Hey everyone! I decided to start 2012 off with a new story. I wanted to take a break from the Conflicting Emotions/Heartless world, but I still love those stories, too(: I'm really excited for this and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I loved writing it(:
Disclaimer: I do not own the amazingness that is Big Time Rush
They were broken.
Yes, they'd agreed to be just friends. Yes, they'd ended their relationship many months ago, but that didn't make the pain go away. It didn't stop them from loving each other. It didn't make the passion they felt for one another disappear. The spark was always there, never fading...they just didn't know what to do with it.
Or maybe they were afraid of it.
It was no secret to their circle of close friends, or anyone else at the Palm Woods, that Logan and Camille obviously still held each other's hearts, refusing to let go. The reason for this was something that no one would ever fully understand but the two of them. They had given up on denying their feelings, pretending that they were content with being friends. Everyone around the pair encouraged them, telling them to go after one another before they lose each other...or do the thing that they'd been hearing for far too long, the words that haunted their minds.
Move on.
Such simple words. Move on. Go after him. Let her go. So why couldn't they act on them?
It just wasn't that simple of a concept to them. There was so much more to it...so much bubbling under the surface that had yet to spill over.
It wasn't that they didn't want to be in a stable relationship with each other, that's what they wanted more than anything. They were just simply afraid of what might happen if they ever got back together.
Take Logan, for example. Level headed, the voice of reason, indecisive. He'd been on numerous amounts of dates with other girls, but it never seemed to work out because the girls that he was into would be turned off by his logical way of thinking, his passion for math and physics. Either that, or they would ditch him to flirt with one of his three best friends. He didn't show it much, but those things hurt him a lot more than the people around him thought it did. He felt...incomplete, like something was missing. Sure, he loved Carlos, James and Kendall, and it was still unbelievable to him that he had such amazing people in his life...but they'd never really, truly understand him. He was a little more sensitive than the other guys...easier to break. Maybe that was why he was such a target to bullies at school, because he'd let them treat him any kind of way. He had gotten used to it, he hadn't let himself care anymore. What he didn't like, though, was his friends always feeling like they needed to step in and defend him every time someone shoved him or gave him a snarky comment. He didn't like being treated like some helpless puppy. He could take care of himself.
All of that changed when he and his best friends moved to L.A. to become a singing group. He'd found a passion in singing. He felt like such a different person when he was recording or performing onstage. He had found a sudden sense of drive and confidence. But more importantly, he'd gained more pride in himself. Even his friends had noticed that he had started to break out of his shell more and more as each day went by. It amazed them.
And even through all of the craziness and stereotypes in Hollywood, Logan had managed to grow closer and closer to the one girl that had caught his eye ever since he moved into the Palm Woods almost two years ago.
Camille.
Of course, her crush she'd had on him had freaked him out a bit, but the more he got to know her, he started to find her behavior more and more...endearing. She wasn't as insane as people percieved her to be. She was just passionate about whoever and whatever she loved, and she knew what she wanted. And when Camille wanted something, she always went after it full on, and gave as much effort as she could into getting it. Her passion was something that Logan has never seen before. It was something he'd never had in himself. He admired her spirit. He'd become extremely attracted to her personality. Logan thought it was beautiful. He thought she was beautiful.
He found himself more drawn into her the more frequently he saw her. Who wouldn't be? She had big, sparkling brown eyes that made him feel like they were the only ones in the room when he was talking to her, a silky, perfect mane of curls atop her head, a cute, small nose, a gorgeous pair of lips, an amazing smile...and the list just goes on and on in Logan's mind that seemed to always get jumbled up whenever he thought of the brunette beauty.
So after months of failed attempts at asking her out, almost being torn away from her twice, and riding on a fake horse to get her attention, Logan and Camille were finally together. They were a couple, an item, and everyone couldn't have been more happy for them. Their relationship was so...simple. Everything just seemed to fall right into place for the two of them. They understood each other, listened to one another, and respected and adored one another more than words could express. They completed each other, evened one another out...introducing each other to new things...showing each other things from their perspective. Logan was on cloud nine when he was with Camille, and he was falling in love with her. He'd never been in love before, and the idea of it frightened him. Everything was moving so fast in their relationship the closer the pair got, and Logan wasn't sure if he was ready to let her in yet.
After having the best two weeks of his life with Camille, his thoughts of it being all too good to be true were brought to the surface. She'd cheated on him. With James. James, of all people. Both he and Camille had told him over and over again that the kiss had meant nothing to either of them and that they'd never do anything to hurt him, but Logan still couldn't help but feel betrayed. Stabbed in the back. All of this had reminded him way too much of the way he was treated back in Minnesota, and he couldn't let that happen to him again. He didn't want to feel unhappy. That was only half of the issue, though.
What he was also afraid of was falling in love with Camille, and getting hurt another time. So what did he do? He broke up with her. He thought that this would be best for him. He thought he would eventually get over her, but as the days went on, Logan slowly started to realize that he had made possibly the biggest mistake of life.
