Leroy
Leroy berry had a secret, a secret that could either start world war three or damage the world as we know it .knowing full well that Rachel's' dramatic flair came from genetics alone he chose to wisely calm done and look at this from a responsible adults point if view. If he was being completely honest with himself he would admit that even though he was happily married to the man of his dreams he still had doubts even after Rachel was born. It was that doubt of is this right not in a homophobic sense but in a 'am I ready to start a family with my high school life partner' type doubt.
Its not that he didn't love Rachel and Hiram, no that wasn't it. It was to what he thought that regretful dream of what could have been. It was two years after my princess Rachel was born , two years that my best friend, my childhood friend the one person who understood me more than Hiram the one person who didn't judge me when at twenty-five crawled into bed with her to cry about life, walked away. He was worried about how mature Rachel was developing as her "biological "father he thought that this increase in child development was his fault. Shit, he thought Rachel's first award at eighteen months. He stumbled into the loosely goosey – a bar that had been around since his parents childhood.
Possibly the most wasted he had ever been –that's saying a lot because "Lerry berry" was a common joke around Harvard frat parties a legacy he still spoke upon with pride- is when in all of his drunken stupor he saw her. Zaria versalles. Instead of crying out and rushing towards her he watched from a distance ordering more drinks than he could process, anger rising for her not only not noticing him but for the resentment of their fallout. Thinking back he didn't know if it was the not knowing doubt or the alcohol that hade him jerking up and pulling her towards him crashing a forceful yet unresisting kiss upon her lips. Maybe she did notice him he thought wirily the only thing he could remember from that night was a fierce need and hands, hands everywhere touching feeling, grabbing, and clawing. He was busted back into reality by twenty frantic voice messages from Hiram. He sprinted away from that hotel room like the Tasmanian devil which was ironic because Zaria was in love with Looney tunes. He shook his head it didn't matter what she liked or didn't anymore because she was dead and left with fifteen year old daughter.
Hiram
As a lawyer Hiram prided himself at not only being extremely observant but being able to tell when a person is keeping the truth from him. Being one of the most highest rated lawyers in the state of Ohio and Oregon he could easily tell Leroy his other half was hiding something from him, something big but no matter how much it hurt that his other half was lying to him he let him have his private moment. Even though he was a successful lawyer he had his lapse in confidence just like everyone else. Maybe he was destroying his family from being away too much lord only knows what it does to Rachel let alone Leroy. But no Rachel and Leroy both have very assertive mannerisms and if it was a problem it would have been weeded out a long time ago. No it was something bigger than his petty insecurities something life changing something that could either strengthen his marriage and family or destroy it.
Fuck he sometimes wished that he wasn't a bit physic. He just wished that whatever it was would turn out soon he already had to worry about his Rachel whatever the secret is he hoped for his baby girl.
Rachel
As a berry we tend to have a bit of ego problem, it's not my fault that I know I am better than everyone else really it isn't I just know even as a junior(well before that too) what I want in life and am very confident on how I'm going to get there. But besides the ego issue my family is very keen to whatever is going around them I knew my parents were in a lovers quarrel and I knew like always we would get passed it and conquer what ever it was. But lately as the summer started to dwindle and classes start back up a few weeks I looked past my own problems (mainly Finn and Quinn) saw what was in front of me. This was more than a silly little spat this was bigger my excuse the reference spidey senses were tingling something or more likely someone was going to be an obstacle once again. I hope for whoever sake it is they watch themselves because if there is one thing this insignificant town knows is that Rachel Barbra berry is a warrior. I smiled and started to hum to 'Another day.'
Zaria (less than two months before death)
There are many things I regret in my life, so many paths so many choices too many choices however the one I should have regretted I don't, I look out to the back yard and see my angel weeding the garden, a favorite pastime of ours since she was three. But in those years she has grown and thrived into this miraculous creature. I'm sad to think I only have what the doctors say about five months left. She knows and I know that deep down it is less than that. It is those moments where I see a woman in the place of my baby girl, my baby girl who I will leave in a short time. We have both long since lost are ability to cry, to comfort, to heal only to embrace the moment.
It is a mistake that I made when raising her that she should always expect worse but come out unscathed. I will never say that I was a perfect mother or a horrible one, I raised her to the best of my ability and so far no complaints have come my way. Well no complaints of my parenting, we both shoved the thought of our last summer together to the backs of our minds. Just carrying it out the way it would have been, how it should be. I hope that she'll forgive me for sending her half way across the country, but I feel as though she needs this to know, to stop wondering ,to stop both of our what if moments. With a sigh I turn away from the window and sign my last meaningful thing
June 25, 2011 I signed my will and my resignation. Cancer is truly a cancerous thing, I chuckle and wheel my chair outside breathing in my daughters smile I'm safe, I'm home and while it last I'm alive.
Zarra (by her mother's death bed)
I feel like I should cry, but my eyes are barren my heart is empty, my life shattered. So instead I scream, I shout! I rip I tear, I break. August 15, 2011 is my mothers death day, my death day, my best friend has left me, my one true confidant has been torn away from me sixteen years of love, hate, crying, cheering, laughing, raging has closed it eyes and breathed it last breath. Can you hate cancer is it a physical being? Can you touched and hit it? Can you beg and plead for it to go away? Can ask for what it back? The answer no, hell no. I've learned that the hard way so instead of listening to my pleas cancer went out a grabbed my mother leaving a confused teenager in its path.
I wish I could stay, Nevada has been my home for as long as I could remember my failures my successes, my victories my losses were here my mistakes my choices my life. I will give my mother one thing though she always knew me she knew that I would have to leave whether that be to my friends yusbi's or to some small ass town in Ohio, even in death she knows what I need.
