Captains' night out
By: Moonice
Series: Bleach
Rating; T and M just for safety
Genre; Comedy/Drama
Characters; Ichigo, Jushro, Toshiro, Kenpachi, Byakuya, Soi-Fon and other characters
Summary: Have you ever wondered what would happen if five of the most stressed out captains in the soul society decided to sneak out of the seretei and go on vacation in the human world.Well I do and this is it
This is my very first fanfiction please be gentle with the ratings. Although I want to do a Hitsu/Matsu pairing I decide it would be more interesting to write a humor story first. I don't owe the creative genius behind Bleach(Tite Kubo) or any of his characters. So without further distraction I introduce my first fanfiction.
Captains' night out.
Chapter 1: The Problem
At the 10th division of the soul society the white haired prodigy was once again having an episode in his office due to the fact that his lieutenant had once again shirked of her responsibility to do her paperwork. Normally Toshiro would curse to the heavens about what did he do to deserve the lieutenant from hell and wait for her Matsumoto to come back from another one of her drinking parties. Why me Kami? asked the little shinigami captain. Why did you put me with her of all the soul reapers in the seretei. Honestly what the hell did I do that was so wrong that I had to be punished by being the captain and babysitter to one of the laziest and incompetent lieutenants in the whole soul society? Then almost soon after he stopped complaining he made one more remark before storming through the piles of paperwork. "WHY CAN'T I FUCKING LEAVE THIS PLACE ."
As Toshiro began to do his paperwork the not to distant Captain Zeraki was having a similar problem. Damn! Why can't any of these drunk losers get of my case? Sure I'm one of the most powerful captains in the soul society but why do the same weaklings challenge me every day? To top it all of most of my subordinates are either too drunk or too stupid to even fill out any of these forms. Fortunately my three highest ranking officers Ikkaku, Yumichka, and Yachiru have their parties at that brat captain's squad. Why do I have to do all the got damn complicated shit? Isn't that why you have lower subordinates? All I want to do is to find a strong opponent to fight but they had to make that fucking law that fucking forbids me to fight another captain. I can't even go out to cut up some hollows due to the fact that I'm a captain. Before Zeraki started to angrily cut up the mountains of paperwork he furiously yelled "WHY CAN'T I FUCKING FIGHT ANY STRONG PEOPLE IN THIS PLACE OR AT THE VERY LEACT GET A VACATION FROM ALL OF THESE SAUSAGES?!
With that Kenpachi began to rip up all of the paperwork he saw even using his nameless zanpakuto to cut the mounds into shreds; but as the frenzied captain began to tear through the paper a sickly but annoyed Jushiro Ukitake was have similar problems to both Hitsugaya and Zeraki. Jushiro was trying to have a decent meat after the enormous amount of paperwork he had to do and started to complain to the heavens about why did Kaien Have to leave him in his time of need and leave him with two of the most annoying third seats in the soul society. Ukitake wanted to be able to get away from it all. To get away from all of the subordinates who'd wake him from his much needed sleep to ask for something stupid like who's your favorite subordinate or will you do my paperwork for me and one time the 9th seat of his squad asked him if he had some dope. Why the hell would some one with a weird ass lung disease that couldn't be cured have some dope? Stupid crack head! Jushiro said to himself. Argh! If only I could get away from here or at the very least get high without dying. "WHY MUST I LIVE WITH THESE FOOLS?!" Ukitake shouted out loud not caring if anyone heard him. As the gray haired captain continued to complain a certain Byakuya Kuchki wasn't having the best of days.
Actually the infamous captain of squad 6 was more pissed off than usual. First his lieutenant leaves him with a bunch of paperwork. Next he had a clan meeting with the Kuchki family which was about to begin in two hours. Athough the thing that ticked him off the most was seeing all of the bills for the Chappy the Rabbit accessories Rukia was buying in the human world. Honestly how could one girl spend so much money that quickly? Byakuya thought to himself. I mean sure I'm the head of one of the four great noble families in the seretei but this is ridiculous. Also where the hell was Renji? He was supose to be doing the paperwork I left for him but no he had to get drunk with his dumbass friends. The last time I had any thing close to fun was when Hisana was still with me. She really was lovely and a pleasure to boot. Byakuya stopped there before he forced any unwanted grief to surface up.
Almost soon after he went back to bieng angry and frustraded due to his unusually crappy day. Then as the now increasinly angered captain looked around his office eying the giantic pile of paperwork he finally was able to realese all of his trapped anger into one sentence which was,"WHY THE FUCK AM I STUCK WITH ALL OF THESE MOTHERFUCKING PROBLEMS, AND THAT MOTHERFUCKER RENJI IS GOING TO PAY FOR THE SHIT HE PUT ME THROUGH. I'VE HADE IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING MEETINGS, THESE MOTHERFUCKING BILLS, AND THIS WHOLE MOTHERFUCKING JOB! I MEAN FOR ONCE I WOULD LIKE TO GET AWAY FROM ALL OF THIS BULLSHIT I GOT THROUGHT EVERY FUCKING DAY AND GO ON A VACATION OR AT THE VERY LEAST GET AWAY FROM THIS SHITHOLE". AND with that the captain did something he never did before and called upon the power of his zanpakuto an said the chant,"SCATTER SENBON ZAKURA!" With that a thousand cherry blosoms appeared and shreaded all the paperwork and bills to pieces. Although normally he wouldn't go to such lenghts to exploit his anger but he was so pissed he really didn't care.
If you thought these four captains were pissed that you wouldn't even be able to fathom the rage in the cold-hearted terrifying squad two captain from the shitty day she was having. To start most of the Secret Remote Squads shinobi were being denied their pay by the head captain due to the expenses for his own squads remodeling cost and with that they had no one eles to complain to for not standing up for them other that Squad two captain Soi-Fon. Next Soi-Fon's own squad was getting more drunk and dope and even less of there responsibilities taken care of. To top it all of her lieutenant Marechiyo got drunk and smashed up all of her Yoruichi accesories. This was the start of yet another one of Soi-Fon's rampages in which the 3rd seat of the squad had to call captains Yamamoto and Unohana in order to restain her. They didn't however prevent the crazied captain from killing a handful of the punishmentforce only to show that she was having a fucked up day and that she wasn't taking any crap from anybody.
After Soi's killing spree was ended the squad 2 captain decided to take a walk across the seretei. Why am I so screwed up today?. Soi-Fon asked to herself. This day has been nothing but filled with lots of shit but at least the cool night air can help refresh my mind. What I really want is to be able to get away from here and live with Yoruichi and her crack pot friend Kisuke Urahada. At least can I get away from here and see how fun the human world is? As Soi-Fon continued to walk along she sensed four strong reiatsu's. Soi-Fon quickly drew her Suzumebachi and prepared to fight. Just before Soi was about to begin a sneak attack she saw four captains in front of her. Then Toshiro asked," Has your day been as crappy as ours?" Unfourtunately yes it has Captain Hitsugaya but why aren't you four babysitting your subordinates? Asked Soi-Fon. Because we're sick and tired of both our duties and our subordinates. Ukitake replied. Yes this day and this life has really been a bitch. Said Kenpachi. Although if we all have the same problem how do we get away from the soul society without getting caught? Byakuya asked. I might have just the dirty little plan we all need.Said Hitsugaya with a devilish grin.
