Animal I Have Become

Hunter Clarington came from a strong military family. He was expected to do well, he was expected to excel in everything he did.

His family didn't know exactly how it was that he was exceeding his expectations.

When he'd first started, it had been pills, just every now and then, before something important – a competition, a training exercise… Then it was all the time.

When he came to Dalton, he was still on them… pills, injections, anything he could get his hands on.

Dalton had offered him a full scholarship to lead their show choir to victory, and that was what he was going to do – one way or another. He munched thoughtfully on his granola bar, Sebastian next to him, brainstorming ideas for their Sectionals set list.

"The theme is foreigner," Sebastian said.

Sebastian had been initially turned off by Hunter, his whole personality, and that whole anti-gay thing, and how the school actually brought him in to replace him… Rude. But they were roommates, and they'd bonded, now they ran the Warblers together. Hunter came with swift, hard justice, and Sebastian brought the laughter, joking with Jeff and Thad.

"What's foreign, then?" Hunter asked. "If you say Gangnam Style, I will strangle you in your sleep."

"Ugh, no, of course not, how tacky," Sebastian replied. "What about foreign groups? Like the Beatles or One Direction, they're British."

"That's barely foreign," Hunter snapped.

"Or a Latin artist, Jennifer Lopez, Flo-Rida, Ricky Martin," Sebastian suggested.

"Who is Flo-Rida?" Hunter asked. He rarely had time to catch up on popular culture.

"Let's do Whistle," Sebastian said. "You'll love it." He collected his books off the table and winked at his friend.

"We need two songs," Hunter said, frowning.

"You know, Hunt, you just gotta live while you're young," Sebastian said, grinning and walking away.

It took him three days to realize Sebastian had been flirting with him.

"If you keep looking at me like that while you sing, Nick and Jeff are going to start rumors," Sebastian said, sticking out his tongue in a jovial manner.

"I'm not… I'm not gay, Sebastian," Hunter said suddenly.

"Hunter, please, I was joking," Sebastian laughed. "You really need to lighten up." He turned his car into the parking lot at McKinley High School. "They keep the trophies in the choir room, and be careful, this place reeks. It's like they all wear Eau de Public School."

Hunter had asked Sebastian about the New Directions, what he knew about them, what were their weaknesses. Sebastian had gone on for three hours about Blaine and how wonderful he was, and then when Hunter had come up with the idea to kidnap their trophy in exchange for Blaine, Sebastian had originally disagreed. He said he didn't blackmail people – least of all Blaine Anderson. But he'd cracked. Everyone has their price. Sebastian's was Blaine. If he really did come back to Dalton, it increased his chances of winning him over.

Blaine refused.

Sebastian didn't talk to Hunter when they returned to their dorm after watching Blaine and his trouty-mouthed sidekick running away with the trophy. Hunter didn't take notice of Sebastian anymore, he wasn't important. He just needed a new plan. He opened the drawer of his desk and saw his stash of steroids.

No.

Yes.

"Plan B," Hunter said. "We are going to be the best team, we are going to train the hardest of any team, and we are going to get a little help."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Sebastian asked. "Blaine already said no."

"Not help from Blaine," Hunter said. "Other help." He took one vial of his precious testosterone fluid out of his desk.

"Are those… steroids?" Sebastian asked. "No, Hunter, that's the line. We could get disqualified if we get caught."

"We're not going to get caught," Hunter said.

Because Hunter was their leader, most of the Warblers just bit their tongues when Hunter told them he wanted to pump them full of steroids. Sebastian still shook his head.

"You take the shot, or you don't perform," Hunter said.

It was definitive.

Nick and Jeff cornered Sebastian in the hallway after the meeting.

"You can't let him do this," Nick said.

"I don't think I can stop him," Sebastian said. "He's been taking that stuff for over a year."

"Then I won't let him do this," Nick said. "I can't stand by and let him hurt our buddies. They look up to us."

"He'll kill you," Sebastian said.

"He can't kill us all," Nick said. "He won't have a team."

