Beca Mitchell had been closed off for her entire life. It wasn't necessarily something she chose, it was just the way she was. Ever since her parent's horrifying divorce when she was young, Beca had held everyone in her life at arms length. The more people knew about you, the easier it was to get hurt. And in turn, Beca never let anyone get close to her.
When Beca started at Barden University, she hadn't expected anything to change. She'd planned on going through the motions and graduate to appease her father until he gave her the money he promised her. After that, she'd take off to fulfill her dream of becoming a DJ; but it didn't go according to plan. The aspiring DJ didn't expect to join the a capella group and have real friends. She didn't expect to love singing and performing. She definitely didn't expect to fall in love with anyone.
Chloe Beale. Beca remembered the first time she saw the breathtaking redhead and shockingly blue eyes, handing out posters for the singing group she was now a part of. Smiling at her next memory of her current girlfriend cornering the freshman girl the shower and demanding she sing and begging her to join the Bellas. The young DJ remembered the intense feeling of jealousy after seeing the boy naked with Chloe. She remembered the feeling of safety that immediately came over her body the first time the older girl had wrapped her arms around her. Granted, it was only to teach her the dance choreography but still.
Pushing those thoughts away, the brunette stood up and stretch, loosening her tense muscles. Aubrey had really worked them hard today. Checking the time, Beca took a quick shower and got dressed in ripped, dark skinny jeans and a button-up dark plaid shirt over a band t-shirt. Running a comb through her hair, she grabbed her keys and wallet; waving goodbye to her unfriendly roommate she walked the relatively short distance to Chloe and Aubrey's apartment.
The familiar feeling of butterflies erupted in Beca's stomach as she knocked on her girlfriend's door. Despite the fact that she'd never been with anyone before, Beca really liked being able to call Chloe her girlfriend.
"Hey babe," Chloe greeted, her eyes lighting up when she was the younger girl.
Beca smiled, she almost reached out and pulling her girlfriend into a tight hug and a kiss but she hesitated. Growing up, neither of Beca's parents paid the girl much attention and hugs weren't something Beca was used to or even comfortable with. To be completely honest, Chloe was the only person that Beca felt comfortable with at all. Chloe understood that this was Beca's first serious relationship so she let the younger girl decide the pace of their relationship.
"Hey you," Beca smiled, her heart beating erratically.
"Are you just going to stand there and stare at me or do you want to come in?" The older girl teased, wrapping her girlfriend in a tight embrace.
Beca tensed and of course Chloe noticed. She'd been meaning to bring it up, why Beca was so uncomfortable with physical contact and opening up. The two of them had been together for close to five months now.
After a moment or two Beca relaxed into the taller girl's embrace, wrapping her arms around the taller girl's waist. The redhead smiled, tightening her grip.
Aubrey cleared her throat behind them.
"You guys should probably close the door instead of just standing in the doorway hugging, it's kind of weird," Aubrey teased, closing the door behind the couple.
She and Beca didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things about the Bellas but as long as she made her best friend happy, she decided to give the brunette another chance and try to establish a real friendship.
Chloe laughed, pulling Beca with her, she walked over the couch and placed the younger girl in her lap, keeping her arms tightly wrapped around her waist. Chloe loved holding Beca. She knew that Beca would never ever ask for comfort after a hard or stressful day or at all really.
Beca had yet to open up about her past. All Chloe really knew was that her parents had had a really nasty divorce that obviously left some scars on the girl she loved and that Beca had been neglected and starved for affection of any kind as a child. The older girl's heart broke for her girlfriend and she wanted to help her deal with her past but she didn't want to force the brunette beauty to open up or she might close herself off more. In the mean time, Chloe continued to be affectionate. She was so happy that Beca's guards were starting to come down. Aubrey was supposed to go and spend the night with Stacie so she and Beca could have the place to themselves. Chloe had been talking to Aubrey about needing Beca to open up to her more but not wanting to push her so Aubrey suggested she have her girlfriend over, she would make her subtle exit, the couple would watch a movie or something, and then Chloe could try to coax it out of her.
"Alright you guys, I'm going to head over to Stacie's place. Have a good night and for the love of God, please do not have sex on my couch," Aubrey said, only half joking.
Beca and Chloe laughed, smiling at Aubrey.
"I can't make you any guarantees," Chloe joked, winking at Beca who was now a dark shade of red.
Aubrey smiled at the two before closing the door and heading out to Stacie's.
"Well, now that we're alone…" Chloe whispered in Beca's ear.
Beca smiled and flipped around so she was straddling Chloe. Wrapping one arm around the taller girl's waist, Beca's lips met Chloe's. Chloe moaned into the kiss, pulling Beca tighter against her. The senior pushed them down so that she was now on top of her girlfriend, peppering her neck with kisses. A huge smile appeared on Chloe's face when she heard Beca gasp in pleasure and surprise. Beca reached up, tangling her fingers through her girlfriend's gorgeous red hair. As the kiss got more heated, Chloe noticed Beca becoming tense; she was still kissing her and responsive, just stiff, like something was wrong.
Confused but not wanting to overstep any unset boundaries, Chloe pulled away and gazed into the confused eyes of her girlfriend. There was an awkward moment of silence before Chloe cleared her throat and sat back, effectively ending their moment.
"So, what do you want to do now?" Beca asked, still breathing heavily.
"Well I was thinking we could watch a movie," Chloe suggested. She knew that Beca was trying to change the topic and she let her; she would be pushing Beca enough for one night later.
"Chlo! You know I hate movies," Beca whined.
"You're adorable," Chloe chuckled at her girlfriend's pouty face. Beca grimaced, obviously objecting to being called adorable.
"Fine," Beca sighed. "One movie."
"Yes!" Chloe squealed in delight, leaning over she kissed her girlfriend's cheek, a huge grin on her face.
"Yeah well you're lucky I lov-" Beca froze. "Like you so much," she finished.
Chloe froze too. Had Beca been about to say she loved her? Why didn't she? Chloe knew that she loved Beca but she'd waiting to say it. What if Beca didn't say it back? What if it was too soon? But if Beca loved her, so why couldn't she say it? Chloe sighed and made a note to add that to the list of thing she wanted to talk about with Beca after the movie.
"So which movie?" Beca asked, awkwardly clearing her throat.
"I was thinking…John Tucker Must Die?" Chloe suggested.
"Sounds fine to me," Beca responded. Her eyes were on Chloe but the older girl could tell she was a thousand miles away in her mind. Chloe smiled in response; she put the movie in the DVD player and walked over to the couch to cuddle with her girlfriend. She laid down the couch, pulling her younger girlfriend close to her. She reached over to the remote and turned the lights off. She felt Beca tense in her arms.
"Beca? Babe what's wrong?" Chloe asked, worried. Having every muscle in your body tense up after just turning the lights out was a pretty concerning reaction.
"N-nothing I'm fine. I just wasn't expecting you to turn the lights off. Let's just watch the movie," The beautiful brunette deflected.
"I'm a psychology major, Beca. I know that you're lying to me and that you're scared. Just talk to me," Chloe pleaded, pulling the younger girl's body closer to her in an attempt to get her to relax.
"It's nothing okay? Drop it," Beca said forcefully. Her muscles were even tenser and she tried to sit up, only to have Chloe's arms around her tighten. Feeling Beca try to run away, Chloe tightened her grip on her girlfriend in attempt to help.
"S-stop. Please let go of m-me!" Beca pleaded. Her eyes were haunted and far away, like she was reliving a memory and she was shaking so hard that Chloe thought her girlfriend might break in her arms.
Chloe immediately released her grip on Beca, shocked.
"What the Hell is going on?" Chloe asked frantically, she turned around and flipped the light switch on.
By this time tears were pooling in the younger girl's eyes. She knew that she had to get away before Chloe had a chance to see her cry, a chance to see her vulnerable. Even when she was younger, Beca never allowed anyone to see her cry.
"I-I have to go," Beca stuttered, cursing herself. She never stuttered, she wasn't that girl anymore and she sure as hell wasn't about to unearth memories that it had taken her years to push away.
Beca turned on her heel to walk away before she let the tears fall but her girlfriend grabbed her wrist, not allowing her to leave.
"Don't run away from me, just talk to me!" The older girl pleaded, not releasing her grip on her younger girlfriend.
"There is nothing to talk about. I just w-want to go home," Beca lied, cursing herself for allowing her voice to break.
Chloe could tell by Beca's body language that her girlfriend was terrified and on the verge of a breakdown that she obviously didn't want anybody to be around to see.
"Beca I want to help you through this. Just talk to me," Chloe begged again.
Without waiting for a response, she pulled her beautiful girlfriend into the safety of her arms and pulled them into her bedroom and lied them down. She could feel Beca shaking, her body wracking with silent sobs that Beca was trying to desperately to keep from escaping her lips and alerting her girlfriend that she was about to cry her eyes out.
"C-Chloe?" Beca addressed her hesitantly.
Chloe looked down, trying to meet Beca's eyes but the shorter girl wouldn't even look at her.
