Title: Sibling Rivalry (Run Amok)

Author: Camille aka Karenml

Characters: Jack, Irina, Katya PG-13 Set after Crossings

This is totally breezy AU just for fun.

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Jack looked carefully down at the sharp knife held against his throat.

Sighed internally, since sighing aloud might result in his vocal cords being severed.

You know, he thought, other men came home to a dog or even a cat. Or surprise, surprise! A wife happy to see them. They read the paper, ate dinner, talked about their days. Maybe washed the dishes, walked the dog. Watched a little television. Acted like normal human beings.

But not him. Nope.

Nope, he came home and had a knife to his throat.

Oh well, at least she was never boring.

"What..." he said softly and waited. She moved the knife infinitesimally back to allow him to speak. "What did I do wrong this time? Will you tell me before you kill me?"

"Hmm. Give me a moment to consider my options."

He sighed, noticing -- not that he could help it -- that she had not removed the knife while she considered her options. He supposed he could try and fight back, but why bother? If she'd wanted to kill him, he'd already be dead. She must want to merely torture him. Again.

A perfect way to end the day he supposed. He had carefully opened the front door to his house and looked around, as he did every day, every time he opened his own door. What a life. What a day. Marshall had asked his advice about persuading Carrie to marry him. Asked him. He who couldn't keep the wife he'd had, who was god knows where doing god knows what with god knows whom. Weiss had been regaling everyone with his latest yoyo trick. Vaughn had done his best imitation of a pendulum, his gaze and body language swinging back and forth, back and forth, back and forth between Sydney and Lauren. And that in-office... Vaughnish canoodling had to stop. Ew. His lip curled. Surely there was an office rule against that. Somewhere. If not, the manual would have to be rewritten.

Maybe he'd look into that tonight, he had thought as he went into his bedroom. He had nothing better to do, a boring night stretched before him. And maybe he needed to do some research on that Lauren Reed, anyway. What was her story? One minute she had an Australian accent, the next a British accent. And what was she still doing here when Lindsey was gone? And what the hell did Vaughn see in her when he could have had Sydney? Clearly the man had serious problems or the writers were smoking crack. And since when could Vaughn fly an Air Force jet well enough to evade heat-seeking missiles? Sydney could, of course, Sydney could do anything. But Vaughn? Please. Well at least he wasn't having to explain molecular transponders to anyone anymore. But..., he asked as he tossed his keys onto the bureau, where was that errant wife of his these days?

Well, the knife at his throat three seconds later had answered his question quite.... pointedly, Jack thought as he avoided breathing.

"You. Kissed. My. Sister!" Irina growled finally.

"I hesitate to point out an error on your part when you're holding a knife to my throat. My lovely wife. My darling. My love. My---"

"Jack...." Irina struggled to keep the frown on her face. Jack was quite amusing, after all. In private. In public he could have the stiffest.... Well, stiffness wasn't always a bad quality in a man. Especially in private. She withdrew the knife. "What is my error?"

"SHE kissed ME. Not the other way around," Jack reminded her.

"But you didn't resist, you didn't push her away!"

"I'm a gentleman, remember?" Jack asked, trying not to laugh when Irina rolled her eyes. "And a gentleman would never reject a lady that way."

"My sister's no lady!"

"And neither are you," came a coolly accented voice from the doorway. "I suppose you're lucky Jack isn't pushing YOU away."

"Katya!" Both Jack and Irina exclaimed.

"How did you get in...." Jack began and then shook his head. Why bother? This was just his home, after all. His home with state of the art security measures and...

They watched Katya through the bedroom doorway as she carefully closed the front door behind her and punched in the code to Jack's security system. He glared at his wife. She shrugged and muttered, "Yes, I shared it with her. I thought it was a good idea. Keep it all in the family...."

"How fortuitous a philosophy, my sister." Katya smiled as she turned to face them. "One..." She paused as her eyes went up and down Jack's body. "With which I heartily concur."