Port Charles, NY
She approached the grave from behind a grove of trees, after the ground keeper at the cemetery had cleared away the vestiges of ornaments sprinkled on various sites over the holiday. Dressed in black, she carried her flowers with her to the spot where a grave had been dug several weeks before. Few people milled around the cemetery this morning unlike that day when hundreds of people had witnessed the burial. Today, a couple with a small child sat near a grave marker laying fresh carnations and a toy truck in front of it. Another woman held a handkerchief tight in her hand, standing a distance away in front of another grave.
She took a deep breath watching the people around her looking for someone who didn't belong as she neared his grave. The grave stone had just been added several days before and she knelt before it on the grass, touching it with her fingers. He had been young when he had died, far too young when his life had been taken right in front of her. Much too quickly for any final words to be said between them. But what would you say in the final seconds of someone's life even if you saw it coming? How do you end a lifelong relationship in a few words? She hadn't been able to figure it out then and she couldn't now. She just knew she missed him too much for someone who wasn't coming back.
She lay the flowers down in front of his headstone and sat beside it for a while, trying to find the right words now to say goodbye. After she left the cemetery, she would be leaving Port Charles now a city of bad memories to start a new life far away somewhere where people didn't know her or the man she had lost. She had submitted her resignation from her job and had said all her goodbyes this morning and Ric would finally be spending some time with his daughter. This would be the final one before she moved on without looking back…at least for a while.
She had spent hours at the library searching for small towns off the beaten path to serve as her next home, careful not to do her investigation on any computers that could be traced by anyone else. A week ago, she had chosen the perfect town that a woman with a secret could hide in and build a new life for herself. Thousands of miles and a whole world away, it was a place where no one would come looking even as they might search everywhere else for any sign of her.
Reaching into her coat pocket, she pulled out a folded envelope and placed it next to the flowers. Inside were papers stained by her tears when she had folded them after writing forever it seemed.
Alexis fingered the head stone again and felt tears burn the corners of her eyes. She kissed her fingers and then touched it again.
"Goodbye, Julian."
A month later… Cicely, Alaska
Business boomed at the Brick as it usually did early in the mornings, as the town of Cicely woke up to face a new day. Shelli the waitress who was wearing an apron over her baby bump buzzed around tables carrying trays of food to the customers who settled for drinking coffee and trading anecdotes about their lives while they waited.
"Sorry for the wait," she said breathlessly as she handed some men dressed in hunting gear some omelets and fried potatoes, "The grill had to be cleaned last night after the party."
No further explanation was really necessary, she knew. Everyone in town had been there, well almost everyone she thought looking again at the young woman sitting by herself at a table in the corner. No one knew much about her or even when she had first arrived in Cicely, they just knew they liked her. Much of the town had just looked at Bricks one morning and saw her there among the regulars and a handful of tourists. At first, she had kept to herself except there were rumors that she had signed an open ended lease for one of Maggie's spare cabins and that she had visited Joel Fleishman the town's transplanted doctor not long after she arrived. No one in Cicely would dare even think of breaching the doctor-client confidentiality which they viewed to be almost sacred. Everyone at Cicely's equivalent of a water cooler just hoped she was feeling okay. Even when she started mingling among them, there was so much they didn't know and they didn't press her to tell them. They just waited patiently especially during times like this morning.
"She's always sitting there," a voice said, "looking as sad as the day before."
Shelli looked up.
"Ed, what are you doing here," she said, "I thought you were shooting a movie on the history of Cicely."
Ed grabbed a milk that one of the cooks gave him.
"She wanted a job," he said, simply.
Shelli's brow furrowed and she swept back her hair.
"Who wanted a job?"
"The woman sitting over there," he said, "She's going to help me gather our town's history. She's been busy for a while already but she doesn't talk much."
Shelli scratched her head.
"Now how can she do that," she asked, "She's not even from here."
Ed looked back at where she sat, nibbling at her eggs.
"She's very sad," he repeated, "but she used to work as a lawyer and did a lot of investigating where she's from."
"Did she say where that is?"
He shook his head.
"It must have been a big city," he said, "She must have lost someone there. Someone she loved and who maybe loved her back."
Shelli studied her.
"Yeah, she does look like that," she said, "It's not the hangdog look you so often see when women drop by here. It's a, I don't know, forlorn look like she's survived some unbearable tragedy like in one of those Harlequin…novels."
