Humph!
Humph!
Ah!
Ah!
He desperately put so much effort on his legs. Bringing one in front of another. The first step was the beginning of a long journey. About that path he took which he never chose. The sky began to cry without him noticing. He continued running with all his might. He was alone on the road, with that thought engraved in his head. Now that his body soaked with that yet heavy rain, he began to slow his rhythm. Slowly and slowly until he stopped in front of a lake. He began to pant heavily turning them into chocked cries. He took a deep breath.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
He fell on his knees as if the sky's tears were too heavy for him to take. He was defeated. Drops begin to form in his eyes. Now we couldn't make a difference between the sky's pain and his. He bent in the front, hitting the grassy ground with his clutched fists and the head down. The air thickened around him. His body began to shiver. His teal blue wet bangs hid his face. He was feeling cold, but even colder in the inside. His poor tired heart was lifeless like an empty shell. He held his tears bravely and calmed down after some minutes passed. He looked up the crying sky, and had a sad smile with, hopefully, the last tear trailing on his burning cheek. He stood up dizzily and began toward the lake.
"JOOOOHHAAAAAAANN!"
Yes. Johan was his name. He hated that name. Its signification is "The Grace of God". He wasn't the grace of god at all. He knows that this name meant something else than what it really is. Because he knows that he's a sinner. God would never let a guy like him be the grace.
"JOHAAN!"
The panting brunet finally caught him after running after him. Judai stopped, bending over with his hands on his upper knees, trying to catch his breath slowly. All covered with bruises and blood.
Johan turned around and looked at him with lifeless eyes.
"Ju..dai..."
The brunet stunned. He was horrified by that picture. It wasn't Johan that he saw in front of him anymore. It was a soulless body. His eyes saddened he tried to get closer to him.
"Johan, what were you trying to do just now?..."
Johan stood there without a word; he turned to face the cold water. The rain blurred the surface of the water and disturbed its peaceful day.
Judai walked and grabbed his arm. Forcefully turning his whole body to face him. But it just got worst. He saw what broke his heart inside. His tears. His precious elixir that mustn't be wasted. He couldn't bear seeing him that way. It had to stop somehow. He had to help him. He instantly brought his wet clothed arms around him bringing him closer. Johan's head down on his chest with a spared hand on it as if he was protecting it from falling. He tightened his grip forgetting that Johan was about to break. After realizing it, he rapidly loosened up and sighed.
"Johan...it's alright, you didn't do anything wrong. You're a good boy. I know that."
When Johan heard his words, his eyes widened then quickly narrowed with a grimace on his face letting his brows frown and his teeth clenching. He brought his arms to Judai's chest and grasped his shirt with a forceful yet fragile grip. He then let out a hiccup before crying the rain that fills the ocean wide. Judai was patting his head and trying to calm him down before returning home.
After some minutes, the rain stopped and the sky cleared from the thick dark clouds and let place to a beautiful sunset that only them could watch this closely. Johan calmed down for a while now. Still in Judai's arms, sitting on the grass and smelling his addictive scent.
Judai was focused on his thinking, but was cut with a still shivering voice.
"Judai..."
He stayed silent for a second then spoke.
"what is it?"
"I'm sorry...I'm truly sorry..."
"It's nothing to be sorry about. It happens. But next time, don't try to run away with suicidal thoughts. It's not like you at all..."
Johan's eyes widened.
'I made him angry...I'm a coward...' thought the blue haired boy.
"I didn't want to make you angry...I'm sorr-..."
He couldn't finish his words. Judai interrupted him. His lips crashed onto Johan's ones. His hands' touching each sides of the other's burning face.
Johan was debating at first but quit resisting that tempting kissing. He slowly opened a his mouth to that begging tongue who took the lead.
Judai continued pleasing him by explore his mouth with his tongue while pushing him to the ground for a better position. Johan just let him do what he wanted. He was weak, he couldn't fight back. Judai got on top of him and began to push his hand further under his wet shirt. ( it wasn't easy so he took his time)
Johan enjoyed that feeling. He wanted more. He brought his arms around Judai's neck and pulled him closer.
Judai snapped out of it. He stopped right away. He kissed him gently one last time on his forehead.
Johan couldn't understand why he stopped.
"W-why did you stop?"
Judai diverted his gaze from him.
"It's already dark and we should dry ourselves first..."
Johan knew it wasn't that but something else bothering the brunet.
Judai got up first and helped Johan stand up on his feet.
"Let's go..."
That two words seemed endless in the back of Johan's head. He wanted to get closer to him and hug him another time. But he understood that it wasn't the right time.
'I did something that made him angry again...'
He lowered his head and started walking towards the river.
"Wait! Johan! Don't you dare to think about it again!"
"I won't."
Johan now staring at the cleared mirror water that the surface reflected. He sighed in relieve.