"P-please don't leave. I-I know you want me to open up to you and I'm trying. I-" Beca was cut off by a violent sob wracking her body.
"Shhh, Beca it's okay. I'm not going anywhere," Chloe soothed. She could feel her heart breaking for her girlfriend. What could have happened in her past to cause her this much pain? And when Beca begged her not to leave her Chloe felt her heart shatter in her chest. Beca was used to people leaving her alone when she cried her eyes out or showed her emotions. Sighing, Chloe knew she had a lot of work to do and promised herself that she would never break the broken girl's trust.
Slowly the sobs died down and silence filled the room.
"Are you ready to talk about it?" Chloe asked softly. She subconsciously tightened her grip on Beca's waist, as if she was protecting her girlfriend from the thoughts inside her own head.
Beca buried herself deeper into her girlfriend's side. Chloe smiled at Beca's cuteness but didn't allow her girlfriend to change the subject or distract them.
Beca sighed deeply when she realized her efforts to sidetrack Chloe were to no avail.
"When I was younger my parents had a really, really nasty divorce, you know that. I guess that's why I never really believed in letting anyone get to close, they always leave," Beca said distantly.
Chloe waited for Beca to continue but she never did.
"Go on," Chloe urged.
Beca tensed in her arms and sat up, looking everywhere but Chloe's ice blue orbs.
"I've said all I wanted to say," Beca responded robotically.
"Jesus Beca, that was nothing! I tell you everything about me and I feel like I don't know a damn thing about you!" Chloe screamed in frustration. She could see that her yelling was scaring Beca was she was so angry that it didn't register in her brain.
"I tell you lots of things! You know that I'm trying!" Beca yelled back. She could feel herself breaking. The absolute last thing she wanted was to start a fight with her girlfriend.
"You need to start letting me in! I feel like you've always kept me at arm's length and that's not good enough for me anymore! I thought you would open up to me on your own but obviously that isn't going to happen. If we expect this relationship to go anywhere than you need to start trusting me," Chloe yelled, standing up off the bed and pacing the bedroom angrily.
"Can you please calm the fuck down? I'm trying Chlo! Don't you get that this isn't easy for me?! Every time I trust someone I get burned! And I don't want to do it anymore." Beca screamed back, her breathing was heavy and she was shaking and Chloe had no idea how hard it was for her to let people close to her. She ended up getting fucked over in the end, like always.
"Well until you're ready to actually let me get to know the real you, I think you should go," Chloe spat angrily. As soon as the words left her mouth, Chloe instantly regretted them. The look of hurt and shock on Beca's face would be forever burned into the normally peppy girl's memory.
Suddenly, Beca felt like all the air and anger had been drained from the room and all that was left was tension.
"Beca, wait I didn't mean that!" Chloe called, chasing after her upset brunette girlfriend who was already at the door.
"No I think you did," Beca shot back icily.
"Beca please don't leave! You're upset and I don't want you walking out alone. It's late. Can we please just talk this through?" Chloe practically begged the other girl who was shaking from fear or anger, Chloe wasn't really sure at this point.
The younger girl slammed the door and ran all the way back to dorm room, praying that Kimmy –her roommate- was gone because she really couldn't deal with her right now. All Beca wanted to do was go home and cry. The love of her life, the girl who she thought would always be there was already getting sick of her. Stupid Beca thought to herself as if she could actually love someone like you. Beca cried herself to sleep that night, something she hadn't allowed herself to do in years. Tonight, her emotions were so overpowering that for once she just couldn't push them away.
Chloe sat with her back to her door and let the tears stream down her cheeks. How did everything go so wrong? She hadn't meant to lose her temper like that, especially not with Beca, who she knew was extremely emotionally fragile. How did she go from comforting the girl she loved after watching her have a heart wrenching break down to screaming in each other's faces? She was just so damn frustrated! They had been together for almost half a year and Beca still didn't trust her enough to open up about her past? Chloe understood that everyone had secrets but how could they move forward with their relationship if Beca didn't trust her to help her through some of the things in her past that were obviously still haunting her to this very day.
Getting Beca to open up to her would be twice as hard now. Chloe hoped that her major of choice would come in handy, not only could she read her girlfriend like a book but she was getting an education on how to help her girlfriend deal with all of her pent of feelings from her dark past.
Both girls cried themselves to sleep that night, wishing they'd been in each other's arms but both of them were too stubborn to call the other one and confess how they were feeling.
Hopefully, tomorrow would be a better day but one thing was for sure, a capella practice was going to awkward.