Ed nodded.
"Like Kate Winslett at the end of the Titanic," he said, "after she's been rescued and she's thinking back to her lost love."
"But Leo DiCaprio drowned in the freezing water after saving Kate's life," Shelli said, "He saved her life in more ways than one in that flick."
Ed looked at Shelli thinking that was an astute observation coming from someone whose taste ran in telenovelas and those new reality shows which had bombarded even the air waves of Alaska in the past several years.
"Maybe it's an example of real life imitating art right here in Cicely," he said.
Shelli couldn't disagree. After all, it wouldn't be the first time...
Alexis tried to focus on eating her breakfast but didn't have much of an appetite. She knew that would have to change, after all that's what the town doctor had told her during her appointment after she had arrived.
He had paced in front of her as she sat on the examination table wearing one of those silly gowns and read her a laundry list of the foods she needed to eat. She knew she had lost some pounds but it had been a difficult couple of months.
"And plenty of fruits and vegetables, not that they're easy to find in these parts so I'm prescribing you some vitamins."
"That will be fine," she said.
He looked at her.
"You're coming here just to visit right," he said, "I mean no one in their right mind from the continental United States i.e. civilization would move to this God-forsaken wilderness."
She glanced at him startled by his passionate dislike for the place where he practiced medicine.
"Actually I'm thinking about staying for a while," she said, "It's beautiful here."
"The spring's not too bad except they have this crazy ritual where the men strip down naked, yes I mean naked, and run through the ice and snow."
Her brow rose.
"That must be a sight," she said, "Something to look forward to I guess after a long cold winter."
Still, for someone who had spent almost every morning the past couple of months trying to keep her breakfast down and who had been too filled with anxiety the rest of the time to eat, she felt she held her own. She hoped the vomiting would soon be a memory as the doctor had assured her would be the case and things would go smoother as she adjusted to her new life. He had been friendly and certainly professional enough and his receptionist, a Native American woman named Marilyn hadn't said much, just smiled at her when she walked in the office.
He had reassured her that nausea was normal as was her pregnancy and she had to keep from telling him that nothing in her life resembled normality. She had been in Cicely several weeks at that point and had gotten use to the quiet tranquility of rural living and even the bitter cold that mercifully would soon give way to the upcoming spring. Sure, seeing a moose walk down the main strip in town had jarred her a little but she knew that the more inhospitable the town appeared, the less likely that it would be on anyone's list to search. And the town's people hadn't been anything but hospitable. Maintaining a polite demeanor while allowing her to keep her distance until she was ready to get to know them and allow them to get to know her.
Ruth-Anne, for example, who ran the town's general store in the middle of town. ALEXIS had stopped by there to pick up some vitamins that the doctor had prescribed. Ruth-Anne hadn't asked any questions just smiled at her as she rang up her purchase.
"This town is very nice," she had said.
The older woman's face crinkled into a smile.
"We're like a lot of small towns in Alaska in some ways," she said, "And very different in others."
Alexis had digested that and had picked up her grocery bag.
"If you like, we have a Scrabble night," Ruth-Anne said, "We take turns hosting. Just something to do to keep us from going stir crazy during these cold winters."
Alexis nodded.
"I like Scrabble," she said, "Julian and I…"
She had started to tell Ruth-Anne something about herself and him then she stopped and just began to walk away.
Ruth-Anne had watched her go and when she ran into Shelli later that day getting her nails done at the beauty parlor, she had mentioned that the new woman had dropped by her store to pick up some prenatal vitamins.
"I didn't see a wedding ring," Shelli said, "I didn't see any ring at all."
"I'm sure it's a very tragic story," Ruth-Anne said, shaking her head, "A woman all alone having a baby in a strange town…"
Shelli frowned.
"We're not so strange Ruth-Anne."
"I mean a town where she doesn't know anyone," Ruth-Anne continued, "And no man in sight."
Shelli didn't look fazed.
"Well that can be fixed," she said, "There's plenty of men in Alaska and I'm sure most of them won't mind if she's pregnant with someone else's child."
"Shelli, we don't know that she is looking for a father," Ruth-Anne scolded, "or a boyfriend for that Julianer."
Shelli had just shrugged adding that when you're pregnant, it was only natural to not want to spend it alone.
