AQUIVER
(adj.) Quivering, trembling.
Don't go.
Naruto never realized how perplexing his life had been. He had grown up with barely anything, almost made a best friend before losing each other, had gotten accepted by someone to have them die later, reconciled with an old friend, met his father, and had almost lost all of it to the Mafia.
If he pondered quietly on the chain reactions of each event, Naruto might have been able to prevent the avoidable torment he and others suffered as the years passed, bit quickly he'd remind himself that the hardships were an a endowment because it gave him the ability to be compassionate and forgiving to the dark history he had, but that saying he made a solemn affirmation that he would never forget his former self when no one would spare him any kindness so he wouldn't be twisted into a blood-hungry adult with distorted morals.
As a grown man he was pretty damn proud and thankful that he was lucky enough to form unbreakable bonds with everyone he had met through his life, especially the bond he had with Sasuke.
It was rare for a person to find their soul mate, but it had seemed Sasuke's and Naruto's souls were intertwined tightly together, true love one might say.
Love doesn't build up overnight, it generally needs time to slowly build up the knots to eventually create the unbreakable bond of pure love, bit even then it needs more than that. Humans are complex with every reflection of their nature, making each and every human a diverse organism.
Sasuke had been a cold, bitter man of the business world by making false friendships to quickly manipulate to his advantage compared to Naruto who couldn't hold his tongue and temper whenever he was angered due to his honest nature.
How these two had interlaced passions on each other was a miracle itself; it wasn't easy to say in the simplest terms.
Sasuke was a cold hearted ass, while Naruto was dense to all the gay pheromones Sasuke excreted.
Naturally it had taken nearly forever for both of them to finally realize through their ridiculous idiocy that they were subconsciously thirsty for the other.
In the world of adults, love is an Urban Legend.
To adults it was difficult to differentiate infatuation to burning love while children found it easier to see the difference.
Sadly, children are able to see things adults are blind to, possibly because children had never tasted evil while adolescents are constantly weary of it.
Naruto however was never that lucky, he started off as a child doused in darkness, drowning away in reality's harsh claws; the same went for Sasuke as well, which was one of the possible reasons why they both connected when they met; they saw the pain behind each other's dulled eyes.
At the same time, they hated each other because they felt like they were looking in a mirror, forced to gaze at their hideous reflection, but they also felt empathy for each other; they weren't alone in suffering and they could share and help themselves heal by their company.
For the brief moment, the wounds inside their soul was soothed with the easing laughter they shared before things had torn them away from each other, by a cruel stroke of irony, Sasuke was raised by distant, vile adults that were drunken on greed; Naruto was raised by a single father who glowed purity, love, and gentleness.
At that point, it was debatable if their meeting would really make a difference with their future.
Young Uzumaki Naruto dreamt of the big red eyes that would glare down at him from the walls. He'd walk down the hallway of painted eyes, slowly his steps accelerated to sprinting as the eyes began to bleed blood in viscous streams.
Afraid of drowning on the blood, he'd scream despite the fact that he knew no one would help him. He didn't know how to swim at the time, so when he reached the white door at the end, je'd realize that the door was a fake; that it was only a painting of one, that there was never an exit to begin with.
This wasn't the first time he had dreamt of such fearful things. They were once nightmares, but the repeated nights made the nightmares monotonous despite never losing its effectiveness. It was normal in his daily life of turbulence and dirt. But that didn't mean he was used to them, he just expected it and took it like a weak child because he didn't have much of a choice. To him, crying so long after you wake up gets old and tiresome when you're only ignored.
There was hatred, pain, and torment stirring in his sleep reflecting the outside world with his own mind as his enemy, creating shapes and monsters in the form of his inner fears.
Only his nightmares knew how to send him down an endless spiral of terror, the things he'd experienced, were hauntingly horrifying, but at the same time, almost pretty. Not all of his dreams were horrifyingly scary, some would be serene but somewhat eerie to make the whole scenario seem disturbing.
One of his psychological shocking dream was a vast, blue forest of trees, the leaves would be dipped a darker blue, dripping its concentrated color that resembled black oil. Naruto thought the trees had been bleeding because the color would drip off of the hanged dolls of the branches, oddly enough, Naruto liked this dream best.
The most haunting one out all of them was the time he imagined his mother and father's heads on the ground, their pale necks would be twisted in a wrong angle when they'd drag their body towards him. Whispering something dreadful in each breath.
Eyes a complete mess. It was a mess of goo from the squishy insides of the eyeball; as if they had been stabbed repeatedly in the eyes, the torn muscles would bleed profusely out like a crying fountain, chanting away Naruto's name as if they were attempting to place a curse on hid soul for damning them.
They'd spout out how irrelevant he was to the world, that everyone was wasting their energy to hurt him when he wasn't worth anything.
He was pointless and replaceable. He was a nuisance, just like he always believed.
