Chapter One: I Can't Pretend that I'm Fine
"Euphie..."
A sickening gunshot echoed through the air and through his heart. The pink-haired woman, the sweet innocent woman that he called his princess, fell through the air almost in slow motion. Time stopped for him. He didn't even realize that he was in his Knightmare frame anymore. The Lancelot hovered above the scene like a haunting spectator.
The woman's pink hair fanned out like a wave in front of her, shrouding her face. Her hand was held out in the air, almost as if she were reaching for the skies. A stream of red blossomed from her torso out onto her pink dress like a sickening flower... where the bullet had entered her.
At the other end of the area was the masked man that shot her. Zero.
"NO!!"
His scream of horror wasn't even heard in his own ears. He wasn't comprehending anything other then to fly the Lancelot down towards the princess. His gaze was only on the young woman that he had to save, he had to save her, there was no other way... he wouldn't be anything without her.
The other Knightmare in the area fired at him to protect Zero and his lightning quick reflexes made the Lancelot move out of the way just in time. It only added on to his feeling of hopelessness and fear.
"Damn it! I'm no match for the Hadron Cannon!" He swore as the cannon from the Knightmare fired at him, sending out waves of red heat that could fry a Knightmare frame from the inside out. One shot with that and he was done for, but he wouldn't fire at the mech. His only focus was the woman who was falling to the ground.
He caught the woman in the hands of the Knightmare and then he immediately turned his mech and streaked back towards the Avalon.
***
"Get some rest." The motherly woman said quietly as she placed a hand on Suzaku's shoulder.
He had been sitting outside of Euphie's hospital room for the last 36 hours. He hadn't been allowed to go in, but he stayed there anyway, drifting in and out of sleep when he could. He didn't know when Euphemia was going to wake up, and so he stayed guard outside of her room.
He remembered the discussion with Cornelia. About how he had failed. There was no way to apologize for what he did. No way at all. He should never have let Zero and Euphie be in the same room alone. How could he have been so stupid as to let Euphie be alone with him? What had he done to make Euphie kill all of those Japanese?
WHY? What in her right mind would make Euphie kill the Japanese! There was nothing that Zero could've possibly said! That madness in Euphie's eyes...
He shuddered and crunched up into a little ball, forgetting that the woman was even there. Cecile Croomy was an assistant to Lloyd, the head of the research department of the Britannian military and Suzaku's boss in a way. She was a kind soul, with short cropped blue-black hair and blue eyes that always looked at everyone with concern in them. She had become a motherly figure for Suzaku, even if she wasn't that much older then him. She always wore the uniform of the military, and today was no different.
"Suzaku..."
"Leave me alone Cecile."
It was a quiet uttering, one that was hoarse from a voice that hadn't gotten any use since it had last screamed. It was an uttering from a man defeated. This was the worst death he would ever have to sit through.
"Suzaku, you need your rest."
"Leave me alone Cecile." He repeated.
"Please Suzaku..." He saw the woman kneel down to his eye level and look him in the eyes. "There's nothing you can do."
His hands gripped the arms of his chair that he was sitting in until the knuckles turned white on his hand. "Don't... say... that..." He said through clenched teeth, his eyes threatening to spill over tears once again.
"Suzaku, she wouldn't be happy with you if you got yourself sick. At least go to eat something."
"Don't feel like it."
"Suzaku." Cecile's eyes narrowed at him but he was too depressed to care. "Get food."
"No-"
A pneumatic hiss flooded his ears from the door to Euphemia's room and he glanced up to see a doctor come out of the room with Princess Cornelia. The older sister of Euphemia, Cornelia, was a proud, stern woman with hair almost like Euphie's, except a shade darker. She was a warrior, a princess, and a well-bred woman who didn't take bullshit from anyone. Normally Suzaku would be admiring this, but right now all he wanted to know was news on Euphie.
The woman glanced over at Suzaku with eyes of hatred and his terror gripped him again so hard he thought he would be sick. Was she dead? No! No she couldn't be dead! Don't let her be dead!