"Maybe you just need closure," Jo suggested from the other line of Camille's cell phone. It had been about seven months since Jo had moved from Hollywood and to New Zealand to shoot the new Chauncy Jackson film for three years, and the two friends had made it a point to keep in touch while they were apart. They couldn't bear not talking to each other for too long.
Camille bit her lip in thought. "You think so?"
Jo laughed. "Camille, you're the one who called me saying that you wanted to get over him," she replied.
Camille nodded even though Jo couldn't see her. "I know," she said sadly.
"Look, Camille, I'm not saying that you have to do anything you don't want to do, but lately, it seems that Logan has been acting like a jerk to you. It's like he only wants you when it's convenient for him. He doesn't want you, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you. Or maybe he does want you, he just doesn't have the guts to say so. You know how he is," Jo says.
Camille nodded again. "Yeah, I do."
Jo sighed. "I just want what's best for you, Cami. No matter how many facade's you put on, ever since you and Logan broke up...you haven't been the same, Cam. The crying every week, all the empty relationships...baking more than normal. You can't keep putting yourself through all of this pain. I just want you to be happy, and maybe, after you get some closure, you can finally get over him. You can't let one guy control your life and get in the way of your happiness," she said.
Camille sighed, shifting on the bed so that her head was resting on her hand. "Logan isn't j-"
"Just any guy. Yes, I know Camille. It sounds like you don't really want to get over him, you just don't want to be hurt anymore. Don't runaway from your problems, just tell him how you feel. You never know, he might want to be with you just as much, or more than you want to be with him. Maybe you're just looking for something that's right in front of you," she said, hitting a soft spot in Camille. God, she missed her so much.
Jo did have a point. For the past week Camille had been doing a very good job at avoiding Logan. She wasn't sure what was wrong with her, but there had been an ache forming in her heart that she didn't know what to make do of. She couldn't handle it, she couldn't. She was tired of hanging out with him, struggling not to pass the line of being friends when she and everyone else knew she wanted more. She was overwhelmed by the passion she felt for him, so she thought the best way to dodge doing something she might regret later, like jumping him and kissing him senseless, was avoiding him.
"Camille?" Jo's voice broke her from her thoughts. "You still there?"
"Yeah, I'm here Jo," Camille said, running a hand through her hair.
"How...How are you doing? You aren't lonely, are you?" Jo asked. She had been feeling a little guilty for leaving her best friend behind.
"I'm fine, Jo. I have the guys, and this new girl Lucy moved in a couple months ago. She's pretty cool," Camille says, cracking a small smile.
Jo sighed. "I miss you, Cami."
"I miss you, too," Camille replied.
"Listen, Camille, we have to start shooting early tomorrow so I have to go. I'll call you soon, okay? I promise," Jo said.
Camille nodded. "Alright. Good night and good luck, Jo.
"Remember what I said Camille, closure," Jo says. Camille rolled her eyes playfully, but she could tell that Jo was serious.
Camille sighed. "I will. Goodnight, Jo."
"Night, Camille."
After some thought, Camille sat up and walked to her door confidently, checking her hair in the mirror before heading out. She then stood in front of apartment 2J nervously. Talking to Logan was always so easy for her. They could tell each other anything, but there was still so much that they haven't really put out in the open to each other. They couldn't just bottle up their feelings forever. At least Camille knew she couldn't.
Just when she'd built up the courage to even knock on the door, it was swung open by Carlos. She thought he looked happy to see her, to say the least. Her thoughts were confirmed when he pulled her into a huge bear hug.
"Cami!" he exclaimed, spinning her around as if he hadn't seen her in years.
"Hi, Carlos," Camille said, unable to contain her small laugh. His energy was so contagious. She loved that about him. He was always fun to be around.
He stepped aside and led her to the kitchen where James and Kendall could be seen. They lit up when they saw her.
"Hey Camille," they said simultaneously.
Camille smiled, waving at them.
"So, how've you been, Camille?" Kendall asked, giving her a warm hug. "We've barely seen you all week." James and Carlos nodded in agreement.
It hadn't occurred to Camille that avoiding Logan would also mean avoiding Kendall, James, and Carlos, seeing as they were almost always together.
"Camille?" James asked, taking the brunette from her thoughts.
Camille shook her head and sighed. "I'm sorry, guys. I'm just...is Logan around?" she stuttered as the three boys gave each other knowing looks.
"What?" she asked.
James smirked. "Have you been avoiding our little Logie? He's been kind of upset because you've barely even looked at him this past week," he stated.
Camille's heart sank. "Really?" she asked.
"It's true," Kendall confirmed. "He'll be really happy to see you. Are you mad at him or something?"
Camille sighed. "No, I'm not. I've just had a lot on my mind lately, but I really need to talk to him," she says, biting her lip lightly.
"He's in his room," Carlos said, noticing the nervous but worried look on her face as he gestured to the hallway behind her.
Camille nodded. "Thanks, Carlos," she says as she makes her way to the hallway.