And there I sit staring at the ceiling of my mother's room clutching her pillows hoping and trying to retain something of her.
When we first found out my mother had cancer she didn't want me to go into foster care or any of that jazz so I was legally emancipated in April, legally I was set my mother may have been ill but she was smart. She had set up various trust funds for me where it came from I suspected grandpa and grandma. The house was already rented out for any money transferred into my bank account any other Transactions would be handled by my family attorney etcetera, etcetera I could careless about any money all I wanted was my mother ,my mommy .
Distantly I could hear a faint whimpering; it was really annoying until I realized it was coming from me, it scared me so I started sing our song for whenever she or I were down:" You tucked me in, turned out the light Kept me safe and sound at night Little girls depend on things like that
Brushed my teeth and combed my hair Had to drive me everywhere You were always there when I looked back
You had to do it all alone Make a living, make a home Must have been as hard as it could be
And when I couldn't sleep at night Scared things wouldn't turn out right You would hold my hand and sing to me
Caterpillar in the tree How you wonder who you'll be Can't go far but you can always dream
Wish you may and wish you might Don't you worry, hold on tight promise you there will come a day Butterfly fly away
Butterfly fly away, butterfly fly away Flap your wings now you can't stay Take those dreams and make them all come true
Butterfly fly away, butterfly fly away We've been waiting for this day
All along and knowing just what to do Butterfly, butterfly, butterfly, butterfly fly away
Butterfly fly away Butterfly fly away"
I drifted into a dreamless sleep.
Hiram
It has been three weeks since we so much as said more than a customary sentence to each other, I was on my breaking point, I love my husband but there was only so much I could take. We were in our room as I was contemplating this reruns of 'SVU' played in the background, Leroy sat on the edge of our bed still in his work clothes in deep thought obviously needing to say something but as always trying to sugar coat whatever he was saying as if I wasn't strong enough to handle what he was going to say… I am strong enough, I think.
"Leroy, do you need to say anything?" he looked up startled "I-I" sigh "I made a mistake a couple years ago" he started but I interrupted "that's all a mistake?" haha "I thought it was something com-"I stopped because he was giving me this pleading look, a look I only ever saw when he was lost or hopeless I shut up and gestured for him to continue reaching for his hand. He grabbed it gratefully clutching it like a life line. He opened his mouth then closed it seeming to be at loss for words, I was starting to panic was his mistake us? I wanted to shake it out of him, to yell at him for hiding anything "remember a couple of years ago when I went out and was gone all night?" I was about to shake my head no but thought back to Rachel's first fever and remember my scare. "Yes, I do"
"I saw Zaria there," my mood instantly dropped "i-I was very drunk and one thing lead to another, I – she, we have a child together and she is coming to Ohio" I sat frozen, he- he fucking cheated on me he lied and broke our vows. My trust came crumbling down, a kid a child he physically had a child with my personal devil. He carried on oblivious to my turmoil "and well she died a couple days ago and she won't be living here its just she might be curious you know? Baby?" he cupped my cheek "I am so sorry" tears were sliding down his face "I'm sorry too" I moved away and reached over for my car keys "I'm living a conference in L.A. I'll be gone for a couple weeks tell Rachel will you?" I walked into the closet shaking off his arm grabbed my suitcase and ran down those stairs out the door and away from this horrible nightmare ignoring Leroy's calls for me to come back- thank god Rachel was Mercedes.
Leroy
I screamed until my voice ran hoarse, sliding to the ground ignoring Mrs. Cabpersons' noisy concern hanging my head in my hands. What have I done?
Rachel
A sharp pain hit my head; I groaned into Mercedes pillow something was wrong so very wrong.
Zarra
I woke up around six- seven a.m. I was leaving tonight moving into one of my grandparent's apartments I asked it to be non furnished I was taking everything with me no matter the cost. I had most of everything packed except for the living room with the help of yusbi and my friend mark we got everything done by three.
"Zarra-barra?" I smiled into my arm, we were laying out in the garden for the last time "yeah snarky – marky?" he snorted at the name I could remember when I first gave it to him, he was being a jerk and broke my favorite doll and I went to go tell on him his mother told me he was a snarky little beezy and the name stuck "I'm going to miss you so much" he choked up he loved my mother just as much as I did
" hey!" yusbi shouted giving off faux anger " none of that crying shit, not now, not today not ever!" she then proceeded to dog pile us our shouts of mercy went un heard, leave it to this crazy monkey to cheer me up. "Haha yus, your really heavy "she shrugged unconcerned adjusted more to get comfortable elbowing marks nose in the process "it's the munchies" she sighed" all that weed isn't good for me" we laughed yusbi was what you would consider a weed baby born, live and repeat kind of girl I would miss her so much who else will tell me I had the voice of the angels and the body of a siren… I learned long ago to just accept her crude and semi- sexual harassment comment sand actions it was who she was (A/N: my friend jess is just like that you just have to accept it like a pop quiz or grape flavored medicine) and mark, well mark was the typical closet case gay who looked more like a football player than a vogue obsessed fashionista ,these people were the last of my ties to hopefully move on I had to cut them no matter how much it hurt we all understood that. A beep from my phone told me I had to get to the airport or I was going to miss my flight. Standing up and pulling along the other two screaming "group hug!" at the top of my lungs. My heart what little of it that there was swelled up with warmth I tightened my hold and put marks musty orange smell to memory and yusbi's peppermint scent. I squeezed tight once more and pulled away giving each of them a smile I turned away and ran back into the house grabbed my suitcase and pushed it into my car waving stupidly as I drove away. This was it. I turned on the radio embracing the voice of Alicia keys a brand new me…
