Reunited

Summary: Neria Surana was not supposed to be alive. Angry and hurt at the events that left her that way, she disappears into Ferelden after the Blight to clean up the lingering darkspawn and silently torture herself over her own mistakes. Alistair Theirin is gone. Lost to the Fade with only a bundle of unsent letters and a decade worth of regrets left behind. So when he comes flying back out of the Fade just a month after he stayed behind, the only thing he has left to do is make sure those letters get delivered. But first that means returning to Skyhold, and then it means getting her location out of Leliana. If he even makes it that far. [Alistair/f!Surana]

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Chapter One: After the Abyss

It made sense, Alistair decided, that this would be how he'd end. Trapped behind in the Fade facing down an enemy that could probably kill him with a single blow. And if, by Andraste's graces, he somehow managed to survive, what good would it do? He was still stuck. He had no anchor, no means of ripping the Veil open to climb back out. No, this was his final battle, it was just coming ten years later than it should have.

"Inquisitor," he said, grabbing her arm before she ran off. The young girl paused, her brown eyes steeled. "Do me a favor. When you've returned to Skyhold, retrieve my bag and give to Sister Leliana the bundle of envelopes. She'll understand."

The Inquisitor nodded without hesitation, opening her mouth as if to say something more, but Alistair didn't wait to hear it. He had heard all that he needed to with her soft whisper of his name, his final command. Alistair turned back towards the demon, ignoring the slight shiver that went down his back. He remembered, of all things, his first trip into the Fade, seeing Goldanna and her children just the way he had always imagined them. He would have been content to stay there, lost in the pretend bliss forever, but she came, just as she always had, to pull him back. I need you to stay with me, Alistair!

He had been lucky enough to dodge the death he deserved once before, Morrigan's child was proof of that. Though luck hadn't had much to do with his decision then. "For the Wardens!" he yelled, knuckles white against Duncan's weathered shield as he charged. For one Warden, he wanted to say. For Neria.

As he brought his sword down against the demon, Alistair let his mind wander back to ten years previous. His pride had got the better of him. He had let her go, had pushed her away just like he had Arl Eamon another decade prior.

And now it would come full circle. He allowed himself to look where the others had run, not surprised to see that the five of them had made it out safely, and the tear in the veil was already mending itself. It would be over soon. Perhaps it already was. Perhaps is had been over from the moment he set his world to crash down around himself like the stupid man he always knew he was.

He just hoped Leliana didn't hate him so much that she wouldn't find a way to send his last words to Neria.

The days following the Herald's return to Skyhold were more solemn than Leliana thought possible. They had lost many good men and women, and so many more were injured. For what wasn't the first time, the bard found herself wishing for Wynne's help. If anyone would be able to help their wounded, it would certainly have been her. But she was gone, long gone now. Just like everything from her time during the Blight.

Even if things long gone seemed to find a way onto her desk one way or another.

About one day after they returned, Evelyn had shyly approached her with what looked like a thick stack of letters, clutched tightly to her chest. "Alistair," she said, voice faltering. Leliana did not interrupt, grateful for the moment so she might reign in her own despair. They had not always gotten along, and she had certainly been furious with him for what he had done to Neria, but he was a good man. A friend. "Before we…he told me where to find this, in his belongings, and asked me to give them to you. He said you would understand."

Gently, she placed them on the desk, as if worried they might poof into dust if she wasn't careful enough. Leliana picked them up next, examining them. Envelopes, too many to count, stacked mildly haphazardly and held together by a narrow cord of leather. They were blank, so the spymaster carefully undid the knot in the leather – noting how worn it was around those parts and wondering how often Alistair had untied and retied it back in place – to gently pull a single envelope from the rest.

They were unsealed or, rather, none of them looked like they had been sealed to begin with. Curiously, Leliana reached in and pulled out a slim piece of paper with messy scrawl on it. "'My dear Warden,'" she read aloud, stopping short.

Letters to Neria.

Tears sprang in her eyes at the realization of what this meant, of what this could have meant days ago. With a single sniffle, Leliana pushed the letter back into the envelope and turned back towards Evelyn. The Inquisitor, who was just as innocent looking as her own Neria had been upon their meeting in Lothering, was watching her carefully, and checking her for any signs of grief. "I am alright, Inquisitor," Leliana told her, keeping one hand against the stack to keep them from spilling everywhere. "Thank you for bringing these to me so quickly."

Evelyn nodded, and turned to go. Something stopped her, and she turned back slightly. "I told Morrigan about his sacrifice," she said softly. "She said that the world was better without such a cheese-loving moron, but I… I think she was sad to hear it nonetheless."

Leliana nodded, not trusting herself to speak any further of the matter. The Inquisitor didn't say anything further, simply turned her back to climb back down the staircase where she might perhaps seek out the Commander. For a long while, the spymaster simply stood in place, looking down at the letters. She wondered how often he had written to her, how many years he struggled with whether or not to seek her out or to leave her alone.

"I don't know what to do Leliana. It's been two years and I still catch myself daydreaming about our time together, all the little moments we shared along the way. That's silly of me, though, isn't it? To still pine for a man that stopped loving me long ago. I wish I could change how I felt, truly, but I fear my heart might always belong to him and that thought frightens me unlike any other."

The letter was still around, somewhere. Buried within her own private quarters no doubt, where she kept all the other letters from friends. Leliana looked down once more at the bundle and realized that Neria would have no way of knowing about his sacrifice. The thought hurt her as much as every other thought centered around their failed love, and it was enough to boost the former bard into action. She pulled out a spare piece of parchment and hastily wrote down,

"My dear Neria, I hope you are close to Skyhold. There is much I wish to discuss with you once you arrive. I think seeing the Hero of Ferelden alive and before them will help the morale of my friends, too. We've taken loses, and seeing a legend that rivals our Inquisitor will do them good, I hope."

The redhead nodded to herself after double checking everything, and rolled it into a slim scroll. With a sharp whistle, her fastest crow came fluttering down to land on her outstretched arm. "You know where to go. Find Neria for me," she instructed. "Bring her to me."

With a final squawk, the crow was off, heading west out of the rooftop. Leliana stared at the hole where it had disappeared into for a few moments before reaching down to retie the leather strap.

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Author's Note: Hello! This isn't necessarily a recent work, but I figured I would drop in and post this here as well! The original fic can be found on ao3 under the same name. thank you for reading!