No Pants, No Service
I inhaled slowly, allowing the scent of coffee to fill my nose. Turning to the counter, I pushed the cup across to the waiting elephant. "Here you go, Eloise."
She smiled. "Thanks! It smells great." She took a sip. "And it tastes even better. You're the best. I'll see you later, okay?" With a wave, she exited the shop. Another satisfied customer.
I turned to my employer, Brewster. "How am I doing?" I asked.
"…Very well…" answered the laconic pigeon. Coming from him, that was high praise. I felt proud.
The bells over the door jangled, and I looked up to see who had entered. Seeing who it was, I straightened. Oh, this was going to be interesting. "Barista, I'll have my usual cup of joe," said K.K. Slider.
"I believe we've discussed this, K.K.," I said. "No clothes, no service. And no, the hat and glasses do not count."
"Clothes restrain me," he protested. "They limit my freedom. My artistic spirit—"
"Yeah, I don't care about your artistic spirit. What I care about is not having to see your furry behind every time you come in here. Would it kill you to put on some pants? I'm not picky about what they look like. Get some of those super tight skinny jeans that you hipsters seem to like so much."
"But—"
"No buts. The next time I see you naked, I'm reporting you to the police for public indecency. Got it?"
"You do know that the police are only in charge of the lost and found, right?" he said.
"Yeah, but Copper's ex-military. He's just itching for the chance to arrest somebody. Reminds him of the good old days. So get out of here, and don't come back until you've found something to wear. Capiche?"
He sighed. "You're just like the fat cats in the music industry. They wanted to restrain me too."
"And then you went on to release dozens of songs," I said. "I think you'll live. And if you don't, at least I won't have to see this—" I gestured to him and his unclothed state. "—anymore."
He gave me a dirty look and walked out, muttering under his breath about free spirits and cookie cutter ideals.
The next time I saw him, he was wearing pants.