"Not to mention what it does to your mind," she said, shaking her head, "These days when I see Hollings in his long-johns, I just want to…"
Ruth raised her hand.
"Enough," she said, "Or you'll have me reminiscing."
Alexis had gone to several of the Scrabble nights and had enjoyed herself thoroughly once she let her guard down. Being a Yale trained lawyer, most word games came naturally to her and she won a lion share of them. But more importantly, she got to know most of the town's women including Shelli who aced Scrabble having had much practice playing a naughtier version with Hollings on long nights in the darkness of the winter months.
Ruth-Anne brought over the most intricately designed and tasty snacks to the gatherings and each woman contributed a dessert dish or a beverage. In deference to both Alexis and Shelli, sparkling apple cider or grape juice was always included with the alcohol-laced cider.
"I could get drunk on this stuff," Shelli said, leaning back and patting her growing belly after one particular long Scrabble tournament had wound down with the women relaxing away the remaining hours of the evening by talking about anything that came to mind. Alexis mostly listened, fascinated at the lives of the women which unfolded before her in vivid detail. She exercised caution over revealing information about her own past and the women never prodded her. They somehow knew she would share parts of her background with them when she was ready.
It was nice to forget about her past at least for a little while.
"So you used to be a lawyer," Maurice asked her as she sat in his impressive and stylishly decorated house. Obviously, he held an important position as a power broker in an unpretentious small town. She had already discovered that most of the town's inhabitants had varying degrees of a love/hate relationship with the man who pumped a lot of the money into jump starting the town's economy.
She sipped her water, having nixed his invitation to join him in drinking Scotch. Her morning had led to an uneventful afternoon, the type where if she could string enough of them in a row, she might start breathing easier even as her heart kept aching.
She looked up at him.
"Yes I was," she said, "Mostly corporate litigation but some criminal law."
Maurice laughed.
"We don't have much of a need for either in Cicely young lady," he said, "Are you employed right now?"
She lifted her chin.
"I'm working as a research assistant for Ed on his film."
Maurice leaned back in his chair.
"Ah yes, the one he's doing as part of our new advertising campaign for the tourist crowd," he said. "Even with the grant from my foundation, he won't be able to pay you very much."
Alexis felt confused as this wasn't how Ed explained his cinematic vision to her during the short interview he conducted in his workshop behind his mother's house.
"He seemed to be a very nice man," she said, "I look forward to helping him on his film."
"I could find you some work to do," Maurice said, sipping his Scotch thoughtfully, "But I saw you leaving the doctor's office the other day and I hope everything's all right."
She sighed, reaching for what looked like pretzels.
"Not that it's any of your business but I was getting a checkup," she said, "Although I had planned to tell you in the interest of disclosure that I am pregnant."
Maurice rubbed his chin and his eyes fell where he believed the wedding ring should be. She saw his mind working with that information.
"I'm not married in case you're wondering," she said, "is that a problem for you because it shouldn't be. Discriminating against women who are pregnant is illegal so I would advise you…"
She thought she might have offended him but he laughed instead.
"My you're sure a headstrong filly…"
"Excuse me," she said, feeling irritation flow through her.
"I like that in a woman," he said, his glance making it clear that wasn't all he liked, "I think I can find you some work but it might take you a few days."
She nodded.
"That will be fine," she said, "You can reach me here."
She handed him her contact information.
He scratched his jaw.
"You're staying in one of Maggie's cabins," he said, "If you're ever free one night and want a meal cooked by someone good enough to be a gourmet chef…"
"You cook?"
He nodded, proudly.
"It's among my many talents," he said, "I'm the second best chef in these parts and the best one…well he's a little bit crazy."
She looked at him warily.
"I'll…think about it," she said, getting up, "Thank you for taking the time to talk to me."
Alexis lay back on her bed, pulling the wool comforter over her as she read through the preliminary script for Ed's film. She looked around the simply furnished cabin, which had very few of her personal touches to it. She would have to remedy that since she planned to be staying in Cicely for a while. She couldn't say how long, let alone forever, because so much could change in a moment's notice. A blink of your eye and it could all disappear. She had learned that when she had seen Julian climb inside a blazer before it burst into flame. The blast had blown so much heat in her face that it took several minutes before she could look back to see a ball of flame replace what had once been a car. And just like that, he was gone.