That gave Sebastian something to think about. He'd already made up his mind, he wasn't going to take the shot. Apparently Nick had too. Jeff's face, though, he looked like he was about ready to do anything just to stay a Warbler. That face, Sebastian couldn't stand seeing Jeff's face like that.

"No, Sebastian, I'm the captain, and that's that," Hunter said. "If they don't want it this bad, then they're out."

"You know what I want?" Sebastian asked.

"What's that?" Hunter asked.

"My best friend back," Sebastian said. "The one I made at the beginning of the school year? The new kid, just here from military school, my partner in crime, the one that listened to me and knew how to be reasonable. The one I could flirt with and he'd just laugh, because it didn't mean anything."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Hunter replied.

"The one who used to wink at me while he was singing, and correct my dance moves when I messed up on purpose. He looks a lot like you, but he's not you. If you find him somewhere inside you, give me a call," Sebastian said. "I don't like this… this animal you've become." He picked up his bag and left their room.

Hunter didn't see him for days. With Sebastian gone, he took the opportunity to give the Warblers a little help. Only Trent had the guts to walk out without getting shot, but Jeff had cried into Nick's embrace the entire time, and Sebastian hadn't shown up at all. Hunter wasn't surprised. He just made a mental note to give Sebastian an extra dose when he finally did come back.

When Hunter returned to his room, Sebastian was there, sitting on his own bed, just looking at Hunter like he was the foulest scum of the universe.

"How could you do that?" Sebastian asked. "They're kids. They look up to us. If we get busted, you just ruined the lives of fourteen good kids. Can you live with that?"

"Thirteen," Hunter said. "The sassy one walked out. He won't be back."

"Then he had some sense! These kids, they're so innocent, impressionable, you can't just mess around and do whatever you want to them!"

"What do you know about it?" Hunter asked.

"Because I messed up last year and now I have to live with the consequences!" Sebastian yelled. "And I'm not taking your damn shots, so you can put that away."

"Then you don't perform," Hunter replied.

"You can't win without me," Sebastian said. "I'm the best performer you've got with or without steroids."

"Prove it," Hunter challenged. Sebastian looked at Hunter for a moment, then jumped off his bed and had connected his lips to Hunter's. Hunter sputtered and tried to push him away, but Sebastian wouldn't budge. Finally Hunter overpowered him, and slammed Sebastian into the far wall of the room. Sebastian crumpled to the floor in a heap. "Don't ever do that again."

"You… told… me… to … prove it," Sebastian panted, collecting himself and standing up shakily. "I can prove it all night long."

"Don't you come near me," Hunter said.

"Don't you touch those kids again," Sebastian warned.

But Hunter did. He did several more rounds of injections, and to be fair, the Warblers were looking to be in top form.

But Hunter couldn't stop Sebastian from performing, Sebastian was right, they wouldn't have a chance without him. He was their best dancer and the only other soloist. When Nick asked Hunter why he wasn't forcing Sebastian to take the shots, Hunter assured him Sebastian was getting his shots. Nick alone was scary, especially where Jeff was concerned, he'd threatened Hunter when he'd first gotten there, told him Jeff choreographs and Hunter wasn't to mess with that. Nick on steroids, it was like giving a mouse a cookie. He was beefed up, and Hunter knew if the fight came on, it would be pretty evenly matched.

"Don't even ask," Sebastian spat, seeing Hunter with his stupid vials of drugs again. They made Sebastian sick. "You are not getting anything near my butt, least of all one of those needles."

"Prove it," Hunter challenged again. He knew what Sebastian would do, and part of him thought he deserved it. The part of him that wasn't consumed by steroids knew he deserved whatever Sebastian wanted to give to him for inflicting this on the Warblers. They weren't military, they were just a bunch of preppy kids.

Sebastian looked at Hunter, saw the challenge in every fiber of his being, knew what Hunter was expecting. Sebastian could give it to him, give him everything, the satisfaction of knowing he could push Sebastian's buttons so easily, not to mention the pleasure of Sebastian's company. Instead, Sebastian just shook his head, turning away from Hunter and starting to change from his blazer to his work-out gear. He'd been training twice as hard to keep up with the rest of the Warblers now.