He saw the doctor stand behind Cornelia and frown. "Your Highness, she does want to-"
"I know!" The regal woman snapped as she motioned once with her hand to silence the doctor. Then she looked back at Suzaku.
"Kururugi."
He couldn't even bring about the strength to get up. "Yes, Your Highness." He said as protocol dictated.
"Go in. Euphemia wants to see you."
So she was awake... His eyes brightened and he felt a small glow within him. She was alive...
However, with the way Cornelia looked at him, that small bubble of hope was punctured and air escaped in a quiet hiss. No... why did she look like that? Why did she have despair in her eyes?
How was Euphie?
"Ma'am." He replied quickly and his feet carried him inside, the door shutting behind him with another pneumatic hiss.
What he saw in there made him want to be sick again.
She was cleaned up but she looked so pale as she lay there on the bed. There was an orange cover over the bed, and her face, the pale gaunt face that was foreign to him, was covered with a breathing mask. Her eyes opened to look at his with their haunted look and his eyes started to burn again. He didn't know what to think... the fact that he was so happy to see her open her eyes again... or the fact that they already looked dead.
He swallowed and pressed a button on the bed so that she would be able to talk to him. The orange cover slipped back and he went to grab her hand, sitting down beside her.
He had to know... he had to...
"Euphie, why did you give those orders?" He whispered to her hoarsely, gripping her hand tightly like a man lost at sea to a rock.
"Wh... what orders...?" The weak woman asked, and then Suzaku felt his hand gripped tightly and she cried a cry of pain, starting to sob.
"Euphie! Euphie, what's-"
"Suzaku... you're Japanese, aren't you?"
It was the first time he had seen the crazed look in her eye, the look like she wanted nothing more then to start killing again. Suzaku was terrified. Why would she be looking like that? He didn't even care that it was directed at him... he didn't care at all. A life without Euphie for him wasn't a life at all now. She had given him so much...
Then she cried again and squeezed her eyes shut, mumbling to herself. "No... no not him... please..."
He didn't understand what was going on. He had no idea what to do. He had sworn to protect her, but how could he protect her now from herself? Why? Why would this happen?!
"Suzaku... what happened... what happened at the ceremony?"
He looked back into her blue eyes as they opened and looked over at him with almost a begging look. She honestly couldn't remember... but how could he tell her? How could he tell her that she had massacred so many people?
"Th-The Specially Administrated Japan... It was... a great success!" He lied, forcing a smile onto his face, though his heart tore him up to say it. How could he keep that smile on his face as he told her these lies?
'You can because she's going to die.'
"I'm so glad..."
He gripped her hand but he could feel her own grip slipping and his heart pounded in his chest painfully. No... no no... no... not yet Euphie, not yet!
He couldn't bear it... not without her... please...
"I can't see your face Suzaku... it's so odd..."
He started to sob and he leaned closer to her face. "No! No Euphie, it's okay!"
"I'm sorry... you know... I never did get to go to school..."
"But Euphie, we can still go to Ashford, together!" Suzaku sobbed as his face was merely inches away from hers. No, if she couldn't see him, he'd come closer to her! That was all there was to it! He wouldn't let her-
She gripped his hand tighter then before and screamed suddenly. The heart moniters went wild and she couldn't stop screaming. Suzaku couldn't help but pull back in shock.
"NO! NO! I WON'T KILL HIM! NOT HIM! NO!!!"
The doctors came running into the room as it plunged into complete chaos, Cornelia with them. He felt himself be thrown out of the chair to the floor, where he was caught by two guards.
"GET HIM OUT OF HERE!" Cornelia snarled. "DON'T LET HIM COME BACK! GET OUT OF HERE, YOU FILTHY ELEVEN!"
Suzaku scrambled to his feet and tried to go back to the woman of his life that was screaming in terror and agony, the moniters flaring wildly.
"No!"
"GET HIM OUT OF HERE!"
"NO!"
"I WON'T KILL HIM!! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!"
"EUPHIE!!!!!!!!!!"
