Notes:
This story is an epilogue to my other story Numb.
Numb is about Max´s life in Seattle, her evolution until the events in LIS and her later life with Chloe.
This one might work without reading first the main story but I would strongly recommend to go and read Numb first.
You can find it under my user name as I am apparently unable to include a working link.
I lied to you.
"Max it's time".
A slight frown was the only visible reaction to her partner's word choice. Despite the severity of the situation Max could not prevent her mind from traveling to another time and place where Chloe pronounced the same sentence though that moment had never existed in this reality. She was the last thread that kept that memory from being forever lost.
The constant beeping of the machinery brought Max out of her self-absorption.
She stopped clutching her wife's wrinkled hand and rose laboriously, her gaze always fixed on her. Chloe was bedridden, connected to diverse state of the art medical devices that performed all her vital functions. Her situation was beyond what current medicine could do and all that remained was to wait. Sadly enough that wasn't the first time they were facing similar circumstances. Again, that was a memory that only existed for Max, but it was etched in her inner most defining places.
A testament to the intrinsic risks of messing with time.
"I'm going to bring Clara and William" Max replied.
As she closed the door behind her she was forced to lean against the hallway wall, sensing her strength failing. She paused, took a couple of deep breaths and did her hair and dress out of dignity rather than necessity. Only after that, she resumed her way to the end of the small corridor that connected Chloe's bedroom to the living room where her children awaited her.
Max had never been herself a believer, but she was thankful for Kate Marsh existing.
William and Clara were sitting on either side of her. Though they were both considerably larger than the delicate Kate, she was somehow able to wrap her arms around them in a comforting gesture. That was the kind of scene Max couldn't have resisted the urge to capture with her camera in any other context.
Not today.
"Momma is awaiting for you... she wants to say goodbye" Max announced her presence.
"Just the two of us?" Clara asked.
"She wanted some time alone with her son and daughter".
William got up from the couch dragging his sister with him "let's go, momma wants to see us".
Kate held back until they were alone to approach Max. Without a word she caressed Max's face before helping her to the couch.
"How can I tell them? It's devastating for me and it's not going to be easier for them. I don't really know how to...".
"I'll be by your side when you talk to them, you don't have to do this alone".
Max was exhausted. The long hours by her wife's bedside took their toll and yet her voice weakened for reasons that had nothing to do with that.
"Kate, today, my kids... they're going to lose both their mothers. I don't think they're ready and you'll be here bearing the brunt of my choices".
"No one can be prepared for something like that".
"I'm confronting my most bitter moment as a mother. Knowing that you will be there for them ... I couldn't have made this choice without you".
"Don't even mention it, I'll do whatever it takes. Lynn and I will take care of everything".
"I... Kate..." was all Max could say before she broke down and sunk her face into her friend's neck. Kate embraced her with all the strength her old body allowed.
Max broke the hug wiping away the tears "Am I doing the right thing?".
Kate smiled slightly "You know, up to this day, it still amazes me your lack of self-confidence. You always do the right thing...or at least what you feel is right. I am a living proof of that statement".
Max ignored the comment, such a deep friendship also entailed the freedom to ignore appraising words without further ado.
"But is it really fair... to everyone?"
Kate sighed, she wanted to gather her thoughts before answering. "I grew up in a very religious environment surrounded by my fair share of fundamentalist bigots. My faith, my beliefs, although more open minded from the people around me, were deeply rooted in me. Most likely, many years ago I would have told you that it wasn't a decision for you to make. Now... I'm telling you I don't care if it's fair or not, all I care about is you. I'm here to give you my unconditional support whatever your resolutions are".
Clara and William entered the room to meet the two old ladies sitting on the couch holding hands silently.
Clara's eyes were swollen and red, William hadn't even tried to stop crying. Both of them knew Chloe was in her last hours.
"Mom can hardly speak anymore, I don't think...".
"I know". Max interrupted her daughter.
She got off the couch and instructed them to sit next to Kate. "Before I go with Chloe I want you to sit for a moment with me. There is something else and Kate needs to be with us".