"I said, prove it," Hunter said. Hunter was suddenly behind Sebastian, growling in his ear. Sebastian glared at his closet. Again, he had two options. He could just elbow Hunter in the gut and hope he didn't kill him, or he could spin around and confront him. He chose the latter, spinning around and gluing their lips together again.

Hunter would deny it if you asked him, but he hadn't been able to stop thinking about goading Sebastian into doing this again since the first time he'd accidentally done it. This time, Hunter didn't stop him, let Sebastian push him to the bed, strip them both, and take him. Hunter would have been lying if he'd said it was his first time with another man, but it was the first time he enjoyed it.

"And that," Sebastian finished, "is why I will never take steroids." He left Hunter lying on the bed, panting.

Sectionals came and went, Hunter stopped administering shots, focusing more on weight training to begin their gear up to Regionals.

"We won," Hunter said, shortly.

"On a technicality," Sebastian said.

"But we won," Hunter said.

Not a word was said about what had happened between the two of them, not until just before Christmas. Sebastian still couldn't stand Hunter and that wouldn't change. In an effort to lighten up the group, Sebastian brought music for Bootylicious in to practice one day, handing the lead to Nick, but Hunter walked in halfway through their song, and upon seeing Jeff and Sebastian grinding on each other like it was their last night on earth, effectively put an end to that.

"Do you listen to the words you're singing, like, ever?" Sebastian asked.

"What?" Hunter grunted.

"Live. While. You're. Young," Sebastian hissed through gritted teeth.

"Is that why you got some?" Hunter asked. "Living while you're young?"

"Don't tempt me, Clarington," Sebastian replied.

"What, or you'll kiss me again?" Hunter asked. "As if you hadn't figured out I like it when you do that."

"I'll kiss you again when you stop using," Sebastian said.

"For real?" Hunter asked. Sebastian stared at him. Was this something the steroids had done to his head? Were they finally getting into his brain and giving his common sense muscles?

"The fuck do you care?" Sebastian asked. Hunter didn't respond. He went two weeks without using, but finally cracked, and did way more than the normal dose.

He and Sebastian had just been going to the Lima Bean for lattes on their way to the dry cleaners, and he lost it.

"What the hell is this? Did you put Splenda in my latte?" Hunter shouted. "You're a barista, you don't think! You need to remember, like, six things and one of them is that the sugar comes in the brown packets and the Splenda is in the yellow!" He threw everything off the counter, and then suddenly noticed his scarf was trying to strangle him. "I freaking hate Splenda! It tastes like pencils. Why are you putting pencils in my latte?!" He stormed out of the Lima Bean and sat on the bench outside. Sebastian came out five minutes later, carrying two lattes, and sat next to him.

"I put the sugar in it myself," Sebastian said, handing one to Hunter. "You owe me a lot of money, and you're not allowed back at the Lima Bean." There was a long silence. Hunter glared at his coffee cup, not drinking it. "When did you start using again?"

"Thursday," Hunter grunted. Sebastian looked sideways at him. 'Why' was on the tip of his tongue, but he decided he didn't want to know what it was like. "Stop looking at me like that, I'm sorry."

"Sorry," Sebastian echoed. "You have a lot to be sorry for."

"Put it on my tab," Hunter spat.

"I can't stand seeing you like this," Sebastian said. "You're my best friend, Hunt, but you're not."

"Yes, I am," Hunter said. "I'm still here. I swear, I won't… I won't ever do it again."

"You mean it?" Sebastian asked.

When they got back to their room with their dry cleaning, Hunter surrendered all of his drugs, which Sebastian flushed down their toilet.

"I mean it," Hunter said. "I can't… can't be that – that animal anymore."

"Good," Sebastian said. He smiled at Hunter, then pressed a kiss to his lips. "Thank you."


A/N: Let me know what you think.