Judai waited for him a little longer until he'll decide to go back.
The moon was already hanged on the sky with the multiple of stars drowning the scenery into soft light.
Johan saw something glowing in the water. He wanted to take it. But since he forgot how much the river at that extend was pretty deep, he slipped and fell in the water.
He couldn't swim... his ankle was entangled by the seaweeds.
SPLUTSH!
Judai was already swimming to get him back, worrying he might die. Most likely panicking.
His hand was close yet not able to reach. Johan drown. He got under the water to rescue him. When he got him, he was gradually losing consciousness. He hurried to get him out of the water but suddenly, he felt that something caught his leg. He was also stuck in the water because of the seaweeds. So he had to make a choice and quick. He helped Johan get some air by giving him his own remaining breath with a deep kiss.
Johan opened his eyes and could slightly see Judai's face, illuminated by the moonlight, smiling at him with a sad face and seemed to tell him something. Then felt floating up to the surface.
Judai helped him get out of the water safely, Sacrificing himself.
Johan waited for him to come out from the water in vain.
-1 week passed-
[At the funeral]
Johan's POV
I should have listened to what Judai said that day... I shouldn't have stayed near that lake...It's my entire fault. I'm the one to blame! Just like the main cause that led to this sad ending.
(FLASHBACK)
It was a peaceful morning, nothing to worry about...I had to meet up with Judai at 10 for our first date as a couple. I was really happy and I was really looking forward to what was coming ahead; as a simple and exiting date between lovers. Judai was waiting for me in front of the subway.
I saw him smiling at me with his all his white teeth showing. He waved at me.
"Ooooii! Johaaaan!"
I chuckled then walked toward him.
"Judai! Sorry I'm late."
He blushed a bit.
"Ohh no, it's okay! I just got here too anyways."
I laughed.
'He obviously came here 1 hour before the right time and waited for this whole time. That is so his character!'
"Okay, we shall go now. What is the surprise you wanted to show me?"
He stared at me for a second.
"I shall not tell you yet!"
I pout then laughed again.
We went skating, we went to see a movie we did a lot of cool things. I had so much fun!
It was already 6 PM. The time we spent together was dreamlike.
"Johan. I want you to close your eyes for a moment."
"eh? Why?"
He insisted.
"Just do it!"
I closed my eyes just as he told me to do, I felt a soft tissue. I guess it was silk. So soft and smooth at the touch. He banded my eyes so that I wouldn't trick him. We walked a few meters away, and then we stopped. I asked him.
"Are we here yet? Can I take off this silky thing on my eyes?"
He didn't respond.
I was worried.
"Hey! Judai! You're still with me right?"
No response either.
I quickly took off the piece of silky cloth.
My vision cleared and I saw him, on his knees, with a little crimson box in his hands, handing it to me.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHAN! Today is your 18th birthday. I'm grateful to God you were born to this world. It was fate meeting you. I can't imagine my life without you now. You're my everything...I love you."
I was shocked. I didn't have the words to describe how happy I was. I totally forgot about my birthday. Even my parents didn't care about it much. I was astonished yet on the verge of crying. I just nodded with my mouth open and laughed like a fool and crumbled next to him and hugged him tight.
But then, all about this ended quickly.
We encountered some delinquents in the street. Of course no one helped us. They wanted our money...Judai stood for me and told me to run away while he's going to distract them. I was against the idea...I wanted to stay by his side. He wasn't going to beat them alone. Judai knew that I weak since birth. I know that it was to protect me from those guys that he told me to run away.
One of the delinquents took me by the shirt and lifted me from the ground.
"Give mah that box ya got thar pal! Be generous and give us that shit! Or else, I'll fuckin' screw u...Yah look like a girl so it won't make a difference!"
They started laughing.
Judai wanted to help me but the three others were ready to jump at him and beat him to death.
The one, who was holding me by the collar, almost hit me. That's because Judai took the punch for me. Then He released and began to kick Judai in the face, in the stomach, and other places. The other three joined him.
I was pushing them and trying to get Judai out of their reach but Judai pushed me back and took another punch from that guy that was supposedly directed to me.
"R-run...a-away...! JOHAN, RUN AWAY! ..."
I couldn't stand to see him this way...I did as he told me and ran away...
(END OF FLASHBACK)
I really regret now...My life is no longer the life that I want to live. Because without him, my world crumbled and broke into tiny pieces.
Our love was unbreakable. I know it.
I'm still alive thanks to him...He wouldn't like it if I attempt to do a reckless thing again...He would hate me for it...I won't let his death be wasted.
Because now I can clearly remember what he told me under the water that day...I'll never forget that. Never!
"I love you..."
That's what he said...
That reminds me of that time, when we began to kiss and all that stuff...why did he stop?
I wonder why...
But still...you were my first and last.
I love you too Judai...and Happy Birthday...
