Stuff to Read First: What do I do when I procrastinate

Stuff to Read First: What do I do when I procrastinate??? I write psychotic parodies like THIS!! Um, Duo from Gundam Wing has a cameo appearance, but other than that, it's all FY people. Hope you like! ^_^

Disclaimers: Although I do own many Fushigi Yuugi video tapes and CDs (too many for me to be considered even remotely normal), I do not own the characters which appear in the following silly script. Likewise, I do not own Duo. He, like the others, lives in my mind and talks to me when I'm bored. ~.^;; BUT, he does not belong to me. Hmm, what else? I'm in this story, too. I own myself. Or, I like to think I do. ^_^

Warnings: Umm, this is a parody, so…OOC and then some, plus mocking of characters of whom I am very fond (so it's nothin' personal!).

The Cult of Masculinity

(A Dramatic Title for a Not-So-Dramatic Fic)

__________________________________

Mouse: Gahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! I hate school!

Duo: Whazzup?

Mouse: I hate school.

Duo: Why?

Mouse: Because I have an oral presentation to give tomorrow, and I don't wanna do it.

Duo: Well, remember that time I was captured by OZ and they beat me up and stuff?

Mouse: …Yeah…

Duo: That was possibly worse than having to do an oral presentation.

Mouse: Shut up.

Nuriko: Yo, dudes! How's it hangin'?!!! [flops down on the sofa and wipes his nose with his sleeve] We have any pork rinds? Hey, Duo! How's the gundam, man?! Wow, I love machines! Machines and…metal and…uh…hammers! [punches Duo into the wall]

Mouse: What…the hell.

Duo: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. Nuriko's trying to act more like a guy.

Mouse: By punching people into walls?! He did that when he was girly!!

Nuriko: Hey, you guys wanna go out later and wrestle alligators or something?!!

All: NO!!!

Nuriko: [mutters to himself] Buncha sissies.

Hotohori: Nuriko…I fear you are having a slight identity crisis…

Tasuki: Uhh, I think his identity crisis began a loooooooong time ago, if ya know what I mean.

Hotohori: Shut up. Nuriko…

Nuriko: [hacks up a loogie and spits it over the side of the sofa]

Hotohori: [winces] Nuriko?

Nuriko: Yes, Oh Wise Heika, Hotohori-sama, Ruler of Konan, whom I love but platonically because after all I'm a guy?

Hotohori: Look…you're not acting yourself…

Nuriko: Sure I am! [burps]

Hotohori: [whispers to Mouse] My goodness, he's far gone! What can we do??

Mouse: Just leave it to me. Hey, Nuriko!

Nuriko: Yah?

Mouse: Wanna go watch 'Titanic' with me?

Nuriko: 'Titanic'?!! I LOVE that m…uh…..I mean, uh, of course not!! That's a chick flick! I was, uh, just on my way out to rent 'Half Baked'…

Mouse: Nuriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiko…it's got Leonardo di Caaaaaaaaaaaaaprio……

Nuriko: What are you implying??? I don't like Leo!! He's been corrupted by Hollywood!! Now, that guy from 'Good Will Hunting', on the other hand…

Mouse: HAH!!! Gotcha!!!

Nuriko: Dammit.

Hotohori: Nice save.

Mouse: Sure thing.

Nuriko: [sniff] I just wanted to be manly!!!

Hotohori: Listen, Nuriko: we don't care if you're manly or not! We like you for YOU!! We like you for being a confused, girly, slightly neurotic cross-dresser. If you were really an obnoxious, loogie-spitting, nose-wiping, machine-loving, alligator-wrestling, pork rind-eating clod, uh…well, we'd like you too!

Mouse: …Possibly.

Duo: Of course you'd like him! You like Tasuki, don't you?

Tasuki: HEY!!! I don't eat pork rinds!!

Nuriko: Really, Hotohori-sama?

Hotohori: Of course.

Nuriko: Does that mean you'll go on a date with me?

Hotohori: Uhhhhhh…no.

Nuriko: Curses.

THE END

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mouse: AND THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS…Can anyone guess???

Nuriko: Ooh, ooh, I know!!! Always be yourself!!

Hotohori: Your true friends will like you for who you are.

Mouse: Ummm….sure, that works…I was thinking more along the lines of 'Don't consume sugar at 11:00 pm, for insanity will ensue,' but yeah, yours are very good, too. Very moral.

[Pause]

Nuriko: Mouse-chan, you need serious help.

Mouse: You know it's true when you hear it from Nuriko, of all people…

^_^