"We'll be in the lobby if you need us," James called from behind her.
After Camille heard the front door click shut, she continued down the hall until she got to her destination. The door was already open, so she decided to just walk in.
"Logan?" she called softly, looking around the bedroom, only to realize that he was no where to be found. She heard some rustling coming from the bathroom and figured that she would just wait for him to get out.
Camille's eyes wandered the room, taking in every feature in it until she heard Logan's voice.
"Camille?" he asked, sounding surprised. Camille spun around to face him, taking in his appearance. He wore a simple blue v-neck and black board shorts. His hair was slightly damp as it flopped onto his face perfectly and Camille could tell he'd just gotten out of the shower. She thought he'd never looked better.
"Hi," Camille replied quietly.
Logan gave her a sweet crooked smile as he sat down on the edge of his bed, patting the empty space next to him. Camille nervously walked over to him and sat down, not looking at him in the process. Logan frowned at this and touched her shoulder lightly.
"Hey Camille? Are you okay? You've been acting...different this past week. I would have asked what was wrong sooner, but you haven't been answering any of my texts, and every time I see you, you run away like you're afraid of me," he says. "Did I do something wrong, Camille? I-I've missed you," he said softly, the hurt in his voice making Camille turn her head, being greeted by Logan's chocolate brown orbs. It felt like he was staring into her soul, and she couldn't tear her eyes away from him. She hated how he could do this to her. She had come here with a purpose, but the more she looked into Logan's eyes, the more she forgot what she had planned to say.
Camille quickly pushed her feelings to the back of her mind and took a deep breath. Before she could speak, her breath caught in her throat when she felt a callused hand running through her hair. She looked up at Logan again to see that the hurt expression in his eyes had turned into admiration. Since Camille couldn't talk at the moment, she decided to relax into his touch, continuing to stare up at him, drinking in his features. He was so gorgeous and sweet, sometimes Camille wondered if he was even real. He was just too perfect.
"Logan?" Camille whispered.
"Mmhm?" Logan replied softly, giving her his full on attention.
"I...I..." Tears sprang into her eyes and she quickly scooted away from Logan so that she was on the other end of the bed, burying her face into her hands as she let her tears flow freely. She didn't want Logan to see her like this...broken and helpless. Why couldn't she just say it? It seemed so easy when Jo had explained it to her.
Logan looked at her, worried. He wasn't sure if he should try and comfort her or not, seeing as when he did the first time she broke down into tears. He wanted to make her feel better, but it seemed like he was the one that was hurting her. He hadn't seen her smile in weeks. He wished she would tell him what was going on, seeing as she had barely said two words to him since she came in the room. Stripping away his doubts, Logan moved so that he was next to Camille again and lifted her face up. Her eyes were slightly red and puffy, with a few locks of dark hair over her face. He was concerned. He'd never seen her like this before. She looked so...breakable. Her eyes held so much emotion that it made him want to cry.
Camille sniffled as her eyes met his, and suddenly, her lips were on his, and his arms were wrapped protectively around her waist. It had happened so fast, and their minds were in a jumble. Logan started to pull away, thinking that he shouldn't be kissing her while she was so vulnerable, but when Camille cupped his face in her hands and maneuvered into his lap, it was almost impossible to deny her.
This was the big issue. They didn't express their feelings for each other with words, they did it physically. Both were so impulsive and sensitive that kissing seemed like the easiest way to let out their desire for one another without worrying about rejection or getting hurt. They were still afraid to take that big step and be a couple again.
The aura in the room had quickly transitioned from awkward to steamy in a matter of minutes. Camille's hands were attached in Logan's soft tresses, as Logan's hands roamed over her body, the smacking of their lips and the soft moans being the only sounds in the apartment.
Camille lightly pushed Logan backwards onto his bed as she continued to kiss him passionately, melting as Logan's soft lips moved against hers.
They didn't speak. They'd created their own language. They got their points across to each other by kissing each other fervently, shivering in each other's touch, daringly biting on one another's lips and burying their hands into each other's hair.
It wasn't the best way to handle things, but it worked for them.
A/N: Confused? Yeah, well, it probably lacks focus. I might edit it later. Anyways, the majority of this story is going to be Logan and Camille expressing their emotions physically, so I'm not sure how graphic this story might get. Don't worry, though. They'll be together...eventually. So, since I don't want you guys to be bombarded with Logan and Camille making out in most of the chapters, I need a sub plot. I have a few ideas, but I'd like to hear from you. I already have a lot planned for this story, and I'm super excited. You'll get to see how Logan and Camille's relationship evolves throughout the story. I just wanted to write something that delves deeper into Logan and Camille's relationship. So, tell me what you think and what you'd like to see in the story if you want(:
-I probably won't update this until next weekend, seeing as next week is exam week (Ugh...) so I'll talk to you guys soon, and I'm really excited to see BTR on Ellen on monday, because I watch her show almost every day after I get home from school...okay, I'm done rambling. Read and review please(:
