastly asked, his smile fading.

" Yeah, if that's what it's called these days.

" Skulduggery, did you ask her on a date?"

Skulduggery cocked his head.

" What ever dirty thoughts you're thinking Bespoke, stop them now. Valkyrie is like a daughter to me, and besides, I'm a Skeleton."

" I realized".

" And I'm dead"

' I know that too."

" And I have no lips".

" Wow, we could put you on a game show. Next up, Skulduggery Pleasant, special subject, the bleeding obvious! There was a laugh from behind them and they saw Valkyrie leaning on the doorframe.

" Valkyrie, how much of that did you hear?" Skulduggery asked, looking obviously uncomfortable.

" All of it, and too be honest, I wouldn't mind a date." Skulduggery froze on the spot and Valkyrie just laughed.

" I'm joking Skul".

" You better be", was Skulduggery's reply as he walked out of the room. Right at that moment, Tanith Low walked in. They had recently found a way to get the Remnant out of her, and boy was Ghastly happy.

" Hey Valkyrie", Tanith said happily as Valkyrie noticed she was wearing panties and a very see- through bra.

" Nice outfit", Valkyrie replied as Tanith gave her a hug.

" Well, I did have some plans for tonight, if you know what I mean".

" Ew, Tanith, that's gross".

" It's a part of being an adult Val, you gotta get used to it", Tanith replied and Valkyrie felt herself blush. She rarely thought about these things. Skulduggery walked into the room but stopped when he saw Tanith.

" Am I interrupting something"

" Actually, you kind of are".

" And that would be?"

" Me and Val were talking". Skulduggery just nodded his response and sat down next to Ghastly. Tanith grabbed Valkyrie's hand and practically dragged her into a room. Valkyrie just giggled.

" I heard Ghastly and Skul talking, did Skul ask you out?" Tanith asked. Valkyrie seemed to give Tanith a death stare before replying.

" I said I was hungry, so he was asking Ghastly were a good place was to eat".

" Anyway, did you catch the murderer?"

" Yeah, Pizza with extra toppings." Tanith laughed.

" Seriously?"

" Well, one was killed by a pizza but the other one…" Valkyrie began but Tanith burst out laughing before she could finish the sentence.

" Wow, I've seen all kinds of deaths in my time, but never death by pizza", Tanith screeched, rolling on the floor in laughter.

" Hey, you're ROFLing, no-body ROFLs in real life" Valkyrie said with a mock scowl. This made Tanith laugh out harder as she struggled to breathe.

" I think I'm going to die laughing", Tanith said, tears in her eyes. This comment made the floodgates burst open and Valkyrie joined her best friend on the floor, laughing out so hard it made her lungs hurt. The door opened and Skulduggery and Ghastly came through after hearing the commotion. They saw what was going on, looked at each other in a moment of utter confusion, the said in synch, " Women", shaking their heads as they did so.

" Get up you two", Skulduggery said, " We've found a link to our murder".

" So dinner's cancelled?" Valkyrie asked, still struggling to catch her breath. She was on the bed but Tanith was still laughing on the floor.

" Naturally."

" But I'm starving!" Valkyrie whined.

" You'll have to wait."

" Skulduggery, I haven't eaten in three days!"

" Patience is a virtue."

" Virtue is overrated."

" It is an eternal gift".

" Eternal gifts are overrated to."

" Do it as a favour for me".

" Favours are overrated as well."

" So everything that you think is overrated is overrated?"

" Yep."

" And that would be because…?"

"I'm awesome, so people listen to me."

"I'm not listening to you".

" But you're talking to me."

" Doesn't mean I'm listening".

" I'm awesome, end of story"

" But…"

" End of story", Valkyrie laughed as she punched Skulduggery in the arm.

" Now you resort to violence, how very cunning of you".

" Shut up", Valkyrie grinned as she punched Skulduggery harder.

" Hey, you just punched me. I can report you. I have got two witnesses". Tanith finally managed to drag herself onto the bed.

" What'd I miss?" she asked and Skulduggery sighed.

"One witness."

A/N: Thank you for reading the first chapter of my 20-chapter story ( That's how it should be if all goes to plan). Not only is it my first chapter of a story, but it's my first story as well so please review, and not just mindless praises [which I probably won't get anyway ;) ]. I want to see what I can improve so by the end of the story, I can make a more enjoyable and thrilling story. Thanks for reading and keep it real :P.