Max pulled up a chair and positioned it in front of her children before she sat. Clara noticed that her mother was gazing down and turned to her brother who made an ever so slight shrug.
"First and foremost I want to assure you that I've taken everything and everybody involved into consideration. You are so precious to me... this is immensely painful".
"Mom?" William said already concerned.
"A long time ago I was totally lost" Max began, "I made a choice I thought it was for the best, but it ended up being the worst decision in my life and of course nothing came off the way I had planned... I was in a dark place. My parents, your grandparents, were extremely concerned, nothing seemed to work for me and they decided to take definite action on the matter. Affection and support, yes; unconditional love, of course, but also firm decisions. Such was the importance of what was at stake, her only child. They rescued me from myself when I was at the lowest point of my life. I wouldn't be here if not for them... Grandpa told me one thing I will never forget, that I had been the greatest adventure of their lives".
Max stopped and looked up at Kate seeking for reassurance.
"You're doing great Max, go on".
Clara and William moved on the couch uneasily.
"The biggest fear Chloe and I had was that you would grow up measuring your lives against ours. We have been very successful in our careers and that could be detrimental to you, but what really terrified us was that you would see our relationship as a role model. We are... how can I put this? ... an exception? I've never loved anyone but your mother. We've been together since I was a first grader, we split up for some years and that shaped us both in more ways that you would know, but I came back for her and once we reunite again we knew it was forever. That doesn't happen, it never does, and we didn't want you to grow up with wrong expectations about relationships. You have wonderful couples and even better children and grandchildren, William had to go through a painful divorce to found somebody to share his life with, but he managed to find happiness. I'm sure I speak for Chloe when I say we're proud of you, of how you've both found your own way regardless of what your mothers did".
Kate squeezed Max's shoulder as her voice shook.
"My father was right, seeing you growing up has been amazing, a wonderful adventure, but my relationship with Chloe has always been different from the one my parents or yourselves had. There are many things that happened before you were born, Chloe and I... we had to face situations that were beyond what two teenage girls could endure and we did, we prevailed...just the two of us. Your mom.. Chloe... she is the bravest person...".
Max stopped for a second unable to hold back tears and bent over her children to embrace them. Kate interrupted after giving them a respectful moment.
"Max, you should hurry, we don't know how much time she has left".
"You are right" Max said seating back on her chair.
"There's no easy way to say this, I... I can't stay here once Chloe is gone... I just...I can't".
"What do you mean?" Clara asked.
"I'm sorry, I really am. You'll never see me again after tonight".
William and Clara looked at each other in awe.
"I'm asking for your forgiveness, we've had a long and happy life as a family, but Chloe's time is over. You have your own families, you must take care of your children and grand children, that´s your place, love them as we have loved you. My place has always been wherever Chloe was.. always together...I can't be here anymore".
William took his mother's hand summoning all the peace of mind left in himself "Mom, you've been cooped up at home with momma for weeks. You had barely eaten or got any sleep for days refusing to leave her bed side. You are exhausted, get some rest, Clara and I will take care of everything. You´ll see things differently after".
"There's so much you don't know about your momma and me. I won´t be seeing you again and I´m willingly imposing this burden upon myself, this is not by any means a decision I've made lightly. Kate and Lynn have very specific instructions regarding our personal belongings and the rest of our other assets...I've been planning this since momma had her first seizure".
Max looked at her children with infinite sadness.
"Both of you have many years ahead of you and families to continue loving. You have completed my life in a way I can't describe, but my days are also coming to an end. It's time to follow different paths".
"You don't have to do this, you're not alone, you have us" Clara begged.
"I hope you find a place in your mind and heart to accept my decision... this is goodbye".
Kate approached Clara and William and with a soothing voice gave them some of the guidelines Max and her had previously established.
"Your mother is leaving right after Chloe... she's leaving tonight. On her own accord she won't be present at your mom's funeral. I'm staying in the guest room and Lynn is in a hotel nearby, we'll proceed according to Max's instructions. As the depository of Max's instructions along with Lynn and also..."
