After the blood,
After the tears have fallen down like rain

"Andy! Do you hear me! Don't you dare put this phone down! Talk to me!"
Amierel's voice came out of the small speaker of my crappy phone, her voice strong and etched with worry. It was typical for her to worry like this. I've always had breakdowns like this, ever since I turned 13. I was 17 now and nothings changed. I still have breakdowns like this, and she knows, I know that someday I will have one last breakdown. I'm almost sure that this is the last one. I've had enough of it.
The tears dripped down over my face, mixing with the red blood of the cuts on my wrists. My razor, gently resting between my index and pointer fingers, wavered over an untouched spot, right below the line which connects my hand to my wrist. "Im here, Amierel." I whispered, beginning to lower that sharp blade. "Stop!" Her voice screeched through the phone lying by my feet on the floor beside me. I stopped, but only for a moment. I had a better idea.

A loaded gun shot through the years and heaven was to blame
I'll take on all your shattered dreams

I quickly shot up, deserting that stupid pathetic blade. I could hear Amierel through the speaker of the phone but I didn't reply, as I couldn't understand her words, too far away to make sense. I shakily grabbed my keys from my dresser and then slid the special, small key into the key hole of a drawer. I twisted, watching small droplets of blood splatter onto my pale birch wood dresser, sinking into the fine wood. I opened the drawer with a jerk. I heard a small clatter of the extra bullets. Though they weren't needed. The gun was already loaded.
I picked up the heavy thing and trudged back into the bathroom and plopped onto the floor, a small groan escaping my pink, cracked lips as I did so. "Andy!" she screamed. "Still here." I croaked out, eyes on the small black pistol in my hands.
"Andy, listen to me. I'll help you. They may be shattered, but shattered things still get fixed! Don't listen to what those kids say, Andy!" her voice calmed me a bit, but I still smiled at the gun. Soon.

I'd give you almost anything
A chance to rise above the fog
I swear these words are true. I believe in you

"Andy, please! I'd do anything. Don't do anything stupid. I've talked you out of it before. Come on Andy, it'll get better. You will rise up! Be who you wanted! A rockstar. You can do it." Amierel's sweet, angelic voice said, a bit calmer now, as if she wanted to calm me now. I wasn't calm. My blood was pumping, evidence on my wrists which were still oozing that beautiful red color.
"I swear I'm not lying! You'll get better, Andy! I believe you can do it! Your parents believe it, come on." I shook my head, tears dripping still, "No."

I'll never let you down
I promise right here. Right now
I won't let you down
(Woah)

I pressed the small button and watched the barrel come out. Just one. Just one bullet was loaded into this gorgeous contraction. "I'll be right here, Andy! The whole time, I'll be here. I'll help you. I won't let you down, Andy. I'll be here. Don't give up on me. Please, oh god, Andy. Please." She must've heard the click. I clicked it back in place and shifted the safety off. Only one bullet. I can do this. Her words can't stop me now. She always lies. It'll never get better. God, I love her but I don't think it'll ever get better like she says. Never. I hate that fact, so when Im finally gone, I won't have to worry about that.

I'll never let you down
Our faith will silence the doubt
I won't let you down
(Woah)

"Quit doubting it, Andy." Oh, she knew it so well. "I know it hasn't been going your way, but you still have years and years if you don't pull that trigger. You'll get better. You'll stand on stage in front of a million fans. Saving them from things that you're doing now. I swear, I won't let you down on this. Never, Andy. Listen to my words. Please." Oh sweet, sweet Amierel. She has so much faith. I had some at one point, but it can't silence the doubt now, can it?

The serpent's touch has made it clear that evils on it's way
This desert land of broken mirrors, we live another day

"Yes, you'll go through rough times. We all do, Andy." Her voice was softer, as if she might be giving up. Before it was strong again. "You'll live on, Andy. What about me? We will live on together. Whether you become famous or not, we will be together! We can be deserted in the middle of nowhere, and we would still be better off, still live on, because we have each other. Don't let that mirror judge you, Andy. Not those kids either. They're broken. They can be fixed. They'll realize someday, when you're more than them, fixed and stitched up, that they were what made you what you are. Not some suicidal freak. A hero. Come on, Andy."
But what was she to me? Just a friend? A love? Someone to help me out of my monthly trips to the bathroom to let blood trail over my arms? Just that? Its like not we will be together forever.

I'll become all your blasphemy. A war that's fought with tragedy
The scars we've left along these walls
I swear these words are true. I believe in you.

