There's probably been hundreds of parodies for Artemis Fowl, but I decided to put one in anyway. To kill time. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl, characters, names, blah di blah di blah. But I do own this parody. Muhahahaha!
STAY BACK, SLIMEBALL.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING TO, I ASSURE YOU. YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD FIND OUT. WHADDYA SAY?
Ten-year old Fartemit Owl is a billionaire, a genius (well, okay, he drinks tea mixed with coke, but that's force of habit), a regular target for bullies – and, above all, a criminal mastermind (whose plans always fail, but he still is clever). But even Fartemit doesn't know what he's taken on when he kidnaps a fairy, Inspector Brolly Tall (43) of the ELF (The Elementary Lavatory Federation). These aren't the fairies of bedtime stories – they're dangerous (dangerously smelly)! Lacking unexpected twists and turns, Fartemit Owl isn't a riveting, magical adventure (more like a boring, half-rotten story for children aged 7-20).
"An old cliché of a thriller fairy tale that just won't grab your interest, no matter what your age."
-- The New York Past
If you were expecting some kind of code, I apologize. Making codes up are just so tedious, so I couldn't be bothered. Enjoy!
Prologue
Why should one care about Fartemit Owl? Well, unless it concerned you, you shouldn't. Anyway, many professors, doctors, psychiatrists and even an African witch doctor tried to explain just how far Fartemit's intelligence stretches. There is only one man who can, and he, unfortunately, is well, um, buried 2 metres underground. That was around four or five years ago.
There is no question about Fartemit's cleverness. He rips through every test thrown at him like a hungry, rabid tiger would, if there was a kilometre long piece of beef staring at him. But why would anyone whose brain is the size of Jupiter indulge himself into criminal-ish activities?
Perhaps the best way to visualise Fartemit and his intelligence is to read about one of his infamous (and one of his rare successful) crimes. I have put together this report from second-hand interviews with the victim's sons and daughters, and as the thing unfolds, you'll understand just how vague their memory was.
The story began ten years ago in the dawn of the 21st century. Fartemit Owl had devised a plan to restore his family's fortune. A plan that could bring down civilizations faster then a card pyramid in an opera house, and cause the planet to turn on the emergency SOS machine. Namely, a sort of pointless war where nobody knows what's happening!
He was ten years old at the time.........
Well? How did you like it? Send me your comments via Review! Thanks!
