Disclaimer: As usual, I own nothing.

A/N: Oneshot based on the prompt "Hold Together." Could be pre-slash or just friendship; take it as you will.

John watches Sherlock sleep sometimes. It doesn't happen frequently, not that Sherlock sleeps with any frequency as it is, but it does happen. He never used to; in fact, he would have considered it to be rather strange. But Sherlock went and got himself shot and that changed everything.

The details of the case blur together now, but there are some moments that remain crystal clear. Sherlock confronting the suspect in a string of murders, John noticing the man had a gun and drawing his own…too late. He quickly incapacitated the murderer and rushed to his fallen friend, noting in horror the scarlet stain that was rapidly spreading across Sherlock's shirt.

Sherlock died that day. John felt his heart stop under his hands as he tried to hold pressure on the wound. It was only stopped for about 2 minutes, but it felt like a lifetime before Lestrade showed up with an ambulance and had them both carted off. If he hadn't had medical training, if the police had come a few minutes later…John couldn't think about that.

He remembers the hospital room very well. Monitors beeped, people came and went, and all the while John held Sherlock's hand, keeping two fingers on his wrist to feel his pulse. Proof that he was still alive.

So now, every so often, John watches Sherlock sleep. He counts the breaths that cause his partner's chest to rise and fall and reminds himself that they are both alive. And every time, that reassurance calms his uneasy mind…until the next nightmare or brush with death that is.

If Sherlock knows, he hasn't said anything, and for that John is grateful. He knows they should probably talk about it, but at the same time has no idea what they would say. John doesn't know exactly what he feels or thinks about their odd partnership for now, but he does know that he doesn't ever want to lose the crazy genius who drags him around solving crimes. That would be a little too much to bear.

So, John watches Sherlock sleep, utterly unaware that his self-diagnosed sociopath watches him as well most days. But this is normal for them. It's simply how they hold themselves together.