She shook her head to clear that vision away. Remembering that tragic incident that had ripped her life in pieces wouldn't serve any purpose. She needed to look forward now and start her new life.
Someone knocking on the front door interrupted her thoughts. She opened the door and saw Maggie standing on her porch with a basket. She let her inside.
"I brought you some venison that Hollings brought in last weekend," Maggie said, "Thought you might like it."
Alexis did, having eaten more than her share of it while growing up on a ranch in Texas.
"Thank you," she said, accepting the basket.
Maggie looked around the cabin.
"This is my favorite one," she said, softly. "Especially since my mother burned down what used to be my favorite one."
Alexis looked puzzled and Maggie smiled.
"Oh it was an accident…or so she said," she continued, "We have a rather tumultuous mother/daughter relationship."
"I see," Alexis said, studying the woman's animated face and her dark hair cut like a pixie.
She knew that Maggie was a licensed pilot with her own plane who flew people including hunters, tourists and the U.S. mail to and from Cicely to just about any destination and back. She had heard rumors that Maggie had a bad run of luck with men and hints that some of them met untimely ends. Something both women might have in common, ALEXIS thought. She noticed that Maggie didn't wear her pain on her face if she were feeling any but looked relatively happy.
"Well I better be going," Maggie said, "I have an early flight tomorrow. I'm picking up a man from Anchorage. He just flew in today."
"Tourist," Alexis asked more casually than she felt.
"Property developer according to him," Maggie said, "Land speculator if you ask me. Maurice will have a field day with him."
With that, Maggie had left the cabin and Alexis had gone back to bed, pulling up the blankets around her. Watching the shadows dance on the wall, she found herself missing him. That last night they had spent together, wrapped in each other arms after hours spent discovering each other, before he had left her forever. She revisited that place many times including in her dreams, imagining all the different ways it could have ended without taking him with it. Tonight was no different as she curled up in her bed, her tears drying on her face by the time she fell asleep.
Shelli kicked off the covers and reached for the light.
"What's the matter Shelli," Hollings said still half asleep on his side of the bed.
"I can't sleep."
"Why not," he said, as she snapped on the light.
"I can't stop thinking of that poor woman, the one who just moved here."
He looked at her sternly.
"Shelli have you been prying," he asked.
She shook her head.
"I've been playing Scrabble, not the same version we play but she's been to the last few games."
"I didn't know that," he said, sitting up.
"She's a cracker jack player," Shelli said, "Wins almost every time then looks like she wants to apologize."
"She probably doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings."
Shelli sighed.
"I just was thinking what would I do if I were pregnant with little Hollings, jr and there were no Hollings?"
He paused.
"Now that's a depressing thought," he said, "Now Shelli, you know I'll be there for both of you."
She smiled at him in a way that never failed to warm his heart.
"I know that Hollings, but she has no one," she said, "She's going to have a baby all by herself."
"Women do it all the time Shelli."
"Maybe," she said, "But it has to be lonely. I wonder what happened to him."
"Who?"
"Her baby's father of course," Shelli said, impatiently, "I bet it's something really sad."
"It's not anyone's business unless she wants it to be," he reminded her.
"Maybe she's just waiting for someone to ask," Shelli said.
Hollings sighed, knowing that Shelli had a good heart and always wanted to help people and make them feel better but sometimes people just wanted to be left alone. He had felt that way enough times himself and the wilderness had become his refuge. Maybe this woman felt that way too.
"Maybe she's just hoping for some peace," he said, "so that she can do her own thinking."
Shelli thought about that and then shook her head.
"I think I'm going to throw a party and invite her," she said, "Not a huge party or anything, just a small get-together for the girls."
Hollings watched her brain working at 2 a.m. and it scared him. Her eyes lit up.
"I know," she said, "It will be like a day at the spa. We can do facials and manicures and make those what do you call them, smoothies."
Hollings groaned.
"Maybe she doesn't want all this fuss."
Shelli looked at her beloved like he was crazy. "
"I think a spa day would be awesome," she said, "I'll start planning it in the morning."
Hollings smiled, despite himself. Once Shelli got it in her mind to do something, she was an unstoppable force of nature, kind of like a tornado. Stopping either was futile. All anyone could do was to just sit back and watch until they ran out of steam and life settled down again.