"You can tell me anything, Andy. I'll always have a comeback, something that I hope will save you. I will never give up. A man fights for his country, will suffer a bullet to the leg, but even with this tragedy, he will keep fighting this war until he wins." Amierel's voice was desperate now. I could see her face in my mind. Her light blue hair which were complete opposite to her dark brown eyes. They matched her though, perfectly really. Her face perfect and pale. No blemishes. Oh, and her dimples. Cute as a button. It made me smile, thinking about the beautiful her, shifting that loaded gun from hand to hand.
Her voice rang in my ears again, "We'll get a lot of scars Andy, but we continue. Our walls will still stand if you just let them. Don't let them crumble yet. I still believe in you, no matter the millions of scars you have lining up along your arms. I believe in this. In you." she said softly and I laid my head back against the wall, a small groan escaping my lips. I could feel the stinging of air getting to the cuts on my wrists.

I'll never let you down
I promise right here. Right now
I wont let you down
(Woah)

"I promise you Andy. Right now, that I will always believe in you. I'll never leave your side, no matter how rough times get. Okay? I will ALWAYS be here. I won't let you down. Never. How many times do I have to say it, Andy?" I sensed tears in her voice, which cracked several times, and I'd hate to see them on her face.
"Again. Tell me again." I whispered. Maybe I should give it another try. Would it be worth it? Would it?

I'll never let you down
Our faith will silence the doubt
I won't let you down
(Woah)

"I won't let you down, Andy." Amierel said, "Just have faith in yourself. Don't doubt yourself once. You'll get through this. I won't let you down. I won't leave your side. No matter the time it is." I smiled, a cracked, crooked smile. It was probably well past 5am. She's stayed up later with me before. How many times? How late? Sometimes she would even sneak into my house and hold me as I cried, blood getting all over her from my ugly, thin arms. She never seemed to mind though.

In the dead of night we'll rise of one for the fight
The sun ignites the spirit back to our lives

"Just fight, Andy. Thats all. Fight for what you believe in."
I squinted as a ray of sunlight hit directly into my eyes as she said that. Maybe that was a sign. Maybe we can rise, I can rise. I can fight like she said. The sun, the sun will light the way. Pour energy so I can keep going. I made it past another day. I really did. Maybe.. maybe I can survive this.
"Andy?"

I won't ever let you down
I won't ever let you down
(I believe in you)

I took a deep breath and put the safety back on the gun, but held it tightly. But what if it didn't? What if I stayed in this state, always on the verge of killing myself? "Still here. What if it isn't enough.. what if I lose to this fight? This war?" I asked, my voice strained from tiredness and pain. "No, you'll win. You just have to fight, fight hard, Andy. I'll always be here. Never let you down, remember? Always remember. I'll never let you down Andy." Her voice brought joy to me sometimes. It was slowly making me feel better. "Come on Andy, put the gun down. Throw the razors away."

I'll never let you down
I promise right here. Right now
I wont let you down
(Woah)

"I won't let you down. Please. " It seems that was the main thing. Maybe she would be here until the very end. "Come on, Andy. I'm promising you here. I'm promising you now. I'll promise you forever. I won't let you down. I'll fight with you. I'll be with you. Come on." Amierel said softly. She seemed tired too. Maybe tired of fighting. I was too. "Don't stop fighting.. I won't, not ever. I'll always be by your side." Amierel said softly but it didn't come from by my feet. I looked up and my gaze met hers. She was here. "I won't leave you, Andy." She leaned down and pulled the gun from my fingertips. "I'll always be here." She was here.

I'll never let you down
Our faith will silence the doubt
I won't let you down
(Woah)

I listened to her. 17 at the time, 23 now. I've survived. I'm still surviving. That, that was my last breakdown. But it didn't make me fall. I put my faith in her, in us. I flushed my doubt just like I did to those razors. I stood up, and I fought with my amazing girlfriend beside me. She stayed by me the entire time, keeping her promise. She will never let me down, I know that. And I will not ever let her down. She helped me become what I am today. And what I am today, is a hero. No longer a broken outcast, a beaten soldier laying in no-mans land. I stood up, fighting the pain and the bullying. And now, I'm the leader of an army. An army of broken outcasts, and beaten soldiers that are slowly rising back up like I did that one night. I am Andy Biersack. I am leader of the Black Veil Brides Army.
And let me tell you something, something you need to remember whenever you're that broken child that I once was, stranded in a bathroom with a razor to your wrist, or a gun to your head:

I won't let you down.

Never.