He would die a pathetic death.
Or so everyone insisted, he was a child, so the only thing he could do was believe their words and soon he also wished that he'd die already to end the pain of living without anyone to spare him kindness.
When he'd awake to morning's light and birdy whistles, reality welcomed him with a rancorous slap. Overwhelming shock would sink in, then the sore burn would settle, and finally the biting ache in his chest would bleed out like a squashed insect.
He was alone.
No one to care if he fell, cried, or was upset.
No one understood why he felt so alone with no one to hang on for support, no one really tried because he wasn't worth anything.
All the other orphans believed that his own parents had abandoned him because Naruto had killed his brother–which of course was a lie since Naruto never had parents to begin with, and Naruto couldn't stand the smell of blood ever since he found a killed fox hidden under a thorn bush.
"Will I die like that too?" Naruto calmly wondered when he found the stiff body, it had been tossed aside as if it was worthless. Small, dirt-covered hands gently lifted the blood stained fox.
The hairs were so thin and fine, they looked like needles for a moment, but Naruto knew the slight brush of its pretty scarlet fur would feel like velvet.
Its small body made it known to him that it wasn't an adult fox, but it was barely a baby. It was such a waste of a promising life.
Bloodied patches on its pale stomach were from large shards of glass that had been plunged by someone, and treating it like it was a mere toy to the world.
Naruto would stroke the face of the limp face, staring at its empty body; he found his eyes blurring, as if he was drowning, only he didn't feel fear, instead the sensation of being empty burned heavier than before as if he had lost something; but he wasn't sure what he was bereaved of.
Grieving over a lost life taught Naruto that life was invaluable, that perhaps in some way he was valuable to the world, but he could only feel anguish for a slaughtered bird to make him realize this.
After mourning for the young animal, he buried it right under his favorite tree, carving a message in the bark so that the kit would be remembered for its death.
To any adult, it might have seemed like senseless idiocy, but it was meaningful to Naruto, and that's all that mattered to him.
Hope had diminished for as long as he could have remembered until that point; something inside of him kept his spirit burning now, he would have liked to think the kit was living inside of him, subconsciously telling himself to keep moving forward, as if it knew something great would happen in his future.
His blank eyes were filled by the early poisonous exposure to cruelty, dull and gloomy. Physical abuse wasn't the biggest issue, it was the emotional and verbal abuse he received everywhere he went, but he felt an odd rush of encouragement today, something was coming.
Shunned and despised by the children and adults, had hurt him the most. The only thing he knew was the town, and in his town of cruel humans, he knew no other place he could go to.
The only thing he could hope for was adoption, for someone to take him away and show him a dream where he could smile with loved ones without a care in the world.
The tough sheets that felt like itchy cardboard, offered inappreciable warmth, so Naruto didn't have much difficulty waking up, not that he wanted to stay asleep anyway, at least in the real world he could run away from his tormentors, and set aside a time to soak the other kid's sheets with apple juice to get them spanked for peeing on them, he had a special storage of apple juice for such purposes.
Soft chatter of adult voices began to grow stronger outside his fragmented window. While the sound of new adults brought forth surges of excitement and hope in orphan children, it only brought dread, and anguish to him, reminding how little adults looked at him with consideration.
Adults would curiously look at children with compassion and shared excitement, but when eyes fell on Naruto, the disdain was far too clear to see, and they were all proud to show their disgust.
They saw corruption in Naruto, for the 'sin' he had committed, when in reality, what they were seeing was a stretched lie they latched on to.
Apparently many people had died because of the horrible felony Naruto was forced to be born to. With everyone dead except for a baby, the ones who lost loved ones could only bring themselves to place the blame on Naruto; because their heinous spirits were cowards to face the fact that no one was to blame.
To make it clear, Naruto was not in wrong, the only thing he could be held accountable for was wishing for affection, wanting to change for people to accept him. Far too desperate to realize he could do nothing to be accepted in his small town.
With compulsive energy, he threw off the scratchy sheets to jump on his feet to escape through the window to his sanctuary of isolation; in the happy sunlight with the company of plants and birds. Nature was the best warmth and ointment to his withered soul, in a way, nature was his friend when the sun rose from it's sleep.
His fingers grappled on to the edges of bark and climbed swiftly like a chipmunk to his small corner of safety, even if it was a fake sense of protection, it helped the pain. Children he passed by pointed at him like he was a joke and sticks and rocks were aimed at him, luckily he dodged them expertly.
In return, he laughed at them and stuck his middle finger at the couples that were looking for a child to adopt.
Today he was feeling lighthearted and funny, as if the growing fox inside of him was prancing in joy. He wanted to try to fight a little longer and see how he could grow and become happier, despite the knowledge of the outcome; to be ignored and hated for even existing.
But the mischievous blond refused to believe his life would continue being a pool of misery.
Same old, same new guest.
Change was the unexpected visitor.