Kate was forced to clear her voice a couple of times. Despite being fully aware of the role she had accepted and what it entailed, remaining composed was proving to be a gruelling endeavour "as the depository, but above all as Max's friend I want to contribute with my own input. I can't stress enough how hard this choice has been for Max. She is perfectly aware of the implications and all I can ask you is to try and respect her reasons, no matter how demanding that is...now I'll give you a moment to say goodbye, but please be quick, Chloe doesn't have much time left."
William and Clara wrapped around their mom. Maybe they didn't understand her motives maybe they would never, but right at that point all they cared about was comforting her. When she felt that a respectful lapse of time had passed, Kate reminded Max that Chloe was waiting. "I'll be here, take all the time you need".
A muttered "thank you" was all Max managed to say as he got up and moved apart from her children. Before she crossed the threshold to the hallway she turned around and took a last look at them.
We've done well Chloe, we've done well.
That thought warmed her heart.
And that was all, but at the same time it was a lot given the circumstances.
Chloe tried to sit up when her wife entered the room. Max hurried to the bed head and put her arm gingerly on Chloe's shoulder, preventing her efforts.
"Don't strain yourself" she said as she caressed her hair.
Chloe painfully settled in bed again.
"Max?"
"Yes?"
"You look awesome today, you dressed up like that for me?" she said in a thin voice that was barely perceptible as she drew one of her characteristic malevolent smiles.
"I can't believe it, you are incorrigible" Max stared at her "You're really flirting with me?".
"Shouldn't miss any opportunity... you'll never really know when it might be the last chance".
"Chloe..."
"Take my hand, it'll be over soon, just stay with me please".
Chloe's breathing was weaker, they both knew she was running out of time.
Max kept fidgeting with her free hand trying to sort her thoughts until she took a deep breath. There was no sense in stalling anymore.
"Chloe, I have a confession to make before you go to sleep".
"Before I go to sleep?... You know I'm not waking up, right?".
Of course she knew. She was painfully aware of it, yet she couldn't help the unfathomable void forming in her stomach as she heard Chloe pronouncing her inexorable sentence.
"I... I... lied to you".
"I forgive you" Chloe answered immediately.
Max rolled her eyes "Maybe you should first listen to what I have to say".
"I don't care what is it or what you've done... you've made me so much happier than I ever thought I could be, that's all that matters to me".
"Chloe, I...".
"No...listen, I'm going to pass away being a completely contented and remorseless person, you made that possible. Now go ahead and tell me whatever it is, nothing will ever change the way I feel about you".
"I'm glad I made you feel that way. Still.. " Max looked down, ashamed "I lied.. I...you see...I never lost my powers. All this time I've been able to manipulate time".
Chloe stared at her wife with eyes wide-open. "Why?".
"That night, you were safe, no one else had died and we promised each other that we would always be together. Once I had all I ever wished for I was cursed with the fear of losing it over again. I never understood the real repercussions of using my powers, no prize was worth enough to risk our future together. Telling you that I no longer had my powers and moving on seemed like the easiest way out".
"All this time and you never used them?".
"Not once".
Chloe sighed "It doesn't matter now...anyway...I wouldn't change a single moment of the time we've spent together".
The effort of the conversation had drained her, she was literally minutes away from departing.
"Do you remember the day we went back to Blackwell with the kids?" Max asked shyly.
"Sure, how... to forget about it...did you... did you like the skatepark? I named it after us" Max had to bend down and press her ear to Chloe, her voice so weak.
"It was amazing, just like you. An amazing park from an amazing person".
"Thank you for being... my partner".
Chloe closed her eyes and Max kissed her. All she could do was hold her hand and stay by her side, just like she had asked her for.
The silence in the room was only interrupted by the increasingly spaced beeps that indicated the state of Chloe's heart. Max suddenly noticed a slight grip on her hand, startled, she bent over to her wife.
"You never left" she said in an almost unintelligible murmur "you came back for me... you told me you'd always be with me... you kept your word...thank you".
Max smiled.
"Go to sleep, Chloe."
Kate was waiting in the living room. As soon as she heard the door she got up and made a beeline to Max.
"My children?".
"It's been hard, I'm not going to hide it from you. They knew they were coming to say goodbye to Chloe, but finding out that they were losing their two mothers the same day... that's a bitter blow. Despite everything they are trying to understand your reasons. I guess the next few days once reality takes over will be harder, but don't worry about it, we'll be here for them. They are family to me".
"I already said this, honestly I don't know how to thank you for everything you've done for me".
"thank me?" Kate took her friend's hands "Everything that has happened in my life since I went up on that rooftop, I owe it to you. That day my story was going to end but you decided that my life mattered when no one else believed it, not even myself... My late husband, even if he left us too soon, I remember him every day and those memories will always live with me... our daughter Lynn... everything... absolutely everything is thanks to you. You are the reason I devoted my life to helping children. You have influenced so many lives in so many different ways, always for the better, but in my case it has not been just that... I owe it all to you. It's me who is grateful for the life I have been granted".
The two women stared at each other unable to speak.
"What happens now?" Kate broke the silence.
"I don't really know how it works, I've never known, but I have a kind of certainty with no tangible proof... when I'll jump I'll be the only one disappearing. You, Lynn, William, Clara... even Chloe, nothing will change for you. I will disappear and come into existence in a parallel line. Everything we have experienced so far won't be lost and whatever happens when I am not around will keep it's normal course except I will be gone".
"Everything will remain the same as it was?".
"I would have never made this choice if I thought this timeline would be erased. My children.. you.. no... I wouldn't do that to any of you".
"You'll disappear and life would go on..."
"I assume I can only exist in one timeline. Reality will branch out in parallel lines starting from the point I jump back".
Max looked down. "I've never been good at farewells".
"You've been the true blessing in my life".
Max turned around unceremoniously holding back her tears.
She noticed a pull on her arm. Surprised, she turned to meet a glassy eyed Kate dragging her into a fierce hug.
"Promise me you'll be my friend, no matter what happens, no matter whatever changes you make, you'll be my friend".
"I promise you" Max said in a choked voice.
"I... I couldn't stand the thought of another Kate without you in her life".
"I won't give up on you, never".
Kate squeezed Max against herself until her body protested the effort. Crying without a hint of embarrassment, she gently pushed her away towards Chloe's room. "Go and save Chloe again, she deserves better than bleeding to death in a bathroom thinking that she is alone in the world".
Max stood right where she was, staring vacantly while she regarded Kate's words "Save Chloe..." she mumbled absentmindedly.
A lie held for so many years and a half-truth.
She had never lost her ability to manipulate time, but that was only part of the truth. Her powers had grown exponentially over the years.
Every time Chloe had suffered, every bad word, every argument between them. Her children, scrapes and bruises, disappointments, pain. She had experienced all those moments knowing that she could make them go away. The answer was there, literally at her fingertips.
Max sensed an almost limitless power raging through her veins. A strange knowledge permeating her mind and body as if her abilities were so natural to her as any other basic function. How far could she have gone if she had explored her limits?
That was a question that no longer made sense.
For the first and only time in this timeline she was going to use her powers.
Max leaned forward to kiss her wife.
"I'm coming for you" she said calmly.
She did not bother to raise her hand, an unnecessary gesture.
Neither she need pictures anymore. All she had to do was concentrate in a precise moment in time, evoking her memories and jump.
She focused on a moment engraved in her memory, her recollection of that day still crystal clear after so many years.
The room was charged with static electricity and time slowed down. The very fabric of space-time started unraveling in front of her eyes dissolving in pure energy ripples. She was able to discern every particle splitting around her as she performed a wonderful dance with the atoms.
For an impossible short amount of time she felt all mighty.
And then, Max simply disappeared from that reality.
